The sounds of sex range from the sweetest of moans to the cacophony of bestial bodies banging the bed into the wall. Making noise during sex is one of the primary ways we communicate with our partner, and one of the most essential embodied skills for more sexual pleasure. Making noise is as important to the sexual experience as touch or the visual experience – so why do we talk about it so little? More importantly, why do so many of us stay so quiet during sex?
In this episode, we explore the big topic of making noise during sex. Join us to discover both why it is important to make MORE noise during sex – and to develop strategies to make LESS noise when your neighbors or kids can’t be disturbed.
Thanks to our episode sponsors, CloneAWilly.com – use the code PLEASURE for 20% off your entire order!
Transcript of Making Noise During Sex Podcast Episode
Podcast transcripts are generated with love by humans, and thus may not be 100% accurate. Time stamps are included so you can cross reference or jump to any point in the podcast episode above. Thanks to our supporters on Patreon for helping to make podcast transcripts possible!
Chris Rose: 00:00 Hi. Welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose: 00:05 And I’m Charlotte.
Chris Rose: 00:06 We are the Pleasure Mechanics. And on this podcast we have soulful yet explicit conversations about every facet of human sexuality. Come on over to PleasureMechanics.com where you will find the complete podcast archive. And while you are there go to PleaseMechanics.com/free and sign up for our free online course, the Erotic Essentials, our foundational guidance for you to have a happier, healthier sex life on your own terms.
Chris Rose: 00:38 On today’s episode we are going to be talking about making noise in bed. Making noise, why we hesitate to make noise, and some strategies around noisiness in the bedroom. And before we get started, I want to give a quick thanks to our sponsor for this episode, Clone a Willy. At cloneawilly.com you can order a DIY kit to make a silicon replica of your favorite genitals. Go to cloneawilly.com and use the code pleasure for 20% of your entire order.
Chris Rose: 01:12 We also want to give big love to our patrons over at Patreon.com/pleasuremechanics. If you love this show and want to support the work we do in the world, come on over to Patreon.com/pleasuremechanics. Show us some love with a monthly donation and unlock add free episodes, bonus episodes, bonus resources, direct access to us, all for as little as a dollar a month. How about that? We really appreciate the support. We are very very grateful for our growing community over at Patreon.com/Pleasuremechanics and invite you to join us there.
Chris Rose: 01:52 Today’s episode was inspired by an email from one of our listeners. Charlotte’s going to get us started by reading the email. All right. Here we go.
Charlotte Rose: 02:03 I’ve been experimenting with prostate massage.
Chris Rose: 02:05 Yay.
Charlotte Rose: 02:07 Good for you. I haven’t climaxed from the prostate yet and last time it felt like I was close. Then I got nervous that the vocal noise at climax might be so loud the neighbors would hear it through the wall. Which took me out of the moment as I thought of strategies to keep from being loud at climax. I would guess I’m overthinking this and just need to not worry about it. Have you had people concerned with being too loud before? And any recommendations for that?
Charlotte Rose: 02:37 I think this is a great and extremely common question, query, worry. And I am excited to talk about it. In fact I have been concerned about there being too much noise sometimes.
Chris Rose: 02:50 You are way more concerned than I am.
Charlotte Rose: 02:53 Yes. For those of you that don’t know Chris is operatic. She’s just so loud and I really admire her ability to feel unconcerned about other people around. And I have had some contractions around the level of noise in moments. So I understand dear listener how you feel and what to do about it.
Chris Rose: 03:21 Yes. Okay. Well this is actually good because I yes, when I have orgasms I like to really open my throat, let it rip, and when I do you can hear it maybe from a block away. I’m aware of this. I love having rip roar and screaming orgasms. I really love just opening my throat and at the moment of climax it’s often for me it often sounds like one big sustained I don’t even know what to call it.
Charlotte Rose: 03:55 (( Long sound))
Chris Rose: 03:58 Ahh. Something like that.
Charlotte Rose: 03:59 But louder.
