For many women, receiving oral sex is challenging. Some women have anxiety about how their vulva looks, smells or tastes. Other women worry about appearing selfish if they take too much time to reach orgasm. Some women simply don’t trust that their partner could actually enjoy going down on them. Even for women who are comfortable with their bodies, have no anxiety about their vulva and trust their partner’s enthusiasm, the sheer pleasure of oral sex can be overwhelming. And for other women, the intensity of stimulation from oral sex never gets quite strong enough to push them over the edge into orgasm.
The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help you reach orgasm during oral sex. From communication strategies to orgasmic mindfulness, there are lots of great tools to help you enjoy more orgasmic oral sex.
This podcast is for anyone who has trouble reaching orgasm during oral sex. We cover:
- How to relax and receive as much pleasure as possible
- How to guide your partner without getting too technical during sex
- Mental and physical techniques to overcome pleasure anxiety
- Erotic jedi mind tricks to get out of your head and into your body
- Simple power play techniques to eroticize your struggle
- The one tool we all need to learn to feel more pleasure
Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode:
I have a partner who is good at giving oral sex. He’s devoted, perceptive, I know he really enjoys it, and I have noticed how he’s refined his skills and sense of what I need over the 8 months we’ve been dating – he has asked me frequently how he could be better at going down, and I’ve shared some ideas with him which he’s incorporated. I want to orgasm, he wants me to orgasm, everything feels so good I think I could orgasm, except as I approach a climax, I just can’t, and the pleasure gives way to anxiety or frustration. There isn’t one thing I’m wanting and not saying, there isn’t something he’s doing wrong, I genuinely believe my vagina’s beautiful and feel comfortable having a person so intimately connecting with that part of my body …. it’s more an issue of being unable to give in to that non-thinking, pleasure-focussed state. No one has ever been able to get me over this hump (of orgasming from oral sex – I am able to climax during intercourse), and it’s beginning to feel like vulnerability/shame/privacy mental block. What steps can I take to start relaxing into orgasm from oral sex? How can I let myself just enjoy it more? Feel everything more fully and intensely?
One detail I keep considering is that talking and giving instructions does kind of take me “out of it” … I’m still open to trying more communication, but the most success I’ve had is more internal work – using imagery garnered from Betty Dodson’s wisdom to call to mind favorite foods, beautiful images, or other pleasure-things that aren’t specifically sex, to get my mind out of analyzing and into pleasure mode.
Thanks a million for all that you do,