Multiple orgasms, squirting orgasms, clitoral orgasms, oh my! We break down the complexity of orgasms and demystify all the hype about different types of orgasms.
A listener wrote in wanting to know more about female multiple orgasms. After listening to our podcast and deepening their sexual intimacy, he and his wife were experiencing new levels of pleasure and orgasm and wanted to know what exactly was going on.
Specifically, his question was about female ejaculation (a.k.a. “squirting”) and if multiple female ejaculations count as multiple orgasms. And, if his wife could have multiple ejaculatory orgasms, why did she feel “done” after one clitoral orgasm?
There is a lot of confusion out there about different “types” of orgasms. Clitoral orgasms, g-spot orgasms, a-spot orgasms, vaginal orgasms, cervical orgasms, anal orgasms, blended orgasms, multiple orgasms, squirting orgasms… and many sex educators will tell you that one type or another is better or more intense than another. All of this confusion and focus on creating a hierarchy of orgasms doesn’t serve anyone!
In this episode, we share a new perspective on orgasm and how to slowly expand your erotic capacity without worrying about different types of orgasms or which is better than another. Orgasm is all about pleasure, release and connection – so it is up to you to explore what your body is capable of at this moment, and to give yourself permission to explore what you want to experience next.
To explore the full potential of your sexual system, it helps to master the art of erotic touch. Check out our Foreplay Mastery Online Course to be guided, stroke by stroke, in our proven techniques to maximize orgasmic pleasure.
Transcript for Speaking of Sex Podcast Episode 298: Expanding Orgasmic Capacity
Many of our transcripts are AI generated and thus may not be 100% accurate. We are working towards (well-paid) human editors for every transcript, but for now hope these transcripts help with accessibility, search and engagement for all of our listeners.
Chris Maxwell Rose: Hi, welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Mia Rose: I’m Charlotte and we are the Pleasure Mechanics. And on this podcast, we bring you explicit yet soulful conversations about every facet of human sexuality. Come on over to pleasuremechanics.com, where you will find everything we have to offer, including our complete podcast archive and sign up for our free online course. The erotic essentials brings you our foundational philosophy about sex. An actionable strategy is that you can get started with right away to start creating a more fulfilling sex life on your own terms. If you love this show and want to support the work that we’re doing, please come over to patrie on dot com slash pleasure mechanics. That’s p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com/pleasuremechanics, where you can quickly and easily sign up for an ongoing monthly pledge. A dollar a month or five dollars a month will really help support this show. If we all chip in, we can create an ongoing support system for this show so we can keep doing this work and reach far corners of the globe. We just received an email from a man in India who has been loving the podcast and leading a study group about the podcast in what he describes as a rural off the grid village in India. So this work is reaching people all around the world, and together we can create a healthier and happier, more pleasurable sex culture for us all. You are part of that by listening and be part of supporting this mission by coming over to patrie on dot com slash pleasure mechanics and supporting the show with a few bucks a month. It would mean a lot to us.
Chris Maxwell Rose: All right. On to today’s episode. I received this amazing email and within the email, there’s some praise for what we do. And I love sharing other people’s experience as they listen to this podcast.
Speaker: And built into this are a lot of questions about orgasms and types of orgasms and multiple orgasms. And so we want to lay out some orgasm wisdom for ya. So Charlotte will get us started by reading the questions submitted by a listener.
Speaker: Hello. I’m a 46 year old man from Texas. Before I ask my question, I want to thank you so very much for your wonderful podcast. I’ve gone through a transformational change in my last three years, focusing on presence in my life, and that includes the area of sexuality. Your podcast has been a part of the ongoing work I’m doing to live my life as my best self. Discussions you’ve had on your podcast have helped me open pathways and conversations with my wife that have increased our intimacy as well as our erotic pleasure. So from the bottom of my heart and truly the bottom of my soul. Thank you very much for the important work you do that helps so many people, including me.
Speaker: Thank you now for my question.
Speaker: My wife is a higher drive libido than me, which we have discussed and now talk about an open. They accept her body is such a beautiful thing and capable of incredible, wonderful things.
