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When used well, this tool can be an essential part of sexual wellness. But use the wrong kind, and it can do more harm than good.
You can never have too much of it on hand, but you need to find the sweet spot for maximum pleasure.
Everyone, gay or straight, dating or in a long term relationship, needs it in their bedside table.
And if you wouldn’t eat it, you shouldn’t use it in other holes…
What is it?
LUBE of course! Lubricant, Personal Lubricant, whatever you want to call it, lube makes almost all erotic touch feel better!
Lubricant is a must-have accessory for your love life, and on this episode of the Speaking of Sex podcast we talk all about lube and how to use it to maximize your pleasure.
Need lube? * Here is a link to SheVibe’s full selection – Choose a high quality water based* or silicone based lube
Sadly, there is still a lot of misunderstanding about lube. Some people think that if a woman is aroused enough, she’ll automatically be wet. Other people think spit or saliva can be an adequate source of lubricant. MOST people don’t know how essential lube can be for more pleasure!
In this week’s podcast we share everything you need to know about lubricant, help you find the best lube for your pleasure and health, while steering you clear of the lubes we wouldn’t put anywhere NEAR our bodies!
Tune in for everything you need to know to minimize risk and maximize pleasure!
Love the podcast? Ready for more? Join The Pleasure Pod & Start Exploring With Us!
links marked with an asterisk * are affiliate links, and your purchase with these trusted partners help support the work of Pleasure Mechanics, at no extra cost to you. thank you for supporting our trusted network of educators and pleasure tool suppliers!
Transcript for Speaking Of Sex Episode All About Lube
Chris Rose (00:00):
Hi, and welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose (00:04):
Chris Rose (00:05):
We are the Pleasure Mechanics. And in this podcast, we offer expert advice and practical strategies so you can experience more sexual pleasure. We use explicit language and nothing is taboo. You can submit a question to be answered on future episodes by going to pleasuremechanics.com and hitting the ask us anything button. While you’re there, check out our complete suite of online courses and video guides designed to help you become a better lover and have the amazing sex life you deserve.
Chris Rose (00:39):
In this episode, we are going to be talking about a sexual tool that should be on everyone’s bedside table. Is it on yours? Let’s find out. So that tool is…
Charlotte Rose (00:54):
Chris Rose (00:55):
Lubricant. Sexual lubricant, personal lubricant. And not only lube, but the right lube. And in this episode, we’re going to be talking about why lube is important, why there’s no shame in the game of using lube and which lube we recommend because they are not all created equal. And if you have the wrong kind of lube by your bed, you might be causing yourself way more harm than good. And this is a really important conversation to have because we believe everyone should be using lube. And not just lube, the right lube. So let’s dive in to a kiddie pool full of lube.
Charlotte Rose (01:39):
So lube has been used for centuries. It has been documented as early as 350 BC. The early Greeks used olive oil. Aristotle references mixing olive oil with frankincense seed oil and lead-
Chris Rose (01:56):
Which we do not recommend.
Charlotte Rose (01:57):
We do not recommend. But they thought that it had contraceptive powers. There were Greek texts that reported that women would use leather dildos lubricated with olive oil, which is amazing, right? So humans have been wanting to fuck themselves and get pleasure in any way possible for so long. I love it, but to vegetable oils. And then in Japan, as early as 1603, there is evidence that couples were using a product that they called… I’m sure I’m saying this wrong and I apologize. Tororo-Jiru, which is basically a slick substance that is made from grating yams. So cool.
Chris Rose (02:36):
Aloe Vera I know has been used. So nature provides us with all these beautiful oily, slick substances. And I bet these are the documented uses of it. I think in the caves, they were probably using like mammoth fat to fuck one another, maybe with the mammoth tusks. Ooh, it’s a fantasy.
Charlotte Rose (02:58):
I definitely read about definitely mammoth… I mean, not mammoth, but tasks have been used as dildos.
Chris Rose (03:03):
Charlotte Rose (03:04):
Chris Rose (03:04):
So this is a long history and a long tradition of using natural oils to lubricate our holes for more pleasure.
Charlotte Rose (03:14):
From the beginning of time. So know that it is a very natural human experience that we apparently have always craved.
Chris Rose (03:21):
Yes. So there is no shame in using lube.
Charlotte Rose (03:24):
Go forth and lubricate.
Chris Rose (03:26):
You are part of the human family of lubricated fuck holes. Awesome.
