May is Masturbation Month - so all month long we've been hearing about the latest vibrators, lubes and lotions to get us in the mood for self-stimulation. A new vibrator can be a great thing to experiment with new sensations or add a new flavor to your masturbation routines. But ultimately, masturbation is an act of self-love. But for many people, self-love is really, really hard.
The sexual pleasure you can feel is to do with how much you can allow yourself to feel, not the lover you have. Our culture often talks about love and romance as something that happens to us - the perfect lover comes along and sweeps us off our feet. The perfect lover knows exactly what we want and has the secret keys to unlocking our arousal and turn-on. The truth is, no one else can give you pleasure - you can only receive as much pleasure as you allow yourself. Two people can eat the same exact meal, and one may find absolute gastronomic bliss while the other shrugs and complains about too much salt. You yourself are responsible for creating a pleasurable life and learning what you enjoy and desire. How can we expect someone else to love us if we do not love ourselves? How can we expect to be treated with care and respect when we can not extend that same courtesy to ourselves?
The true keys to love and romance are within you already. Can you treat yourself like your best lover? Prioritize activities that bring you great pleasure and excitement? Treat yourself to the food that you most enjoy and that feels healthy for your body? Can you pay attention to yourself enough to know what you want out of life, what kind of person will be your best partner? But these acts of self-acceptance, honoring yourself as you are, and self-love are not simple. It is no small thing to truly honor and love ourselves. We all beat ourselves up about something, and hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. So the practice becomes how to move towards more self-love each day, catch ourselves in self-destructive conversations or behaviors, and gradually shift those patterns.
So as Masturbation Month comes to a close, consider deepening your practice of self-love. How can you love and honor yourself more - and thus have more access to your authentic self to share with your friends, family and lovers?
Can you treat yourself like you would a cherished lover? This, perhaps, is the greatest challenge of love there is.
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