Pleasure Mechanics

Jealousy, Arousal and Anxiety

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Sexual jealousy has a big impact on arousal and erection. For some people, sexual jealousy can be a huge turn-on, and these people can harness jealousy and turn it into arousal. Other people feel jealousy as anger and can get dangerously violent when they feel jealous. Some people get anxious and ashamed when they experience jealousy and these feelings shut down arousal and erection.

All of these experiences – sexual arousal, anger and anxiety are all upregulations of the nervous system, interpreted in different ways by different individuals.

In this podcast episode, we share what you need to know about sexual jealousy and how it can impact your arousal and erections. If you’ve ever been burdened by sexual jealousy, this episode will reveal new strategies you can use to either overcome jealousy or harness it and make it work for you!

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Here is the email from a listener that inspired this episode:

I want to start off by sharing my experiences if arousal panic, which I have because of jealousy. Me and my girlfriend got together because she slept with somebody else. It was only then that I realized that she means much more to me than just the casual sex we had before, and I fought for her.

Sometimes during or before sex I get flashbacks to that moment and it feels so intense, imagining that she not only slept with somebody but possibly enjoyed it. That the way she moans or breathes or moves her hips, she did for somebody else.

We were not together, and I even ignorantly of my own yet unknown feelings encouraged her to explore others. So she did nothing wrong, but thinking of this I cannot relax. And not being able to relax and let yourself go is a death sentence for maintaining or achieving an erection.

What I did as a solution was very very hard and took a lot of jumping over an abyss of insecurity, when I just told her plainly what I felt.

Now, when I get into that state, I try focusing on her and why I love her and want to make love to her. She of course notices and she tells me she loves only me, and wants Me. Then, I start to feel safe again and our sex is great.

The solution is therefore not centered on myself, but on us. After all, we do this together. Opening up to her, brought us closer together, and the sex became even more intimate and believe it or not – wild.

This I wanted to share, in the hope of encouraging men to tell their partners about their anxieties. It is a strength.

Intimacy Issues

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Intimacy is one of those words that has lost it’s meaning – and it is time to excavate the meaning of intimacy and see where it fits in the complicated reality of human sexuality.

In this episode, we investigate the meaning of “intimacy” and propose a more deliberate and meaningful use of the word. What does intimacy really mean? How does it play out in all of our relationships? When we want more sexual intimacy, how do we get it? What happens when we don’t want to be intimate?

Intimacy is sometimes understood as “in-to-me-see” – is this a useful concept? If so, who do we want to let in – and what conditions do we need to create in order to make that safe?

In this episode we take a candid look at the concept of intimacy and reveal it to be much more than a euphemism for sex!

Sex Positive Families with Melissa Carnagey

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What does it mean to be a sex positive parent? How can you be a better role model for the kids and youth in your community?

As adults, we are the highest influencers for the next generation. It is up to us to show kids what it means to be sex-positive – and that is the work of a lifetime! Thankfully, Melissa Carnagey has created a fabulous website and podcast to help guide the conversation about what it means to be a sex-positive parent, how to talk to kids about sex and all the intricacies of being a sex positive role model.

In this inspiring conversation, we cover:

  • why “the birds and bees talk” doesn’t work and what we need to do instead
  • how to talk to kids at different ages and stages of development
  • what to do when your kids ask a question you are not prepared to answer
  • how we can learn from the youth and let them lead the way
  • why it is essential to build a sex positive community to support the kids in your life

Check out Melissa’s brilliant website here: SexPositiveFamilies.com and her new book, Sex Positive Talks to Have with Kids

Mindful Sex for Sexual Wellbeing, Better Orgasms and Deeper Love

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We have a new course available! Mindful Sex invites you to harness the power of mindfulness in your sex life. Discover how to minimize distractions, stay present during arousal, expand your capacity for pleasure and go deeper with your partner.

In this podcast, we share three different perspectives on the benefits of mindful sex. The full interviews are part of the Mindful Sex course.

First, Dr. Laurie Mintz shares her thoughts about the practical benefits of mindful sex and the profound results she sees in her sex therapy practice.

Then, sex educator and therapist Cyndi Darnell talks about how she discovered mindful sex through tantra, and how she now thinks about mindful sex as part of social justice work.

Finally, sex educator Kait Scalisi talks about practicing mindful sex in your relationship and life to create a context where great sex can happen more often.