Sexual Fantasy

Learn the best way to get your lover to share a sexual fantasy with you. We start by exploring the crucial difference between a sexual fantasy and a desire, and then offer strategies for getting your lover to open up and share with you. Talking about fantasies and naming desires is an incredibly vulnerable act, but one that can have huge benefits for your relationship and your sex life.

In this episode of our Speaking of Sex podcast, we answer a listener’s question about getting his wife to tell him what she liked about 50 Shades of Grey, but no matter what your literary preferences, you can benefit from being more honest and transparent about your fantasies with your lover.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode

Sexual Fantasy EbookThe Fantasy Method Ebook

The Fantasy Method

The Fantasy Method: How To Discover Your Authentic Sexual Desires and Create a Fulfilling Sex Life : Available exclusively on Kindle and all devices with the free Kindle app.

 The human erotic imagination is a vast wilderness of sexual possibilities. We are all capable of enjoying a pleasurable, satisfying and potentially ecstatic sex life.

Yet our culture encourages us to keep the window of possibility very narrow, limiting our erotic expression to a short list of approved activities and energies. To truly experience sexual freedom, you must reclaim your erotic imagination and allow yourself to make your sex life a work of art, your very own creation designed to fulfill your unique needs and desires.

The Fantasy Method offers an exciting way to break out of your sexual scripts and discover your authentic sexual desires, so you can begin experiencing the true potential of your sexuality. This is a process you can use over time, at your own pace, to constantly uncover new aspects of yourself as a sexual being.

First, we invite you to unleash the power of your imagination and actively explore the outer reaches of human sexual possibility. You’ll be invited to pay attention to what themes and elements your body responds to, mapping your arousal and excitement as you travel through the vast erotic wilderness of fantasy. Next, you’ll learn how to get specific about your authentic sexual desires, those elements and energies from your fantasy that you want to experience more of in your sex life. Finally, you’ll learn how to set goals – alone and with your lover – to make those desires a reality. We guide you step by step in negotiating and communicating about your fantasies, desires and goals so you have the best possibility of making your deepest desires part of your erotic reality.

In these three steps, impossibly wild fantasies become real lived experiences. Instead of settling for a mundane, average sexual existence, you invest in creating a fulfilling, exciting and gratifying erotic life. Many of us want more when it comes to sex, but don’t know where to begin. This strategy is the starting point for countless erotic adventures, designed just for you and your lover.

This book is highly interactive, with over twenty specific exercises designed to guide you in exploring the terrain of your erotic imagination, identifying your desires and successfully shaping a more fulfilling sex life, on your own terms. Hundreds of explicit examples will jumpstart your explorations and widen your scope of what is possible. Throughout the book, you’ll also find valuable advice to help you avoid common roadblocks as you navigate the sometimes intimidating path of transforming your sex life.

Fantasy

Fantasy Vs. Desire

Fantasy: the faculty or activity of imagining things, esp. things that are impossible or improbable.

Desire: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

This is an area where sloppy language can create much confusion and distress. Different people use these terms in different ways – either one can be used to mean something you actively yearn for, something you want to make happen, something you are turned-on by but would never consider. . . See where it can get messy?

We strongly favor a very clear distinction between these terms, according to their dictionary definitions:

Fantasy: The imaginary, the impossible, the improbable world of erotic pleasure where anything goes.

Desires: Specific elements from the world of fantasy and reality that you want more of in your life.

Something changes from a fantasy to a desire as soon as you want to make it real. Pleasures may change from one category to the other over your lifetime.

How To Use Fantasy for A Hotter Sex Life

Fantasy is the world of pure erotic imagination. The human body responds to erotic thoughts the same way it responds to erotic stimulation from outside. So the power of fantasy can be used to name your specific desires, tap into more arousal and discover the patterns of your turn-on.

Some people fantasize about past sexual experiences, those extra hot encounters that go beyond our wildest expectations and fuel desire for more. Other fantasies are about what we would like to experience if anything was possible and there were no consequences- a particular person, a celebrity, or a kind of sex that we desire and long for. Fantasy can run the gamut from simple pleasures to elaborate scenarios, can be mild or wild, based on experiences we want to have or those we would never even consider enacting. Fantasy is just that – the magical place in your mind where everything and anything is possible.

Noticing the fabric of your fantasies can give you important information about your own arousal. You can choose to make some of your fantasies come true, or leave them as fantasy only pleasures, private worlds of pleasure in your mind.

Fantasy is so essential to a fulfilling sex life that we wrote a book on it! Check out The Fantasy Method for a complete step-by-step guide to harnessing the power of fantasy to discover your authentic sexual desires and create a more satisfying sex life.

Fantasy A-Z

Each short story in this series is designed to explore a common fantasy through explicit erotic fiction. Titles will be released one at a time, in order of popular demand. Vote for your favorite (or suggest an additional title!) below!
The first stories in the series: P is for Pegging and T is for Threesome are available now on kindle and all devices with the free kindle app!

The Fantasy A-Z Series:
A is for Anal
B is for Bondage
C is for Cuckholding
D is for Domination
E is for Exhibitionism

F is for Fisting
G is for Golden Showers
H is for Harem

I is for Intergenerational
J is for Jealousy

K is for Kama Sutra

L is for Lingerie
M is for Massage
N is for Naughty Nurse
O is for Orgy
Q is for Queer
R is for Ravishment
S is for Spanking

U is for Underwater

V is for Voyeurism

W is for Whips

X is for X-Ray Vision

Y is for Yearning
Z is for Zero Gravity

 

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The Ethics of Sexual Fantasy

The ethics of fantasizing during sex with your partner is a hotly contested controversy amongst sex educators. Some believe it to be the ultimate betrayal, taking you mentally far away from your lover. Others think it is fair game if it turns you on.

We want to know what YOU think! Take our survey below and contribute your opinions about the ethics of sexual fantasy! Join our newsletter with the form on the right if you want to find out when we release our survey results!

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