BDSM — Pleasure Mechanics

Powerful Submission

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Erotic submission doesn’t have to be about being denigrated, humiliated or punished. It doesn’t have to look like cowering at the feet of your dominant partner or crying out in pain. It can include any and all of these things, if that pleases you. But it can also be about standing in your full power, feeling potent and courageous. It can be a glorious demonstration of your strength and endurance. In one of the endless twists and turns of kinky sex, erotic submission can help you feel the most powerful you’ve ever felt!

In a previous podcast, Charlotte explored one aspect of male submission: the idea of men taking a submissive domestic role in order to serve a dominant female partner.

We received a lot feedback after this episode, mainly from men who desired erotic submission but didn’t identify with the “sissymaid” role or crave domestic service as part of their kinky play. Some of these men worried they were not the “right” kind of submissive or didn’t fully “get” what male erotic submission was all about.

On this episode, Chris explores another aspect of male submission: noble, powerful submission. This type of erotic submission has a very long history (including the root of the word chivalry!) and is just as valid as any other. In fact there are endless varieties of erotic submission to fit any personality style and constellation of desires! There is no “right” style of erotic submission: only what is right for you.

Noble, powerful submission brings full masculine power and strength into the role of erotic submission. Training in order to serve a higher power is a core part of the masculine warrior archetype. Think of a knight training in order to serve his beloved queen. Think of an athlete, glistening with sweat, ready to perform in order to help his team win. Imagine an endurance test where a wicked dominant woman is subjecting you to all kinds of sensation play, seeing just where your breaking point might be.

This kind of submission is all about developing more power, strength and courage so you can endure more intense tests of your grit and might. Explore it for yourself and see if it excites you!

Ready to explore kinky sex? Check out the Kinky Sex Mastery Course!

Kinky Communication 101 with Patrick Califia

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Kinky Communication 101 :: Free Podcast Episode

Patrick Califia, one of the best known BDSM educators, shares a five step communication cycle for talking to your partner about sexual fantasies, kinky sex and other forbidden subjects. These erotic communication tools are also useful for anytime you want to talk to your partner about a vulnerable topic.

This podcast features an excerpt from Patrick Califia’s book Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples.

You can get this book for free from Audible by going to AudibleTrial.com/Pleasure and enrolling in a free trial membership!

Ready to explore kinky sex? The Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course guides you into the thrilling adventure of kinky sex, one step at a time! Designed for total beginners and more experienced players alike, you’ll master all the skills you need to have exciting kinky adventures while avoiding the most common pitfalls. If you are ready for your next erotic journey, dive in here.

Erotic Bondage Safety

When you are exploring erotic bondage, you must keep a few simple safety guidelines in mind.

Above All, Trust

Never do bondage with someone you do not know and trust. When you allow someone to put you in bondage, you are putting your life in their hands. Once you are restrained, they could do anything. If you aren’t exploring with a long term trusted partner, play in a public space.

Communication

Establish safewords as part of your negotiation before your bondage scene. Classic safewords are Red (“STOP!”) Yellow (“Slow down and check in please!”) and Green (“All good, go for it!”) but you can agree upon any set of safewords you’d like.
Make sure your partner knows about any health issues that may impact your bondage play. Agree that you will switch positions or stop if you experience any numbness, tingling or pain.
Communicate about what kind of bondage play you are both interested in. Do you want to be tied up and pleasured? Or put in bondage and punished? For complete guidance on exploring the wide world of kinky sex to discover what you are most interested in, check out the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course!

Maintain Circulation and Mind The Nerves:

In general, when you have someone tied up, always be alert for tingling, numbness, or coldness. If you are restrained, and your hands or feet tingle or get numb, this usually means that the restraint is cutting off blood flow or pressing on a nerve. Tell your partner! Have your partner loosen the restraints slightly and/or move you so that the tingling goes away. If your hands or feet become cold to the touch, your circulation is being cut off. Again, loosen the restraints or reposition.

Basic Bondage Safety Rules:

Do not leave a restrained person alone for any reason!
Do not place anything over the nose and mouth. If you gag your partner, make sure his or her nose is not covered.
Always be able to get out of bondage quickly:
Keep a pair of scissors handy for quick release of bondage wraps or ropes.
Never use a lock that requires a key
Release the bondage immediately if there is any tingling, numbness or coldness, or if the restrained partner requests to be released.
If you have diabetes, heart or circulatory problems, epilepsy or seizures, joint injuries or any other ailment that may be triggered, proceed with caution. When in doubt, ask your doctor if bondage is safe (they are less easily shocked than you might imagine!)

Unleash Your Desires

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Unleash Your Desire :: Free Podcast Episode

Sexual shame can cripple desire and kill your libido. Here’s how to clear away the roadblocks and unleash your deepest desires so you can have a fulfilling sex life.

Just as we were preparing to launch the Kinky Sex Mastery Course, we received this email:

My biggest struggle is that I find it hard to get turned on. I do have one very specific turn-on but I’m really really embarrassed about it. A few years ago I told my husband about it, and we have had a few conversations about it. He says he doesn’t find it weird and that it’s a turn-on for him too (in certain aspects), he tries to incorporate it into our sex life, but I don’t think it will make a big difference until *I* feel comfortable about it and can stop being so mortified.

The other thing I would say is that my husband is interested in me being “his slut” and controlling me (in bed!). I am not against that, but I think I have a hard time getting over the notion that it is disrespectful. I would like to let go of that fear that his sexual desires are a reflection of our loving relationship so that we could both enjoy ourselves more.
Love your podcast! 🙂

In this episode we share strategies and advice for overcoming sexual shame and unleashing your desires.

Pleasure and Pain

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In this not-to-be-missed episode, Chris shares some of her personal stories about exploring the relationship between pleasure and pain through kinky sex.

How are pleasure and pain related?

Why do some people crave that combination of pleasure and pain?

When is it intensity that we are seeking, and when is it a different kind of turn-on?

Chris explores the thin boundary between pleasure and pain in this candid and personal conversation.

Hit the play button at the top of this page to listen to this episode of the Speaking of Sex Podcast. Click here for a full archive of Speaking of Sex.