Charlotte Rose (03:33):
So first of all, why do people need to use lube? As you said, I think some people have some shame around like, oh, I shouldn’t need it. I should be getting wet enough that we shouldn’t need it. And that is just not the case. How aroused you are actually has nothing to do with the amount of wetness that you are producing. There are so many factors that go into creating wetness. Some of them are your hormones, your age, whether or not you’re on any pharmaceuticals that are decreasing the amount of lubrication that you have, your level of hydration and whether or not you’re smoking weed.
Chris Rose (04:08):
Dry mouth, dry pussy. And when you’re talking about wetness, we’re talking about vaginal wetness, which is a very specific orifice to have sex in. And the truth is clitoral stimulation feels better with a little bit of lube, and for anal sex it is an absolute must because the anus is a non lubricating orifice. And so if you want to be enjoying a full range of sexual activities, you need lube at one point or another.
Chris Rose (04:38):
And I think this point that wetness does not equal arousal is super important because we have this idea that if a woman gets turned on enough, she’ll be gushing and she’ll be so wet that you’ll just slide right in. And that’s just not true. And just like correlating erections with arousal in men, if we correlate wetness with arousal, it can send some weird messages. If she’s not wet, that doesn’t mean she’s not aroused. And guys shouldn’t take it personally. And women shouldn’t think that there’s anything wrong with them or anything broken if they’re not getting lubricated every time they’re aroused.
Chris Rose (05:17):
And as Charlotte said, there’s this whole constellation of factors that can go into lubrication and different times of the month, even in your menstrual cycle, you can be wetter or dryer. And so lube is a great tool to minimize friction and allow the delicious slide and glide that feels so good in your genital regions. And it can be used for all sorts of different activities. So everyone should have lube that they love and we’ll get into how to choose the right lube in a second.
Chris Rose (05:51):
But if you’re having any sort of hesitation or shame around using lube, you really need to set that aside and remember that it is a way of taking care of your body and making sex feel better and there is no shame in that.
Charlotte Rose (06:05):
Yeah, it’s always okay to add more lube, especially if you’re doing any kind of anal play. It’s essential that you keep adding lube as you keep going. But vaginally, if it’s going to increase your pleasure, it’s worth it. And it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong or that anything’s broken. It’s just adding more layers of pleasure.
Chris Rose (06:24):
Beautiful. And if you’re using lubricated condoms, don’t think that the lubrication that comes on the condoms is going to be enough because it’s not. And with condom use especially, it’s important to use lube to minimize friction that could contribute to the condom breaking. Whether or not you’re using condoms, lubricant is important.
Charlotte Rose (06:45):
And most people think about lubricant for women, so putting it on the outside of the condom, but it can also be great to just put a little dab in the tip on the inside for the man’s pleasure, so that when it rolls down onto his penis, that there’s more lubrication inside so that can often translate to more sensation and more pleasure. So it can be used for his and her pleasure.
Chris Rose (07:09):
And of course, if you’re exploring prostate play, very important to lube up the man’s ass as well. Equal opportunity-
Charlotte Rose (07:17):
Lubricant for everyone.
Chris Rose (07:18):
Yes. Equal opportunity lubricant.
Charlotte Rose (07:22):
So let’s get into what to buy and what not to buy.
Chris Rose (07:26):
So the cool thing is, in a weird way, the great thing is lubricant has become much more available. It’s now in every grocery store, in every drug store and at Target and Walmart. You can find lubricant everywhere. The problem is the lubricants that are sold in these stores are terrible for you. You should not be using anything like KY Jelly, Astroglide, any of those commercial lubricants that are marketed in these huge retail stores, because they are just chock full of chemicals.
Chris Rose (08:04):
And if you have one of these, I’m sorry to say, you’re going to have to throw it out.
Charlotte Rose (08:08):
You don’t have to throw it out.
Chris Rose (08:11):
You have to throw it out. Throw it out. Because look at the label and if it’s not something you would eat, like if the label doesn’t look delicious to you, then you shouldn’t be putting it in your genitals.
Charlotte Rose (08:23):
Because this is the thing. Because the genitals or the anus though, they’re mucus membranes. They absorb everything that goes into it. It will get absorbed into your bloodstream. So it is the equivalent of eating it. So if you look at that list and it’s tons of words that you have no idea what they are, they’re completely chemicals. Just be aware that you’re eating that. That’s going into your bloodstream, it’s affecting your body. And we feel like that is not a great idea. Ideally, we’re using things that would feel comfortable eating.
