There is one thing that can make any kind of sex more exciting, pleasurable and orgasmic: movement. Yet for many of us, learning how to move during sex can be scary and intimidating. Many people minimize movement, hold very still or have a few routine moves that they use every time. Full body movement, and especially moving the pelvis, creates way more pleasure and creates the opportunity for full body orgasm.
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Moving during sex makes sex feel better:
- moving generates more friction for your genitals and allows you to find the right spots for maximum stimulation
- moving the body relaxes out tension that can be blocking pleasurable stimulation
- activating the spine allows nervous signals to travel to the brain, where they trigger arousal
- moving can be a form of erotic communication, helping your partner see what is most pleasurable so they can give you more of it!
Why do so many people find it hard to move during sex?
- Shame and fear cause our bodies to shut down expression – many people don’t want to be seen naked, even by their lover! If you are struggling with body shame, here is a powerful podcast episode that will remind you: Your Body Is Good Enough
- Cultural shame and toxic purity culture tell many people that “good girls just hold still and take it” – if you are dealing with shame from your upbringing, here is a podcast episode for you to help you Kick These People Out Of Bed
- Sometimes, no matter how much we want sex, once we are having sex there can be a panic response. It helps to build sexual confidence and skills so you can show up for the game. Tune in to find out how to level up your erotic game
Here’s how to get moving during all kinds of sex:
First, confront your emotional barriers that keep you from moving. Some people are worried about how their body will look if they move too much. Others don’t want to seem like they are enjoying sex too much, or fear they aren’t doing it right. Fear of judgement and shame keep us still and small in bed. Break through these mental barriers and you’ll free yourself to enjoy sex more!
One of the best ways to activate more movement in your body is to dance! Dance alone in your living room, with no one watching. With your favorite song playing, practice the three core components of erotic movement:
- Hip Circles: Move your pelvis in a circular motion. Play with going slow, feeling each part of the circle. Then go faster, really shaking it up!
- Hip Thrusts: Tilt your pelvis forward and back. Again, start slow to get a feel for the movement. Then speed it up. Try adding breath: inhale as you pull your pelvis back and exhale as you thrust forward!
- Spinal Undulations: This is the most sophisticated erotic movement but also the most important for activating full body pleasure. Undulations are wave like motions that travel the entire length of your spine. Start with a pelvic thrust and then let the movement travel up your spine, ending only when your head tilts back at the end of the wave.
Once you get comfortable with these three erotic movements, try them while masturbating. As you stimulate yourself, try circles, thrusts and undulations. Notice what you feel. When does the movement feel easy and fluid? When does it feel tense or awkward? Can you feel your pleasure spike during any of the movements? Try holding your hand or toy still and moving into it to stimulate yourself. Notice how you feel!
Next, integrate more movement into partnered sex. Tell your partner ahead of time that you are exploring moving more and agree to have fun with it together. If you are concerned about how you will look while moving, ask your partner to wear a blindfold so you can move without inhibitions!
Finding it hard to get started? Try taking a dance, yoga or martial arts class (with or without a partner!) A group movement class will help you get used to moving more in your body and remind you how good moving can feel!
Or get started now by following along with these videos!
How To Move During Sex: Follow Along!
Hip Opening Stretches
Advanced Movements To Inspire You:
(just try following along and have fun with it!)
Transcript of How To Move During Sex Podcast Episode
Podcast transcripts are generated with love by humans, and thus may not be 100% accurate. Time stamps are included so you can cross reference or jump to any point in the podcast episode above. Thanks to our supporters on Patreon for helping to make podcast transcripts possible!
Chris Rose: 00:00 Hi and welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose: 00:04 I’m Charlotte.
Chris Rose: 00:05 We are the Pleasure Mechanics and on this podcast we offer expert advice so you can have a phenomenal sex life. You can find a complete podcast archive over at PleasureMechanics.com, where you can also submit a topic or question to be covered on future episodes of this podcast.