Chris Rose: 04:01 I will drop that into the background. But I am also very aware of other people and I respect other people and so I think when we’re talking about making noise during sex it’s very much about this balance between eradicating the shame that holds so much of our sound back during sex. And I really want to talk about that. Why are we afraid to make sound during sex? What are we worried other people will hear? But also respecting other people and not interrupting the world with your sounds of passion all the time. There’s something about especially if you live in a high density environment like in an apartment building or a dorm or a condo, you might have neighbors on the other side of your wall. And so what are the conversations about consent and respect and how do we have an unbridled free expressive sexual experience while also being realistic about who might be listening. We are also parents now. And so my unfettered wild orgasms have been much quieter recently. Or have been when our child has been out of the house. So let’s talk about all of this.
Chris Rose: 05:18 So when we think about sound during sex, what are we even talking about?
Charlotte Rose: 05:24 Well there’s an enormous range from sweet sweet moans and breathiness to the sound of that kind of bodies slamming against each other to beds shaking.
Chris Rose: 05:40 So we might want to say right now that if you’re listening to this episode choose when you listen to this episode because it might be more… like we might make some demonstrations like I’ll say no more.
Charlotte Rose: 05:52 And assume that no one is listening to this when there were children around. I’m assuming that no one.
Chris Rose: 05:55 But whether or not you have headphones in, if you’re on a walk or your commute this might be a more explicit episode and a more… because I think one of the things we’ll talk about is hearing the sounds of sex as arousing.
Charlotte Rose: 06:07 Right.
Chris Rose: 06:08 That’s just a human thing. Hearing the sounds of sex is arousing. And so we might arouse you. We might be, we’re talking about sex and so I’m just saying.
Charlotte Rose: 06:17 Yeah, great.
Chris Rose: 06:18 So you named the breathiness of sex, the sounds of vocalizations, the sounds of the bodies thumping against each other. Often that can create a slapping percussive rhythm. Sometimes the bed squeaks or thumps against the wall. And then sex toys sometimes have noise, the sound of vibrators, the sound of paddles or floggers. Okay so that’s the whole symphony of sex. So from the simplest change of your breath to the cacoughony of spanking and sex toys and the bed thumping against the wall. And we all have a sense of that range. And the truth is here that most of us most of the time keep ourselves in the lower decibel safer ranges of this spectrum. Why? Mostly because of shame and because of training. Shame because we do not live in a culture that celebrates sex sounds. There’s not a hallmark card for hey neighbor I heard you making great love last night. Congratulations. We don’t give each other high fives.
Chris Rose: 07:31 I remember so in college when I first had a girlfriend and we were really fucking for the first time, her dorm mates requested a change of room because they didn’t want to be next to us. Meanwhile I was living next to a couple that was fighting all the time and having these screaming brawls. And when I went to request intervention with that it was like oh we can’t intervene there. So as a culture we’re more comfortable with fighting than we are with sex.
Charlotte Rose: 08:02 That’s so profound.
Chris Rose: 08:03 Take that in for a moment. It’s true. We are more comfortable with sounds of anger and we won’t even.. anyway that’s a whole other conversation. So there’s the shame of who might hear me and that who might hear me when we’re younger it’s roommates or apartment neighbors. As we grow older in our families it’s the neighbors and then also our children. And when the who might hear me is the children, a whole different level of shame and embarrassment and cultural conditioning kicks in. And we should just really recognize this is very cultural. Throughout human history, humans have lived in very tight quarters in multi generational housing and still around the world this is normal. And where do people have sex in apartments where there’s 12 people living? You got to make it work.
Chris Rose: 08:59 So even the sense of privacy kind of, it’s a cultural idea and it’s also a class based idea to have enough space where no one will hear you is a great privilege in this crowded world. So we have to reconcile this. We have to figure out how can we be freely sexually expressive beings while also respecting the kind of cultural conditions we live in. The other layer of this of course is that most of us learn how to have sex while masturbating as children and most of us masturbate as children under the duress of shame and out of fear of discovery and so we try to be as quiet as possible and as quick as possible and as discreet as possible. And that builds a lot of shame based behaviors into our erotic and to our sexual wiring.
Chris Rose: 09:47 A lot of us probably can have an orgasm easier, like it’s a psychologically easier thing to have a quiet orgasm than a loud orgasm even though sound and breath improve the sexual experience.
Charlotte Rose: 10:03 And there is a process of unlearning that practice of being really quiet and quick that we embody as a kid.
