Fantasy Vs. Desire
Fantasy: the faculty or activity of imagining things, esp. things that are impossible or improbable.
Desire: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
This is an area where sloppy language can create much confusion and distress. Different people use these terms in different ways – either one can be used to mean something you actively yearn for, something you want to make happen, something you are turned-on by but would never consider. . . See where it can get messy?
We strongly favor a very clear distinction between these terms, according to their dictionary definitions:
Fantasy: The imaginary, the impossible, the improbable world of erotic pleasure where anything goes.
Desires: Specific elements from the world of fantasy and reality that you want more of in your life.
Something changes from a fantasy to a desire as soon as you want to make it real. Pleasures may change from one category to the other over your lifetime.
How To Use Fantasy for A Hotter Sex Life
Fantasy is the world of pure erotic imagination. The human body responds to erotic thoughts the same way it responds to erotic stimulation from outside. So the power of fantasy can be used to name your specific desires, tap into more arousal and discover the patterns of your turn-on.
Some people fantasize about past sexual experiences, those extra hot encounters that go beyond our wildest expectations and fuel desire for more. Other fantasies are about what we would like to experience if anything was possible and there were no consequences- a particular person, a celebrity, or a kind of sex that we desire and long for. Fantasy can run the gamut from simple pleasures to elaborate scenarios, can be mild or wild, based on experiences we want to have or those we would never even consider enacting. Fantasy is just that – the magical place in your mind where everything and anything is possible.
Noticing the fabric of your fantasies can give you important information about your own arousal. You can choose to make some of your fantasies come true, or leave them as fantasy only pleasures, private worlds of pleasure in your mind.
Fantasy is so essential to a fulfilling sex life that we wrote a book on it! Check out The Fantasy Method for a complete step-by-step guide to harnessing the power of fantasy to discover your authentic sexual desires and create a more satisfying sex life.