How To Have Anal Sex

Ready to learn how to have anal sex that is highly arousing, pain-free and profoundly intimate? You are not alone!

Anal stimulation can be a highly pleasurable, intensely orgasmic part of any woman’s sexuality – yet many women fear or resist anal play. Most of the time, this is for one of two reasons. Primarily, many women have had painful prior experience with anal stimulation because it was not done with proper technique and care. In addition, many women have shame or fear about this part of the body.

Anal sex is not widely known for bringing women to orgasms – most people think of it as painful or uncomfortable, something to be endured to give the male partner pleasure. This is not what anal has to be like! This handbook reveals the truth about anal: that it can be 100% pleasurable for women, 100% of the time. Anal sex can be wildly erotic and profoundly intimate  – and we are here to guide you.

How To Have Anal Sex: Resources

How to Have Anal SexOur book, The Pleasure Mechanics Handbook on Anal Sex, covers all the basic information and techniques you need to explore anal stimulation with your lover. We also share the opinions and wisdom of the many women who responded to our survey on anal play. If you are more of a visual learner or are ready to master your anal stimulation skills, check out our video guide, The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Anal Play for Women.  The book and the video work beautifully together to give you all the information and skills you need to enjoy anal stimulation as part of your sex life. With these resources, you will soon be equipped to experience a lifetime of hot, powerful, intimate and deeply satisfying anal play.

Want to explore anal stimulation for men? Check out our video Guide to Prostate Massage or the book version, The Pleasure Mechanics Handbook on Pleasurable Prostate Massage.

How To Prepare For Anal

How To Prepare for Anal Sex

Learning how to prepare for anal sex will relieve a lot of anxiety and allow you to relax into the pleasure of anal stimulation. Here is a complete guide on how to prepare for anal sex, whether you are playing with your fingers, a toy or a penis. Anal penetration requires a bit of preparation, so it is best if you know if anal is on the menu so you can get your body ready for this highly intimate form of touch.

Before Penetrating, Be Sure to Learn about External Anal Stimulation, the key to painless and pleasurable penetration!

Preparation for anal sex can range from a quick shower to full internal rinses, gloves and other forms of barrier protection. Anal penetration with your fingers, as we teach in our Guide to Anal Play and Guide to Prostate Massage is a low-risk activity for the transmission of infections. Anal penetration with a penis, however, is considered one of the highest risk activities and an advanced sexual technique.

If you are going to penetrate your lover’s anus with your penis, please use a high-quality condom and water-based or silicone lubricant and learn about safe sex practices.This page covers anal sex preparation techniques that will help you feel more comfortable and confident while enjoying anal penetration and anal sex. Before proceeding, check out our article on hygiene and preparation for external anal touch. Here is how to prepare for penetrative anal sex.

Keep It Clean!

The first rule of anal penetration: do not spread bacteria from the anus to the genitals. Think of the anus and the genitals as distinct areas – even while stimulating the two at the same time. Do not touch the anus and genitals with the same hand, and wash your hands or change gloves if you switch from one area to the other. The anus and the genitals are two distinct ecosystems and you do not want to spread bacteria from the anus to the genitals. Keep one hand reserved for anal touch, the other clean for genital touch. Our anal play video guides demonstrate simultaneous genital and anal stimulation using two hands – this is one of the most pleasurable ways to stimulate the entire sexual system at once.You can use nitrile or latex gloves for quick and easy clean-up, so your hands can keep moving without a break to wash your hands. Again, practice common sense – if you use gloves, change them often and anytime you switch activities. If you don’t wear gloves, go to the bathroom and wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water.

Arousal is Essential for Anal Sex Preparation

Arousal is an important part of how to prepare for anal play. To make anal stimulation as pleasurable as possible, include lots of foreplay and arousal before touching the anus. Our Guide to Fingering shows you how to stimulate her entire sexual system to create intense arousal before you use the techniques demonstrated in our Guide to Anal Play for Women.
Remember, anal penetration is just as pleasurable for some men as it is for some women. If your man is into anal play, check out our Guide to Handjobs to learn how to simulate his entire sexual system and create intense arousal. The combination of prostate massage and handjobs creates an incredible erotic experience for men.