Chris Rose: 10:12 And I just want to pause that for a moment because this is really I think we have trained ourselves to be small. We have trained ourselves to be quiet. And just take a moment and reflect how true is that for you and when have been the moment where you have felt totally free to let it rip. What conditions created that? And what did that feel like to be able to be as loud as you want without any shame or holding back? And have you even had that experience? I don’t want to assume you have.
Charlotte Rose: 10:44 Yeah, I want to encourage we’re talking about what to do and we’re being too noisy. But for most people I think we want to encourage you to experiment with being a little bit louder and a little bit bigger and really think about if there’s going to be any harm or concern about being loud. Because some people will peep and then feel like they’re being too loud. So we just really kind of want to for a lot of people try and stretch how much sound you feel comfortable making if you really feel like it’s safe.
Chris Rose: 11:14 Yeah, and we’re going to talk about this within the context of realistic conditions. We have a four year old sleeping down the hall way from us and we change our sex life based on that information.
Charlotte Rose: 11:25 Because that’s what we feel like we want to do. We have particular boundaries. Other people won’t feel like that’s necessary. But for us that makes me feel like I can really go into my sex more joyfully and with more ease.
Chris Rose: 11:38 And this negotiation, how you choose how to have sex, when to have sex, how loud, what kinds of noises is a very personal choice. And we’re going to leave that up to you. We have different kinds of sex when different people are around. If you’re on a family reunion in a house with 20 people, you might not break out the paddles. So some of this is just bringing some maturity and clarity to it. And we want to have this whole conversation with that context. We’re not going to be the sex educators that just say go wild. Full stop. But how do we get you a little more wild? All right. So why is it important to make sound? Why are we even talking about this?
Chris Rose: 12:24 Sound is important during sex for so many reasons. Primarily it’s a form of expression and communication. Our sounds as human and that includes the grunting breathiness and also words, words are sounds after all. Words are noise. Sounds for us as human is one of the primary ways we communicate. And when we slip into this sexual erotic zone a lot of people go non verbal. And this is why we encourage you to have really articulate conversations about sex while walking the dog and while in bed communicate in other ways. Yes, use your words if you have them. But for a lot of people moaning and grunting and breathing is easier than forming full sentences in the height of arousal. So this becomes a tool of communication with our lover but only if it’s honest. Only if it’s honest. If it’s honest, authentic communication it becomes one of the primary ways we communicate during sex and show one another what is pleasurable, what is exciting, what needs to change. It becomes a map. It’s so important.
Chris Rose: 13:40 It’s also incredibly arousing to hear your partner make noise. For many people the sounds of sex is just as arousing as the visuals. And I encourage you to experiment with this by watching some porn with your eyes closed. Or turning on porn and then turning away from the screen and just letting the sounds of the porn fill your head and where does that take you, what does it do to you as a human to hear other humans in pleasure. And again, the authenticity of that pleasure matters. We’ve talked about this on previous episodes I think on the ethical porn episode about as empathetic beings we pick up and we attune to one another’s physical states. And so if we’re listening to someone in authentic pleasure it feels good in our body.
Chris Rose: 14:36 And this isn’t an esoteric thing. It’s biology. And as social human beings hearing someone else’s arousal is arousing. And usually the unit of this is too. So it’s you and your partner and you get in this feedback loop of grunting and moaning and breathing and sighing and it’s a conversation. And it’s a conversation that can elevate one another’s arousal. And then this can go into the whole realm of dirty talk and I think we’ll just kind of set that aside because it’s a whole other topic it feels like. But for some people dirty talk and using very specific words and specific kinds of attitudes through vocalization. Just the difference of being like oh you sweet thing versus oh you bad girl. Those are two very different attitudes to bring through vocalizations and this can be a primary tool of power play and role playing and fantasy where we can spin stories and actually step into new personas with our voices.
Chris Rose: 15:47 So this is a huge tool set for us. It’s not even one tool. It’s an arena that we can play with and really customize to our own erotic pleasures. And yet do we take full advantage of this? Most of us do not. Ourselves included. So I’m going to throw this over to you, Charlotte. So it was a very important part of my process to find my voice and start making noise during sex. What is your experience of sound during sex? It’s not as big a part of your eroticism it feels like but I don’t also feel like that’s shame based. Can you?
