You don’t have to settle for a generic or mediocre Valentine’s Day!
Here’s our 10 step plan for an epic Valentine’s Day that meets your specific desires. You can also use this plan to have a romantic date with your lover anytime of the year.
1- A few days or weeks before your date, have a conversation with your partner about what kind of celebration you both want. Do you want it to be sweet and sentimental? Adventurous and exciting? Slow and cozy? Do you want to stay home and be comfortable or go out on the town? Do you have a budget? Is one of you planning the date or are you collaborating on your plans? Are you exchanging gifts? Any other requests or desires that you want to take into consideration while planning the date? The clearer you can get about what you both want and need, the more fulfilling and pleasurable your date will be. Make this planning session a mini-date and enjoy the romance of listening to one another’s needs and desires!
2- Pay attention to what your partner likes! Make your gifts super personal and they will have a much bigger romantic impact. Notice if your partner expresses desires throughout the year and use that information to offer them highly personalized presents. Does your lover like tulips more than roses? Fill the house with multiple shades of tulips. Or maybe a cactus is more their style? Forget all the scripts and give offerings that match your partner’s personality and personal style. This is far more romantic than ordering a generic gift from a catalog. Personalization makes your partner feel paid attention to, seen, noticed and special.
3- Spend time thinking about what you love and respect about your partner. Why did you choose this specific human to partner with? Once you have tapped into your specific reasons, write them down or speak them out loud during your date night. Be as specific as you can.
4- Know their love languages and respond accordingly. The 5 love languages are physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and words of affirmation. This is a framework developed by Gary Chapman and is super useful in understanding how we each receive love differently. It is no use buying gifts for someone who would rather receive a handwritten note of affection. Complete the printable assessment and discuss your results with your partner. Knowing your partner’s love languages will serve you for the rest of your relationship. Here is a survey you can do to determine your primary love language!
5- Sex advice veteren Dan Savage offers a piece of great advice every year for Valentine’s Day: Fuck First. All too often, couples make dinner reservations, get dressed up and head out to eat a heavy meal followed by a rich dessert. By the time they get home they are too exhausted for sex! So follow Dan Savage’s advice and make a late reservation (or cook a nice meal at home than can wait for you!) and start the night with naked time. Work up an appetite and by the time you are ready to eat you’ll both be glowing with pleasure and ready to devour your food.
6- To begin your sensual feast in bed, start with massage. Massage is the best way to relax, unwind and start paying attention to pleasure. To master this essential erotic skill, check out the Couples Massage Mastery Online Course. Here are a few quick tips to get started.
- Warm the room so you are both comfortable being naked.
- Get some almond or coconut oil, throw a few towels down on the bed and enjoy the simple pleasure of slowly stroking one another from head to toe.
- Use long slow strokes with relaxed hands.
- Throw in a few kisses and a few romantic words and you’ll be well on your way to a deliciously romantic Valentine’s Day.
- Learn foot massage for FREE with our mini course – enroll here!
7- Now that you are naked and relaxed, linger in the pleasures of touch and extend foreplay for as long as you can. Slow way down and challenge yourself to touch every inch of your lover’s body with curiosity. Transmit your love through your touch. Tease one another and build anticipation before moving into fully arousing touch. Then move into your favorite kinds of sex – hands, oral, vaginal or anal. Do what brings you both the most pleasure. You may want to have romantic sex, looking at one another in the eye as you climax and whispering words of love. Or, you may want to have rougher, kinkier sex. This is your holiday so do what makes you happy!
8- Once you have fully pleasured one another in bed, it is time to feast. Head out to a restaurant or stay at home. Either way, stay connected through the meal. Here are a few great questions to ask one another to deepen the intimacy of your conversation:
- What is one of your favorite memories of our times together?
- What did you first notice about me when we met?
- What is something you want to experience in bed this coming year?
- Who was your first celebrity crush?
- If you were given $10,000 and a month to travel, where would you go and what would you do?
- Where do you see us in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?
9- As you eat your meal, pay attention to the sensual experience you are sharing. Describe the foot you are eating – the taste, the mouthfeel, the visual experience of how it is presented. Notice the room, the lighting and the temperature. Hold hands across the table and gently stroke one another’s hands, feel the heat exchange between your palms, notice the shape of your partner’s fingers. Dare yourself to be THAT couple in the room that is so in love with one another and with life that everyone takes notice and smiles at your passion!
10- Finish your evening with a long makeout session. When was the last time you spent a long stretch of time just kissing one another, pressing your bodies into one another, feeling your desire through your clothing? Making out is especially hot when you do it outside or in an unexpected place. Kiss passionately on park bench, up against a city wall, or under a tree. If your make out session inspires another round of making love, great! If not, cuddle up in bed and cherish the feelings of closeness you have generated.
Want more on romance? Check out these podcasts:
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