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Setting Erotic Goals
The first step to having the sex life of your dreams is to define erotic goals specifically designed to fulfill your desires, one at a time. This is where thought becomes action, where you create practical goals and tangible steps towards enjoying a more fulfilling sex life, on your own terms.
First, you’ll define goals that move you towards fulfilling your desires. Then, you’ll prioritize those goals and pick one to begin working towards immediately. Many erotic goals are fulfilled on your own – through how you treat yourself, your attitudes and approaches towards your own sexuality, and actions you take in your own life. Other erotic goals require the participation of your lover.
For now, we begin by reclaiming the idea of a goal-oriented sexuality. Goals have become a dirty word when it comes to sex – we believe that well defined goals will help you optimize your experience of sexuality, just as they do in health, business and other areas of your life.
Goal vs. Agenda
We know, sex isn’t “supposed to be” goal-oriented. Our peers in the sex education field spend a lot of time getting people to give up having goals. We say HAVE GOALS! Greatness in all realms of life depends on setting and achieving goals. Why should great sex be exempt from this? Goals allow us to mutually agree on a desired outcome, to set our sights what we want to make happen.
Goals are essential to create a fulfilling sex life, but agendas can be toxic to your eroticism. Again, we turn to the dictionary definitions of Goal Vs. Agenda to discover the crucial difference.
Goal:
the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result: going to law school has become the most important goal in his life.
• the destination of a journey: the aircraft bumped toward our goal some 400 miles to the west.
• literary a point marking the end of a race.
Agenda:
• a list of items to be discussed at a formal meeting: the question of nuclear weapons had been removed from the agenda.
• a plan of things to be done or problems to be addressed: he vowed to put jobs at the top of his agenda | the government had its own agenda.
Here is the big difference: A goal is the desired result. An agenda is a to-do list. Most people approach sex with an agenda (kiss, touch boobs, blow job, fuck, orgasm – sound familiar?) instead of a goal.
As a culture we have lost our erotic imagination, and reduced the sexual experience into a predictable agenda.
The definition of “goal” has the key: desired result.
Remember the distinction between Fantasy and Desire. It is from the deep well of your desires that you will draw upon for your erotic goals. Your Desires (and your lover’s) are the inspiration for your erotic goals, determining what you want to experience sexually and how you might approach lovemaking to meet that goal.
One of our favorite ways to create a quick mental vacation is to listen to erotica. Reading erotica is great, but listening can be even better.
Rose Caraway
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