Charlotte Rose: 16:29 I feel like, yeah it doesn’t feel like a big charge for me either way. I feel like I felt happy being loud but I don’t feel like crazy loud. But I don’t feel like I’ve held it in. It just feels like I think I definitely grew up being quiet and so I feel like I can have strong powerful orgasms that are quiet. I feel like my body has learnt how to do that.
Chris Rose: 16:52 Because you were masturbating with family in the house?
Charlotte Rose: 16:54 Yes as a teenager. And I think I’ve carried that over into my adult life. But I also feel like it can be really fun to unleash sound and I really love breathiness and moans more than words. I really just the kind of non verbal sound making and I certainly enjoy hearing that. I know when I’ve been to sex parties the sound, hearing other people is what’s been the most arousing to me. Just closing my eyes and just hearing the cacophony of sound and turn on is amazing. It’s amazing. And to hear that live is really an awesome experience that is rare I think or I don’t know. For me it was rare but beautiful.
Chris Rose: 17:38 So you mentioned breath and I think that’s really important and it brings us to the next reason why sound is so important. so your throat and your genitals are really connected. And when you create a lot of tension in your body during sex and you constrict your throat your genitals also carry tension and cannot fully expand into their erotic capacity. And I’m going to try to lay this out. We’ve talked in more detail about some of these things in other episodes so I want to make this point without geeking out too much on the anatomy. But knowing that your throat and genitals are connected and if you want proof of that, next time you are pooping cough. And feel the connection between your throat and your genitals. It’s a really easy way to feel that. Or sneeze. Open your throat and your sinuses while you’re aware of your butt and see if you can feel that connection.
Chris Rose: 18:36 They are two ends of the same tube if you think about it. Your throat and your anus, your diaphragm where you’re breathing happens. So the muscle umbrella underneath your lungs that helps your lungs inflate, your breathing diaphragm is directly related to your pelvic diaphragm, the sheath of muscles at the bottom of your pelvic floor. So breath and your pelvis are super related. So we have throat and anus, diaphragm and diaphragm and you can start seeing how physiologically this is all very connected. And so in tantra for example sounding and breathing are two of the primary tools for exploring sexual energy.
Chris Rose: 19:20 And in our paradigm, in the Pleasure Mechanics world breath is so important for so many reasons. It is one of my favorite erotic tools in the tool kit. Breathing brings you into the present moment. It oxygenates the body. It really prepares the body for arousal. It’s super super important. But it also carries sound. Your breath and your each inhale and exhale is one of the ways you’re communicating with your lover. And so creating an authentic embodied connection between the breath and the sound and your sexual experience it’s a game changer. It’s one of these ways that we can be more honest about our sexual experience.
Charlotte Rose: 20:13 And more present.
Chris Rose: 20:14 Right. Yes. Well yeah and that presence is part of the honesty. So you’re breathing, you’re feeling present, you’re being honest about the sensation you’re feeling, you’re paying attention to the sensations in your body, and then you’re communicating your pleasure on your breath, on your sound. And I’m hoping this is making sense for people. And the difference here is you know having sex and you’re not super paying attention and you’re worried about, and we should go back to the original question here, he got to a new level of arousal. He was exploring his prostate, exploring a prostate massager, started hitting a new edge of arousal, and shut down. And he named it about sound but it’s shutting down all of that arousal, shutting down out of a shame response, but also out of a fear response. And when we can just be with our breath and our sounds in a more honest way, not only are we communicating honestly, but we are embodying honestly and that honesty, that authenticity makes such a huge difference in your lived experience of whatever is happening sexually.
Chris Rose: 21:28 This could be a lovely back rub. And the difference between paying attention and really sighing when something feels good and taking a big deep breath and letting it feel even better versus holding your breath and worrying about something else and holding all this tension is your body. It’s just that difference of going ah. And again I don’t want to geek out too much but some of this is about your sense of safety. Can you relax into arousal and start breathing and moaning into it? How do we get there? And knowing that so much of this rides on the breath is actually really useful when we think about not wanting to make so much noise to wake up the kids. Because I actually experimented with this last night. Did you hear me orgasming when you were down the hall way?
