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Sexual Submission

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Sexual Submission :: Free Podcast EpisodeThere are many reasons we crave sexual submission.

Being submissive means you get to be taken on a journey by a trusted partner who attends to your desires and needs.

Submission is an act of trust. It is turning over your body and your well being into someone else’s care.

Sexual submission can be both thrilling and scary. But it can also be empowering.

Submission is a negative term in our power hungry culture. To be submissive is to be weak. In the world of Kinky Sex, just the opposite is true. Being submissive is an honored role, a respected part of the circuit that kinky sex requires. Submission during sex means trusting your partner enough to temporarily relinquish control and be guided on a journey.

The key is that you pre-negotiate what will happen during kinky sex. You get bold enough to lay out all of your desires – as well as your boundaries – so you can relax and let go.

We submit to other people’s expertise all the time: doctors, pilots, bus drivers, attorneys. These roles have high barriers to entry, with years of study and rigorous testing allowing only the most committed and talented into the profession. We trust these credentials and they give us enough confidence to surrender. No one would board a plane if just anyone could be a pilot.

In Kinky Sex, you and your partner get to experiment with who is the dominant partner and who is submissive. We highly recommend you switch it up frequently so you both can experience the pleasures of both roles!

Submission doesn’t mean weakness when it comes to kinky sex. There are many ways to be submissive. In the Kinky Sex Mastery Course we explore 6 different styles of submission so you can play with the whole range.

The most common image of a sexual submissive is a vulnerable submissive grovelling at the feet of a dominant, being whipped for the dominant’s pleasure. This is certainly one possibility amongst an infinite galaxy of options! But a submissive could also be in the role of “proud beauty” displaying their erotic talents for praise and worship. Or they might be totally relaxed and going on a journey of sensations. Ultimately, being submissive during kinky sex means “being done” in exactly the ways you are craving.

We hear from tons of people who want to experience sexual submission for one very common reason: surrender. We all live busy lives full of responsibilities. Sexual submission can be a short (but very effective!) vacation from our everyday lives. When you submit you get the chance to totally relax and receive. You don’t have to make any decisions or choices, because you’ve already negotiated what will happen and you’ve left all of the control in your partner’s capable hands. You simply have to be. How often do you get that opportunity?

Sexual submission also gives us the opportunity to experience emotions that aren’t always available or allowed in everyday adult lives. Through sexual submission you can temporarily feel like:

  • a vulnerable child
  • an insatiable slut
  • a bratty princess
  • a noble warrior
  • a struggling captive
  • a highly desired prize

To recap, here are just a few of the incredible benefits of explore sexual submission:

  • profound relaxation
  • deep surrender
  • feeling desired
  • feeling powerful
  • transcending limits

How We Got Kinky

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How We Got Kinky :: Free Podcast Episode

Here’s how Chris and Charlotte, The Pleasure Mechanics, got into kinky sex. Hear about their near disaster stories, kinky sex clubs in San Francisco and more.

Ready to embark on your own kinky adventure? Check out the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course and set sail tonight!

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Erotic Dominance

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Erotic Dominance :: Free Podcast Episode

Do you fantasize about feeling the pulse of arousal move through your body as your lover moans in pleasure at your feet? Are you ready to let your inner beast out to play once in awhile? Is it a turn on to think about your lover tied up and vulnerable, ready for your next touch?

If the idea of sexual dominance turns you on, you are not alone. Most people, to one degree or another, are aroused by the idea of being dominant in the bedroom. This role can be called the “dominant” or the “giver” or the “top” but whatever you call it, it means one thing: claiming erotic power and using it for mutual pleasure.

Sexual dominance can take many forms:

  • the stern and commanding top, barking orders and expecting them to be followed right away
  • the loving but firm dominant, doling out intense sensations along with affectionate and encouraging words
  • the wicked top with a sinister streak, creating emotional and physical challenges to make their bottom squirm and struggle
  • the masterful dominant who seamlessly creates an erotic arc of energy, taking their submissive into a deep trance
  • the strong and confident lover who take complete control and gives their receiver a wild ride

In the Kinky Sex Mastery Course, you have the opportunity to explore 6 kinds of sexual dominance and find the elements that most appeal to you. You’ll also get all of the tools you need to take control and be sexually dominant with confidence and competence.

