The Fantasy Method Workbook
A Printable Version of the Interactive Exercises from

The Fantasy Method: 
How To Discover Your Authentic Sexual Desires 
and Create a Fulfilling Sex Life

by Chris Maxwell Rose and Charlotte Mia Rose,
The Pleasure Mechanics

This Workbook will not make sense without reading the book, so if you happened upon this and are interested, please visit
http://www.pleasuremechanics.com/the-fantasy-method/

Questions? Success Stories? Contact us at www.PleasureMechanics.com - we’d love to hear from you!

Warm Up Exercise: Fantasy, Desire, or Neither?

Read through the following list, a mix of sexual and non-sexual scenarios, and mentally sort them into one of three categories. For each item, think to yourself “Fantasy” “Desire” or “Neither” Ask yourself, is this exciting as an imaginary idea? Is it a desire I want to actually make happen? Or does it have no appeal at all?

* Having more money in your bank account
* Being the CEO of a huge international corporation

* A two week long beach vacation
* Living year-round at the beach, running a waterfront bar

* Receiving a full body massage from your lover
* Going to the spa once a month for a massage

* Adopting a puppy
* Keeping exotic snakes as pets

* Getting tied up, teased and pleasured
* Tying up your lover and having your way with their body

* Having sex in a remote outdoor setting, low potential of getting caught
* Having sex in a public urban area, high potential of getting caught

* Staring in an adult film
* Watching porn with your lover while you have sex

* Receiving more oral sex
* Giving more oral sex

* Owning a vacation home
* Vacationing to new places every year

* Skydiving
* Spanking

* Being the keynote at a major conference
* Talking dirty in bed

How To Fantasize: Exercise 1

Start with a Script 

Find a pocket of time (5-15 minutes is ideal) and do whatever you need to do to relax your body and get comfortable. 

We’ll begin to explore your erotic imagination by starting with a familiar script. Use a familiar story or a scene from a favorite book or movie to get started, while giving yourself blanket permission to break the script anyway you’d like.  Essentially, give your imagination enough context to have a jumping off point, and then fill in the details. 

Some examples:

	•	You are on a pirate ship at sea. . . Are you the captain? The captain’s beloved mistress? A captive? What happens next?

	•	You are in a shiny red convertible parked on a secluded bluff overlooking the ocean. Who is in the car with you? Who makes the first move?

	•	Your lover has been gone a long time and is coming home tonight, eager to see you. You open the door to greet your lover, and they arrive looking more gorgeous than ever. Then what?

	•	Your lover has presented you with a box containing a gift meant to spice up your sex life. You lift the lid and inside the box is a . . . 

	•	You are seated in the bar of a fancy hotel. Who are you waiting for? What will they be wearing? Where are you going?

	•	As the newly crowned King or Queen of the Realm, you must choose a mate from amongst the Lords and Ladies. They are lined up in your Great Hall. Walk the rows of potential lovers and take one (or more) by the hand, then lead them to your royal chambers. What shall be your first command?

How To Fantasize: Exercise 2
Start with a Blank Slate

If you have seen the movie The Matrix, you probably remember the scene where Morpheus and Neo go into a totally white space, a computer program upon which any setting or object can be loaded. We like to think of the erotic imagination as a blank slate, upon which we can add in anything we can imagine. This can lead to really unexpected and surprisingly pleasurable results. 

Try it: Get in the zone (a private, comfortable, uninterrupted pocket of time) and then imagine yourself in a totally white space, nothing on the horizon in any direction. Now, add one object. Interact with it. Where does that lead? What kind of person will you add in? At any time, you can erase everything and start again. Here are a few scenarios to get you started. 

Picture yourself standing in a totally blank space, nothing on the horizon in any direction. Then add. . . 

	•	A grand dining room table, fully ablaze with candlelight and laid with a feast. Two place settings and two chairs await. What clothing do you wear to the feast? Who will join you? What is the occasion?

	•	A police officer walking towards you, tapping their night stick in their hand as they march towards you. Is the officer male or female? Are you a good guy or a villain? What happens next?

	•	A red velvet couch. A side table has an elegantly wrapped box. You sit down on the couch, reach towards the box, and open it. What is inside?

	•	A hallway full of doors. You walk the hallway, and behind each door you can hear the sounds of pleasure, moans and groans. You reach a door that is slightly ajar, and you know this room is meant for you. What is inside?