Chris Rose: 00:23 Today we’re going to be talking about how to move during sex. We get a lot of email in the form of complaints, I wanna say, or inquiries from partners who want their partner to move more during sex. There’s a very kind of negative word for this called the dead fish syndrome which references women who just lie there and allow themselves to get fucked without moving or responding in any way. I hate this term, dead fish, it’s just awful to me. But, what we want to cover in this podcast is how to activate movement, not so much sex positions, we’ve covered sex positions before and I don’t think that any one position is the key to amazing sex, but movement is a key to amazing sex. The ability and the permission to let your body move in response to pleasure is really essential to having better sex no matter what position you’re in. It’s relevant for both men and women. Let’s dive in.
Chris Rose: 01:32 Why is moving during sex such a question in the first place? Why do we lie still during sex? Why is that so common?
Charlotte Rose: 01:43 I think we are just filled with so much shame about having sex in the first place, and we don’t know how to do it, and we haven’t been given permission to activate and experience the full range of what’s possible. I feel like we’re trying to do it right. We are thinking. We’re worried about how our fat is. There’s just so many things going on for people when they’re having sex. I don’t think many people have given themselves permission to move.
Chris Rose: 02:12 It’s permission and practice, I think. Because there’s the mental component, which we’ll talk about. Then there’s the physical component of actually being used to and normalizing physical movement during sex. I think this comes from a lot of places, like when you look at sex in movies, often there’s kiss kiss and then you fall into bed, and the woman arches her back but doesn’t really move much. She just gets kind of plunged into. The movement that we depict men doing is mostly just in and out thrusting. Both of these are very limited visions of what sex can look like, and during masturbation for a lot of people, they lie completely still. We’ll get into that of how to use masturbation to practice movement. Yeah, I think it comes from both the mental and the physical lack of practice in this realm.
Chris Rose: 03:07 Why is movement important? Why is it more pleasurable to be moving your body in all these different ways? We’ll cover how you can move, but why is it more pleasurable if you’re moving more? Why is movement a good thing in the bedroom?
Charlotte Rose: 03:23 We know that arousal is really about blood flow which sounds deeply un-sexy, but our erections in men and women are all from engorgement from blood flow coming to the area. The more we’re physically moving our body, the more we’re waking up the muscles and releasing tension, and making more space, literally, for blood and pleasure to move into these areas.
Chris Rose: 03:46 Right, and so when we start moving and relax that tension out, we get more blood flow not only to the genitals but to the full body. So many people experience sexual arousal just in their genitals and the rest of the body is kind of numbed out. By moving, you are activating more of the body and you can start feeling arousal in your full body, leading to this experience of the full body orgasm, which has to be felt to be believed. But, the idea there is that arousal is flowing through all parts of your body. As you’re moving, waking up your body, you have more physical capacity for pleasure because it spreads through your whole body. This idea of space, I think, can sound esoteric, but really what we’re talking about is your whole body becomes a vessel for arousal and that’s much bigger than your genitals alone, which is great.
Chris Rose: 04:43 Moving also creates more friction for the genitals themselves. If you’re just lying still and someone’s pumping in and out of your hole … Charlotte cringes at that image … well, that’s kind of what happens, right, and so their genitals are only rubbing up around your genitals in certain ways with that in and out, pumping into a still hole, right? But, if you are moving your hips and grinding your hips into your lover’s body and starting to move in the ways that feel better for you, you can actually create more friction between your pelvises and this can create more arousal for both of you, and especially for a woman who can find the ways to rub her pelvis into the pubic bone, and the penis, or the toy, or the hand that’s penetrating her, and that friction can wake up way more of the clitoral tissue, which is not just on the outside. The clitoris extends deep into the body and has these deep roots, which as you move, that whole clitoral body gets awakened, activated, and starts sending pleasure signals to your brain.
Chris Rose: 05:52 Which brings me to the next point which is the spine. In Tantra conditions and Kundalini traditions, we see this image of energy and pleasure running up and down the spine. This can seem, again, esoteric, but the anatomical reality is that every nerve that enervates all parts of your body, runs through the spinal column. It’s the central conduit of your nervous system, and so as you move and flex your spine, and a lot of the movements we’re going to talk about involve spinal movements, when you move your spine, you’re waking up all the nerves that go to every single part of your body, and again creating the capacity for more pleasure signals to be running to the brain. If you visualize the nervous system, it’s like a branching roadway of nerves that extend out to the tips of your fingers, and the tips of your toes, and every part of your body, and they call come back, go up through the spine into the brain where they communicate messages through electrical signals, that your brain then interprets as pleasure and creates the feedback of arousal.
