Be Your Own Best Lover 12/05/2011
How do you touch yourself? Do you treat yourself the way you treat your lover? Do you bring the same kind of enthusiasm and exploration to your self-touch as you do to touching your partner? Most of us do not. Masturbation is often a utilitarian act, a release valve for excess sexual pressure. Most of us masturbate in the same way every time, repeating the same strokes and playing out the same fantasies that bring us to climax quickly and reliably. This can be useful - again, knowing how to get off is not a bad thing - but masturbation can also serve as a powerful laboratory to try new things and learn more about your body, arousal patterns and erotic potential. As you learn what kinds of touch your body responds to, or what fantasies really turn you on, you can bring this knowledge to your partnered sex life and have more variety to play with, more self-knowledge to guide your partner. Most of us love a confident, self-aware lover who can give us guidance towards pleasuring and satisfying them. So why not also cultivate this self-awareness in ourselves, so we can be the kind of lover we want to have? Add Comment Range of arousal 09/06/2011
We humans are capable of a wide range of sexual arousal and pleasurable climaxes. Some people like to have one intense climax, others enjoy having a series of orgasms. Some people struggle to have an orgasm at all, while others want to learn to sustain arousal and delay orgasm or ejaculation. With so many possible ways to feel sexual pleasure, it is important to explore a wide range of pleasure responses and be able to experience the kind of arousal and climax you most desire. People have different sexual goals. Men are often more concerned about trying to prolong arousal and even not ejaculate during arousal, while women are often interested in becoming orgasmic or multi-orgasmic. we can all experience both, and here are some tools to help you experience a wider range of arousal and climax. To begin paying more attention to your arousal patterns and develop an ability to author your own arousal experiences, it is good to begin with your masturbation practice. This is like a laboratory for your sexual expression. Then you can begin experimenting with a partner.  The "Nubby G" vibrator from Babeland is a classic g-spot vibrator, with a small bend at the tip to reach the top wall of the vaginal canal where the g-spot is located. In addition, this toy has a ring of bumpy nubs that add a little texture to the sensations as you press it into your body. The vibration is powered by two AA batteries and offers variable speed, ranging from a very gentle purr to a moderate buzz. Folks who like very strong vibrations will be left wanting more, while those who prefer a more delicate sensation may be happy with the range this toy offers. At $25, this is a solid investment in your pleasure - a good "starter" g-spot vibe for those just beginning to explore this area. The material is a soft "Thermoplastic Rubber" and is phthalate-free, an essential quality to look for in any soft-rubber vibrator. It washes up easily between uses and is a pretty satisfying texture, not too soft but not too firm. Ultimately, we believe that your hands are your best sex toys. For full g-spot exploration and those women who want to explore female ejaculation, we think hands are the best way to explore the g-spot and create maximum pleasure. Simply put, no toy can match the dexterity and sensitivity of your lover's (or your own) hands. The erotic touch techniques covered in our Guide to Fingering include g-spot stimulation techniques that are time tested to wake up and arouse this essential area of female sexual anatomy. But if you want to add a little vibration to the mix, or simply want to diversify your sex life with a new toy, the Nubby G from Babeland is a safe place to start. Babeland also has a fabulous site dedicated to information about g-spot play, so if you are curious about the subject, visit the G-Spot Center and read up! * Our friends at Babeland offer Pleasure Mechanics readers an exclusive 10% discount - just use the discount code PLEASE11 at checkout.  4/15/11 Update: For an extensive guide on edging techniques and ejaculation control, check out our new ebook! Handbook On Ejaculation Control One common technique to prolong arousal and increase sexual pleasure is called "edging." Edging involves paying attention to your level of arousal, and developing your ability to know when you are getting close to orgasm. When you approach orgasm, you tone down stimulation or stop touching yourself and practice riding that edge - staying just under the threshold of orgasm. If you want to prolong your arousal and delay ejaculation, edging is a technique to explore. Some people find this technique to be both effective and pleasurable, prolonging arousal and building up sensation towards a more intense orgasm. Other people get frustrated and don't like the sensation of constantly "holding back" orgasm. Try it for yourself and see how it feels. Our video guide on handjob techniques will guide you through the strokes and strategies to create maximum pleasure while exploring the edging technique. In masturbation, edging can be a really useful exploration, bringing your awareness to your arousal and experimenting with what it feels like to ride that edge of climax. You can experiment with different rhythms of stimulation, breathing techniques and body movements and learn about your arousal cycle. All of this self-knowledge can then be brought to your lover and contribute to a richer partnered sex life. Explore edging with a partner if you want in-depth practice of communication. As your partner stimulates you towards climax, both of you then must become aware of your body and arousal - communicate about how close you are feeling and explore the sensation of staying just on the edge of orgasm. Can your partner feel the tiny contractions of the pelvic muscles that precede orgasm? Can your partner hear your breath changing, notice the shift in your moans, or detect other signs of climax in your body? Explore ways to keep your arousal high, while incorporating more full body touch. Playing with maintaining arousal with a partner can be a great way to learn about one another, discover new techniques and learn to pay attention and communicate with both precision and passion. May is Masturbation Month - so all month long we've been hearing about the latest vibrators, lubes and lotions to get us in the mood for self-stimulation. A new vibrator can be a great thing to experiment with new sensations or add a new flavor to your masturbation routines. But ultimately, masturbation is an act of self-love. But for many people, self-love is really, really hard. The sexual pleasure you can feel is to do with how much you can allow yourself to feel, not the lover you have. Our culture often talks about love and romance as something that happens to us - the perfect lover comes along and sweeps us off our feet. The perfect lover knows exactly what we want and has the secret keys to unlocking our arousal and turn-on. The truth is, no one else can give you pleasure - you can only receive as much pleasure as you allow yourself. Two people can eat the same exact meal, and one may find absolute gastronomic bliss while the other shrugs and complains about too much salt. You yourself are responsible for creating a pleasurable life and learning what you enjoy and desire. How can we expect someone else to love us if we do not love ourselves? How can we expect to be treated with care and respect when we can not extend that same courtesy to ourselves? The true keys to love and romance are within you already. Can you treat yourself like your best lover? Prioritize activities that bring you great pleasure and excitement? Treat yourself to the food that you most enjoy and that feels healthy for your body? Can you pay attention to yourself enough to know what you want out of life, what kind of person will be your best partner? But these acts of self-acceptance, honoring yourself as you are, and self-love are not simple. It is no small thing to truly honor and love ourselves. We all beat ourselves up about something, and hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. So the practice becomes how to move towards more self-love each day, catch ourselves in self-destructive conversations or behaviors, and gradually shift those patterns. So as Masturbation Month comes to a close, consider deepening your practice of self-love. How can you love and honor yourself more - and thus have more access to your authentic self to share with your friends, family and lovers? Can you treat yourself like you would a cherished lover? This, perhaps, is the greatest challenge of love there is. | Download To Own
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