	•	A gorgeous person is before you on their knees, head bowed, ready to serve you. They only wait for your command. 

	•	A confidential file, outlining your mission, if you choose to accept it: Seduce the leader of a foreign country and extract top secret information. 

Each time you do this exercise, notice your physical and emotional responses. Pay attention to what gets you hot, and write down or take mental note of the specifics. Notice what role you are in, who is in the fantasy with you, the dynamic between you and your fantasy lover, the physical environment, and any other details that hold your erotic attention. 

How To Fantasize: Exercise 3
Go Deep Into Sensual Details

As you allow your erotic imagination to wander, focus on the sensual details. If you are standing in front of a roaring fireplace, feel the heat on your skin. Smell the smoke, see the flames ablaze in red and orange. Move closer and feel the heat intensify. If you are on the beach, listen to the sounds of the waves and smell the salty air. You will be amazed at how vivid your imagination can be, when provoked. Your brain is an extensive archive of every sensual detail you have ever experienced and when called upon can supply those details readily. Most of the time, we simply don’t place enough demand on our brain, and it only responds when asked. 

Try it: Paint a mental image of your childhood home (or a home you loved to go to as a child.) Approach from the front, and remember in detail what the outside of the home looked like. Approach the door. What color was the door? Walk through the front door and go, room by room, remembering the smallest details you can. What does the kitchen smell like? What was the view from your bedroom? Open a drawer, what would you find in there? All of these details are stored away, waiting to be recalled. 

How To Fantasize: Exercise 4
Fantasizing About Peak Erotic Experiences

Peak Erotic Experiences, a term coined by the fabulous author and therapist Dr. Jack Morin in his book The Erotic Mind, are those real-life experiences that mark the high points of your sex life (so far!) They are the moments when everything came together to create fantastic, unforgettable sexual highs. Dr. Morin encourages us to examine these moments carefully to unpack exactly what made them so amazing, to be able to bring more of those elements into our current sex life. 

Recalling sex that you have actually experienced can be a powerful way to fantasize. Memories are all the more real than imagination, and the body will remember pleasurable sensations in great detail if you allow it. 

Try It:

Get in the zone and then being fantasizing about a Peak Erotic Experience, one of the ultimate high points of your sex life so far. Go deep into the sensual details of the memory. 

What were you wearing? 
What setting were you in? 
How were you touched? 
What smells do you remember? 
What words were spoken? 
How do you remember feeling at the time? 

The more vivid your memory, the more details you will be able to harvest about what made this experience so satisfying in the first place. We encourage you to harvest these details and then use them as a springboard into new, original fantasies.

How To Fantasize: Exercise 5
Start With An Erotic Image

	Erotic photography can be one of the best shortcuts into your erotic imagination. Find an image of a delicious body, drink in the visual detail, then close your eyes and spin a story around that image. Bring the subject to life.

	•	What would you like to do with the person in the image? 

	•	What about the setting is sexy? 

	•	What details would you change to make it even sexier? 

Fantasy to Desire: Exercise 1
Search for Common Themes

Start by scanning through your most common and persistent fantasies and try to identify common themes. What specific elements keep repeating? These themes may include sexual activities, ways you feel about yourself, ways you feel about your imaginary lover, words or phrases, sensations or emotions.

Write down at least 3 common themes that have emerged in your fantasies:

1.____________________

2.____________________

3.____________________

Fantasy to Desire: Exercise 2
Search for Hot Spots

Scan your fantasies for those moments that cause your arousal to spike, that create strong physical and emotional responses. Let your body give you information about what it is craving. Write down the three elements that give you the strongest physical response.

1.____________________

2.____________________

3.____________________

Don’t limit yourself to sex acts. Hot Spots can also include pieces of dialogue, the way someone looks at you, a type of energy, ways you behave in response to your fantasy lover. The key here is to pay attention to what your body responds to with a spike of arousal. 

Fantasy to Desire: Exercise 3
Making the Translation

Try making up your own Fantasy to Desire translations: 

I fantasize about ________________________
I desire more ___________________________. 

In my fantasies I am always _______________________.
I desire feeling more ___________________________.

I find fantasizing about _____________________ really exciting. 
I think I want to try ________________________ and see how it goes. 

