Pleasure Mechanics

When do you experience more joy - when you give a gift to a loved one, or when you receive a present? Tough question, right? For most of us, both giving and receiving gifts can be delightful. Giving and receiving gifts is especially wonderful when the present is "just right" - when you give a gift and the recipient exudes delight, having received something that they really wanted and perhaps wouldn't have bought for themselves. Receiving is the same way - when you get a gift that exceeds your expectations, it feels amazing, right? You feel loved, cared for, "seen" and special.

Pleasurable touch is one of the best gifts we can give one another. Touch is the gift of time, of attention, of love.

Most of the time, we focus on the pleasure we receive - from a lover, a meal, a sensual experience. Some source outside of ourselves gives us pleasure, which we get to enjoy. All too often, we forget about the pleasure we can experience by giving. Touching our lover and giving them pleasure can be an amazing, fulfilling experience.

Everyone experiences pleasure in some balance of giving and receiving - some people are much more prone to feel pleasure from outside stimulation, others experience their highest pleasure in giving to others. This plays out in all arenas in life - and some people are "givers" in their professional life (social workers, hairdressers, any profession that requires you to give attention to others) and "receivers" in the bedroom. Noticing the balance between giving and receiving in your life can help you sort through the emotions attached with giving and receiving sexual pleasure with your lover. Some people are great at either giving or receiving, but get stuck when asked to do the other.

Think about some of your favorite sexual memories - what was the balance between giving and receiving pleasure? Were the moments when you focused on your lover's body more or less arousing than when your lover focused attention on your body? In your ideal scenario, what would this balance look like?