Pleasure Mechanics

Stress and Arousal

For most people, the single biggest roadblock to experiencing pleasure is stress. Doctors and sex therapists agree – stress is the number one threat to your sex drive and intimate relationship. Stress damages your health, puts you in a bad mood, and kills your sex drive. Your body physically can not get aroused if you are stressed out!

Stress has a negative effect on both male and female libido: this much is simply fact. The question has become, what do we do about the fact that our stressful lives are one huge turn-off?

The stress of daily life wears at us, literally, causing physical damage to our bodies and creating negativity in our relationships. Stress comes from many sources: work, family, concerns about money, health, global issues and personal worries. It is important to locate the top stressors in your life and begin creating strategies to minimize stress at it’s source.

But let’s face it: we can’t always quit a stressful job or get away from a stressful family situation. So the essential strategy is learning how to cope with stress and minimize it’s effect on your life and health.

There are many great ways to reduce stress: exercise, meditation or prayer, dancing, whatever activities make you feel relaxed and happy.

There are two surefire stress reducers that also serve the dual purpose of strengthening your relationship and bringing you more pleasure: massage and mindfulness.

Massage is one of the best ways to relax, unwind and get rid of stress. If, like most people. you find stress is getting in the way of your sex life, we recommend several 5-10 minute massages a week for maximum stress reduction.

By spending this time with your partner, exchanging massage and relaxing together, you may find that not only are you less stressed out, but you may also be more turned on.

Many couples find that by sharing quality touch, they are more likely to be in the mood for sex, and the sex they have becomes way more exciting. This combination of massage and sex is a surefire way to counteract the damage of stress and live a more healthy, relaxed and pleasurable life.

What Are Your Sexual Scripts?

What are your primary sexual scripts? Most of us have a few scripts that guide the majority of our sexuality. It may be a role or archetype that you try to fit into. It may be a peak sexual experience from the past that you are trying to recreate. Our sexual scripts are informed by and in relationship to the culture we live in. Ever since we were born, we have heard stories, seen movies and witnessed sexual scripts all around us.

Most of us can recall a scene from a movie that permanently shaped our sexual development – a scene that effected us so deeply that we try to emulate it, or capture the emotions of that Hollywood scene. TV shows, rock stars, books, and celebrities can all serve as fodder for the development of our own unique sexual scripts. For some people, sexual scripts are heavily influenced by our family life – either trying to live up to our parents model or trying hard not to recreate our parent’s failed marriage. Most people have a sense of what a man “should” be like – handsome, successful, powerful, muscular, charming, funny, daring. . . the list of “shoulds” goes on and on. We also have a story about what kind of partner we “should” love and what that relationship “should” be like.

Against this cultural background, our own sexual scripts are formed early in life and many of us never even notice that our relationships begin playing out like rehearsals, trying to fit ourselves and our potential lovers into roles that will satisfy us. With the easy accessibility of pornography online, we can narrow our sexual turn-ons into the most specific category as we wish – you can easily find a site of red headed cheerleaders if that is what turns you on. Or librarians with glasses. Online, it is easy to peruse page after page of explicit images and videos and discover new turn-ons – and yet many people stay within a narrow range of stimulation, living out their scripts in fantasy as well as in their real life.

Our sexual scripts are not just about roles, romance and relationships. We all have sexual scripts hardwired into our bodies – ways of being touched or touching ourselves that are our quickest routes to orgasm. Some of these scripts begin with childhood masturbation – if you masturbated under the constant threat of parental discovery and punishment, you may masturbate quickly and quietly long into adulthood, even when you have your own place and can be as loud as you wish. Most of us masturbate in basically the same way every time, or have sex with our partner using the same sequence of events.

The “porn classic” of a few seconds of kissing, followed by sucking on the female nipples, leading quickly to oral sex as a warm up for intercourse is one of the more common sexual scripts that couples find themselves repeating again and again. Our bodies respond to repetition. This can be a good thing, providing a sure way to get aroused quickly and providing a direct path to climax. But these patterns can also be too dependable, landing us in a sexual rut that is too much of a sure thing to try anything new.

