Pleasure Mechanics

Secrets of Great Kissing

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When was the last time you had an extensive, glorious make out session?

When did you last experience a long beautiful kiss without an objective or goal for anything to happen afterwards, but just to experience the joy and pleasure of kissing in and of itself?

If it has been too long you can choose to bring this back into your relationship and notice great results in your relationship.

For more practices and strategies for strong long term relationships, enroll in our most popular online course for couples here.

Is Masturbation Healthy?

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Is Masturbation Healthy?

We receive email every day asking us if masturbation is healthy. This question stems from hundreds of years of anti-masturbation crusading. For generations, we’ve been taught that masturbation is unhealthy, shameful and sinful.

Here’s the naked truth: Masturbation Is Healthy! Masturbation is great for your health, your relationship to pleasure and can even be a positive force in your relationships.

The real question is this: is YOUR relationship to masturbation a healthy one? Do you touch  yourself for pleasure? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Does it give you energy?

Or is masturbation a compulsion without much pleasure anywhere to be found? Do you do it the same way, day after day? Do you feel depleted or sad after you climax? Then it may be time to rethink your solo sex life!

Frequency of Masturbation:

There is no one right number of times per day, week or year to masturbate. Some people masturbate a few times a day, some a few times a week, others a few times a month or year.

Only you can know what is best for you. Becoming aware of your patterns and more deliberate in your choices around masturbation will make it more satisfying and a more energizing part of your life.

If you feel stuck in a masturbation rut, or feel like you masturbate compulsively – that is, without choice and/or against your better judgement – it may be time to change up your patterns and bring more awareness to your self-touch.

Quality of Masturbation:

Many people masturbate from a feeling of sexual longing – there is a feeling or experience we have powerful desire for but are not achieving. If this is the case, check in with that longing and see if there are elements of that fantasy or desire you can bring into your sex life, solo or partnered. See if you can create the feeling state you are looking for.

  • How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel in your body?
  • What are you seeking? Is there a feeling you are going for? Do you reach it?
  • Is there variety in your masturbation?
  • Do you feel more or less energized after masturbating?

 

Effective Erotic Communication

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Effective Erotic Communication

Asking for what you want in bed and talking to your lover during sex can feel scary and overwhelming. What if it was part of the turn-on instead? What if learning to effectively communicate your erotic needs was a key to your sexual fulfillment.

In this episode, we share an awesome food analogy from the brilliant Dr. Mary Klein. He reminds us that to cook a meal together, or embark on any creative collaboration, you need a common language. The same is true for sex: to create the erotic life you really want, you need an erotic vocabulary. Tune in to find out how to develop it, in and out of the bedroom!

Because erotic communication is one of the most important skills for sexual fulfillment and healthy relationships, we have put together an interactive resource guide on erotic communication – available here or as part of a Pleasure Pod membership. Membership includes our resource pod on Erotic Communication as just one of the many curated resources for Pleasure Pod Members!

How To Make Your Fantasy A Reality

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Sexual Fantasies Free Podcast EpisodeHow do you make your wildest fantasies come true, while staying safe and keeping your relationship intact? The truth is, fantasies live in your imagination alone. Yet fantasies can also provide valuable information that reveals what you really want more of in bed.

In this episode, we talk about how to explore your fantasies to decide what kind of pleasures you are most craving. Then, we share how to communicate with your partner so you are most likely to get what you really want out of your sex life.

We use the example of erotic spanking, but these are skills and strategies that can be applied to any of your erotic fantasies. Tune in and discover more about bringing the best parts of your fantasies to life!

Just The Tip: Masturbation Is Natural

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Masturbation Is Natural Podcast Episode

Many animals masturbate frequently. In The Compass of Pleasure, David J. Linden reveals how much creativity some animals bring to solo sex. Get The Compass of Pleasure on audiobook absolutely free with your Audible.com trial!

  • Chimps make dildos out of tree bark and branches
  • Female porcupines walk over branches to stimulate their genitals
  • Dolphins have been seen wrapping eels around their penis.

I’m not suggesting interspecies sexual encounters, and I’m not sure why the author counts the dolphin eel encounter as masturbation and not sex, but you get the idea.

You have to applaud the creativity of the orangutans and the porcupine. making their own tools for pleasure. That puts sex toys in a whole new light in a way, maybe it really is natural to use our creativity to fashion tools to enhance our own pleasure.  I love to collect these stories of animals and how they have sex or masturbate because we have so many sexual hangups about masturbation that i find it refreshing and permission giving to hear about how many species like to get their rocks off. It feels freeing to me.

So my challenge to you is next time you touch yourself know that you are part of the glorious animal kingdom and are just doing your part to feel good, which it turns out is completely, totally natural.

What happens if you relaxed into the naturalness of the act, gave yourself a little more permission and space to feel good about it, instead of something that you sort of need to rush through, and functionally get through to get to the part where you blow before someone discovers you.

There are so many layers of shame that we all have in this culture where we are told so often that to touch yourself is bad wrong dirty or just kind of lame, what happens if we could shake off another couple layers of that shame and guilt? What if we understood those emotions as an intentional result of fabricated cultural stories that are put onto us to control our behavior and create social order? What if we admitted that underneath all that we are all just animals who like to experience pleasure in our bodies, and that is ok?

Next time you touch yourself why don’t you play with taking some extra time with it, really linger, breath deep and choose to really enjoy your animal body. Know that you are part of a larger experience of animals and humans, all around the globe, throughout time who like enjoying pleasure in your body and remember how darn normal and natural it is!

Get The Compass of Pleasure on audiobook absolutely free with your Audible.com trial!