Chris Rose (08:56):
And the reason is because these are very high profit items for the chemical companies that market them, and they don’t give a shit about your sexual wellness. We do. Sorry to break it to you, but any of those commercially available lubricants are bad for you. And it’s not just that they’re neutral and they’re not good for you. They’re actively bad for you and they’re causing you sexual health damage. And we wish that these companies would come up with a formula that was healthy for you.
Chris Rose (09:30):
And this is again, by the way, one of the reasons we don’t have sponsors because the big sponsors in the sex field are these lubricant companies. We’ve been contacted by them all, “Hey market, KY warming gel and we’ll sponsor your podcast.” And I’m sorry, we’re not going to do it. Our main priority is your sexual health and wellness because you can’t really have an amazing orgasmic pleasurable sex life if things are funky down there and you’re having infections and irritation because of the products you’re using. So we are never going to tell you to use something that’s going to cause you damage. So that’s just a side note. And that actually brings me to a very important point. These KY warming gels, his and hers that are marketed so aggressively are awful for you.
Charlotte Rose (10:21):
Yeah. The warming ones are the worst. They’ve done research. Now there’s evidence that the warming is happening because they are damaging the cells of your genitals. So just take that in. Not focusing on skill, on creating more pleasure, but on literally damaging your cells so that you feel something.
Chris Rose (10:41):
Yeah. I hate those commercials where it’s like, “Last night we used his and hers gels and the tingling made of fireworks in our bedroom.” The kind of lube you use and it creating a little bit of tingle is not going to make the difference between bad sex and great sex. We all know better than that. Great sex has to do with fabulous technique and communication and mastering the art of arousal. And that is not found in a bottle. If only it were that easy. So please do not use any of those warming, tingling gels, and also don’t use any numbing gels.
Chris Rose (11:19):
Another thing that drives me bananas, these are marketed specifically for anal sex and numb out your sensations. They’re basically a local anesthetic for your penis or for your anus. So you feel less sensation and they’re marketed for men to last longer or for anal people and people having anal sex so that you feel less pain. And on both accounts, terrible idea. If you’re numbing out pain, you’re overriding your body signals that something’s going wrong and you’re creating injury to the anal tissues, which you’re definitely going to feel the next day when that anesthetic wears off.
Chris Rose (11:59):
And as you guys know, we believe in 100% pleasurable, 100% pain free anal sex. And we have shared resources on how to do that. And for men it’s such a short sell to be like, “Hey, you want to last longer? We’ll make you feel less.” That’s not a very good proposition. We teach you how to last longer by feeling more and by expanding your body’s capacity for feeling pleasure. And if you’re interested in doing that, check out our edging technique book, the Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Ejaculation Control if you want to learn how to last longer without numbing out your penis. It makes me so mad. I’m sorry. I’m getting a little bit angry here.
Charlotte Rose (12:39):
Well, it’s upsetting when people are selling you sexual pleasure by selling you products that are literally stripping your body of cells in order to make you feel something.
Chris Rose (12:50):
Or numbing out your ability to feel sensation. That’s not what sexual pleasure is about.
Charlotte Rose (12:54):
Yes. We want to protect your genitals.
Chris Rose (12:56):
So you’re going to match into your bedroom and your bathroom and purge yourself of all-
Charlotte Rose (13:02):
Chris Rose (13:03):
These unnatural chemical based lubes. Please do it for me, do it for yourself, throw them in the trash and feel amazing while you’re doing it because you are taking a step for your sexual health. Then you are going to order yourself some organic lube. And even if you don’t eat organic, use organic lube. It’s very important to use a lube that’s based on all natural products that are designed to improve your sexual health rather than damage it.
Chris Rose (13:36):
Two of our favorite brands are Yes Yes Yes, which is based out of England, I believe, and is available online. And our absolute favorite is called Good Clean Love. And this woman has done a huge amount of research into lubricant and sexual health and is totally devoted to creating products that are healthy for you, safe to use and will actually improve your sexual health as you use them. So Good Clean Love, check it out. It is amazing lube. We’re not getting paid to say this. She doesn’t have the budget to sponsor this podcast. We just recommend it because we use it ourselves. We really believe in it. And we think it’s the best lube that’s available to you and you deserve the best.