Scripts can be comforting and useful – if we are truly in touch with who we are and what we desire, it can be comforting to stay within your self-determined script and seek satisfaction. The problem is many of us never take the time to examine our sexual scripts and ask if we are truly being fulfilled, or if a wider range of pleasure is possible. We do the same sex acts over and over again, with the same fantasy in our heads, and then wonder why we are still dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

By examining your arousal patterns, you can map more consciously that which turns you on. If you choose, you can begin paying attention to a wider range of stimulation and arousal so you can feel even more pleasure. You don’t have to give anything up – your major turn ons and desires can still play a large role in your sexuality. But by widening the sense of what is possible, and taking a close look at your routines, you can enjoy a wider range of relationships and pleasures, and possibly discover something even more satisfying

How To: Clitoral Stimulation

If you want to be a great lover and be able to pleasure women, you need to learn how to master clitoral stimulation. For sexual satisfaction and fulfillment, the clitoris is the most important square inch of flesh on the female body. Of course, paying attention to the full body is important – and learning how to touch and pleasure every part of your lover’s body is an essential skill in becoming a better lover. But when it comes to female arousal and orgasm, the clitoris is the key.

The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings – the densest concentration of nerve endings anywhere on the male or female body. The external structure of the clitoris is the most available to touch, but the clitoral body extends deep into the body, and can be stimulated internally, or when pressure grinds the internal clitoris against the pubic bone!

For a complete how-to for clitoral stimulation, check out the Foreplay Mastery Course

Clitoral Stimulation is Essential for Female Pleasure!

Clitoral StimulationFor the vast majority of women, clitoral stimulation is essential for becoming highly aroused and reaching orgasm. Some women love the addition of vaginal penetration or anal play (or both!) – but almost all women need their clitoris to be a key component in sexual stimulation. To become a more confident lover and gain mastery over the female orgasm, clitoral stimulation techniques are top priority.

But don’t get stuck with just one clitoral stimulation method – just because it worked on your last lover doesn’t mean every woman will respond! It is far better to be confident with many different ways of stimulating the clitoris, so you can mix it up, surprise your lover with new sensations and stimulate more nerve endings for maximum pleasure.  Learning a wide range of clitoral stimulation techniques will allow you to pleasure every woman, every time.

Women need a range of stimulation to stay satisfied – which is why our video guide on female pleasure guides you in learning a huge range of clitoral stimulation methods – from gentle warm-ups to highly arousing strokes, from one finger techniques to an exclusive internal-external stimulation technique that touches all parts of the clitoris simultaneously. We know that clitoral pleasure is essential for female sexual fulfillment – so our guide makes the clitoris a priority, in addition to showing ways of pleasuring the entire external vulva as well as internal stimulation techniques.

Let us show you how to master clitoral stimulation techniques, g-spot stimulation and much more. Gain the skills and confidence you need to surprise your lover with a wide range of sensations and powerful orgasms.

Is Fingering Sex?

We often hear the question: Is Fingering Sex?

We think a better question is: How Can Skilled Fingering Make Sex Even Better?

Fingering is an essential part of foreplay and can also be a sexual experience unto itself. A lot of women have orgasms most consistently through manual stimulation with the fingers. So why are so many men hesitant to acknowledge fingering is sex?

With skills and confidence, fingering can be a central part of your sex life. Our incredible fingering techniques for better sex are part of the Foreplay Mastery Course. Discover how you can pleasure a woman with your hands, so you can integrate fingering into the sex you enjoy.

Massage Candle Round-Up!

We believe that learning to share massage with your lover is the best possible investment in your intimate life. A few simple touch skills can create a lifetime of more pleasure, deeper relaxation and intimate connection with your partner. Our online course is designed to teach you how to share pleasurable couples massage at home, any time you choose. Check out Couples Massage Mastery and get started tonight!

One of the things we love most about massage is that it is a free, low-tech source of pleasure. You don’t need anything other than a little coconut or almond oil to enjoy the full body benefits of receiving massage. Even a partner is optional – many of our massage techniques can be enjoyed as self-massage for a few soothing minutes of self-care.

So when we find a tool that makes massage even more pleasurable, we pay attention. Massage candles are one of our favorite tools for making at home massage feel as luxurious and indulgent as a spa massage.

Massage candles are made out of a blend of natural oils and soy wax. As they burn, the wax melts into a delicious pool of perfectly warmed massage oil, ready to be dripped onto your lover’s skin and massaged in with long delicious strokes. The warmth of the oil, the exotic scents and the flickering candlelight are the perfect combination of sensory pleasure, creating a rich and memorable experience with very little effort or expense.

We also love using massage candles as a communication tool: leave one by your lover’s pillow with a book of matches, and you send a clear signal that you are ready to connect and find time to be intimate.

Massage candles have become a popular sensual tool over the past ten years, so there is now a wide range of style and scents to choose from.

Ultimately, you should choose the massage candle that meets your budget, and a scent you love in the bedroom. Find your favorite massage candle from the curated selection at SheVibe.com