Chris Rose: 07:03 That was a lot. But, the idea there is that through moving the spine and activating the full body, you’re creating this bigger vessel for arousal and pleasure. Your entire body becomes part of your sexual experience and lo and behold, you can experience more pleasure, more arousal, more engagement, and more fun during sex. It’s much more fun to move and respond, and let your whole body be part of it, than it is to lie there still with nervousness and anxiousness.
Charlotte Rose: 07:36 Beautiful. I love it when go on a, I don’t want to call it a rant, but it’s a flow.
Chris Rose: 07:41 It’s a rave.
Charlotte Rose: 07:42 It’s a rave, yes.
Chris Rose: 07:44 A pleasure based rave.
Charlotte Rose: 07:46 But also, that was beautifully said, I feel like that covered lots, and I think of course as this experience when your body is more fully engaged in the experience where you’re able to be really present in your body, you can feel your body more and you’re not so much in your mind worrying and tripping out on things. You’re feeling the experience of having sex more fully. That’s going to feel better.
Chris Rose: 08:09 Okay, so let’s talk about why do we get stuck in our heads? What happens? What’s that mental trip during sex that prevents us from moving and locks down the body into rigidity and tension? What are some of the factors there? There’s a lot that can go into that, but some of the most common mental trips that people go on that cause them to be still, or rigid, or tense during sex. Let’s drive in.
Charlotte Rose: 08:34 Shame, self-judgment, the, “Am I doing it right?” “Is this dirty?” “What does this mean about me that I’m doing this?”
Chris Rose: 08:41 “Are they gonna still respect me in the morning?” “What does my partner think?”
Charlotte Rose: 08:45 “What does my mother think?” I mean, people really go there. It sounds funny, but a lot of people are like, “What are my grandmother gonna think about me?”
Chris Rose: 08:52 We did an episode about kicking your mother out of bed in your mental trips. For sure. All these causes of shame and then there’s the body shame, which is I think is a big one around movement, because so many people worry that if they start moving more, A) Their fat’s gonna jiggle in the wrong or they’ll look stupid, or funny, or feel goofy, and there’s a lot of worry about the doing it right piece, and if I start moving, will my partner think I’m weird, or I’m being too much?
Charlotte Rose: 09:23 Or is it not sexy?
Chris Rose: 09:25 Acting like a slut or …
Charlotte Rose: 09:27 Seem like you like it too much? Yeah, there’s a lot going on in our minds when we’re fucking.
Chris Rose: 09:31 We could go on and on, I think. But, think about it for yourself. In the times you’ve had sex where you felt locked down and constricted, what were the mental trips that were going through your head? What were the messages that were blocking your ability to relax into sex, have fun with it, and move freely?
Chris Rose: 09:51 Another way to think about this, strangely, is what happens on the dance floor? Because so often, if you think about being at a party and a good song comes on, and there’s that one person that starts dancing, and then a few other people join in, what prevents you from getting on the dance floor and just dancing your heart out, and dancing in ways that feel good to you and feel fun? It’s strangely a lot of the same trips. “Am I gonna look stupid?” “Do I look too sexy?” “Do I not look sexy enough?” “Are my fat gonna wiggle in the wrong way?” “Will I look stupid?” Will people judge me?”
Charlotte Rose: 10:23 “Am I doing this right?”
Chris Rose: 10:24 Yeah, and it’s so interesting because I think our culture sends us all these messages that keep us still, both in and out of bed. They prevent movement.
Chris Rose: 10:36 I was at the gas station, this is a little detour, but I’ll keep it brief. I was at the gas station the other day, and while I was filling my pump I was doing squats because I had been driving for just 20 minutes, but I was feeling stiff. So, I used that few minutes while my tank was filling to get a little exercise and get some blood flow going, and I was squatting. This guy came out and he looked at me, and he gave me this really weird look. For a moment I felt kind of judged, and you know, here I am, this butch woman doing squats at the gas pump, and he was like, “That’s a really good idea. Why don’t we all do that?”
Charlotte Rose: 11:07 Oh!
Chris Rose: 11:08 I know, and he was like, “I’m gonna do that next time.” It’s this thing of being out in public, with the public eye, or even just with your lover, your trusted lover, your partner’s gaze upon you, movement becomes terrifying.
