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The Reromanticizing Exercise

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Has the romance faded from your relationship? Want to feel those sparks of new romance again? Just want to feel more love and care in your life?

The Reromanticizing Exercise comes from the classic relationship guide Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. First published in 1988, this book has been a massive New York Times bestseller and a classic guide for relationship self-help and marital therapy. This simple yet effective exercise is a tool for getting clear about what kind of love you want to receive and how you can best give your partner the love they crave.

Harville and Helen Hendrix went on to develop Imago Therapy, used by tens of thousands of therapists all around the world. You can learn more about their work here.

You can get an audiobook copy of Getting The Love You Want for FREE with your free trial at Audible.com.

Here are the 5 basic steps for The Reromanticizing Exercise:

  1. Identify what your partner is already doing that pleases you. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I feel loved and cared about when you…
  2. Recall the most romantic stage of your relationship and think about what you used to do but no longer do very often. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I used to feel loved and cared about when you… 
  3.  Think about caring and loving behaviors that you have always wanted but have never asked for. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I would like you to…
  4. Now combine your lists, and think about which gestures are most important to you. Label each behavior from 1-5, 1 being very important and 5 being least important.
  5. Share your list with your partner. Now aim to do 1-2 gestures for one another every day for 2 months.

You’ll find this and more relationship exercises in the book, Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

Male Bisexuality

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Male bisexuality is all too often perceived as a halfway step to full gay identity. This myth silences far too many men and creates shame around very real desires. While female sexuality is perceived to be more “fluid” and “flexible” than male sexuality, many men experience some range of bisexual desires.

Male bisexuality can range from full “50/50” bisexual interest in both sex and relationships with men and women, or simply an interest in occasional threesomes with other men. What is essential is that we give men permission to express their bisexuality and explore these desires without shame or guilt.

In this interview with outspoken sex writer and podcaster Cooper S. Beckett, we explore male bisexuality and how we can support men in expressing their authentic sexual desires.

We cover:

  • Why male bisexuality is not taken seriously as a sexual orientation
  • The range of male bisexual desires
  • How to start exploring male bisexuality
  • The confounding intersection of bisexuality and monogamy
  • How sex positive culture can become more supportive of male bisexuality

Cooper S. Beckett is the founder of LifeOnTheSwingset.com and the author two great books about swinging and polyamory. Click here to check out our interview with Cooper about swinging, episode #172.

Powerful Submission

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Erotic submission doesn’t have to be about being denigrated, humiliated or punished. It doesn’t have to look like cowering at the feet of your dominant partner or crying out in pain. It can include any and all of these things, if that pleases you. But it can also be about standing in your full power, feeling potent and courageous. It can be a glorious demonstration of your strength and endurance. In one of the endless twists and turns of kinky sex, erotic submission can help you feel the most powerful you’ve ever felt!

In a previous podcast, Charlotte explored one aspect of male submission: the idea of men taking a submissive domestic role in order to serve a dominant female partner. 

We received a lot feedback after this episode, mainly from men who desired erotic submission but didn’t identify with the “sissymaid” role or crave domestic service as part of their kinky play. Some of these men worried they were not the “right” kind of submissive or didn’t fully “get” what male erotic submission was all about.

On this episode, Chris explores another aspect of male submission: noble, powerful submission. This type of erotic submission has a very long history (including the root of the word chivalry!) and is just as valid as any other. In fact there are endless varieties of erotic submission to fit any personality style and constellation of desires! There is no “right” style of erotic submission: only what is right for you.

Noble, powerful submission brings full masculine power and strength into the role of erotic submission. Training in order to serve a higher power is a core part of the masculine warrior archetype. Think of a knight training in order to serve his beloved queen. Think of an athlete, glistening with sweat, ready to perform in order to help his team win. Imagine an endurance test where a wicked dominant woman is subjecting you to all kinds of sensation play, seeing just where your breaking point might be.

This kind of submission is all about developing more power, strength and courage so you can endure more intense tests of your grit and might. Explore it for yourself and see if it excites you!

Ready to explore kinky sex? Check out the Kinky Sex Mastery Course!

Why Explore Female Domination & Male Submission?

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Curious about kinky sex? Here’s a look into one particular flavor of kink: female domination and male submission.

We share some of the reasons why it is such a powerful turn on – for both men and women – when the woman takes control and the man submits fully to her power. This form of erotic power exchange can unlock new arenas of sexual pleasure for you both – and do wonders for your relationship!