Speaker: One of them is that she is able to squirt. She derives a lot of pleasure from that. That’s a recent discovery that is out of our increased level of intimacy. Sometimes in our lovemaking sessions, she will squirt a food few times to a dozen times. It’s not an all the time, every time thing, but when it does happen, it’s really pleasurable for her and also for me to be a part of her life in those moments and share this experience with her as a giver. Our recent conversation about that led to the discussion of multiple orgasms. But what my wife and I were wondering was when you guys and other sexologist speak about multiple orgasms, you’re talking about clitoral orgasms, anal orgasms or things like squirting included in in the conversation. This is an honest question that neither of us know the answer to. And we were both smiling and laughing as we were trying to figure it out. We’re also very careful to be cautious about caring so much about the answer to this question. The fact is that she likes the way it feels and she’s able to squirt multiple times. And that is a beautiful, incredible thing. And we’re going to continue to enjoy this regardless of the labels. But we’re also wondering if perhaps her body is capable of more than one clitoral orgasm. To date, she says that once she has a clitoral orgasm, she’s done. And I trust her to communicate what she’s feeling and her desires and what she’s capable of. But since we’ve gone through a period of discovery and awakening, she is curious if all this talk about. Thing about women being multi orgasmic is something she’s already experiencing or something she perhaps is capable of via her clitoris that she hasn’t discovered yet. This turned into a really long e-mail. I think when you boil it down, the question is pretty simple. When psychologists talk about female multi orgasmic experience, all they, including these intense moments of squeezing and release, are all they took you about a different kind of orgasm. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, lives and knowledge.
Speaker: Thank you so much. I love the long version of this and there’s so much in there. So I didn’t want to boil it down, but thank you for summing it up at the end. This is a pro level question. I love it.
Speaker: So I think this question is such a perfect one because it reveals so much. First, I just want to celebrate that you are being pleasure explorers together. You are in this process of learning new things, getting new ideas, listening to podcasts, doing research, having conversations, laughing and playing with one another’s bodies to discover what you are capable of. This is the key.
Speaker: This is what I want for all of us. That wherever we are in life, whether or not we’re in a relationship. However, our bodies are presenting at the moment that we can be investigators of our own pleasure capacity. What would feel good to your body right now? If you’re in a relationship, how can you pleasure one another’s bodies? Right now, as is on your own terms. Right. So this couple is now exploring multiple orgasms and squirting ejaculation. But for you right now, your pleasure explorations might be long walks, holding hands and talking. It might be anal play. It might be kink. We’re all at different points in our own erotic journeys. And it all looks different. So I just love the exploratory nature of this relationship and that they’re having fun discovering what they’re capable of. So what I will say about the research that sexology has done into multiple orgasms and female ejaculation and different kinds of orgasms is that science has not and probably will not ever fully map the true capacity of human sexual pleasure, especially not female pleasure.
Speaker: But I don’t even think men’s is included in there. Like science is not super committed to investigating what is possible erotically what our bodies are capable of. The ecstasy, the joy, the orgasmic release. And even if they were curious about these questions, to study this scientifically in a lab in and of itself puts limits on what they’re seeing, what they’re perceiving, the questions that are asking.
Speaker: So the scientific answer is they don’t know and probably will never know.
Speaker: And there’s a lot of different conflicting opinions about are there different kinds of orgasms? The basic scientific definition of an orgasm has nothing to do with body parts. It has nothing to do with the kind of stimulation you’re giving or even the lived experience of that orgasm. So we can define an orgasm as a climactic release of sexual tension, but that orgasm might come from nibbling an ear lobe or triple penetration. And the scientific studies don’t really differentiate nor really investigate the lived experiences of these orgasms. And so it’s up to us.
Speaker: It’s up to the pleasure of researchers on the ground and in communities like this to start telling each other what is possible to start and mapping it and owning it and investigating what is possible in each of our individual bodies at different times and what we find when we do that research and talk about it openly without shame. Is that much more is possible than anyone ever could imagine. I think we’re not even near discovering the limits of human sexual pleasure capacity.
