PleasureMechanics.com

When we touch our lover, we often assume what will feel good without really checking in with our lover about what kind of touch they like best.

We are all subjected to cultural sex scripts, and when we find ourselves in a sexual encounter it can be easy to try to emulate what we have seen. For people who have watched a lot of porn, those scripts can override our better judgment- porn usually portrays women responding favorably to direct nipple stimulation and rough touch, so that must feel good to most women, right?

Or, we project what we want onto our lover's body. If we really like feather light touch on our arms, we may offer this touch to our lover, before realizing that they are ticklish and this is actually unpleasant to them.

This tendency to project our desires onto our lovers can be a useful tool.  If you are giving a lot of soft tender touch, maybe that is what you are craving. If you are feeling like being rough, ask for it rather than doing it.

Asking for what you want rather than assuming it is what your lover wants is a major step in fully owning your desires. And when one partner can ask clearly for what they want, it opens the dialogue and gives both partners the opportunity to be more specific about what kinds of touch and pleasure they are craving.

How do you know what kind of touch your lover wants? What forms of communication, verbal or non-verbal, do you use to learn about your lover's desires?