PleasureMechanics.com

Is there an imaginary scoreboard above your bed? Many couples act as if they need to stay "even" when it comes to giving and receiving pleasure. Yet, reciprocity is not a one-for-one exchange. It is important to make sure both of your needs and desires are being acknowledged, but you may also find that there is a natural balance within your relationship, or phases of your relationship, that are not "equal." Balance does not have to be symmetrical.

What is essential is to check in with yourself and one another and make sure you are not developing any resentment about how much pleasure one person is receiving and how much stimulation the other is giving. If you are both satisfied and fulfilled by your sex life, that is indeed an accomplishment of a harmonious balance.

Babeland's Body Massage Candle is a lovely addition to a sensual evening of massage at home with your lover. Made of soy wax and shea butter, this candle is designed to melt down into a pool of warm massage oil. Light the candle, give it a few minutes, then slowly pour or drip the thick luxurious oil onto your lover's skin. Unlike wax, this oil is the perfect temperature to provide a thrilling and sexy sensation, but not hot enough to burn even the most sensitive skin. Then, you have a pool of oil ready to be massaged into the skin for a lasting glow.

We love the concept of massage candles - we support anything that encourages lovers to exchange massage, exploring one another's body and creating full body relaxation and pleasure! Our only critique of Babeland's Massage Candle is the scent - our friends at Babeland sent us a candle in the Pashmina scent to try out . The scent is delicious but very strong - and while some people may love this musky addition to their erotic explorations, we wish this candle was also available in an unscented variety so those of us who prefer less perfume could still enjoy the warmth and luxury of the candles.

We definitely recommend you give Babeland's Body Massage Candles a try - in your choice of scents (ranging from Mango Vanilla to Citron Fig) This could be a fabulous way to surprise your lover - have the candle burning by the bed, begin playfully touching your lover, flip them over and then delight them with the incredibly sexy feeling of warm oil pouring onto their skin. At $6 for the small candle and $14 for the large candle, this is a very affordable luxury that can be used as often as you wish to add more sensuality and pleasure to your relationship.

We be that massage is absolutely the best foreplay - so why not take it to the next level with a Massage Candle?

May is Masturbation Month - so all month long we've been hearing about the latest vibrators, lubes and lotions to get us in the mood for self-stimulation. A new vibrator can be a great thing to experiment with new sensations or add a new flavor to your masturbation routines. But ultimately, masturbation is an act of self-love. But for many people, self-love is really, really hard.

The sexual pleasure you can feel is to do with how much you can allow yourself to feel, not the lover you have. Our culture often talks about love and romance as something that happens to us - the perfect lover comes along and sweeps us off our feet. The perfect lover knows exactly what we want and has the secret keys to unlocking our arousal and turn-on. The truth is, no one else can give you pleasure - you can only receive as much pleasure as you allow yourself. Two people can eat the same exact meal, and one may find absolute gastronomic bliss while the other shrugs and complains about too much salt.  You yourself are responsible for creating a pleasurable life and learning what you enjoy and desire. How can we expect someone else to love us if we do not love ourselves? How can we expect to be treated with care and respect when we can not extend that same courtesy to ourselves?
 
The true keys to love and romance are within you already. Can you treat yourself like your best lover? Prioritize activities that bring you great pleasure and excitement? Treat yourself to the food that you most enjoy and that feels healthy for your body? Can you pay attention to yourself enough to know what you want out of life, what kind of person will be your best partner?  But these acts of self-acceptance, honoring yourself as you are, and self-love are not simple. It is no small thing to truly honor and love ourselves. We all beat ourselves up about something, and hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. So the practice becomes how to move towards more self-love each day, catch ourselves in self-destructive conversations or behaviors, and gradually shift those patterns.

So as Masturbation Month comes to a close, consider deepening your practice of self-love. How can you love and honor yourself more - and thus have more access to your authentic self to share with your friends, family and lovers?

Can you treat yourself like you would a cherished lover? This, perhaps, is the greatest challenge of love there is.

When we touch our lover, we often assume what will feel good without really checking in with our lover about what kind of touch they like best.

We are all subjected to cultural sex scripts, and when we find ourselves in a sexual encounter it can be easy to try to emulate what we have seen. For people who have watched a lot of porn, those scripts can override our better judgment- porn usually portrays women responding favorably to direct nipple stimulation and rough touch, so that must feel good to most women, right?

Or, we project what we want onto our lover's body. If we really like feather light touch on our arms, we may offer this touch to our lover, before realizing that they are ticklish and this is actually unpleasant to them.

This tendency to project our desires onto our lovers can be a useful tool.  If you are giving a lot of soft tender touch, maybe that is what you are craving. If you are feeling like being rough, ask for it rather than doing it.

Asking for what you want rather than assuming it is what your lover wants is a major step in fully owning your desires. And when one partner can ask clearly for what they want, it opens the dialogue and gives both partners the opportunity to be more specific about what kinds of touch and pleasure they are craving.

How do you know what kind of touch your lover wants? What forms of communication, verbal or non-verbal, do you use to learn about your lover's desires?

Why do so many of us have so little pleasure in our everyday lives?
Why are adults getting locked into stress - literally - and unable to relax?

We believe that we are not taught how to prioritize pleasure. Adults need to learn how to take time to enjoy themselves, how to relax and let their body feel pleasure.

Many people in loving relationships rush through life without taking time to feel pleasure with their lover - then wonder why the relationship goes astray after years with very little shared pleasures.

If you are in a relationship, take the time to say hello to your lover's body every day. After a busy day of work, it can be all too easy to rush into the evening without properly greeting your lover, as your lover. When you come home, find some time to cuddle up, sink into a long hug, or kiss.

A little bit of touch can go a long way - even if dinner needs to be prepared or there are bills to be paid. If your evening hours are normally spent watching TV together, get a little closer on the couch or exchange foot massage.

Bringing more pleasure, more touch, and more intimacy into your life is a daily practice- it takes a daily commitment to take a few moments (or a few hours!) to touch and be touched, love and be loved.

All of your senses can be sources of erotic pleasure. Some of us experience more charge, more arousal from one sense above the rest. It is traditionally thought that men are more turned on by visual stimulation, and women are more aroused by touch.

Truly, we are all sensual individuals, and can experience arousal from all of our senses. It is useful to pay attention to your own arousal patterns and notice what turns you on most quickly.

Is visual stimulation crucial to your arousal, or is it just the same with the lights out? Does the sound of your partner's heavy breathing give you a buzz? Or perhaps you notice the unique smell of your lover every time you brush by one another? Noticing which of your senses are turned on can help you cultivate more pleasure in your life.

Meanwhile, you can choose to develop the senses that you don't pay much attention to. If you become aware of your senses in your day to day life, you will have more erotic pleasure available to you. If you realize that you don't experience much eroticism from your sense of smell, for example, you can choose to notice more smells in your world. Literally, take the time to stop and smell the roses! Smell your food before you eat. If you have a lover, drink in their own unique smell.

Savor the sensuality of your everyday life - experiencing small pleasures throughout the day takes practice, but brings great rewards.