PleasureMechanics.com

We have been offering our sexual technique video guides as download-to-own videos - so that you have immediate access to new sexual skills in the privacy of your own home. Download once, own for life! We have been thrilled to bring these guides to men and women in over 45 countries all around the world.

Due to popular demand, we have now made these same video guides available on DVD through Amazon.com! This allows customers to have a "hard copy" of the videos, and we love offering our dear customers even more choice and flexibility! It is great to see the 5 star reviews starting to come in, and we look forward to bringing our next video guides to you in both download-to-own and DVD formats, so more folks around the world can enjoy even more pleasurable erotic touch.  

Babeland's Body Massage Candle is a lovely addition to a sensual evening of massage at home with your lover. Made of soy wax and shea butter, this candle is designed to melt down into a pool of warm massage oil. Light the candle, give it a few minutes, then slowly pour or drip the thick luxurious oil onto your lover's skin. Unlike wax, this oil is the perfect temperature to provide a thrilling and sexy sensation, but not hot enough to burn even the most sensitive skin. Then, you have a pool of oil ready to be massaged into the skin for a lasting glow.

We love the concept of massage candles - we support anything that encourages lovers to exchange massage, exploring one another's body and creating full body relaxation and pleasure! Our only critique of Babeland's Massage Candle is the scent - our friends at Babeland sent us a candle in the Pashmina scent to try out . The scent is delicious but very strong - and while some people may love this musky addition to their erotic explorations, we wish this candle was also available in an unscented variety so those of us who prefer less perfume could still enjoy the warmth and luxury of the candles.

We definitely recommend you give Babeland's Body Massage Candles a try - in your choice of scents (ranging from Mango Vanilla to Citron Fig) This could be a fabulous way to surprise your lover - have the candle burning by the bed, begin playfully touching your lover, flip them over and then delight them with the incredibly sexy feeling of warm oil pouring onto their skin. At $6 for the small candle and $14 for the large candle, this is a very affordable luxury that can be used as often as you wish to add more sensuality and pleasure to your relationship.

We be that massage is absolutely the best foreplay - so why not take it to the next level with a Massage Candle?

One common technique to prolong arousal and increase sexual pleasure is called "edging." Edging involves paying attention to your level of arousal, and developing your ability to know when you are getting close to orgasm. When you approach orgasm, you tone down stimulation or stop touching yourself and practice riding that edge - staying just under the threshold of orgasm.  If you want to prolong your arousal and delay ejaculation, edging is a technique to explore.

Some people find this technique to be both effective and pleasurable, prolonging arousal and building up sensation towards a more intense orgasm. Other people get frustrated and don't like the sensation of constantly "holding back" orgasm. Try it for yourself and see how it feels.

In masturbation, edging can be a really useful exploration, bringing your awareness to your arousal and experimenting with what it feels like to ride that edge of climax. You can experiment with different rhythms of stimulation, breathing techniques and body movements and learn about your aroused body.

All of this self-knowledge can then be brought to your lovers and contribute to a richer partnered sex life. Explore edging with a partner if you want in-depth practice of communication. As your partner stimulates you towards climax, both of you then must become aware of your body and arousal - communicate about how close you are feeling and explore the sensation of staying just on the edge of orgasm.

Can your partner feel the tiny contractions of the pelvic muscles that precede orgasm? Can your partner hear your breath changing, notice the shift in your moans, or detect other signs of climax in your body? Explore ways to keep your arousal high, while incorporating more full body touch. Playing with maintaining arousal with a partner can be a great way to learn about one another, discover new techniques and learn to pay attention and communicate with both precision and passion.

There are many options for massage oil - from heavily scented oil blends available at health-food stores to the olive oil in your kitchen cabinet. Any natural oil can be used for massage - and in a pinch, olive oil is actually a great choice. But few people find the scent of EVOO to be relaxing or arousing.

Organic almond oil is one of the best choices for full body massage. Almond oil is light and silky. It stays slick for a long time, but absorbs into the skin beautifully. Unlike other oils, almond oil doesn't leave your skin feeling greasy. Virtually scentless, almond oil is a great choice for those who don't like scented oils - or you can add a drop or two of your favorite essential oil for a custom aromatherapy experience.

Naked Organic Massage Oil from Babeland is a great choice for bedside massage oil. We were sent a bottle from our friends at Babeland, and we were very pleased with the quality of this massage oil. The 5.25 ounce bottle is a great value at $13 - one of the best prices for organic almond oil I was able to find online. This sleek bottle is the perfect size to keep next to your bed. Plunge the entire bottle in a big glass of hot water to warm the oil on chilly nights. Reach for this oil any time you want to offer your lover a few minutes of relaxing full body massage. You'll find it the perfect oil to keep your strokes gliding smoothly, allowing you to sink into your lover's body and offer soothing, pleasurable touch.

