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In this podcast Charlotte reads and talks about an excerpt from Esther Perel’s book: Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. She grapples with the myth that spontaneous sex is good sex, and to plan sex makes it less sexy. This is an essential and important myth to unravel in a long term relationship to maintain a rich erotic life.
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Stop being so anal!
You are such a tight ass!
These phrases aren’t metaphors: we all have too much anal tension and it gets in the way of our sexual health and pleasure.
In this podcast (hit the play button at the top of the page to listen!) we explore the cause of pelvic tension and how to start getting rid of it.
Anal tension constricts blood flow to the genitals, which weakens erections in both men and women and limits the amount of orgasmic pleasure you can feel.
With a few simple practices and a shift in your attitude, you can start getting rid of excess anal tension.
Listen to the podcast to get started, and then when you are ready to master anal massage check out our Anal Sex Mastery or Prostate Massage Mastery Online Courses.
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Urban Tantra author Barbara Carrellas shares one of her favorite principles of erotic touch, The Resilient Edge of Resistance. This important concept is all about finding “just right” where the touch is neither too much nor too little. This concept can be applied to many realms of life and is an important philosophical concept for both erotic mastery and spiritual wellness.
You can find Urban Tantra on Amazon.com and visit Barbara online.
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Yoni is another word for the vulva. Many in the tantra world use it as a word for the vulva. The parallel term for the penis is “lingam.”
Yoni Massage is an erotic practice that integrates full body massage with erotic stimulation of the vulva. This technique is also called erotic massage.
In erotic massage, the recipient gets to completely relax and receive. The Giver gets the opportunity to lavish all of their attention onto the Receiver’s body. This one-way touch structure allows both people to go deeper into the experience by focusing on just giving or just receiving.
First, you create a deep relaxed state in the body through full body massage. This stage can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, depending on how long you have for your experience. The more relaxed the body becomes, the more arousal you can build in the second stage of the yoni massage.
When the Recipient is ready, you can start integrating erotic touch into your massage. Start broadly and slowly focus in. Full guidance and stroke-by-stroke demonstrations are available in our Foreplay Mastery Course.
As you build up erotic stimulation, continue to massage the full body. It is the combination of full body massage with erotic touch that makes this experience so unique.
In some teaching traditions, yoni massage focuses heavily on stimulation of the g-spot. We believe that the g-spot area is just one part of the entire female sexual system, and you can include it as much or as little each time you practice yoni massage. Many people actually prefer focusing on clitoral stimulation instead, or in addition to, g-spot stimulation.
You can end a yoni massage by building up arousal to the point of orgasm and then letting her bask in the orgasmic afterglow. Or, you can choose to stop whenever she simply feels “done” and just relax together. This is your erotic experience, so you get to decide what a satisfying ending looks like.
Get stroke-by-stroke guidance in the art of yoni massage with our Foreplay Mastery Online Course. You’ll learn how to warm her up, build high levels of arousal and explore multiple orgasms and beyond!
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In this podcast Charlotte reads from Yearnings: Ancient Wisdom For Daily Life, Embracing The Sacred Messiness of Life by Rabbi Irwin Kula. The excerpts are taken from the chapter on The Blessing of Pleasure.
This piece from Rabbi Kula is extraordinary. It feels so important to me to share spiritual voices about pleasure and sex. In a world where pleasure is distorted, misunderstood and misused this kind of smart, nuanced spiritual perspective is so valuable. There are many of you who overtly struggle with the idea that the sensual is sacred, and many more who feel it as a more subtle undercurrent in your life. Hearing this spiritual leader’s acceptance, reverence and integration of the sacred, sensual, sexual and spiritual is deeply healing for many of us. This voice and perspective can give us permission to continue to untether our guilt and shame and instead to deepen in letting pleasure be a joyful part of our life. One of the parts I love so much is he really speaks to the fulfillment, satisfaction and happiness that sensual pleasures can offer us that many other experiences can not. Rabbi Kula speaks so well to the idea that our inclusion of pleasure is key to a fulfilling life where we feel connected to our own bodies and to each other.
One of the other parts I think is interesting is about creating “dirty monogamy”. This is using different language but is in a way paralleling what relationship expert Esther Perel and renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher talk about in how to make monogamy exciting. We talked about those ideas in Podcasts 102 and 130. This continues the idea that to have an excellent relationship it is essential to keep cultivating risk, excitement and newness in long term relationships.
This approach to pleasure is at the core of why we, The Pleasure Mechanics, do the work we do. We deeply believe in the sacred nature of pleasure. Chris and I both experience spirituality to be at the core of our lives, but we follow no faith aside from following our body’s wisdom and the path of pleasure so Rabbi Kula’s words are music to my ears and salve to my soul. So I’ll sign off for today and encourage you to find and notice the blessings of pleasure in your everyday life, always.
PS If you are interested in having outdoor sex like Rabbi Kula shares about please listen to Podcast 41 on how to do it safely without getting caught!