Speaker: I hope that we’re, you know, just at the beginning of this process.
Speaker: But within this email, for example, I would have expected him to say my wife can have multiple clitoral orgasms, but when she squirts, she feels done because that’s the more common narrative than multiple orgasms through clitoral stimulation are very possible. But with a female ejaculation, there is this climactic release and females, like men after ejaculation go into a refractory period. That is a more dominant story. People tell about different kinds of female orgasms. And here we have the flip of that. So multiple female ejaculations, but after a clitoral orgasm, she feels done.
Speaker: Fascinating. Right. And more data to add to our pot of community wisdom and more information for people who are experiencing different kinds of orgasms. I want to make sense of what they’re experiencing and compared to other people. The other piece I want to really highlight here is that an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. But orgasms feel different to different people, both in sensation and in intensity at different times. And that can be dependent on the types of tissue you’re stimulating. And so some people named things like clitoral orgasms and g spot orgasms and cervical orgasms and anal orgasm and blended orgasms. And are these categories useful, especially when we consider the clitoris is a deep internal structure. The hood of the clitoris and the glands of the clitoris that you see outside the body is just the tip of the iceberg. And so when we’re doing g spot stimulation, the internal body of the clitoris is being stimulated. So is that a clitoral orgasm? Right.
Speaker: So you might be feeling it deeper inside your body. But the reality is it’s still stimulating this huge, beautiful erectile tissue that is about the same size as the penis, but it’s inside the body. So you’re seeing like the tip of the penis, which is the clitoris. But all the rest is being stimulated. So people I think there are a lot of kind of hip ideas that you’re focusing on the, you know, eight different kinds of orgasms. And we are of the idea that it is explore your body experiment, try focusing sensation in different parts of your anatomy and see what happens. But we really aren’t concerned about naming them certain kinds of orgasms because pleasure is pleasure, is pleasure and whatever you. Joy is great. And suddenly explode, but we don’t have to get hung up on these ideas of something being better than another or more advanced.
Speaker: So play, play, play.
Speaker: Cause another thing people get hung up on is, is female ejaculation a more advanced kind of sexual expression for women? Is female ejaculation more intense and more powerful? And so if I’m not experiencing it. Am I missing out? And this is just a very personal question. And again, the research about female ejaculation is unclear. It’s murky waters, if you will. Some people say that a female ejaculation is primarily urine. Other people say it is fluid builds up in the Perry urethral glands, which some people then named the G spot. It’s an interesting thing when sex educators start promoting ideas of one kind of orgasm being better than another and meaning that you’re more awakened or enlightened, like we want to throw all of that out the window and just say explore what your body is capable of. And some people have pleasurable sex and orgasms for many, many years without ever squirting and then squirt when they least expected. And some people never squirt. And some people love squirting. Other people find it very depleting and it drains them of energy.
Speaker: Like we need to all be responsible for exploring what our own body is capable of, how it responds to different kinds of stimulation, and what makes you feel good and meets your erotic goals. So with or without ejaculation? Female multiple orgasm is delightful. And I also want to say men are very capable of multiple orgasms, too. And this is a theme we’re going to be exploring in depth in an upcoming project about male sexuality. And we are working right now with a few men all around the world mapping the path to male multiple orgasm and what that experience is like. So this is not just a vulva owning body kind of experience. It’s for all of us. So multiple orgasms do require paying attention to what your body needs. What sets off your refractory period?
Speaker: So that period of rest and recovery after an orgasm and how you can move from one orgasm to the other in the most pleasurable way for you.
Speaker: So I am going to just put Charlotte right on the spot cause she is a highly multi orgasmic women. And within our own relationship, we have a difference here when we make love. Charlotte tends to love these cascades of orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. We kind of bring her to a high state of arousal and then suspend her there. And we lose count like we don’t even really focus on who there is an orgasm and there is orgasm. We just kind of ride these peaks and valleys until one of us is done. Sometimes that’s me instead of her. I, on the other hand, love to build arousal and have one big, powerful screaming orgasm. It tends to be big and fierce and volcanic and loud and very loud, but not ejaculatory. When I said volcanic. Yeah. But a huge energetic release. And then I like to just kind of collapse and float in the afterglow. That’s more my style. I can do multiple orgasms, but I tend not to. So to each their own. But what do you think, Charlotte, are the key components for exploring multiple orgasm?
