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Arousal, Erection, Orgasm and Ejaculation are often considered to be a package deal for men: you can't have one without the other. To enjoy more sexual pleasure and erotic freedom, it is essential to dismantle this myth and understand these events to be complementary experiences that may come in any combination.

Arousal: An experience of sexual stimulation and pleasure, visual, tactile or otherwise. Can be brief or prolonged, sought-out or spontaneous. The dictionary definition of "arouse" is "to evoke or awaken."  This definition reminds us that arousal awakens the erotic part of us that is always within us, a part of our very being. Stimulation from any number of sources can awaken this energy, bringing our attention more fully to our sexuality and desires.

Erection: A physical response, in which the penis is engorged with blood and becomes more rigid. Both men and women have erectile tissue in their genitals, and both men and women can experience erections. Erection pulls the skin of the genitals more taut around the shaft of the penis or clitoris, exposing more nerve endings and heightening sensation. Contrary to popular "blue balls" myth, erections can come and go painlessly - and "losing" an erection does not need to end a sexual encounter. Erections are also not an on/off switch - most men experience a range of erectile stages, each with their own pleasures. Our cultural obsession with erectile disorder has the uninvited effect of making many men ashamed of becoming less erect, even if they are highly aroused. This sometimes ends sexual encounters prematurely, shaming both partners and causing resentment. Embracing all stages of erection - including the aroused but not erect penis- can greatly extend sexual pleasure and take the pressure off men to be constantly hard when aroused.

Orgasm: A climax of sexual excitement, marked in men and women by involuntary contractions of the pelvic muscles and an intense sensation of pleasure. Both men and women can experience one or more orgasms in any given sexual event, with or without ejaculation. Most people experience a building of sexual excitement towards a threshold, and  a "point of inevitability" at which orgasm is imminent. Orgasms can range from mild to wild, quick to long lasting, serene to bestial.

Ejaculation: The release of sexual fluids from the urethra, usually (but not always) during sexual excitement. Ejaculate is a combination of several components - fluid from the prostate and other glands, and (in men only) sperm.  The contractions of the pelvic muscle help propel the ejaculate fluid out of the body.

There is a lot of fuss about ejaculation in the sex education world: men want to learn how to withhold ejaculation, and women want to learn how to ejaculate. Both goals are seen as markers of enlightenment or sophistication. It is our position that ejaculation is just one of the many pleasurable options for sexual climax, and is neither more nor less advanced that non-ejaculatory orgasms. Some traditions discourage frequent ejaculation, citing the emission of precious fluids as depleting to overall health and vitality. You are the best expert on your own  body - experiment and pay attention to how you feel. Does ejaculation make you feel tired, or energize you? Does getting aroused without having an orgasm keep you erotically charged all day, or create frustration?

Enjoy the process of discovering these four distinct and pleasurable processes in your body! Have any questions about arousal, erection, orgasm or ejaculation? Leave a comment or Contact Us and we'll do you best to answer your questions!
 


Comments

Jeff

Wed, 12 May 2010 05:43:59

Arousal without ejaculation makes me literally feel like I'm about to explode. Yet sometimes it seems like ejaculation just won't happen sometimes (i've learned to recognize this feeling). I guess I'm putting pressure on myself to ejaculate because I want to so badly. Any tips?

 

Christine

Wed, 12 May 2010 10:08:47

Hey Jeff,

Thanks for your question. It is a familiar one many men have experienced - the sensation of being full to the brim with arousal but not able (or not wanting) to ejaculate.

On one hand, congratulations, you've reached a goal many men practice for years to experience - getting highly aroused without ejaculation can mean arousal sustained for longer periods of time and the ability to create full body orgasmic sensation, and possibly even male multiple orgasms.

On the other hand, it sounds like there is discomfort involved. Not good! Who wants tons of arousal if it feels less than great?

We'll address this in more detail in an upcoming YouTube video - but for now, a few tips:

*Focus on learning how to relax when you aroused. Most guys get really tense when they get aroused, the whole body goes rigid and without an ejaculation that tension can leave you worn out and stressed. At every stage in getting aroused, try to relax your body and loosen up - this will literally allow blood to flow, sensation to move, and give you more full-body feelings of pleasure.

*Breathe! If you get to that tipping point and aren't able to ejaculate (and you want to ejaculate) breathe deeply and quickly - and see what happens!

*Try new strokes - maybe you've taken yourself as far as you can with the same few strokes you use again and again. Try strokes that stimulate new parts of your anatomy. Our Handjob guide is full of highly pleasurable strokes that stimulate all parts of your sexual system - and can be used with a partner or on your own.

*Locate your pelvic muscles and give them a work out. These are the muscles that contract during orgasm and ejaculation. Strengthening the pelvic muscles will strengthen your orgasm and ejaculation control - you may find you can trigger an ejaculation with a few deep clenches. This article was written for women but the exercises are great for men. We'll get a guide for male pelvic exercises up soon:
http://www.pleasuremechanics.com/exercises-for-pelvic-floor.html

Keep us posted! If any of these techniques work for you, we'd love to know. If they don't quite do the trick, tell us what is going on and we'll offer more tips.

Wishing you SO much pleasure AND release!

Christine
PleasureMechanics.com

 

Dashing Darné

Sat, 15 May 2010 07:48:48



"Arousal, Erection, Orgasm and Ejaculation are often considered to be a package deal for men:"

No man can argue the above statement isn't true.

However I believe if it were possible for women to have an orgasm every time they had sex they would choose to as well.

It human nature to want to experience things to the fullest.

No one wants to cook a meal, smell it, touch it, and NOT eat it.

The thought of being aroused and experiencing an erection without having an orgasm and ejaculation leads to frustration.

If this happened a few times with his lover he'd consider it a problem.

Ideally a man wants to "delay his orgasm" until his woman reaches her climax but the session isn't complete in his mind until he has his own.

Men and women are different in so many ways.

It's unlikely the vast majority of men are going to change their sexual mindset. However it is worth noting that most men love knowing they have also "rocked" their woman's world in bed. :-)

 



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