Pleasure Mechanics

Many of us learn about pleasure early in childhood. When we are taught not to touch our "private parts" or to "sit still and listen" we are educated out of our physical instincts towards pleasure. Children are taught to keep their clothing on, to avoid touching their genitals, to keep their voice down.  

Some of these messages are necessary to teach children public/private boundaries and create a safe environment for all children. Sometimes, however, these messages go beyond safety and respectful boundaries and we are taught that parts of our body are "dirty," "nasty," or "naughty." 

Some children are severely punished if caught masturbating, even in the privacy of their own room. Others are disciplined if discovered in any sort of sexual play with other kids. Adult shame and guilt gets passed on to children, and the panic about child sexual abuse has added new furor to this chorus of messages to children: that sex is not safe, not good, and to be avoided. And yet, sexual imagery and messages are all around us, and this paradox can create damaging confusion for children growing up in a sexually confused culture.

In many (but not all) religious traditions, bodily pleasure has been villianized as a hedonistic pursuit or sinful act. Many Christian, Jewish and Muslim communities only condone sexual pleasure within heterosexual marriage. Once married, pleasure becomes an important way to connect and bond spouses. There are many religious leaders that believe that sexual pleasure is an essential glue for married partners, creating long-lasting and healthy relationships.

There is even a Jewish commandment for marital pleasure. The law of onah requires a husband to gratify his wife, separate from the commandment to procreate. Female desire is thought to be stronger (if less overt) than a man's, and it is the husband's duty to satisfy his wife to ensure a harmonious family and home life.   Another Jewish law, niddah prohibit intercourse during menstruation and for 12-14 days following, effectively prohibiting intercourse for half of every month. Modern Rabbis such as Shmuley belive that this is a positive force for desire within a marriage- it keeps tension and desire strong in marriages. 

This is a sharp contrast to most secular beliefs on marital sex, of constant availability and sex as at least a weekly activity. In fact, recent studies indicate that up to one-third of all American marriages are completely sexless. As a culture, we must look at these numbers and wonder what has gone wrong when even those partners committed for life can not create the time and passion for sexual satisfaction. 

If you were raised with a strong religious education, and find that guilt or shame are major barriers to your erotic enjoyment, you may want to seek counsel with your religious leadership. Many people find when they ask their religious leaders about sexuality, they find a much more open and clear dialogue is available to them. Some religious leaders even encourage physical pleasure, at least amongst married partners and within specific boundaries.  

There are resources available to people of all faiths to assist them in reconciling their physical feelings and religious concerns. Each religion has specific edicts about what is and is not permissible - and we can not tell you to betray your faith. We encourage you to seek out resources within your faith, both from leadership and community members. 

We believe that the morality of any act is better measured by the intention and emotions rather than the act itself - that physical pleasure, when shared between fully consenting individuals, can be a spiritual experience and bring us closer to ourselves and one another. 

We believe pleasure to be a human birthright, that can strengthen relationships and families. When people receive more quality touch, they are happier and more fulfilled, and more able to be devoted partners, parents, co-workers and community members. It is when we deny one another physical pleasure that our tension and frustration lead to acts of coercion, violation or betrayal. 

We believe pleasure is for everyone- no matter what your spiritual or religious faith. We intentionally have left language of God or the divine out of our material, so that you can map these practices onto your life in whatever way makes sense for you. 

It is our highest wish that our videos and writings assist you in discovering more pleasure in your life. May we all work together to create a culture that supports healthy, consensual, pleasurable sexual fulfillment for all humans.