Speaker: I think it’s a song about exploring what works for you. I mean, I think that getting close to that place of climax and then do you need a rest afterwards or do you like to keep going?
Speaker: And what happens if you keep going with the sensation? Some people will find that irritating and some people will find that they then fall into another orgasm.
Speaker: And then once you figure out what works for you, becomes about the art of how to communicate with your partner, what you need, do you need them to slow down? Just pause for a moment and just let you catch your breath and then return to more stimulation or you complete. I mean, it just becomes about the of communication with your partner.
Speaker: And this is where it’s the pleasure lab. Right. It’s becomes this deep investigation together as a partnership. And some people like exploring these things and masterbation first and then bringing that knowledge into their partnership. Or you can explore as a partnership. But I think as the partner, since I’m the partner in giving multiple orgasms more than receiving multiple orgasms, for me it’s about paying exquisite attention. Two, how one orgasm leads to the next.
Speaker: Because sometimes, especially in the beginning of the play, we can parlay from one orgasm right into another, especially if I shift focus of attention. And so if we’re really focusing on clitoral and maybe I have two fingers inside Charlotte and she reaches an orgasm and I feel those contractions around my fingers, I’ll then move into kind of a different maybe I’ll start like rocking her hips or I’ll start like rub rubbing my hands up and down her sides.
Speaker: And so I continues. And sensation but shifted. And so it’s like, oh, there’s a orgasmic peak. Here’s the rest of the body. And then we come back to the clitoris. Other times when especially after several orgasmic rounds, I will just hold really still for maybe 30 seconds a minute, a minute and a half.
Speaker: So my mouth could be right there and she could feel my warm breath.
Speaker: My hands are right there, but I’m holding, like, exquisitely still and paying attention to how her body is recovering from that orgasm. And it’s like just a little bit of stillness and space. And then maybe her hips start rocking again into my hand and she guides me in to that next round.
Speaker: So ask the partner. This becomes so much about paying attention and letting your partner, the receiving partner and the partner that’s suspended in this multi orgasmic bliss guide you in what you are providing next.
Speaker: And so that could be sometimes right after an orgasm. You want something even harder, right? Like there’s an orgasmic peak and you’re ready for harder thrusting, deeper penetration, bigger penetration. And you can be ready to ride that. Right. Orgasms don’t always lead to this rest period.
Speaker: And sometimes they do. And I think our most successful and whatever successful, whatever the fuck that means, our best lovemaking sessions come when we’re both really communicating. And so we can ride the wave of what your body is wanting in that moment. And without the hang ups about the expectations, without counting, without worrying about any of that kind of qualitative stuff.
Speaker: But what is your body asking for right now?
Speaker: So what I would want to know from this couple is when they say after a clitoral orgasm, she’s done. What is that experience look like? So it’s not just the intensity of the clitoral stimulation builds up to the point where she feels done and the clitoris doesn’t want to be touched anymore. How do other parts of her body feel if they, as I said, just paused, cupped to hand over the vulva, rested for 60 seconds, and then started with like a slow massaging of the vulva again and a slow reintroduction of full body touch. Would she still be done? So what specifically does being done mean? And this is a major thing for men in multiple orgasms as well. Is is being done a hormonal cascade of the refractory period or is being done in oversensitivity of the penis and therefore it feels like it can’t be touched again, because sometimes we think we’re done when our genitals don’t want to be touched in the same intense way.
Speaker: But that doesn’t have to mean done.
Speaker: That’s a great point. All right. You can pivot. And then often, after a few moments of rest and spreading that erotic intensity out to the rest of the body, the genitals are ready for more. Right.
Speaker: And when we think about intensity of touch, we often think that we need to go faster and harder and deeper and bigger to create the next orgasm. There’s this idea that if this worked, then I need to do more. Right. It’s kind of a gateway theory.
