 Sexologists and sex educators often draw the cycle of an orgasm as a line chart - making sexual pleasure look more like a financial report than an erotic experience. While arousal and sensations are by no means a linear path - these charts can be useful to draw your attention to the patterns of your arousal. Conventional wisdom says that women need a longer warm-up stage, a smooth and gradual uphill climb towards arousal and orgasm. Once there, women might have several orgasms, the top of their chart looking like a mountain range. Then, a nice downhill descent towards afterglow. Men, it is traditionally believed, have a sharp uphill climb - turned on by just about anything, one dramatic climactic peak and then a sharp fall downhill towards a soft penis and sleep. We've all seen these charts and perhaps experienced a similar arousal pattern. If your arousal and orgasm are indeed a terrain of peaks and valleys - and if you were indeed able to chart your actual arousal, what would that chart look like? Would it be the same time after time, or dramatically different each time? We propose a two-tooled system of exploring your own unique terrain of arousal. First, make a map. Getting to know a familiar path of arousal and climax is an excellent idea. It is a powerful thing to know what turns you on, what kind of touch stimulates you, how to reach climax most reliably, and what kind of afterglow you like best. Once you have it, you can show your map to your lover and give them the confidence to arouse you and satisfy you. Arousal is a journey, an adventure - not a trip to the grocery store. Once you know your "sure thing" orgasm and have your map in your pocket, go off trail. Explore. But bring a GPS! With a GPS, you always know where you are and how to get where you want to go. This allows highway and byway exploring and spontaneous adventure. For sex, your GPS is your awareness and attention. By choosing to pay attention to your arousal, mapping it into new terrain, you can play with new sensations and still know that you can find your way back to arousal and orgasm. You can begin learning new sexual techniques and skills, without the risk of giving up what already works for you. If your lover tries something totally new - like scratching your inner thighs, giving you a foot massage, or (gasp!) suggesting something like prostate massage - you can try something new and simply pay attention. Do you like it? Does it take you closer or further away from climax? Or into another realm all together? Harder or lighter? What if they lightly stroked your thigh instead? What gets you off? What do you NEVER need to try again? Exploring is only fun when you are confident about how to get back home - to your trusted pleasures - when you need to. As you approach orgasm, you can become aware of your own peaks and valleys - are you about to orgasm, what if you back away a bit, breathe deeply, and then begin building sensation again? With awareness and attention, you can explore the infinite variety of arousal and sensation available to you - and never get bored of traveling the same path to orgasm again and again. That map is always there for you should you want a clear and direct route - but for those days you want to travel and see the sites, simply pay attention and begin pioneering the unmapped terrains of your own sexuality. Add Comment  With the latest addition to our Full Body Massage for Lovers series, we cover perhaps the most popular form of massage: neck, shoulder and back massage. Most people love a good back rub, but few people know how to offer one. We guide you, stroke by stroke, in sharing the pleasures of back massage at home. We share the tips from the pros that allow you to get deep, satisfying pressure without wearing out your hands. You'll learn how to massage the shoulders to soothe out the tension many of us carry in our neck and shoulder muscles. From broad strokes that cover the entire back to focused pressure for areas of tension, we make it easy to give your lover fabulous, pleasurable and relaxing touch at home. Our video guides now cover every inch of your lover's body - from head to toe. Warm up and enjoy full body touch with our massage videos. Then heat it up with the skills you learn in our erotic touch technique series!  