My fantasy lovers are often ________________________.
I want to ask my lover to try being more ____________________ for a night. 

Fantasy to Desire: Exercise 4
Get Specific About Erotic Energy

Here are some quick questions so you can begin to get more specific about the erotic energy you are craving. 

If you crave full body touch, do you want it to be playful or worshipping? 

If you want to be spanked, do you want your lover to be be dominating or tender?

If you fantasize about kissing, are those kisses romantic or rough?

If you fantasize about receiving oral sex, do you want your lover to be tender or aggressive?

If your fantasies often include public sex, are you looking to be seen or is it about being in the great outdoors and feeling free and primal?

Here are a few sentences to complete to help you get specific about what kind of Erotic Energy you want to experience. 

The type of erotic energy I want more of in my life is ________________________. 

I wish sex was a little more ________________________.

I feel like I could open up more if my lover was more _______________________.

If only I could act more ______________, I would enjoy sex so much more. 

Fantasy to Desire: Exercise 5
What Needs Are Being Met?

Think about what you really need and want out of your sex life. Think about how your sex life informs the rest of your life. Then answer the following questions as honestly as you can. All of these questions start pointing towards your very specific sexual needs, and your needs can inform how you frame your Desires.

How do you want to feel at the end of an amazing lovemaking session? 
How do you want to feel about your relationship and your lover? 
How do you want your lover to feel about you? 
Are you craving more physical intensity or more emotional intimacy? 
Do you want to feel more energized and alive or do you need to chill out and unwind? 
Do you want to connect romantically with your partner or be treated like an animal in heat? 
Do you want to feel irresistible or do you want to be more vulnerable? 

Fantasy to Desire: Exercise 6
Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Fantasies

When you think about your fantasy, what are you most excited about? Pick at least three details that really excite you: physical, emotional or energetic. 

What is the version of the fantasy that you may never even say out loud - dig deep and discover the wildest, most impossible version of at least one of your fantasies. 

How does this fantasy fit in with your ideas of your highest self? 

If your fantasy conflicts with your personal values, how so? 

What parts need to stay as fantasy, and what parts are actual Desires? 

What is to be gained by this Fantasy becoming a Desire? What might be lost?

What do you really want? 

What are you afraid of? 

What is stopping you from realizing your Desires, if anything? 

What desires are important enough to you to take action on? 

Considering the answers to all of the questions above, ask yourself the most important question of all: 

What do you want to experience more of in your erotic life? 

Defining Desires Exercise 1:

Inventory Your Known Erotic Desires

Do you have any desires you can identify right away? Think through your most persistent fantasies and the responses to all of the “Fantasy to Desire” exercises. Try completing the following questions and see what comes up. 

	Every great lovemaking session would include lots of  __________________. 

	One thing I can not get enough of is ______________.

	I want more _____________ touch. 

	I find it irresistible when my lover acts like a  _______________ in bed. 

	I've always wanted someone to ______________ me in bed.

	What would be really hot is if my lover _________________ me.

	One thing I always think about but have never asked for is ______________________. 

	One hot lover I had in the past used to _____________________. 

	Every once in awhile, I want to be treated like a ___________________________ .

	If I could have one erotic superpower for the night it would be ______________________. 
	
	I want you to ______ me. 

	For Halloween I want to be a Sexy __________________. 

	My lover would have been a ______________ in a past life. 

If there are specific sentences that you could fill in with multiple answers, go for it. Write paragraphs about your responses if you want - allow these prompts to get your thoughts flowing and pay attention to any information that presents itself to you. 

Defining Desires Exercise 2:
Getting Specific About Your Desires

Try to come up with answers to the following questions. Notice your first reactions, they are often the most honest. If you get stumped on a question, notice that lack of response and mull over it for a few days. 

Physical Desires : 

What do you want to experience more of in your body? 

What sex acts do you want more of? 

How do you want to feel during sex?

Emotional Desires: 

How do you want to feel about your sexuality? 

What emotional experience do you crave more of? 

Are there spiritual values or beliefs you want to express through your sexuality? 

Relationship Desires: 

What kind of erotic relationship do you want to have? 

What attitudes and values do you want to define your erotic life together? 

How do you want to be treated by your lover?  

How do you want to express your love for your partner?