Charlotte Rose (14:22):
She is so committed to this cause partly because she has done a lot of research about why this is so important. So I want to just read you something from her website and the research that they have been following in a very up to date kind of way. So they say, “The high concentration of petrochemicals in most over the counter, personal lubricants, increase risk of bacterial vaginosis in women by up to 13 times. The cause of bacterial vaginosis is not fully understood and many unanswered questions remain about the role of harmful bacteria played in causing bacterial vaginosis. But recent research has demonstrated that a single use of heavily concentrated petrochemical lubricants like KY warming gel, increases the risk of bacterial vaginosis by 13 times. The burning sensations associated with these lubricants is a result of the genital tissue that is being destroyed by contact with these products.
Charlotte Rose (15:19):
So when bacterial vaginosis goes untreated, the harmful bacteria in the vagina creates a perfect host for more serious STDs and HIV. So women with bacterial vaginosis are 60% more susceptible to contracting STDs and three times as likely to transmit them to your partners.”
Chris Rose (15:37):
Not good stuff people.
Charlotte Rose (15:39):
This is serious stuff, right?
Chris Rose (15:41):
All available 7.99 at CVS. No thank you. And the other thing that a lot of commercial lubricants have in them is glycerin, which is a form of sugar. And they do this to make it a little bit better tasting and mask all of those nasty chemicals. But what glycerin does is give women yeast infections and these things, we are not health experts. We’re not doctors. We don’t tend to stray into the medical realm of sex very often, but these things are closely related to sexual pleasure because if a woman gets a vaginal infection, she’s out of commission for weeks at a time sometime sometimes. And that can really hamper your sex life if every time you have sex, it causes her pain and discomfort for weeks at a time. That doesn’t become very appealing.
Chris Rose (16:32):
And the amazing lubes available through companies like Good Clean Love and Yes Yes Yes, actually nourish the female sexual system and replenish moisture and you feel better having used them. And why wouldn’t you make that choice? And we will be totally upfront that the better lubes, the organic lubes cost a little more, and there can be a little bit of sticker shock when it’s like, ooh, $17 for a tube of lube versus 7.99 at the grocery store. But the thing is, the tube of lube lasts for a really long time. And if you think about how many encounters of pleasurable sex you’ll get out of that one tube, then it’s actually pennies more per encounter and it doesn’t really affect your budget in the long term. This tube lube might last you for months on end and will improve your sexual health. And the thing is treatments for yeast infections aren’t freaking cheap, we all know that. And so think about it in a holistic way and give yourself the best when it comes to things you’re putting on your genitals and inside your body.
Charlotte Rose (17:41):
Yeah. It’s just a way of caring about your body and yourself and taking good care of really important and incredibly sensitive tissue that deserves the best.
Chris Rose (17:51):
Yeah. For a few bucks more, it’s totally worth it. They are available easily through mail order. They’ll arrive at your door in an unmarked box. And by the way, Good Clean Love also has lovely products called Love Oils, which are just beautifully scented oils that you can use during sex to set the mood. And she likes to suggest you use the same scent over and over again, every time you have sex. And then that scent becomes a trigger for pleasure, and you can put it on and then you walk by your lover and they smell it. And it’s like a way of signaling to them, like a peacock that you’re ready to mate.
Chris Rose (18:30):
But Good Clean Love, Yes Yes Yes. Any organic lube that’s fully made of natural ingredients will be much better for you than a big, long list of chemicals that are designed to be profitable and don’t give a shit about your sexual health. So that is the main message of this podcast. Is that you really want to be using an organic lube with natural ingredients, and it has a huge impact on your sexual health. So this isn’t a light recommendation. It’s something we really must insist on you taking seriously, thank you.
Charlotte Rose (19:08):
Public service announcement.
Chris Rose (19:10):
We really care about your health. We want you to feel good in your body. We want sex to be pleasurable. We don’t want it to lead to infections. And this is one of the most basic ways you can take care of yourself.
Charlotte Rose (19:21):
So then are the practical details of which oils and lubes you can use with what. So it’s essential to remember that you cannot use oil like coconut oil.
Chris Rose (19:33):
Almond oil, anything with oil based.
Charlotte Rose (19:36):
If you’re using condoms. Those sorts of oils have been used for centuries as lubricants.
