Pleasure Mechanics

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Emily Nagoski Part 2

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Emily Nagoski Interview Part 2Last week we brought you part one of our interview with Emily Nagoski, author of the new book  Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Listen to Part 1 here.

This week, her op-ed about responsive desire was published in the New York Times and triggered a firestorm of response. We are proud to be sharing her groundbreaking work with you again this week in part two of the interview.

This week, the interview covers:

  • Why sex is NOT a drive (and what it really is!)
  • The new definition of orgasm
  • How to reprogram your brain to overcome erotic obstacles

Grab your copy of Come As You Are

Check out Emily’s op-ed in The New York Times

Stop Faking Orgasms: Here’s How

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Stop Faking Orgasms: Here's How

Fake orgasm? How about the real thing instead?

Many women (and some men) fake orgasm to get sex over with and avoid hurting their lover’s feelings. But one fake orgasm just ends up leading to another.

If you avoid communicating about what you really need to have the real deal, you’ll end up with a lover who doesn’t know how to please you!

The solution is to start communicating (verbally and non-verbally) about what authentically turns you on so you can get more of what works for you. Over time, this will add up to a highly orgasmic sex life!

How Common Are Fake Orgasms?

Fake orgasms are more common than you might imagine. One study shows that 80% of women fake orgasms at least half the time! Many men fake orgasms too!

Many people fake orgasm to get mediocre sex over with. Others fake orgasm to avoid hurting their lover’s feelings. The problem is, when you fake an orgasm you are giving your lover false information about your sexual responses. Imagine if your lover cooked you the same meal every week because they thought you liked it. Eventually, you’d have to speak up and ask for something else.

The same is true in the bedroom. Unless you are willing to communicate about what authentically arouses you and brings you to orgasm, you’ll never be able to have a fulfilling sex life.

Remember, most women do not experience orgasm during intercourse. For more on why and how to truly pleasure a woman, check out our free podcast episodes on Female Orgasm During Intercourse

In this podcast episode we explore how to start getting real with your lover so you can stop faking and start making love that is truly satisfying.

We also discuss whether or not you should disclose to your lover if you’ve been faking orgasms all along.

Should I Confess That I Have Been Faking Orgasms?

Here’s the letter that inspired this episode:
“Hey guys, I have a situation I’m hoping you can help me with. I am 28, and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He just proposed and I said yes. The problem is, I’ve been faking orgasm for our entire relationship.
If I’m going to marry the guy I want to be honest with him and work on having better sex. How do I tell him I’ve been faking without crushing his ego? Sex feels good but not great.
I can easily have orgasms when I am alone, but with him I usually don’t get all the way there. I’ve had a few orgasms with him, mostly during oral sex. But the rest of the time, I fake to get it over with. Should I tell him?” ~ Meghan

Orgasmic Intercourse

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Orgasmic IntercourseA listener wrote in to share his favorite technique for orgasmic intercourse. This technique brings together many of the strategies we advocate, such as female arousal before penetration, graceful penetration and maintaining clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Listen to the episode to get a play-by-play description of the technique and then try it and see if it works for you!

 

Here is the original email from Tony:

Name: Tony

Comment: No need to reply.  Love the show and Please pass this on to your listeners, many of my mates have benefited from it.

I have been married to the same woman now for 23 years. We are very happy and have a active sex life. The reason for this post is to share with you a technique that you may or may not have already stumbled upon. It is a technique that will cause my partner to cum during intercourse without rubbing or playing with any of her buttons. In otherwords, auto-pilot. My wife has always been very orgasmic, however she has never been able to climax by intercourse alone. I always had to rub or lick her clit for this. Now, since we stumbled upon this (why it took 18 years to stumble upon it is beyond me) she cums almost immediately during sex almost every time! She absolutely loves this technique and asks for it all the time.  But I don’t always give it more than once maybe twice a week.

Now this is not a new idea at all. I am sure I did not make it up and you may have been doing this all along but I have not. I just stumbled upon it a few years ago. I have been culturing and practicing it to a fine art. It works for me every time and everyone that I have shared this with always ALWAYS tells me a few days afterwards how GREAT it works. I have only had intercourse with one woman in my life, my wife, so I cannot tell you first hand about any other woman’s reaction to this technique but all of my friends, bar none, RAVE about the results.