Charlotte Rose: 11:24 Well, that’s so true. Any time any of us move more, it gives people permission to do more moving. I don’t know if you’ve seen in airports, sometimes people are doing stretching and moving around, and other people will start picking up on that and start moving their shoulders. We’re social animals. When one person gives us permission to feel a little more physically free, it kind of does spread. It’s amazing. It’s amazing. But, this is why I really believe that people having dance parties in their living room, privately, is fantastic sex practice.
Chris Rose: 11:58 Even if it’s just you?
Charlotte Rose: 11:59 Absolutely. Have dance parties of one, or two if you want. Putting on a song and dancing, and doing hip circles is fantastic sex practice, because you’re beginning to let yourself move in this way that we never move with that kind of hip movement anywhere in our life regularly. That would be really weird, unless you’re dancing or doing some kind of physical … I mean, yoga doesn’t even have those kinds of movements. Dancing or just moving is so great for breaking up tension in the hips.
Chris Rose: 12:30 Let’s talk about the hips. You mentioned circles. You’re talking about dancing. Let’s take the image into bed and onto the dance floor. We’re gonna use this parallel. What are a couple different ways of moving in and out of bed that increase pleasure? So, hip circles, number one. Taking that pelvic bowl of yours, your hips, your pelvis, and moving it in a circular motion. Do it with me now if you can. Okay, so hip circles. Hip thrusts which means moving the pelvis more in that thrusting up and down or in and out motion. This again, men and women, try it. Move this way. See how it feels. Circles, thrusts and then there’s undulations, which is creating a wavelike motion, initiating it in your pelvis and letting that travel up your spine. Your whole pelvis and spine are moving in a wavelike motion. It’s up, and then you flex, and then you fall back, and you create this wavelike pattern.
Chris Rose: 13:34 These are the three major ones. There’s obviously lots of other ways of moving your body. We encourage you to explore all of the different ways your body wants to move. But, if you think of these three major categories, circles, thrusts and undulations, you’ll have a really good start of moving in bed.
Charlotte Rose: 13:53 Yeah, that’s a great physical vocabulary, if you will.
Chris Rose: 13:55 You can practice this is a number of ways. As Charlotte said, you can practice it alone, while dancing, put on music and practice these three patterns of movement. See how they feel. Which one feels more pleasurable to you? Where do you feel like you get stuck? Where is there tension? Which one feels hardest to you? Practice these three movements just standing up and lying down on your own.
Charlotte Rose: 14:21 Yeah, and you’ll feel awkward in moments, possibly. That’s a perfect person to feel awkward with.
Chris Rose: 14:26 Yourself. Solo.
Charlotte Rose: 14:27 Yourself. No one’s watching and that’s exactly the point because if we don’t move these ways ever, how are we supposed to do that when we’re in the throes of passion? It’s impossible.
Chris Rose: 14:38 Well, the next step then is to masturbate with these three movements. Masturbate however you normally do, with your hand, or the vibrator, but add in circles, thrusts and undulations. Notice how you feel. Notice when pleasure spikes. If you’re holding your vibrator to your clit, or you’re stroking your cock and you start undulating your spine, what happens? How do you feel differently? This is your pleasure laboratory and you get to explore what feels good to you on your own terms, again, without that gaze of a partner.
Chris Rose: 15:11 The third step is incorporating these movements into partnered sex.
Charlotte Rose: 15:16 If you’re comfortable, I think sharing with your partner that you listen to this podcast, and you’ve been exploring these movements, and you want to try moving in a new way during sex, so can we experiment together? Will you let me know what you like afterwards, what you don’t, what works for you? There might be some experimentation where it maybe doesn’t feel so good, or feels a little strange, but that’s part of the experimenting. I think having a conversation letting them know that you’re trying new things is a great thing to do so you can kind of get rid of that piece of, “Am I gonna look weird?”
Chris Rose: 15:47 If you’re worried about how you look, if that visual gaze is what’s holding you back, throw a blindfold on your lover. A blindfold is a great tool to get rid of that idea that you’re being seen, and just focus on the sensations. Ask your lover if they’re willing to be blindfolded, and then you get to move your body in all of these different ways without being seen, build up some confidence, and then down the road you can take the blindfold off and allow them to see your body in its glorious movement.