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There are many distinct pleasures that come with being sexually dominant. According to Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, authors of “The Topping Book,” here are a few of the most common reasons people love being in the role of Top. All quotes in the paragraphs below are from The Topping Book: 

  • Empathy: the “contact high” of getting your partner incredibly aroused. When you learn how to pay attention to your lover and discover that you know exactly what to do next, incredible moments of intimacy become possible. “We believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities”
  • Creativity: the opportunity to bring creativity and novelty into sex. Being dominant is your chance to orchestrating an erotic experience for the bottom.  “We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius”
  • Bigness: the ability to unleash our inner power, dominant energy and take up lots of space. “When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies – when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms’ eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!”
  • Nurturing: the chance to express tenderness and love for our partner.  “Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest”
  • Bullying: the chance to play the villain and be a bit wicked (with our partner’s pleasure in mind at all times!) “In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that conld not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked.
  • Control: a powerful chance to be fully in command of an erotic situation. The better you get at being dominant in bed, the more trust you can earn from your partner. This trust comes when you can channel your desire and arousal into finely-tuned control in bed. Over time, you also earn the erotic devotion of your partner, and many people eroticize the control of being able to turn someone on with their presence alone. “There’s a keen joy in knowing your needs and desires are echoing in your loved one’s head”
  • Competence: the chance to master new skills that give you and your partner whole new realms of arousal “S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent… when we do (kinky sex) well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms – with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.”
  • Self-knowledge: allowing the experience of being dominant to reveal new facets to your personality, desires and needs. “Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M personal can become the process by which we learn more about who we are.”

Your challenge is to think about dominant role models from books or videos that inspire you. Then identify their specific kinds of dominance and what particular dominant pleasures might interest you. Try to start getting specific about what arouses you about sexual dominance.

When you are ready to set out on a guided adventure into kink, enroll in the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course.

 

How To Be Kinky

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How To Be Kinky :: Free Podcast Episode

Ready to explore kinky sex?

Want to know how to be kinky but don’t know where to get started?

We are here to guide you on the adventure!

If you know you are ready to learn how to be kinky, enroll now in our Kinky Sex Mastery Course!

But maybe you are thinking:

  • I don’t even know WHAT I want in bed
  • My partner would never be up for it (but I want it so bad!)
  • I am afraid I’ll hurt my partner
  • I am too shy to be kinky!
  • I think I’ll get in over my head and lose control

We understand all of these thoughts. We’ve even had some of them ourselves. We know that trying new things in bed can be scary and overwhelming. We get that it can be hard to ask your partner to play along with your desires.

That’s exactly what inspired us to design this course for you!

Over the past few years (especially since the 50 Shades craze!) we have heard from THOUSANDS of you who long for kinkier, rougher and more creative play in bed. You want more thrills, more excitement, more sensation. But you don’t know how to get started.

Searching the internet won’t help – we know because we tried. Even the “beginner” kink education out there is way too risky and too much for most people. Most of what is out there just sets you up for failure.
We weren’t happy with what we found – so we have spent over a year designing a course just for you.

This is a true beginner’s course – we take you step by step through building the skills of kink so you can be free to explore your deepest desires. But let’s be clear: you’ll have the chance to explore everything from intense sensation to bondage, from domination to roleplaying. Beginner doesn’t mean boring, it means we are setting you up for wildly successful explorations!

Want to discover how to be kinky? Enroll now in Kinky Sex Mastery and start your adventure now!

 

Psychopathia Sexualis and You

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Psychopathia Sexualis And You :: Free Podcast EpisodeRichard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing was a prominent German psychologist and forensic expert who published Psychopathia Sexualis in 1886. This was a European best seller, went into over a dozen editions in the author’s lifetime, and the book is now considered one of the first texts in sexology, the scientific study of sexuality.

He worked in asylums and his case studies were mostly of the criminally insane. He studied the sexual behaviors of his inmates and created categories to understand the patterns he witnessed. His interpretations of their sexual behavior became the first textbook of early sexology and created categories of sexual deviance that are still with us today. The book was aimed at doctors and lawyers who wanted to diagnose and criminalize specific types of sexual deviance.

The book popularized the terms sadism (derived from the sexual behavior depicted in the novels of Marquis de Sade) and masochism (derived from the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, author of Venus In Furs, an erotic story about male submission to a woman) and outlined the many variations of these patterns.

During this early period of sexology, doctors also began shifting focus away from abnormal behaviors (what people did) to categorizing people into identity categories (who people are.) It was suggested that sexual deviance was an inborn disorder rather than a simple behavior.

Categories of sexual deviance were created so that individuals could be diagnosed, treated and discussed. It is interesting to note that, because it was so explicit and a veritable catalog of sexual deviance, the book’s title page declares that “ The sale of the book is rigidly restricted to the members of the medical and legal professions.

In the introduction he writes:

The object of this treatise is merely to record the
various psychopathological manifestations of sexual life in
man and to reduce them to their lawful conditions. This
task is bj no means an easy one, and the author is well
aware of the fact that, despite his (varied) far-reaching
experience in psychiatry and criminal medicine, he is yet
unable to offer anything but an imperfected system.