Defining Desires Exercise 3:
Finding the Gap Between Ideal and Real

As you look at all of your answers to the previous exercises, try to start getting realistic about your current sex life, and begin eyeing the gap between your reality and your ideal sex life. In the next step, you’ll be setting your erotic goals to work on, alone and/or with your lover. For now, start trying to identify the areas that represent the biggest gap between what you really want and what you are currently experiencing. 

Try completing the following sentences and notices which answers have the most energy behind them - these will be clues towards what kinds of erotic goals you want to develop next. 

Sex would be a lot more pleasurable if I felt more _______________________. 

Sex would be a lot more fun if my partner was more _____________________.

The one sexual experience I definitely want to experience before I die is ___________________.

The best part of my sex life is ___________________________. 

If only I wasn’t so _____________________, I’d have a much better sex life. 

I envy people who are ____________________________. 

One year from now, I hope my sex life is more ____________________.

Setting Goals Exercise 1: 
The Range of Erotic Desires and Goals 

Here are just some of the potential goals you can explore in your sex life. Notice the range, from broad to very specific. Goals can be open ended or quite targeted. We like to frame goals in terms of what DESIRE you want to EXPERIENCE. It can also be useful to ask yourself the question How do I want to feel?

"I want to experience. . ."
	- Taking control
	- Giving up control
	- Not having to make decisions
	- Bondage and Restraint
	- Being ravished, claimed, taken by force
	- Rough sex
	- Fucking (vs. "Making Love")
	- New sensations
	- Amping Up Intensity
	- Multiple Orgasms
	- Being Blindfolded
	- Going into trance
	- Arousal over long periods of time
	- Very light touch without being ticklish
	- More of a specific kind of sensation: Biting, Scratching, Pinching, Nipple Toys, Abrasion, Temperature play,
	- The thrill of flirtation
	- A first kiss with someone new
	- Kissing/Having Sex with someone of the same sex / opposite sex 
	- Anonymous sex
	- Using sex to get something else
	- Using sex to get secrets, spy, espionage
	- Being the mysterious stranger
	- An otherworldly erotic experience
	- Profound “heart connection” with partner
	- Ritual or Ceremony with partner
	- Animalistic Sex
	- Being someone else
	- Sex in public places
	- A very specific script / reenactment

Read through the list again and take note of the goals that jumped out to you. Start broad - if any idea has even a little bit of appeal, take note. Also notice any feelings of strong repulsion - that might be a clue that there is something you notice but have shame or guilt about. Notice what you feel really neutral about - probably not the goals for you. 

Setting Erotic Goals Exercise 2:
Choose a Solo Goal

Make the very first erotic goal you set a Solo Erotic Goal. Think about one thing you can do to explore a new part of your sexuality, on your own. This could be about how you treat yourself as a sexual being, an attitude you want to shift over time, or a physical experience you want to try out when you masturbate. 

I want to experience _______________________________.
In the coming month, I will _______________________________ in order to feel more __________________.

Negotiating Goals: Exploration Exercise 1
List Your Desires

Think of this as the brainstorming part of the process. The goal is to share openly as many of your desires as you’d like, without reacting right away. 

There will be a time to discuss your responses, a time to say “I want to do that” or “No way” or “That scares me.” Right now, just share openly and enjoy getting to know your lover as a sexual being. 

For the first step, we invite each of you to try and list at least 3-10 Desires that you would be open to exploring in real life. 

A few ways to facilitate this process:

- Grab a few pieces of paper and sit quietly together while you each make a list of 3-10 desires, then swap them, read your lover’s list quietly to yourself and then open up a conversation. 

- Get a stack of index cards. Write down, only one Desire per card, until you run out of ideas. Shuffle them together with your lover’s cards. 

- Write one another a love letter, and include a full account of your Desires. 

- Keep a box somewhere private with index cards or sticky notes nearby. Anytime you think of a Desire, write it down and accumulate ideas until there is a big pile. Then sit down and open up a conversation. 

Exploration Exercise 2
Discussing Your Desires

Once you’ve gathered a bunch of potential ideas, go through each one and ask one another the following questions. This doesn’t have to be a formal survey process - let your conversation be as intimate, emotional, playful, intellectual or practical as feels right and is authentic to your relationship. Every couple will approach this in a way uniquely their own. The following questions are just to get you started! 