Here’s how it works.

Get her all hot and bothered with whatever style that will work for you both. Do a bit of foreplay but not too far. You don’t want her to the point of no return just yet. Get on top of her in missionary position ( i know your not keen on that position)  start kissing her. When she is begging for insertion, only put the head in very slowly. Then take it out and then put it in again. Only the head. Do this for 3-4 times very slowly. Then put it in about 1 inch more and then out all the way. Do this for 3-4 times very slowly. You MUST resist the urge to bang this her hard even though she will be begging you to at this point. Then go in 1 inch deeper and out all the way 3-4 times again. Now do this, and inch at a time until you are balls deep in this Her. If you and she likes, kiss her and talk dirty to her or what ever would keep her building energy.  This will be a very intimate time for both of you so get ready.

Now you are all the way in and she is REALLY turned on. DO NOT start pounding yet. This will come later. Instead start nudging or bumping your partner with your pubic bone ( not the same as the C. A. T. position, but you can transition to it ). Do not withdraw your penis at all. Leave it in all the way. Instead you just keep pushing in pulsations and then letting up, your pube to her pube. In other words, no time will your pubes separate but you put light pressure off and on in a rythym generated by your own hips. Kind of like if you are trying to push a refrigerator across the floor. You don’t take your hands off and then slam them back on, right. In the same way, do not pull your dick out at all. Instead, leave it in all the way and keep nudging in a rythym. I hope I am explaining this correctly because this is the most important part of the technique. Every once in a while, maybe every ten times give her a good strong nudge. This will really drive her crazy! Make her lay still if she can. She may be so hot at this point that she goes crazy, this is ok as well, you can complete the technique next time around if she can’t hold out. But if you can keep that pressure, bone to bone and ride her movements with full contact then she will explode with joy.

Now, if done right, this girl will absolutely go over the edge within just a few moments after insertion. BTW, this is a good technique for all of you Premature Ejaculators because it is a lot easier to keep from cuming because you are not going in and out. You may get scratches on your back, she may scream or cry but it will be probably the biggest orgasm she has ever experienced so get ready for whatever her reaction may be. While she is cuming, just keep up the pushing, nudging motion. When she is done it is your turn to drive it home, or rest and move into the c.a.t. Position for more fun.  I am not kidding! It has worked EXACTLY like this for me many dozens of times, and EVERY one of my friends that have tried it.

Female Orgasm During Intercourse

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Female Orgasm Before Intercourse

Female orgasm during intercourse is something a lot of couples want to experience. Yet it remains out of reach for most people, with good reason. The reality of female orgasm during intercourse comes down to basic female anatomy.

In our very first episode of the Speaking of Sex Podcast, we answer a question we received from one of our community members.

Laura, like 80% of women, does not experience orgasm during intercourse. She wants to know what she can do to become more orgasmic during intercourse. Should she use herbal aphrodisiacs? Does she need to wait for “the pink pill?”

We offer practical strategies and techniques so she can enjoy more sexual pleasure and become more orgasmic during intercourse.

Want To Have Orgasm During Intercourse?

Discover how in our Foreplay Mastery Online Course

ForeplayGRCover

More About Female Orgasm During Intercourse

Many women are concerned about their inability to have orgasms during intercourse. Women have been taught that the ultimate sexual achievement is simultaneous orgasm during intercourse. Sadly, this myth creates a huge amount of needless anxiety and distracts women from their authentic experience of sexual pleasure.

When women focus on having orgasms during intercourse, they are ignoring the basic facts of their sexual anatomy. Here’s the real deal: the clitoris is the centerpiece of the female sexual system, and clitoral stimulation is how most women experience orgasms. The clitoris is the anatomical match to the penis, so just imagine men trying to reach orgasm without touching their penis and you’ll get a sense of how essential clitoral stimulation is to female orgasm!

Master The Skills To Give Women Orgasms During Intercourse:

Foreplay Mastery Online Course

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