This podcast features an excerpt from The Mistress Manual : The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei

Figging and Botanical Sex

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Figging and Botanical Sex :: Free Podcast Episode

Figging and Botanical Sex:

Ever heard of figging? What about using aloe in the bedroom?

The plant kingdom offer us a wide range of sexy sensations if we approach the idea with a creative and open mind.

For thousands of years, plants and humans have had a sensual relationship. Think about the fragrance of roses seducing us on a warm spring day, or the electric colors of autumn leaves in the sunlight. But have you ever considered bringing plants into your bedroom as sensual tools?

Here are a few ideas to get you started. If you enjoy erotic botanical play, you’ll find endless possibilities to explore! We cover figging and botanical play in our online course Kinky Sex Mastery. 

Figging:

The practice of figging dates back many centuries, and is found in the erotic history of many different cultures. There is some evidence that it was used in ancient Greece and the Roman Empire, both as a means of punishment and as an erotic practice. It is well documented as a form of domestic punishment in Victorian England.

Figging is inserting a piece of peeled ginger root in an orifice – most often the anus- to create a burning sensation. When the recipient clenches the anal sphincters, the ginger root releases oils that cause an intense burning sensation in the sensitive tissues of the rectum. Some people love the sensation and find it exquisitely pleasurable. Others experience the sensation as a form of erotic punishment and include it as part of erotic power exchange.

Start slowly when you are exploring figging. It is valuable to explore the sensation of rubbing the ginger root on the external anal sphincters before penetrating to see if you are interested in exploring this specific kind of sensation further.  Then, try leaving the ginger root in place for short periods as you get acquainted with the sensations. When choosing a ginger root, look for a piece that has a flared base so the root is not pulled into the rectum. Peel just a small knob of the ginger and leave the rest intact. Throw away the ginger after play – don’t return it to the kitchen!

Aloe:

If your lover likes back scratches, try bringing aloe into your erotic play! Cut a stem of aloe off of the plant, and then use the sharp edges to scratch your lover’s back. Start gently and increase pressure until they are squirming with pleasure. Then, once their skin is hot and sensitive from all of the scratching, start slapping their skin with the broad, smooth side of the aloe. Soon, it will break open, spraying cooling aloe juice all over their skin. The combination of scratching, slapping and cooling moisture is delicious!

Rosemary & Lavender:

Many people use scented candle to set a romantic mood, but why rely on the fake scents when the real thing is within reach? When it is in season, gather a bouquet of lavender, rosemary and other beautifully scented plants. Then, drag them along your lover’s skin to release the pure oils of the plants. You’ll create nice tickling and scratching sensations while flooding your bedroom with incredible scent. You can also do some light flogging with them, which floods the room with even more scent.  

Roses:

Surprise your lover with a special flogging session. Instead of reaching for a leather flogger, buy a dozen long stem roses. Use a vegetable peeler to remove the thorns, running your hands along each stem to make sure you haven’t missed any thorns. Put the roses in a vase by your bed, and the next time you make love, gather them up and run the flowers along your lover’s skin. Then, if you wish, proceed to flogging your lover’s back with the bouquet. Soon, rose petals will be showering down over your lover, creating a dramatic climax and an unforgettable erotic experience.

With a little creativity you can find endless varieties of plants to create fun sensations and bring more sensual pleasure into your erotic play. Pussy willow brushed up and down the skin is divine. Young branches of willow have been used as whips for centuries. Some people even love the sting of nettles incorporated into their intense sensation play!

Stay safe with botanical erotic play!

  • Avoid plants that have been sprayed with pesticides (organic is better in the kitchen AND the bedroom!) Some people will have strong reactions to them, we’ve heard stories of people bathing in rose petals and then breaking out in rashes from the residual pesticides.
  • Be on the lookout for allergic reactions – if any plant causes a rash, itchiness or any other reaction, don’t use it again!
  • Use caution when using plants inside the vagina or anus. Cover cucumbers and other plants with condoms before inserting, as the waxy coatings and residuals sprays can cause reactions. Remember that anything inserted in the anus must have a flared base to prevent it getting pulled into the rectum!
  • Avoid using sugary foods (like berries for example) around the vulva to prevent throwing of the pH balance of the vagina, which can lead to yeast infections.
  • If you love botanicals, you may want to have sex outdoors. Click here to find out how to enjoy the erotic thrills of the great outdoors without being caught! 

Ready to explore kinkier sex? Enroll now in our Kinky Sex Mastery course and get started tonight!

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