How To Prepare for Anal Sex

One of the most common concerns about internal anal stimulation is poop. Feces, stool – whatever you want to call it – poop is not what most people want to encounter during sex. Thankfully, it is much worse in your imagination than in reality. Poop is not stored in the rectum, the area you will be touching with even deep internal touch. Poop passes through the rectum only when you are actively having a bowel movement. If you have had a bowel movement recently, there is not large amounts of feces in the rectum – you may find trace amounts, but that is it. Most people can enjoy anal play for years without ever having a major gross-out. The pleasure most people get out of anal play (especially when done with skill, confidence and patience) more than makes up the slight discomfort you’ll feel if you touch a trace amount of your lover’s poop.Of course, you can also completely minimize the chances of touching poop. The person receiving anal touch can rinse out internally, creating assurance that the rectum is clean. Or, the giver of anal touch can wear gloves.

Use Gloves for Anal Hygiene and Quick Clean Up

Wearing a latex, vinyl or nitrile glove is a simple way to keep everything clean and easy to clean up. Vinyl or nitrile glove are great for anal stimulation. They feel smooth and soft on sensitive skin, and when you are finished the gloves can be stripped and disposed of easily.Make sure you take the time to find gloves to fit the person giving the massage- the touch will feel much better when the gloves fit taut against the skin. Latex is a developed allergy, degrades over time and can cause uncomfortable reactions in the sensitive tissues of the anus. Vinyl and nitrile are only a few pennies more per glove, and offer better protection.

An Internal Rinse : Enemas and Anal Hygiene

If you would like to rinse internally, you have a few easy options. If you are trying an internal rinse, do so at least fifteen minutes before you engage in anal play.A disposable bulb enema is quick and easy. Fill the bulb with plain warm water, gently insert the nozzle into your anus and squeeze the bulb, immediately allowing the water to rinse out. Repeat several times, or until the water runs clear. Never use hot or cold water- aim for wrist-temperature warm. Make sure you release all water – linger for a few minutes and completely relax to make sure everything is out of your system.  Never use a vinegar solution, soap or anything other than plain water.Larger enema bags are not required for anal hygiene, and may cause discomfort. If you are interested in receiving a full colonic enema, it is recommended that you see a professional or do additional research before trying it at home. If you ever feel cramps or discomfort, stop your enema immediately and allow the water to pass.

Lubricant: An Essential Tool for Anal Sex

Another essential tool for pleasurable anal penetration and anal sex is lubricant. Water-based lubricants are now readily found in every major drugstore and even many supermarkets. Silicone-based lubricants are a great choice for anal play, as they will stay slick and not dry out like water based lubricants. See our complete guide to choosing a lube for complete information.Use plenty of lube, reapplying when needed. External and internal anal massage can be highly arousing, without a moment of discomfort. If you experience any pain at any point in the massage, slow down or stop. There is no need to endure anything.Preparing for anal play can make this intimate exchange more pleasurable and allow you to relax deeper into the experience. Thorough cleansing prior to the sexual encounter will take your worries away, and proper hygiene including gloves and lubricant will make the experience more enjoyable for both you and your partner.

Use Condoms Every Time

Even if you don’t use condoms for vaginal sex (because you are in a monogamous relationship and not concerned with birth control, otherwise use them every time for vaginal sex as well!) you might want to consider using condoms for anal sex. Condoms allow for much easier clean-up and if you want to transition between anal and vaginal sex you can simply change condoms and be ready to move on to the next activity. Anal sex is considered a high-risk sexual activity, so condoms will put your mind at ease and minimize the risk of transmitting any kind of infection. Make sure you and your lover are both on the same page about if you are going to use condoms or not so there are no surprises!

Painful Anal Sex

When I try to have anal sex it hurts, what should I do? Anal sex has always been painful, will it always hurt? Anal sex causes me pain, why would people like this? 

As sex educators and experts in anal sex and prostate massage, we get asked questions like this all the time. We are happy to report that anal sex doesn’t have to be painful or hurt at all – in fact, it should be 100% pleasurable, 100% of the time.

Anal stimulation should NEVER be painful. Let us say that again: anal stimulation, including penetration, should NEVER be painful. This is a shocker to many people, who only associate anal play with pain and discomfort. Most people override some level of pain to get to the pleasure, or to please their partner.

The way anal sex is depicted in pornography is a travesty – we see huge penises penetrating wide open orifices with no warm-up, no lube, and no external stimulation. Done at home, this is almost certain to hurt, at best, and in the most extreme cases can severely damage the sensitive tissues of the anus and rectum.

Anal play can be 100% pleasurable. When done with care, anal play creates a gradual and relaxing opening of the anal sphincters, and penetration is slow and gradual, feeling good the entire time.