Speaker: You can always has to more and more and more. But I found that sometimes when a lot of full body arousal is built, very subtle kinds of stimulation can stimulate more orgasms, very little motions and different kinds of motions. Like one of my favorite things to do is put a flat fist at the perineum and then start rocking the whole body from that musculature of the perineum. Right. So you create just a contact point in this rocking motion and the whole body starts rocking from that contact point in the pelvis. And that creates this kind of full body bouncing wave of stimulation that has nothing to do with the clitoris or the penis, but rocks that are arousal deep in the body. And then it often opens up for this next round of pleasurable stimulation.
Speaker: So I think getting creative. Right. Changing positions when you’re. Bodies in a different position. It can change how things are felt and experienced. So this is where the pleasure lab kicks in, is getting really creative, trying things you’ve never tried before and doing things that you’ve never seen in porn.
Speaker: If you’re at this point of talking about sex, laughing about sex, experimenting with sex in bed, then you are ready for the explorations of trying things with your body that you’ve never thought might be pleasurable. What happens then? Bring humor and creativity into it. And notice how you respond. And that is all the scientific data you need about your own experience.
Speaker: I want to acknowledge that I think this is easier with hands than it is with a penis. So if you are having these multiple orgasms through penetrative intercourse, I think that is a harder situation to really pay attention to the subtleties of contraction and nuance your touch in just the right way to create multiple orgasms. So I think this is where we really believe in hand sex as one of the primary ways of bringing women into high states of arousal and multiple orgasms.
Speaker: Or I recommend exploring, like if you’re in this exploring stage together. Do this in a hand sex mouth kind of way. And then later on, take it back to penetrative sex, because you’ll just be able to get so much more information right through, as you’re saying, like really be able to feel the contractions in the heat and the pressure and and wash all of that. And so get all that information in a pleasure lab kind of sex way and then return to penetrative sex.
Speaker: Right. In a different session probably. Or than you are then. Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, if you think about reading Braille with your fingertips and the nuance of sensations we are designed to pay attention to with our fingers and then try to read Braille with your penis. That would be much harder than nerve endings just aren’t the same. And so with our hands, which also move in these beautiful, dexterous ways, and you can calibrate the thickness, right. Even with two fingers as that two fingers close to each other.
Speaker: Are they two fingers in a V which stimulates different parts of the vaginal wall in the G spot? The incredible dexterity of our hands as a sexual tool is something we’re really passionate about.
Speaker: And I think we used to talk about that a lot more kind of in the beginning of this podcast. And we should circle back to it. Because for me, it is one of the most undiscovered potentials. When we started this podcast we’re talking about, you know, we haven’t yet mapped the human capacity of erotic pleasure.
Speaker: And I think hands are central and both in terms of full body touch and massage, but also how we touch one another’s genitals.
Speaker: All sexual systems, Volvo’s penises, anuses, Pentiums of the genitals, love hands and the dexterity and the nuance and like fine tuning that touch to meet just where your partner is wanting and that moment. It’s all about the hands.
Speaker: I love how you’re talking about Braille, by the way. I think that’s so profound. Like, if we think that humans can really feel into code that level of information, like imagine what they can do inside, inside the body.
Speaker: I mean, that’s your point. But I just want to highlight. That’s great.
Speaker: Yeah. So we will talk more about hands and hands, sex and reclaiming it from this idea of like teenage finger banging and right in the car.
Speaker: That’s like it just because I don’t have sex. No, no. We’re talking about we’re talking about magical, highly sensitive, highly attuned erotic superpowers.
Speaker: And these techniques for all sexual systems are in our foreplay mastery course. And we hesitated to name it foreplay, mastery, because for us, this is sex. It’s the main event. It’s the main way we make love to each other.