Chris Rose: 16:19 It’s worth nothing here that most people who are choosing to have sex with you want to see your body move. It’s actually a huge turn on for most people to see that pleasure response, to see your body in its beautiful movement, to see you responding to their touch. Most people are gonna be really turned on by this and if you can get over your own shame, and your own worry, and your own feelings about your body, and notice that it’s actually arousing your lover, this can be very liberating and can be a new source of turn on for you, which is always a good thing.
Charlotte Rose: 16:57 Yes, very few men are concerned about body fat jiggling when they’re getting to have sex with you.
Chris Rose: 17:04 Or your breasts falling into your armpits, like, they just are excited to see your boobs and think they’re gorgeous and magnificent.
Charlotte Rose: 17:10 Yeah, they are must less judgmental than you and so if you can really believe that at some point, and the more fully in what you’re doing, the more passion, and presence, and enthusiasm you bring to having sex, the sexier you’ll be.
Chris Rose: 17:25 Yes. It goes both ways. Men have body shame too and are worried about how they look during sex, and if their belly is jiggling too much, or if their cock’s too small, or whatever it is. I think we can all benefit from getting over our body shame and recognizing that we are choosing to have sex with one another. Let’s choose to be visually turned on by one another and celebrate each other’s bodies as they are moving in response to pleasure.
Chris Rose: 17:51 As you experiment moving, there’s a few different things to keep in mind. You can both be moving and kind of find that grind, and that circles, and everyone’s moving all at once, and you’re finding your rhythm together and becoming this symphony of movement, and coordinating. But, you can also take turns. One person holds totally still and the other one moves for their own pleasure and finds that right rhythm for them. You can hold still inside one another.
Charlotte Rose: 18:19 But how does that feel different than the dead fish syndrome?
Chris Rose: 18:24 If the woman wants to hold still, and the guy practices all these different movements and gets out of the in and out thrusting pattern-
Charlotte Rose: 18:31 And is moving in circles-
Chris Rose: 18:32 He’s moving in circles and says, “How does that feel? Am I grinding against your g-spot now? How does it feel when I undulate my hips? How does it feel when I hold still inside you and then do very subtle movements?” Through her stillness, she’s still a very active participant. That is very different than just lying still without any feedback, and without any conversation, without any diversity of movement. He can hold still and just let his cock be still, and then she moves in and out against it. She practices to death. She can get on top. You can practice this in any position. In fact, try different positions because you can move your hips differently when you’re in doggy style or tiger style as some people like to call it versus lying flat on the mattress. Put your feet on the mattress so your knees are bent and your feet are grounded, and try moving your pelvis like that versus having your legs extended, or wrapped around his waist.
Charlotte Rose: 19:32 With thrusting, people often imagine just the man thrusting. But, let’s remember that a woman can move against the thrusting as well and … what?
Chris Rose: 19:43 Yes.
Charlotte Rose: 19:43 Yes, and both in the same rhythm as you were saying, or opposing, so you’re really like pushing into that cock. That can be a great way to really feel active, and feel engaged, and be present.
Chris Rose: 19:57 I wish we were on video now because you’re doing some great hand and body thrusting motions. Yeah, thrust those hips ladies.
Charlotte Rose: 20:08 Yeah. Get into it. Be part of it. You don’t have to just be fucked. You can be fucking while you’re being fucked, you know what I’m saying? It is a mutual fucking thing that’s happening. That can be really fun. It’s a really particular energy. It’s a bit more aggressive, a bit more animated, and that can feel really good. It can increase the pleasure. With all the circling and with all the exploring, you can be searching for the sensations that feel best. That’s really what’s important. You can be feeling for what parts inside you and the friction that the motions are creating. You’re really searching with your body for what feels best.
Chris Rose: 20:48 And then what happens when you find it?
Charlotte Rose: 20:50 You can communicate with your sounds, “That feels so good” with your words.
Chris Rose: 20:54 Yes, right there.
Charlotte Rose: 20:55 Yeah, and then keep going with it. Keep staying with it then and explore, and make sure you let your partner know, “That feels really good. Let’s stay here.” As I said, words or movement, and just keep going with it and see what happens. Yeah. It’s exciting.
