How To Ask For What You Want In Bed
For many people, talking about sex is difficult. In this podcast episode (hit the play button at the top of the page to listen!) we share strategies for confidently talking about sex and fearlessly asking for what you want in bed.
Before you start making explicit requests in bed, get comfortable talking about sex as a casual conversation. When you are taking a walk, driving in the car, hanging out after dinner, or any other time you are relaxed and alone, introduce a topic that gets you talking about sex!
Ways To Introduce Conversations About Sex:
- “I read an article about ______. Have you heard of that before?”
- “My friends were talking about someone who liked _____ in bed. Would you ever try something like that?”
- Who did you learn about sex from?
- What did your parents teach you about sex?
- Do you have a favorite sex scene from a movie?
- What celebrity did you have a crush on as a teenager?
As you get more comfortable talking about sex, be sure to explore your Peak Erotic Experiences.
Once you feel at ease talking about sex in general, you can start making requests about what you want more of in the bedroom.
Remember to frame these conversations as an invitation rather than an accusation. You are asking your lover to explore more pleasure, connection and arousal together, not challenging their skills as a lover.
Get Specific When Asking For What You Want
Make specific, attainable requests. The more specific the better.
Instead of “I need more foreplay” try “I would love more full body touch to warm me up.”
Instead of “I am so bored with our routine” try “Can I try giving you an erotic massage sometime?”
Instead of “I wish you were rougher with me” try “I love feeling how powerful you are. It would be really hot if you held my arms down and kissed me hard.”
Frameworks For Erotic Requests:
- “I love it when you…”
- “I would love it if you…”
- “I’ve been fantasizing about you…”
- “Can we try something new? I’ve been wondering about…”
- “I want to slow down and enjoy this, can we take our time?”
- “I love feeling your hands on my _____. Can you do more of that?”
- “I can’t stop thinking about how sexy it is when you ______”