Speaker: But what a lot of people understand it as is foreplay. And the course includes a lot of other things about creating the conditions to have more frequent sex and full body foreplay. And what all of that looks like. But the hand sex techniques we’re talking about, the video guides, stroke by stroke with Charlotte’s sultry voice guiding you through, is all in the foreplay mastery course. And so circling back to this e-mail question, we had to read it a couple times to even figure out what they’re asking because she’s having multiple orgasms already, but they’re ejaculatory orgasms and she hasn’t seen that named as part of the discourse of female multiple orgasms, which does often focus on clitoral stimulation because the clitoris is the centerpiece of female sexual arousal, but that includes external and internal parts of the clitoris. And penetration, the pleasures of penetration come from the nerve endings in the clitoris. The vaginal walls themselves, while magical and stretchy and beautiful and wonderful, don’t have a whole lot of nerve endings that transmit pleasurable sensations. The feeling of fullness can be pleasurable. But the arousal you’re getting is still from the clitoral body, which is on the other side of the vaginal wall.
Speaker: So it’s being stimulated through the virginal wall. Right. So it might feel like it’s in the vagina, but that’s what’s happening. Does it make sense? It’s right behind the vaginal wall. And it’s going to engorge. And you’re feeling that sensation and waking up that sensation.
Speaker: And a large part of the penis, by the way, is also on the inside of the body and can be stimulated in many different ways that we show you. So we all have both internal and external genitals. And this old thing of Inese and Altis is just kind of old old news. Like, that’s part of the sex negative culture, blah, blah, blah. We all have a differently situated collection of nerve endings, erectile tissue glands, muscles, blood vessels, all of these structures that create arousal. And they all work together in harmony.
Speaker: And you get to be the explorer of what your sexual system is capable of right now is desiring right now what kind of sexual experience you want to create for yourself and for a partner that is your laboratory to plan. And I’m really appreciative that in the question they said were focusing on not caring too much about the answer, because when we get hung up, when we get focused on the pressure to achieve any one experience that we’ve read about in a book or heard about on a podcast, that pressure is antithetical to our arousal. That pressure gets in our way and stresses us out and gives us something to aspire to rather than be in the moment and experiencing what our body is telling us right now. So this becomes an open ended. Choose your own adventure and your body is the playground. You may surprise yourself by exploding into this new realm of what’s possible. And this is what we hear when people start applying our techniques. Is that all of a sudden these new possibilities open up and they didn’t know what their body was capable of before. And this is true with our hands sex techniques. It’s very true with our anal sex techniques. And that’s why we give you this guidance to kind of show you a map of what’s possible. And I always think of it over video gamers brain, but it is like you unlock the new realm of the game and then you can keep exploring. So you have like level one and level two, and then you keep exploring everything within that and you’re always discovering new possibilities, new lands with portals to go into the humans.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: And these maps that we give you, these possibilities we want to hold for you are not based just on our own sexual experiences and our own slutty past, but with our work with thousands and thousands of men, women and couples over the past 12, 15 years. We have touched thousands of body as we have guided thousands of bodies and we have listened to and collected the stories of tens of thousands of bodies. And when people confessed to us, Confed, that sounds like we’re priests.
Speaker: Well, but there is a there is once it is a sacred and a nonjudgmental space, people feel that and they do confess because we don’t have spaces in our culture where we can talk about these things honestly. It does actually feel that way often.
Speaker: But when people and trust us with their stories and their experiences in this way, we get to both see the radical diversity of what’s possible and the uniqueness of human sexuality, but also the patterns and the patterns of both our struggles and our pleasures. And what are the patterns that make the most sense and what how did these patterns fit together? And this is all of the work we bring in to this podcast into our online courses and into the work we do in the world. So very much we are non academic researchers. We are looking for patterns and then digesting it and reporting back to you to give you something to explore.
Speaker: And I think this is how we are going to map human sexual possibilities through these shame, free conversations, through lots of exploration, our own bodies, and then talking about it. And so thank you all for being a part of it. And thank you to this man from Texas for writing in and sharing his experience. All right. So if anyone is interested in exploring.
Speaker: Painting with the hand as sex techniques we were talking about, please check out our foreplay mastery course. Use the code. Speaking of sex for 20 percent off that or any of the other online courses. Come on over to pleasure mechanics, dot com, where you will find our complete podcast, archive, all of our online courses and so much more. We love hearing from you. I’m Chris. I’m Charlotte. We are the pleasure mechanics.
Speaker: Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.