Chris Rose: 21:11 Have fun.
Charlotte Rose: 21:12 Enjoy exploring your moving pelvises together.
Chris Rose: 21:17 Circles, thrusting, undulations, try them all.
Charlotte Rose: 21:21 Undulations, it’s such an unusual movement for us to do. We never do undulations in this culture ever, really. I can’t think of any moment where one would do that, so that might feel very unusual and of course makes great sense when the woman’s on top.
Chris Rose: 21:35 You can do it in any position, really.
Charlotte Rose: 21:37 Yeah, or lying back, yes. You’re right.
Chris Rose: 21:39 It’s something to practice before you apply it.
Charlotte Rose: 21:42 Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chris Rose: 21:43 We’re gonna find some YouTube videos for you of these movements so you can see what they look like and follow along, especially undulations. It’s good to see that in action and be able to practice along with it.
Chris Rose: 21:58 Until the day we can show you in person, we will use the power of YouTube. You can find that on the podcast page for this episode which is episode number 176 over at PleasureMechanics.com.
Chris Rose: 22:10 The point here is to play and we should remember that sex is play for grownups, and if you give yourself permission to be playful and move, and even if it makes you laugh a little bit, or you feel a little goofy in moments, when you give yourself permission to move and activate your entire body, sex is going to open up for you and you’re gonna discover new ways of being aroused, new levels of arousal, full body orgasm, there’s all these treats waiting for you on the other side of that invisible veil that tells you to stay still and just take it.
Charlotte Rose: 22:54 Invisible veil of shame. That’s a good imagery. I mean, it is because I think that we are boxed in by this brain trip that we are on. It’s a really great image for people.
Chris Rose: 23:07 Some other final closing ideas. If this is hard for you and you’re finding it hard to get started, go to a dance class. Go to a yoga class. Sign up for a martial arts series. Do anything that gets you out with other people and gives you permission to move your body in new ways. Just that step will start activating your movement in and out of the bedroom, and it’s a great thing to do together as a couple or individually.
Chris Rose: 23:36 So many of us have these patterns of moving. We lie still during the night. We get out of bed. We make our coffee and we sit in our car. We sit at our desk. We come home. We sit on the couch. We sit, sit, sit. We walk, barely, but we don’t have opportunities to move our bodies in all of the magnificent ways they are designed to move. Watch dance videos on YouTube. Get into the idea of movement as an erotic practice, as a practice of being human, and see what it does for you. It could open up a lot beyond full body orgasms, as if that’s not enough. It could open up so much for you, and this is true if you are totally healthy and active, or if you are sedentary or if you are older and have achy joints. Wherever you are in your body, you can find new ways to move. That can be subtle. It can be huge. Yes.
Charlotte Rose: 24:36 It’s a great thing to do if you’re single and want to just explore and expand your masturbation practice.
Chris Rose: 24:43 If you’re not single and want to expand your masturbation practice.
Charlotte Rose: 24:47 Totally, but I think sometimes we have this cultural idea that you’re waiting to have sex, good sex, until you have your next partner.
Chris Rose: 24:53 Yeah.
Charlotte Rose: 24:54 This is a great whole world to play with and practice.
Chris Rose: 24:58 Yes. Become an artful masturbator. Yes. Alright.
Charlotte Rose: 25:04 Our darling erotic explorers.
Chris Rose: 25:06 Move your body, ody, odies. Let us know how it goes. We’d love to hear feedback from you, or experiences of what happens when you start moving that beautiful body of yours in and out of the bedroom. You can always be in touch with us at PleasureMechanics.com where you will also find our series of online multimedia erotic mastery courses. These courses are multimedia online programs designed to help you master new, erotic skills in the privacy of your own home, at your own pace. We cover everything from full body massage, to foreplay mastery, to naughtier things. Go check them out at PleasureMechanics.com/courses where you’ll find a button at the top of every page. When you are ready to master new erotic skills, use the code speakingofsex for 20% off the online course of your choice. Join us. We’d love to be your coaches and cheerleaders as new worlds of erotic pleasure open up for you. We are grateful for that opportunity. Be in touch with any questions. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose: 26:15 I’m Charlotte.
Chris Rose: 26:17 We’re the Pleasure Mechanics.
Charlotte Rose: 26:18 Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.