Chris Rose (19:42):
And can be very safe and very pleasurable, especially for external touch, but do not mix well with latex. And if you want a fun experiment, you can blow up a latex condom into a balloon, take some oil and rub it vigorously. And that condom will pop. It’s a game we used to play when I did pure sex education with teenagers. And it very quickly demonstrates that oil degrades latex and will pop your condom, which you do not want. You do not want micro tears in your condoms if you’re relying on them for protection. So that’s the important thing to keep in mind with latex protection is no oil-based lube. But Good Clean Love does have water based lubes that are perfectly safe with condom use. And that’s the way you want to go.
Charlotte Rose (20:27):
And this gets slightly complicated because you know that we love massage.
Chris Rose (20:30):
Oh, yes we do.
Charlotte Rose (20:31):
We promote massage as an amazing part of foreplay. And so there is something you need to navigate there if you’re going to be using condoms, because the oils like almond oil or coconut oil are fantastic for a full body massage. But then you’re going to want to wash your hands and use a water based lubricant if you’re using condoms. And I know that’s slightly involved, not ideal. You can wear gloves while you’re giving a massage so you can just whip them off or just, you’re going to have to go wash your hands.
Chris Rose (21:00):
And that’s not a big deal. Let your lover lie in the beautiful afterglow of a massage. Tell them I’m going to go wash up, I’ll be right back. And then you switch into more intimate forms of play. It’s just something to navigate, but it shouldn’t be a barrier to pleasure.
Charlotte Rose (21:16):
Right. Because ultimately an unwanted pregnancy or any STIs are much more inconvenient than a quick dash to wash your hands.
Chris Rose (21:25):
And the bonus is you’ll have nice clean hands to touch their naughty parts with.
Charlotte Rose (21:28):
That’s true. That’s true, which is especially important, especially if you’ve massaged their feet. Hands that have touched feet and then going into genital, it’s not ideal. Okay. Another public service announcement.
Charlotte Rose (21:40):
So then silicone lubricant is also something that you don’t want to use with silicone toys, which is a funny thing.
Chris Rose (21:48):
They degrade each other. So if you’re using a but plug or a dildo or anything like that made out of silicone, which is a great material for sex toys, by the way. Super easy to clean, nontoxic. You don’t want to use a silicone lube. You want to use a water based lube or oil.
Charlotte Rose (22:07):
And the Good Clean Love lady has lots to say about silicone and how it is the same material that is in parts of your car engine. And she’s not a fan.
Chris Rose (22:16):
Yeah, we used to recommend silicone lube as a good alternative for anal fucking and for massage full body if you didn’t want to use the oil. But the more we learned about silicone lubes, we’ve stopped recommending them because it’s evident that the weight of silicone lubes degrades cell walls and can lead to rectal cancers and stuff like that. And maybe it’s not the best material.
Chris Rose (22:42):
So the heavy silicone, the solid silicone for toys is safe and they use that in medical surgeries all the time and replacement body parts. But the liquid silicone lube has been showing more and more not to be super safe. And so the bottom line here, we’re going to make it simple. No silicone lube with silicone toys. So silicone on silicone, don’t mix. No oil with latex. Those don’t mix. Your best bet for genital stimulation and for fucking and for lubricating condoms, is a good organic water-based lube and the brand we’re going to recommend above all else is goodcleanlove.com. And you can buy her organic lubes online. They are affordable in the longterm, and we definitely recommend you switching from a chemical laden over the counter lube to a beautiful organic, natural lubricant. And with that, you can have a super slippery fun time.
Charlotte Rose (23:48):
Slip and slide. Yes. So you can know that you’re taking the best possible care of yourself and your lover, and you’re contributing to your health. You’re not taking away from your health. We don’t want these issues of sexual shame to be clouding, how we take care of our bodies. And it’s important.
Chris Rose (24:06):
If you have any questions about lube or want us to send you direct links to our favorite recommended lubes, just get in touch with us. Come on over to pleasuremechanics.com, hit the ask us anything button and you can be in direct touch with us. We’re always just a few clicks away and we are here to guide you every step of the way as you create the amazing sex life you deserve.
Chris Rose (24:29):
While you’re over at pleasuremechanics.com, you can explore our complete suite of online courses and video guides designed to help you become a better lover and have more fun in bed. Use the code, speaking of sex for 20% off any of our online offerings. Let us know if you have any questions, be in touch and we are here for you. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose (24:52):
Chris Rose (24:53):
We’re the Pleasure Mechanics.
Charlotte Rose (24:54):
Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.