Pleasure Mechanics

Vibrator Nation: The History Of Feminist Sex Stores with Lynn Comella Ph.D.

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Ever wonder how vibrators and sex toys became so popular? How did sex toys find their way into our bedside tables and cultural conversations?

Author Lynn Comella, Ph.D. shares the fascinating history of feminist sex toy stores and their impact on sex culture.

Nowadays, you can find lube at the drugstore and sex toys on Amazon – but we can’t forget that the availability of pleasure products is thanks to the visionaries that led the sex positive movement and created safe spaces for sex positive education and shopping.

The new book Vibrator Nation traces the history and impact of feminist sex toy stores. It traces the history back to feminist pioneers like Dell Williams, who founded Eve’s Garden in New York City in 1974 and Joani Blank, who opened the Good Vibrations retail store in San Francisco in 1977. 

These feminist sex toy stores quickly became more than a place to buy vibrators. Sex stores like Good Vibrations and Babeland became the epicenters of sex positive education, community and empowerment.

Tune in to this fascinating conversation and then grab a copy of Vibrator Nation to explore how feminist sex toys stores influenced sex culture for us all.

Check out LynnComella.com for more information about Lynn’s work and book tour dates!

Want to find a feminist sex toy store near you? Check out this map from our friend at RedheadBedhead!

Thanks to our podcast sponsors for making this episode possible: 

Check out getcocoon.com/edu for a free download of the cocoon browser, offering you the safest way to browse the internet.

A big welcome to our new sponsor Good Clean Love, who offer amazing organic lubricants and sexual wellness products. Good Clean Love’s lube is the only one we use and we highly recommend their products. Go to GoodCleanLove.com and use the code PLEASURE for 33% off your entire order! 

 

Break The Rules Together

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Let’s face it: for some of us, some of the time, breaking rules feels good. Transgression creates anticipation, thrill, the rush of “getting away with it” – and for some of us, this excitement is incredible arousing.

For some people, breaking the rules helps us feel free and brings the thrills of new and novel experiences. Breaking the rules helps us relieve the stress and responsibility of daily life. Breaking the rules has an erotic thrill that can’t easily be topped.

Breaking the unspoken rules of monogamy can be the easiest way to get this thrill – but one with huge potential costs. So if you know yourself as a thrill-seeking rulebreaker, it’s time to get intentional and learn how to harness this energy without risking it all.

Here’s how to break an even bigger set of rules – together as a couple – to capture the thrills of transgression while strengthening your relationship.

This episode is part of our book club series inspired by Esther Perel’s new book, The State of Affairs. In the first episode we talked about making explicit monogamy agreements for your relationship. In the second episode we tackled the topic of jealousy. In this episode, we discuss how to transgress boundaries together as a couple, rather than cheating on one another.

If you want to go deeper with these ideas, come on over to patreon.com/pleasuremechanics to join our online community and unlock bonus resources – I am developing interactive worksheets that help you integrate the ideas of this podcast into your love life. You’ll also get an ad free version of this podcast – go to Patreon.com/pleasuremechanics and join in!

In her incredible book, The State of Affairs, Esther Perel discusses what we can learn from infidelity to help us strengthen long term relationships. She writes:

Each of these long standing couples has chosen not to ignore the lure of the forbidden, but rather to subvert its power by inviting it in. Plainly, these tactics strengthen their connection, and when the connection is stronger, they are less likely to cheat. “It would be fun, but it’s not worth it” becomes a voice of the inner boundary. That still does not mean their relationships are “affair proof.” And it is precisely because they know this that they are continuously adding new pages to their love stories.

Our partners do not belong to us; they are only on loan, with an option to renew – or not. Knowing that we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment; rather, it mandates an active engagement that long-term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency, in the most positive sense.

The current of aliveness, once awoken, is a force hard to resist. What must be resisted are the dwindling curiosity, the flaccid engagements, the grim resignation, the desiccating routines. Domestic deadness is often a crisis of imagination.