Do keep in mind that latex condoms are not oil-friendly. So if you've been using massage oil to warm one another up, make sure to wash your hands thoroughly before putting the condom on - and switch to a silicone or water-based lubricant for erotic touch of the penis, vulva or anus. If you are not using condoms, you can use oils as sexual lubricant if you wish, or switch to a sexual lubricant.

As you know, we believe full body massage can be part of everyone's sex life - and great massage needs great oil. Check out Babeland's Naked Organic Massage Oil and see just how pleasurable a few minutes of full body touch can be!

Sexologists and sex educators often draw the cycle of an orgasm as a line chart - making sexual pleasure look more like a financial report than an erotic experience. While arousal and sensations are by no means a linear path - these charts can be useful to draw your attention to the patterns of your arousal. 

Conventional wisdom says that women need a longer warm-up stage, a smooth and gradual uphill climb towards arousal and orgasm. Once they have peaked, women might have several orgasms, the top of their chart looking like a mountain range. Then, a nice downhill descent towards afterglow.

Men, it is commonly believed, have a sharp uphill climb.  Men can be turned on by just about anything, climb quickly towards one dramatic climactic peak and then a sharp fall downhill towards a soft penis and sleep.

We've all seen these charts (and if not, they are here for your perusal) and perhaps experienced a similar arousal pattern. But most men and most women have had orgasmic experiences that are way off the charts.

If your arousal and orgasm were a terrain of peaks and valleys - and if you were able to chart your actual arousal, what would that chart look like? Would it be the same time after time, or dramatically different each time?

If you could chart your most pleasurable orgasm, what would that look like? Do you want to experience more intense orgasms, multiple orgasms, or full body orgasms?

What do your lover's orgasms look like?

After last night's midnight showing of Sex and The City 2, it is clear that you probably won't go see SATC for the sex advice. Go for the reunion with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. Go for the fashion and extravagance. Just seeing Liza Minnelli perform "Single Ladies" is well worth the price of a ticket.

But in between the shots of high heels and couture, the Sex and the City ladies offer us an abundance of sex  and relationship advice, targeted squarely at those in long term relationships and struggling to keep the "sparkle" of excitement alive.

As sex educators, here are the top 7 lessons we noticed in the film:

1. Take Time Alone 
How much time do you take to nourish your own needs and desires? Whether you are a busy mom, overworked at your job, or both, taking time to be alone and replenish yourself is essential to a happy relationship and fabulous sex life. No matter how many demands there are on your time, taking a few moments each day to nourish your own needs will go a long way towards giving you more energy to share with your partner, kids and friends. Most of us don't have a second home to escape to like Carrie - we need to create that oasis within our own busy lives. What would you do with ten minutes a day, just focusing on your own needs and desires?

2. Capture the Sparkle
As their relationship matures, Carrie misses the "sparkle" of the romance, excitement and glamour of their early life together. When she sees this sparkle return to her lover while he is talking to another woman, her upset is more than jealousy - it is craving. She wants to be wooed again. The longer a relationship endures, the more effort we need to invest in capturing the sparkle of the initial lust and romance. The best way to do this is returning to the source - remember the first days, weeks and months of your relationship. What did you do to capture one another's attention? How did you seduce one another? It worked the first time, it might work again. Replay some of the moments every now and then - do the activities you did on your first dates, go to your favorite places you've been together, remember what it felt like as you were falling in love. Just like Big pulling up in his limo, ready to whisk Carrie off into the New York night, create the opportunity to remind one another of how you fell in love in the first place.

3. Pay Attention
Carrie Bradshaw unzips her gown to reveal sexy lingerie and lots of bare skin. The movie audience notices - but her lover doesn't pay any attention. He has seen her body before. He is more interested in what is on TV. This is the fatal flaw in many long term relationships: we stop paying attention. We take one another for granted. When your lover undresses, do you notice? When they make an effort to look nice, are you paying attention? What is more worthy of your attention - your lover or your television screen?

4. At Your Service
Arriving for their all expenses paid trip in the (once) glamourous city of Abu Dhabi, each of the ladies is presented with their very own butler. The excitement in their faces is palpable as they respond to the concept of a young, attractive, gracious man who is completely at their service. The film doesn't linger too long on this relationship, but as Carrie's butler warms milk for her on a sleepless night, we have to wonder- who is taking care of us? Service is a luxury, usually thought of as the extravagant indulgence of the very rich. But we can all have the experience of being taken care of, of having someone "at your service" if we bring this into our love relationships. Bring your lover a cup of coffee. Notice if she is getting cold and bring a sweater or blanket. Anticipate their needs. Small acts of service translate to big feelings of love and desire.