Have you explored this before? 

Yes: 

What were the best parts? 
What could have been better?

No:

What has stopped you from exploring it in the past?
Why is now the right time to explore it? 

What specifically do you find hot about this? 

Pruning Exercise 1: 
The First Cut

Pick a time frame that reflects the duration of your relationship. Ballpark: 1/5 the time you’ve been together. A couple of five years might roughly imagine the next year together. New lovers of a few months might only want to negotiate the next few dates.

Now, each of you has the option of Pruning as many Desires as you choose. This means eliminating it as a possibility for the next stretch of time. This doesn’t mean you will never explore it, just not right now. Prune desires from the list one at a time, with a clear and non-accusatory explanation. 

Be very clear about why you are eliminating a possibility. Often these are the most interesting conversations that lead to break throughs.

Prioritizing Pleasures Exercise 1: 
Setting Erotic Goals

From your list of overlapping Desires, each of you gets to pick ONE Desire that is your top priority for the coming month or two. We find that choosing just one and focusing your energy towards integrating that into your sex life is the best way to make long-term adjustments to your sexual patterns and lifestyle. You may spend the month working up towards one big experience or adopt a new daily habit that meets that Desire. How you implement these changes will be up to you and the desires you pick. But just like having a Goal in any other form of life, we invite you to have laser sharp focus and passionate determination to meet that Goal. 

Try to frame your chosen Desire as a Goal. Some examples: 

In the coming month, I want to experience _______________.

This week, I will _______________ so that we can ________________.

On our next date night, I’d love you to try being more ______________.

I am going to ____________ you more frequently in the coming month. 

Prioritizing Pleasures Exercise 2: 
Follow Through and Accountability

We all know how easy it is to lose sight of new goals in the hustle of our busy lives. The bottom line is that if you want to experience something new in your sex life, you need to follow through and make it happen. 

A few ideas to make it more likely you will follow through with your goals:

Make up a code word (or be literal if there are not kids around!) and write it on a post-it note. Put the note somewhere visible, like on the fridge or bathroom mirror. Every time you see it you will be motivated to take action. 

Choose a physical object that represents your goal in some way. A nice rock might stand in for being more dominant, a pretty feather could remind you about your goal to be more delicate with your touch. Action figures, postcards with images that evoke something for you, anything that physically reminds you about your goal is fair game. Put this object next to your bed, so every time you go to bed you are reminded about the goals you have set together. 

Set up an alert on your calendar software or an alarm that goes off once a week with a discreet reminder about your goal. 

Put $20 in an envelope, and if you don’t meet your goal agree to donate it to a cause you are firmly against! This may sound extreme but has been proven to be one of the most effective ways of creating action - a negative repercussion works better for some people than a reward. 

Share your goal with one of your closest friends, and ask that they check in with you in a few weeks. You’ll have a great juicy conversation and the support of a friend can be really wonderful when you are exploring your sexuality.

The Complete Pleasure Mechanics Library

For our complete, up-to-date library of books and videos, search “Pleasure Mechanics” on Amazon.com or visit us at www.PleasureMechanics.com

Erotic Touch Video Guides:
Explicit Skills Demonstrated on Lifelike Replicas

		Guide to Fingering
		Guide to Handjobs
		Guide to Anal Play for Women
		Guide to Prostate Massage

Couples Massage Video Guides:
Learn How To Give Your Lover Deeply Satisfying Massage, Head to Toe

		Guide to Shoulder and Back Massage
		Guide to Butt Massage
		Guide to Leg and Foot Massage
		Guide to Arm and Hand Massage

Sexual Technique Handbooks:
Practical, down-to-earth guides designed to help you master new sexual skills. 

The Pleasure Mechanics Handbook on Ejaculation Control
The Pleasure Mechanics Handbook on Prostate Massage
The Pleasure Mechanics Handbook on How To Touch Breasts For Maximum Pleasure

Erotic Fiction:

The Fantasy A-Z Series
The Fantasy A-Z Series explores the universe of common erotic fantasies with explicit short stories designed 
to explore the ins and outs of the human erotic imagination. Written in order of popular demand. 
To vote on your favorites, visit http://www.pleasuremechanics.com/fantasyaz/

Current titles include:

T is for Threesome
P is for Pegging