Chris Rose: 22:18 So I did an experiment last night. I often now masturbate when our child is out of the house so I can have these big moaning orgasms and I don’t worry too much about our next door neighbor who’s a cop. But hey there neighbor. You can put music on to muffle your sounds. If you just bring up something with heavy bass and your children are just like oh they’re having a dance party again. If you can create an excuse to close the door, bring up some music, and use that. There’s all these different ways of kind of playing with your volume while still being free to express I guess is the theme we’re talking about here. But one of those is to open your throat big and wide, do lots of breathing but don’t add sound to it. So it’s kind of like a silent scream if you can imagine you’re breathing and breathing and moaning but without the moan. And again I don’t want to assault your ear holes too much but it’s like, instead of. You just don’t add the extra tension in your vocal chords that make the sound.
Charlotte Rose: 23:31 So you’re breathing big in and out through an open mouth in order to get as much breath into your body so you can feel as much as possible but you are not making sound on the exhale. You are merely breathing out.
Chris Rose: 23:44 Yeah, it’s becoming aware of how we make sound is by tensing our vocal chords. And humans have this beautiful ability to create small little variations that allow us to talk to you through these microphones and you understand our meaning. Like how magical is this right now. We are vibrating air with our muscles to communicate. That’s all it is. We’re vibrating air. When you are aware of that and you allow yourself full volume of air, full relaxation of the throat, and full expression but just don’t create sound behind it it just becomes a whoosh of air. And you can have, I had a great orgasm last night at like one in the morning. We stayed up late envisioning last night and I was so charged that I kind of needed to come before falling asleep. But our child’s sleeping. You were in the shower. And so I just let it rip but without a peep. But it was so much breath. It was so much movement and it was beautiful. So experiment with this. How can you breathe more, feel more, express more with or without vocalization?
Chris Rose: 25:02 Whispers can be incredibly sexy. How can you communicate through whispers, through smaller sounds, but still let your sounds be authentic and open and free. So we have a ton more to talk about about making noise, creating the context for making more noise. Before we do I want to thank Cloneawilly.com for sponsoring this episode. At Cloneawilly.com you can find DIY kits to make silicone replicas of your favorite genitals. There are Clone a Willy kits, Clone a Pussy kits, and you can also make milk chocolate replicas just in time for Valentine’s day. You can make a replica of your genitals in chocolate.
Charlotte Rose: 25:47 That’s awesome. Come on that’s amazing. What a memorable gift and an experience to make.
Chris Rose: 25:54 Because if you present your pussy cast in chocolate in a beautiful box and your lover opens it, at first they’re going to be like oh wow a chocolate pussy. And then they’ll notice that it’s yours.
Charlotte Rose: 26:05 It’s kind of awesome.
Chris Rose: 26:06 Go to cloneawilly.com and use the code pleasure for 20% off your entire order and.
Charlotte Rose: 26:15 Enjoy.
Chris Rose: 26:15 Enjoy. Whether you get a vibrating silicone toy at the end or a delicious chocolate treat.
Charlotte Rose: 26:22 To consume.
Chris Rose: 26:23 It’s an experience that can’t be beat. I should go in the jingle business. Cloneawilly.com thank you so much for your sponsorship. We can’t wait to hang out next time we’re in Portland, Oregon. Use the code pleasure for 20% off your entire order at Cloneawilly.com. All right. Back to making noise.
Chris Rose: 26:43 All right so the whole theme here, what we’ve been talking about is how to free up the erotic communication and the expression and the breath during sex while also respecting our audience. And who might that audience be and kind of taking the context into consideration.
Charlotte Rose: 27:03 Definitely experiment with the breath as Chris was talking about. But also if you want to play with muffling the sound that you’re experiencing some people really find it hard to try and muffle their orgasm and their noise into the bed sheets or with a pillow. You can really know that you’re about to come and cover your mouth in some variety of way that feels hot. So some people really enjoy playing with that and some people will find that that does constrict their sensation and feeling.