The importance of the subject, however, demands
scientific research on account of its forensic bearing and
its deep influence upon the common weal. The medical
barrister only then finds out how sad the lack of our
knowledge is in the domain of sexuality when he is called
upon to express an opinion as to the responsibility of the
accused whose life, liberty and honour are at stake. He
then begins to appreciate the efforts that have been made
to bring light into darkness.

Like most scientists of his time, Krafft-Ebing considered procreation the purpose of sexual desire and thought that any form of recreational sex was a perversion of the sex drive. “With opportunity for the natural satisfaction of the sexual instinct, every expression of it that does not correspond with the purpose of nature, propagation,must be regarded as perverse.”

The first chapter of the book begins:

The propagation of the human race is not left to mere
accident or the caprices of the individual, but is guaran-
teed by the hidden laws of nature which are enforced by
a mighty, irresistible impulse. Sensual enjoyment and
physical fitness are not the only conditions for the en-
forcement of these laws, but higher motives and aims,
such as the desire to continue the species or Ihe individu-
ality of mental and physical qualities beyond time and
space, exert a considerable influence. Man puts himself
at once on a level with the beast if he seeks to gratify
lust alone, but he elevates his superior position when by
curbing the animal desire he combines with the sexual
functions ideas of morality, of the sublime, and the beau-
tiful.

If man were deprived of sexual distinction and the
nobler enjoyments arising therefrom, all poetry and prob-
ably all moral tendency would be eliminated from his life.

Sexual life no doubt is the one mighty factor in the
individual and social relations of man which disclose his
powers of activity, of acquiring property, of establishing a
homo, of awakening altruistic sentiments towards a person
of the opposite sex, and towards his own issue as well as
towards the whole human race.

 

He defined sadism as lust aroused by cruelty, and masochism aslust aroused by being the object of cruelty.

Coupled with perversions of sexual life and sexual im-
becility springing from the same degenerated soil, often
with the aiding influence of alcohol, the most monstrous and
horrible sexual excesses (cf. Sadism) are perpetrated
which would disgrace humanity at large, could they be
committed by normal man.

The commission of these atrocious acts by degenerated
and partially defective individuals is the outcome of an ir-
resistible impulse or delirium. The mechanism of these
actions is indeed the property of psychical degeneration.

By masochism I understand a peculiar perversion of
the psychical vita sexualis in which the individual affected,
in sexual feeling and thought, is controlled by the idea of
being completely and unconditionally subject to the will
of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this
person as by a master, humiliated and abused.

This understanding of sadism and masochism persisted for over a century.

Because we live in a sexually violent culture with widespread sexual abuse, it is essential to differentiate between people who are enjoying actually hurting others and those who enjoy playing with consensual power exchange with another healthy adult.

For this reason, we don’t like to use the terms sadomasochism, sadist or masochist to describe consensual kink. We believe making the distinction between cruelty and kink is essential to releasing the stigma associated with kinky sex.

It has been over 125 years since Psychopathia Sexualis described the disorders of sadism and masochism, and the medical field applied this diagnosis to anyone who expressed an interest in kinky sex, whether or not it was consensual. This failure to differentiate between truly criminal behavior (rape, torture, non-consensual power games) and consensual kinky sex created tremendous stigma for healthy kinky adults.

The stigma associated with kinky sex, much like the stigma around homosexuality, created an underground subculture that only now is becoming more public. The kinky community was forced to stay very private, and individuals faced discrimination and judgement if they came out in public as kinky.

In the 1970’s a few brave pioneers began coming out as kinky and establishing themselves as leaders and advocates for the kink community.

In the late 1980’s members of the BDSM community began organizing to end the stigma associated with being interested in kinky sex. Race Bannon and Guy Baldwin (amongst others) took on the immense task of educating therapists about consensual kinky sex.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom got on board, offering education to therapists, police officers and other professionals about the difference between kink and abuse.

“A sexual sadist practices on non-consenting people,” explains NCSF founder Susan Wright, while “someone who is kinky is having consensual enthusiastically desired sex.”

The idea that kinky sex was a sign of mental illness was oficially on the books until 2010, when the American Psychiatric Association announced that it would be changing the diagnostic codes for BDSM, fetishism, and transvestic fetishism (a variant of cross-dressing) in the next edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published in 2013.

Now, in 2015, we are still only at the beginning of recognizing kinky sex behaviors as part of the spectrum of normal and healthy sexual expression.

Many people still understand kinky behavior as “deviant” or “perverted.” These attitudes are firmly rooted in the history of sexual medicine that draws upon texts such as the 1886 publication Psychopathia Sexualis. We must ask ourselves if we want our sexual ethics based on a manual from a 19th century insane asylum or if it is time for a new understanding of human sexual expression.

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