5. Jealousy: Use it or Lose It!
Jealousy is a natural response, and is to be expected in any long term relationship. It is one thing to be jealous when there is due cause. If your partner is beginning to stray, jealousy might be the first warning sign that a major intervention is called for. But if you are like Charlotte, getting jealous when she sees Harry noticing another (younger) woman's breasts, you either have to use it or lose it. Lose it - let it go if your jealousy is over something trivial and is not actually a warning sign of your relationship being threatened. Or, better yet - Use it! Notice your lover's desire and respond. Charlotte could have tempted Harry with her own breasts, bringing his gaze back to his own body. Transform your jealousy into desire and seduction - allow that emotion to fuel your passion.

6. Forbidden Pleasures
In the sexually conservative landscape of Abu Dhabi, Samantha discovers a new sexual challenge: sublimating her sexual desire and tendancy to show off her body. As she tries to reign in her sexual displays, she meets a handsome stranger who shares her lusty personality. He describes his added arousal of being in the sexually conservative Middle East - by taming his desires they only grow. No matter where you live, there are places where sexual desire is less welcome than others - and you can use these "forbidden pleasures" to your advantage. If you notice desire in a "forbidden" place, allow the taboo to turn you on.

7. Design Your Own Relationship
The movie opens with a lavish gay wedding, as unlikely lovers Stanford and Anthony tie the knot. As Anthony reveals their "rules for marriage" the ladies talk about what it means to be married. Leave it to the gays to remind us what we knew all along - every marriage is a unique agreement, and every relationship has its own character. Designing your own relationship happens whether or not you do so consciously. So take the time, and together with your lover to create the guidelines that support your relationship. What are your hard and fast boundaries? What do your vows mean to you? If a marriage is a contract, surely it is worthwhile to remind yourself of why you got married, what it means to you, and what kind of marriage you want to have together.

May is Masturbation Month - so all month long we've been hearing about the latest vibrators, lubes and lotions to get us in the mood for self-stimulation. A new vibrator can be a great thing to experiment with new sensations or add a new flavor to your masturbation routines. But ultimately, masturbation is an act of self-love. But for many people, self-love is really, really hard.

The sexual pleasure you can feel is to do with how much you can allow yourself to feel, not the lover you have. Our culture often talks about love and romance as something that happens to us - the perfect lover comes along and sweeps us off our feet. The perfect lover knows exactly what we want and has the secret keys to unlocking our arousal and turn-on. The truth is, no one else can give you pleasure - you can only receive as much pleasure as you allow yourself. Two people can eat the same exact meal, and one may find absolute gastronomic bliss while the other shrugs and complains about too much salt.  You yourself are responsible for creating a pleasurable life and learning what you enjoy and desire. How can we expect someone else to love us if we do not love ourselves? How can we expect to be treated with care and respect when we can not extend that same courtesy to ourselves?
 
The true keys to love and romance are within you already. Can you treat yourself like your best lover? Prioritize activities that bring you great pleasure and excitement? Treat yourself to the food that you most enjoy and that feels healthy for your body? Can you pay attention to yourself enough to know what you want out of life, what kind of person will be your best partner?  But these acts of self-acceptance, honoring yourself as you are, and self-love are not simple. It is no small thing to truly honor and love ourselves. We all beat ourselves up about something, and hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. So the practice becomes how to move towards more self-love each day, catch ourselves in self-destructive conversations or behaviors, and gradually shift those patterns.

So as Masturbation Month comes to a close, consider deepening your practice of self-love. How can you love and honor yourself more - and thus have more access to your authentic self to share with your friends, family and lovers?

Can you treat yourself like you would a cherished lover? This, perhaps, is the greatest challenge of love there is.

When do you experience more joy - when you give a gift to a loved one, or when you receive a present? Tough question, right? For most of us, both giving and receiving gifts can be delightful. Giving and receiving gifts is especially wonderful when the present is "just right" - when you give a gift and the recipient exudes delight, having received something that they really wanted and perhaps wouldn't have bought for themselves. Receiving is the same way - when you get a gift that exceeds your expectations, it feels amazing, right? You feel loved, cared for, "seen" and special.

Pleasurable touch is one of the best gifts we can give one another. Touch is the gift of time, of attention, of love.

Most of the time, we focus on the pleasure we receive - from a lover, a meal, a sensual experience. Some source outside of ourselves gives us pleasure, which we get to enjoy. All too often, we forget about the pleasure we can experience by giving. Touching our lover and giving them pleasure can be an amazing, fulfilling experience.