What is the one thing we could all use a little more of in the bedroom? The magic ingredient to make any intimate relationship stronger - and hotter? Massage! As you know, we are committed to sharing the skills of erotic touch so you can enjoy more pleasure and become a better lover. We draw on our years of massage training and experience combined with our knowledge as sex educators to bring you effective strategies for maximum pleasure. We are thrilled to announce the release of the newest addition to our video series. Over the coming months, we'll be bringing you guides to the skills of full body massage, so you can learn to touch your lover's entire body from head to toe. Massage is simply the best kind of foreplay - in just a few minutes you can soothe away life's daily stress and create a full-body wave of pleasure. Massage warms up the body, so it is easier to get hot when you are ready! The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Butt Massage teaches you the skills of massaging the butt muscles, one of the biggest and most central muscle groups of the entire body. If you want to learn how to relax and pleasure your lover's body, learning butt massage is the quickest way to the best results. Butt massage techniques are an excellent compliment to the skills you can learn in our Sexual Technique Video Series. Our highest commitment is your pleasure and sexual fulfillment. Join us to learn proven strategies for immediate results! Reciprocity in the Bedroom 08/23/2010
Is there an imaginary scoreboard above your bed? Many couples act as if they need to stay "even" when it comes to giving and receiving pleasure. Yet, reciprocity is not a one-for-one exchange. It is important to make sure both of your needs and desires are being acknowledged, but you may also find that there is a natural balance within your relationship, or phases of your relationship, that are not "equal." Balance does not have to be symmetrical. What is essential is to check in with yourself and one another and make sure you are not developing any resentment about how much pleasure one person is receiving and how much stimulation the other is giving. If you are both satisfied and fulfilled by your sex life, that is indeed an accomplishment of a harmonious balance. Add A New Spark to Your Massage 07/09/2010
 Babeland's Body Massage Candle is a lovely addition to a sensual evening of massage at home with your lover. Made of soy wax and shea butter, this candle is designed to melt down into a pool of warm massage oil. Light the candle, give it a few minutes, then slowly pour or drip the thick luxurious oil onto your lover's skin. Unlike wax, this oil is the perfect temperature to provide a thrilling and sexy sensation, but not hot enough to burn even the most sensitive skin. Then, you have a pool of oil ready to be massaged into the skin for a lasting glow. We love the concept of massage candles - we support anything that encourages lovers to exchange massage, exploring one another's body and creating full body relaxation and pleasure! Our only critique of Babeland's Massage Candle is the scent - our friends at Babeland sent us a candle in the Pashmina scent to try out . The scent is delicious but very strong - and while some people may love this musky addition to their erotic explorations, we wish this candle was also available in an unscented variety so those of us who prefer less perfume could still enjoy the warmth and luxury of the candles. We definitely recommend you give Babeland's Body Massage Candles a try - in your choice of scents (ranging from Mango Vanilla to Citron Fig) This could be a fabulous way to surprise your lover - have the candle burning by the bed, begin playfully touching your lover, flip them over and then delight them with the incredibly sexy feeling of warm oil pouring onto their skin. At $6 for the small candle and $14 for the large candle, this is a very affordable luxury that can be used as often as you wish to add more sensuality and pleasure to your relationship. We be that massage is absolutely the best foreplay - so why not take it to the next level with a Massage Candle? May is Masturbation Month - so all month long we've been hearing about the latest vibrators, lubes and lotions to get us in the mood for self-stimulation. A new vibrator can be a great thing to experiment with new sensations or add a new flavor to your masturbation routines. But ultimately, masturbation is an act of self-love. But for many people, self-love is really, really hard. The sexual pleasure you can feel is to do with how much you can allow yourself to feel, not the lover you have. Our culture often talks about love and romance as something that happens to us - the perfect lover comes along and sweeps us off our feet. The perfect lover knows exactly what we want and has the secret keys to unlocking our arousal and turn-on. The truth is, no one else can give you pleasure - you can only receive as much pleasure as you allow yourself. Two people can eat the same exact meal, and one may find absolute gastronomic bliss while the other shrugs and complains about too much salt. You yourself are responsible for creating a pleasurable life and learning what you enjoy and desire. How can we expect someone else to love us if we do not love ourselves? How can we expect to be treated with care and respect when we can not extend that same courtesy to ourselves? The true keys to love and romance are within you already. Can you treat yourself like your best lover? Prioritize activities that bring you great pleasure and excitement? Treat yourself to the food that you most enjoy and that feels healthy for your body? Can you pay attention to yourself enough to know what you want out of life, what kind of person will be your