Chris Rose: 27:36 Although it’s coming to me as you’re saying that, I feel I know what you’re saying and it is so hot and you can throw your hand over someone’s mouth and say don’t make a sound. And this can be part of power play but would that work if your child is sleeping next door and the reason you don’t want to make sound is because. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes it’s also the energetics. And we talk about it through sounds but it’s actually like I don’t want to be fucked roughly while my sweet child is sleeping next door. Or my sick mother in law is down the hall. So I think there’s this interplay between context, energy, sound, and you might find it really hot to sneak off at the family reunion and have a quickie that’s really quiet. And if you’re respecting everyone and no one finds out and it helps you get through the family holiday and it’s a stress relief great. And this is so much of we can’t give universal advice. Because everything is so situational and relational. And also specific to your erotic personality.
Chris Rose: 28:40 For some people sneaking off into the broom closet for a quickie and being really quiet will be super hot and other people it will be so stressful. So you have to know yourself here and be willing to experiment and find what works for you. Oh my gosh a pillow over my mouth in that moment was awesome. And now we can have this kind of sex we want and this is awesome for me as a new mom versus no we’re going to have to schedule our child to be out of the house to even get close to that state.
Chris Rose: 29:08 So find what works for you.
Charlotte Rose: 29:10 I love that. Just highlighting that piece that sex is always relational and context dependent. So everyone has to assess what is going to work for them. But in terms of making space where you can be louder I do want to encourage you to try and figure that out. Is there a time when the neighbors are at work and you’re at home where kids are out of the house and that is a moment that you can choose to be louder. You might not have those pockets of time. But if you do, can you take advantage of them. There was one time we were in a hotel and it was like three in the afternoon and we were making lots of sound. And somebody knocked on the wall. And I just was like it’s three in the afternoon sorry buddy. It wasn’t a sleeping time. We were in a hotel. I was sorry this is fair game for us to be loud. You’re going to have to deal with your issues. Turn up your TV. I felt like we were being polite. It wasn’t a home situation at ten at night when people were trying to sleep next door. So I felt like good about taking up space in that space and in other moments being respectful of other people around makes a lot of sense.
Chris Rose: 30:20 Well and the hotel thing is interesting because hotels are actually these liminal spaces where we have more erotic freedom. They’re a little anonymous. They’re temporary. We don’t know who that guy thumping on the wall is and we never will. And that’s different than your apartment or your dorm room. And take this into account when traveling. We have sometimes chosen to stay at hotels versus B&Bs for example. Or chosen specific kinds of hotels because we knew we wanted to have sex. And while that charming Victorian B&B might be really quaint, is that the kind of environment you want to have for your weekend vacation that you’ve been saving up for.
Chris Rose: 31:08 So I think some of it’s pre planning and kind of thinking about what are the conditions that will give you the most erotic freedom. And this isn’t so much about noise but also is that frilly Victorian four poster bed your erotic space or is it more modern sleek hotel sexier? The environment of a hotel can actually really change. Some of them feel quite frumpy and some people love.. choose your environments and this is about cultivating zones for erotic freedom. And travel gives us that opportunity so when you get the opportunity to travel choose wisely.
Chris Rose: 31:52 Okay so we’ve talked about why sound is important. How the throat and the genitals are linked. How breathing is linked into the sexual experience. How sound acts as an erotic communicator. How it can arouse both yourself and your partner when you make noise. I hope we’re painting the picture of why the freedom to make noise is important and why that noise should be authentic. This is communication and when I was thinking about this it reminded me that a lot of people make inauthentic noise during sex. Faking an orgasm is primarily a vocal act. And in researching this episode, I was looking at the numbers of women specifically who use noise to make their partner ejaculate faster to end sex.
Charlotte Rose: 32:46 Oh wow.
Chris Rose: 32:46 As a form of faking or use noise to fake orgasm to stroke their partner’s ego to perform arousal. So they’re performing sex with noise and a lot of this is the pornification of sex where we perform in a certain way in order to appear successful at a sex act. Does that make sense? And I think we all know what these sounds sound like. And it’s interesting to notice that we can do this. We can lie and fake our way through a sexual experience. But is that what you want for yourself in a long term relationship? I think it’s a good strategy actually if you’re having casual sex and you want it to be over. It can be a survival mechanism. It can be a tool to end sex that you don’t want to be in if you don’t have a no available to you. I just want to honor that.
