Do you remember what it feels like to love sex? To look forward to making love? To daydream about being hot and sweaty under the sheets with your lover?
For so many of us, those days are in the past, confined to our sexier youth when we had less stress, fewer responsibilities and less worry.
If you are in love with your sex life right now, fabulous. Get ready to fall even more in love!
But if you have fallen out of love with sex, if it has become routine or boring, let’s explore how to fall in love with sex again.
Love Sex Again: How To
To be in love with sex again, you need to make one solemn vow to yourself: never have sex you don’t want to have. Some experts say it is ok to have unwanted sex to appease your partner, but we say absolutely not. Especially when it comes to any kind of penetration, your body knows when it is being violated. Unwanted sex quickly leads to resentment and makes it harder to get turned on down the road. If your partner is in the mood and you are not, encourage them to masturbate (in front of you or alone) and wait until you are truly in the mood to engage. You can’t fool your body when it comes to unwanted sex, so to have a sex life you truly love, only participate when you are authentically enjoying yourself.
Perhaps the most important step in loving sex is making sure the sex you are having is highly arousing and pleasurable! Everything we do here at Pleasure Mechanics is designed to make your sex life more pleasurable, so put our resources to work to make sure your sex is as orgasmic as possible.
This might mean learning couples massage so you can relax and let go of stress, or it might mean mastering the art of foreplay so you can get fully turned on. Or maybe you are ready to create your own adventure in the realm of kinky sex.
Whatever you need to do to make your sex life arousing and orgasmic, we are here to guide you every step of the way. You can’t love sex if the sex you are having is less than satisfying! We believe everyone can level up their sex life and make it more pleasurable. How can we help you love sex even more?
Love Sex Again: Release Toxic Emotions
The next step in falling in love with sex again is confronting shame and guilt. No matter how sex positive you are, we all have residual shame and guilt that block us from loving sex as much as we could. So your job is rooting out these toxins and purging them from your system. Shame and guilt come in many disguises: body shame (too fat, too thin, too small, too large, too hairy, too old), guilt about receiving too much pleasure (Am I taking too long? I feel selfish being the focus of attention! Is my partner getting bored?) shame about enjoying sex (what kind of woman does this make me? Am I a slut? I shouldn’t want this so badly!) When you start recognizing and confronting the shame and guilt you carry, you can start releasing it and make room for even more pleasure. This is an ongoing task, as you discover new levels of toxic emotions and confront deeper emotions. Keep doing the work and keep discovering just how much you can learn to love sex!
As you confront personal levels of guilt and shame, you will also come across the cultural messages about what it means to love sex. In a culture that doesn’t respect sexuality, we are taught that loving sex makes us hedonistic, selfish, trashy and even worthless. Women are especially prone to these messages, but men have their own coded judgements about being “players” or “thinking with their small head.” We are told that to love sex is morally degrading. To truly fall in love with sex we need to transform these messages and actively embrace the idea that good sex is healthy, positive and uplifting. To love sex we need to value sex and it’s place in our relationships and spiritual lives.
Finally, as you fall in love with sex again start asking yourself what it means to love pleasure and sex outside of the bedroom. What does being a sex positive person mean in the rest of your life? How does inviting and enjoying pleasure change your mood and the experience of your days? How does it change how you live, how you communicate with your friends, how you prioritize your time and energy?
Go ahead, fall in love with sex again. Allow yourself to open up to the pleasures and excitement of loving sex and loving your sex life!