At their peak, affairs rarely lack imagination. Nor do they lack desire, abundance of attention, romance and playfulness. Shared dreams, affection, passion and endless curiosity – all these are natural ingredients found in the adulterous plot. They are also the ingredients of thriving relationships. It is no accident that many of the most erotic couples lift their marital strategies directly from the infidelity playbook ~ Esther Perel, The State of Affairs

Click here to listen to episode 247, where we talk about how to have an affair with your spouse.

Want help in communicating with your partner as you explore your fantasies and desires? Click here to check out the Kinky Sex Mastery course – and get the first date experience for free! 

This episode is sponsored by Cocoon, a new web browser that brings you total safety, security and privacy. Click here for your free download. 

Harnessing Jealousy As Erotic Fuel

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Jealousy is a natural emotion, part of the great human drama of eroticism and sexuality. Everyone gets jealous – so the question becomes how to harness jealousy instead of allowing it to harm you and your relationship.

This episode continues our discussion inspired by Esther Perel’s new book State of Affairs.

For a bonus resource to help you explore jealousy, join our Patreon community at patreon.com/pleasuremechanics or by clicking here.

Jealousy is usually understood as a normal part of monogamy. If we think being in a relationship means owning our partner’s sexuality, anytime their attention or interest strays it can feel like a betrayal. Jealousy can be toxic, leading to arguments, fights and even violence. 

But when is jealousy useful? When can it be a guidepost about what you desire, what you want more of, what you cherish and want to protect? 

If you get honest with your jealousy, it can be a powerful tool to steer your growth, help you invest more in your relationship and even – for some people – become a powerful turn on.

 

In her new book State of Affairs, Esther Perel writes “The green-eyed monster taunts us at our most defenseless and puts us directly in touch with our insecurities, our fear of loss and our lack of self-worth.” 

If you start noticing when you feel jealous, you can discover where you feel the most vulnerable. Then you can strengthen your sense of security in these areas or ask your partner for reassurance.

Esther also notes that jealousy “may in fact be the last glowing ember of eros in an otherwise burned-out relationship – and therefore, it is also the means of relighting the fire.”

Click here to get a copy of Esther Perel’s State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

You may also be interested in these podcast episodes:

This episode is sponsored by Cocoon, the most secure web browser available. Download your free web browser by clicking here.

Explicit Monogamy Agreements

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What does monogamy mean to you? What counts as cheating and infidelity? Have you ever had a conversation about monogamy with your partner, or do you just assume that you both know what it means?

Assumptions about monogamy can lead to a lot of misunderstanding, emotional drama and even divorce. What defines infidelity is way too important to leave to assumptions and cultural scripts – especially now in the age of technology that allows someone to cheat on their partner while in the same room. Dating apps, online porn, webcam chats, fetish forums and all sorts of other temptations are just a click away. Expecting your partner to know where your boundaries are without ever discussing them is bound to end badly.

Instead of assuming you know what monogamy means to your relationship, have an explicit conversation about monogamy and come up with an explicit monogamy agreement. In this episode, we walk you through that process and discuss why this is an essential conversation for every relationship.

Want a FREE interactive worksheet to guide you in having these essential conversations? Click here to get your free download. 

This episode was inspired by The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. Esther Perel’s new book on infidelity is an excellent and provocative exploration of issues that affect all long term relationships.

Resources To Check Out:

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity by Tammy Nelson PhD

Multiple Orgasms For Every Body

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Multiple orgasms aren’t just for women! Every body can experience multiple orgasms, and in this episode we share the explicit techniques you can explore on your own or with a partner.

In this episode, we cover:

  • how to explore multiple orgasms
  • why multiple orgasms are misunderstood as a female experience
  • how men can start to explore multiple orgasms
  • how to prevent the refractory period from derailing your erotic experience
  • what to do to prevent genital hypersensitivity
  • specific strokes to bridge from one orgasms to the next
  • what the receiver needs to do to enable multiple orgasms
  • the emotional side of multiple orgasms

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Foreplay Mastery Online Course