Chris Rose: 33:39 There are times I have faked sex. It’s like sometimes it is important to do so. I don’t want to dishonor it. But if it is a consistent pattern in your relationship you have to ask yourself is this what I owe myself. Is this the kind of sex I want to be having where I am performing something, I am performing my pleasure rather than actually experiencing my pleasure and communicating honestly about that pleasure. And the pressure to have an orgasm is the problem. It’s not whether or not you are having an orgasm. It’s the expectation that sex looks a certain way and sounds a certain way in order to be successful. And that’s what everyone is kind of shooting for instead of the authentic expression of your two bodies in the moment. And if what your body really wants is a back rub that you can sigh into and then fall asleep, maybe that’s the kind of pleasure sounds you want to be making rather than faking an orgasm while your husband fucks you.
Chris Rose: 34:43 And this goes for men too. Men fake orgasms and men perform sex in order to get through it and have the perception of successful sex. And sound is one of the primary ways we do it. So we just should acknowledge this. We should acknowledge that just as it si a tool and it’s a whole tool kit for more pleasure, for more arousal, more communication and connection and intimacy and being in that sexual moment together in that way that we all crave. Hearing your partners authentic pleasure hit your ear drum and vibrate into your brain, it’s a gift.
Charlotte Rose: 35:25 It’s hot.
Chris Rose: 35:25 It’s a gift of two bodies going somewhere together and that trust that’s between you. And the pleasure that’s being exchanged. Hearing real authentic pleasure is amazing.
Charlotte Rose: 35:38 And also experiencing it as you are making sound it can turn yourself on where you are really hearing your own pleasure and hearing your own breathiness. It can be something that is erotic to you about yourself even if you’re in a partnership.
Chris Rose: 35:53 And it’s your erotic power. And when I let out my full operatic that for me is a statement of power and it vibrates through my body in a way that I sit up from ne of those orgasms and I feel like completely charged, completely ready to like face the day. It resonates. It vibrates and we should remember vibrators are the greet sex toy. Sound is vibration. Oh bonus skill here is make sound into your partners genitals. Use this tool of vibration. Put your mouth on the most sensitive bits and make noise and feel that vibration move into the flesh. Like you can use your voice as a vibrator and different sounds make different sensations. So a really low rumbly groan into the clitoris feels different than a high buzzed pitch.
Charlotte Rose: 36:50 And this is a really fun thing to do. This is like I don’t know. I feel like it’s fun as opposed to this really sexy thing. But having a time to really play with this. Like how does this feel? Let’s just play with this.
Chris Rose: 37:03 But that playfulness.
Charlotte Rose: 37:04 Totally as an inquiry.
Chris Rose: 37:06 Is sexy. I feel like this is where we can’t separate this serious sexiness from the ability to laugh and make noise with our mouths and to each others junk. And that’s I don’t know. So for me when I think about sound so much when I think back on different sexual experiences I can track how I feel about those experiences like by the sounds I was making. It’s so expressive. It’s kind of the soundtrack to the experience and how do we make that sound track more of what we want. More joyful, more playful, more romantic, more intimate. Or rougher, more dominant, boss me around, like what do you want to hear. What noise do you want to feel resonate through your flesh in these moments of arousal and orgasm.
Chris Rose: 38:05 What does your pleasure sound like? And what is the range there? What is the pleasure? What is the sound of compete enjoyment? What is the pleasure of complete excitation and feeling so charged and thundering with your erotic power? What would that sound like? And how do we embody these? How do we give ourselves permission to embody these energies and bring voice to them? And I don’t know this whole episode, I thought it was this really practical we’re going to talk about making noise in bed. It’s gotten a little bit more soulful.
Charlotte Rose: 38:43 Esoteric.
Chris Rose: 38:45 But I guess that’s what we’re doing. We’re blending the soulful and the explicit. I don’t know. I think I can’t separate them because sound is our expression and our breath and our breath is connection to spirit and connection to the outside world and so this is how energy travels through us. And it’s just as important as touch. And we talk so much about touch but how are you breathing and emoting and feeling through that sound. What is traveling on the breath on the noise on the sound?
Chris Rose: 39:19 It’s about more than decibels. It’s about more than volume.
Charlotte Rose: 39:28 I just love that the breath helps you feel so much more and so when we’re paying attention to that and letting ourselves make some sound that come from deep authenticity.