best partner? But these acts of self-acceptance, honoring yourself as you are, and self-love are not simple. It is no small thing to truly honor and love ourselves. We all beat ourselves up about something, and hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. So the practice becomes how to move towards more self-love each day, catch ourselves in self-destructive conversations or behaviors, and gradually shift those patterns. So as Masturbation Month comes to a close, consider deepening your practice of self-love. How can you love and honor yourself more - and thus have more access to your authentic self to share with your friends, family and lovers? Can you treat yourself like you would a cherished lover? This, perhaps, is the greatest challenge of love there is. Range of Touch, Range of Responses 05/03/2010
When we touch our lover, we often assume what will feel good without really checking in with our lover about what kind of touch they like best. We are all subjected to cultural sex scripts, and when we find ourselves in a sexual encounter it can be easy to try to emulate what we have seen. For people who have watched a lot of porn, those scripts can override our better judgment- porn usually portrays women responding favorably to direct nipple stimulation and rough touch, so that must feel good to most women, right? Or, we project what we want onto our lover's body. If we really like feather light touch on our arms, we may offer this touch to our lover, before realizing that they are ticklish and this is actually unpleasant to them. This tendency to project our desires onto our lovers can be a useful tool. If you are giving a lot of soft tender touch, maybe that is what you are craving. If you are feeling like being rough, ask for it rather than doing it. Asking for what you want rather than assuming it is what your lover wants is a major step in fully owning your desires. And when one partner can ask clearly for what they want, it opens the dialogue and gives both partners the opportunity to be more specific about what kinds of touch and pleasure they are craving. How do you know what kind of touch your lover wants? What forms of communication, verbal or non-verbal, do you use to learn about your lover's desires? Taking Time for Pleasure 04/29/2010
Why do so many of us have so little pleasure in our everyday lives? Why are adults getting locked into stress - literally - and unable to relax? We believe that we are not taught how to prioritize pleasure. Adults need to learn how to take time to enjoy themselves, how to relax and let their body feel pleasure. Many people in loving relationships rush through life without taking time to feel pleasure with their lover - then wonder why the relationship goes astray after years with very little shared pleasures. If you are in a relationship, take the time to say hello to your lover's body every day. After a busy day of work, it can be all too easy to rush into the evening without properly greeting your lover, as your lover. When you come home, find some time to cuddle up, sink into a long hug, or kiss. A little bit of touch can go a long way - even if dinner needs to be prepared or there are bills to be paid. If your evening hours are normally spent watching TV together, get a little closer on the couch or exchange foot massage. Bringing more pleasure, more touch, and more intimacy into your life is a daily practice- it takes a daily commitment to take a few moments (or a few hours!) to touch and be touched, love and be loved. Five Senses for Pleasure 03/17/2010
All of your senses can be sources of erotic pleasure. Some of us experience more charge, more arousal from one sense above the rest. It is traditionally thought that men are more turned on by visual stimulation, and women are more aroused by touch. Truly, we are all sensual individuals, and can experience arousal from all of our senses. It is useful to pay attention to your own arousal patterns and notice what turns you on most quickly. Is visual stimulation crucial to your arousal, or is it just the same with the lights out? Does the sound of your partner's heavy breathing give you a buzz? Or perhaps you notice the unique smell of your lover every time you brush by one another? Noticing which of your senses are turned on can help you cultivate more pleasure in your life. Meanwhile, you can choose to develop the senses that you don't pay much attention to. If you become aware of your senses in your day to day life, you will have more erotic pleasure available to you. If you realize that you don't experience much eroticism from your sense of smell, for example, you can choose to notice more smells in your world. Literally, take the time to stop and smell the roses! Smell your food before you eat. If you have a lover, drink in their own unique smell. Savor the sensuality of your everyday life - experiencing small pleasures throughout the day takes practice, but brings great rewards. | Download To Own
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