Everyone experiences pleasure in some balance of giving and receiving - some people are much more prone to feel pleasure from outside stimulation, others experience their highest pleasure in giving to others. This plays out in all arenas in life - and some people are "givers" in their professional life (social workers, hairdressers, any profession that requires you to give attention to others) and "receivers" in the bedroom. Noticing the balance between giving and receiving in your life can help you sort through the emotions attached with giving and receiving sexual pleasure with your lover. Some people are great at either giving or receiving, but get stuck when asked to do the other.

Think about some of your favorite sexual memories - what was the balance between giving and receiving pleasure? Were the moments when you focused on your lover's body more or less arousing than when your lover focused attention on your body? In your ideal scenario, what would this balance look like?

How much noise do you make during sex? The bed squeaking doesn't count - how much noise do you make?

Many of us learned our arousal patterns while masturbating as a youth - and a lot of us had to be absolutely quiet for fear of discovery. This arousal pattern of silent enjoyment can stick with people well into adulthood.

People are quiet for other reasons - they don't want the neighbors to hear, or they are worried they will sound silly, or they don't want to sound like a porn star. Notice how much noise you do or don't make during both partnered sex and masturbation. Also notice your response when your partner makes noise - do you find it a turn-on or do you get embarrassed?

Making noise is pleasurable for a few reasons. First, noise serves as an important communication to your partner during sex. If you are getting highly aroused by a particular stroke or sensation, letting them know with your noise can tell them to keep it up without having to use words. While words like "Yes, yes" can be easy enough to say during high arousal, sometimes words are lost to us and moans and grunts are a more natural way to speak to your lover.

Making noise also requires you to open your throat and mouth. Sensations flow up and down your body, from the point of contact (for example, your genitals) to your brain, where those signals are interpreted as pleasurable. If your shoulders, neck and throat are constricted, you will feel less sensation in the rest of your body. Making noise is a sure way to begin to relax your neck and allow the free flow of sensations through your entire body.

Finally, noise lets you tap into the more primal, animal side of sexual expression. All too often, people stay polite during sex. Sex is one of the few parts of our life where we can let go, release ourselves of social niceties and feel our body in a raw, instinctual, ancient relationship with pleasure.

This letting go requires trusting your partner and letting go of shame and guilt that might make you hold back. But if you can surrender and let yourself be a little more wild, a little more bestial - then you can tap into tons of pleasure and find sex to be all the more relaxing. Especially for people who have to be professional, polite, and contained in the rest of their life, losing control, opening your mouth and grunting, groaning, moaning and screaming your pleasure during sex can be incredibly satisfying.

Noise during sex doesn't sound like a porn movie- those scripted high-pitched moans are not what everyone's authentic pleasure sounds like. Making noise feels best when it is a real expression of your pleasure - so don't try to hard, just let noise emit from your throat. Begin by making a sound on the exhale. A slight moan, a little grunt - just focus on your breathing and make a little noise each time you exhale. Don't overthink it. Let the sound build with your arousal - if something feels especially good, let your partner know with louder or prolonged sounds. Encourage your partner to make sounds as well and see how it shifts your experience of sex. From the low animal grunts to high operatic arias, sex noises can be your own personal soundtrack of pleasure.

When you get aroused, where do you feel it? What parts of your body light up with sensation and energy when you climax?

For most people, the genitals are the focus of both arousal and orgasm. We feel sensation where we are being stimulated and where we are paying attention. Most of us choose to focus primarily (or exclusively) on the genitals during sex.

We have been culturally trained to narrow this focus on the genitals, to be as sure as possible we will reach climax. There is a scarcity mentality around orgasm - a goal-oriented way of thinking that makes us desperate to have an orgasm when we can, just in case another opportunity doesn't come around soon enough.

By paying attention only to genital sensation, we develop a pattern of "balloon sex" - we squeeze all of our sensation and focus into a small part of our body, blowing it up until it pops.

Often, the whole body tenses up to concentrate sensation - our legs go stiff, our back and arms contract, our faces sometimes even tense up as we approach orgasm. We try and squeeze every last drop of sensation out of our genitals as we can. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this approach - it can lead to very strong genital sensations and orgasms. It does, however, limit the amount of sensation you can feel in the rest of your body.

Alternatively, you can build up arousal, and consciously relax your body, breathing deeply, and allow erotic sensations to flow through the entire body.  Using full body touch while simultaneously stimulating the genitals (remember, between you and your partner you have four hands available for stimulation!) can increase the full-body sensation. Some people report that using this technique they feel orgasmic sensation stream through their entire body - they shudder and shake, feel vibrations of pleasure from head to toe.

Have you ever experienced what you would call a "full body orgasm?" Tell us about it! What techniques helped get you there?