Chris Rose: 39:38 And you talk about feeling emotions or feeling sensation?
Charlotte Rose: 39:41 Feeling sensation in your body. It is such a tool to feel more sensation in your body. And then from that place, expressing sound even if that’s just an exhale or a moan as you breathe out. It is an expression of what you’re feelings. It’s an invitation to your partner. It’s a congratulations to your partner. It’s so much and it can be so gentle to start doing more of. I think we have so much fear around making noise but if we just open that up a little bit and it’s not really making tons of crazy porn soundtrack kind of things. It’s just about breathing and sighing and grunting and groaning. Those are easy sounds to make in a way if they’re just on your exhale. And you’re focusing on your inhale.
Chris Rose: 40:33 Right. So focus on your inhale breathe a little bigger and fuller, and let the exhale go with a little bit of sound. A little bit of a moan.
Charlotte Rose: 40:41 Yeah.
Chris Rose: 40:42 And see what happens. See how your partner responds. And maybe we need to do a part two here because there’s a whole other conversation about interpersonal permission to make noise. And the shame or the worry about being judged for making noise and what kind of noise will I make and do good girls make noise. And are men expected to make noise? And there’s a lot of social conditioning around the noise we are allowed to make kind of beyond the blanket statement of everyone should masturbate in silence. We’ve all been given the same rules. And then there’s kind of addendums for different social categories of what kind of noise we’re expected from us, permitted from us, and how that fear. I’ve been thinking so much about fear and safety in the bedroom recently. And not on like the trauma level but on kind of just the energetic level of do we feel safe and relaxed with our partners and thinking a lot about how the pre judgment, the pre worry of how my partner might react holds so much back.
Chris Rose: 41:51 And makes us so disconnected from our authentic what our bodies want to express. And yet the most memorable sexual moments, the most joyous sexual moments are often the ones where we drop that pre worry and we just get real and as crazy as that real might look, as funny as it might look, however it lands that’s kind of what we’re all craving is more realness and rawness and permission to be ourselves. So permission granted. Make some noise. See how it feels. Of course take your context into consideration. We are not encouraging you to wake up granny with your spanking scene. Because that’s just about efficiency. You will then have to explain that and deal with the social. You just, do you want to? Whatever.
Charlotte Rose: 42:40 Do what you want to do.
Chris Rose: 42:41 Wake up granny if that’s right for you. But we are encouraging you to be mature adults about this but also give yourself permission to be sexual beings. And even if you’re alone in the woods and there’s no one to hear you but the trees, what sound could you make then? What does it feel like to be an erotic being out in the woods alone and let your sound more the leaves and shake the trees? There’s something really freeing about this. And so if this is all landing as really scary, start with Charlotte’s sigh on the exhale. Just let your voice open up a little bit. Let your breath open up a little bit. And if the invitation lands for you, find a place and a space where you can really let it rip and see what you are capable of. And it’s also like primal scream therapy. Some of us just need to make more noise and open that up and open up our voice and feel the power of that.
Chris Rose: 43:43 So loud orgasms can be very therapeutic.
Charlotte Rose: 43:46 Mm-hmm (affirmative). If you can find a space to do that, please do. I think it’s a great experiment for anyone, solo or partnered.
Chris Rose: 43:54 Yeah exactly. You can check into a hotel room and make a ton of noise by yourself. This is not a partnered thing.
Charlotte Rose: 44:01 If you are able, please do.
Chris Rose: 44:04 All right. So we hope this has been useful to you. Come on over to Pleasuremechanics.com and be in touch with us, better yet join our Patreon at patreon.com/pleasuremechanics, all one word. Patreon.com/pleasuremechanics and support the show for as little as a dollar a month. Unlock bonus resources, bonus episodes, and community conversation. We would love to have you support the show on patreon.com/pleasuremechanics. And thanks again to Cloneawilly.com for sponsoring this episode. We will be back with you next week with another episode of speaking of sex. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose: 44:49 I’m Charlotte.
Chris Rose: 44:49 We are the pleasure mechanics.
Charlotte Rose: 44:51 Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.
Ready For More Pleasure?
Sign up and we'll send our best free resources & tools,
curated with love just for you, straight to your inbox.