What makes sex romantic?
There is a myth that all sex is romantic – this is far from true. Sex can be totally primal, focused exclusively on the physical sensations and release. Sex can be anonymous and generate orgasms without you ever knowing the other person’s name. Sex can be fierce and intense, venting extra physical and emotional tension. And sex can be deeply romantic, all about connecting with your partner and finding profound emotional intimacy together through the physical act of sex.
What Is Romantic Sex?
If romance is not about flowers and candlelight, what are the core elements of romantic sex? The experience of romance is different for everyone, but there are some common themes that work for most of us.
Here are the most common elements of romantic sex:
- Authentic emotion: Romantic sex is deeply emotional. It expresses intense desire, longing and affection. Romance can express the full range of emotions from urgent lust to deep affection.
- Drama: Romantic sex cuts through the routine of everyday life and creates a moment of drama. This might mean an elegant dress-up date at a fancy restaurant or a slow dance in your living room. Romantic sex gets you out of your rut so you can truly pay attention to your feelings and connection.
- Presence: For a truly romantic experience, you need to both be fully present, paying attention to one another and allowing yourself to feel your connection. If you find yourself distracted, try to come back to the moment and allow yourself the luxury of paying full attention to your partner, your emotions and the experience of romantic sex.
- Personalization: One of the reasons roses and candy can feel unromantic is because these gestures are totally generic. To create an authentic romantic sex experience, you need to personalize the experience as much as possible. Perhaps your partner loves tulips, so you can forget the roses and fill the room with a few dozen tulips instead. Pay attention to your partner’s expressions of desire and met their specific needs. Nothing is more romantic than being paid attention to.
- Connection: At the core of romance is the intimate connection between two people. Allow yourself to get vulnerable enough to really feel this connection. Look into your partner’s eyes, make as much skin contact as possible, and let yourself celebrate the specific connection you have. Verbalize and express what you specifically adore about this person to maximize your connection.