podcast — Page 51 — Pleasure Mechanics

Amanda Palmer On Making Emotional Connections

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Amanda Palmer shares the crucial difference between Looking and Seeing, and offers wisdom on the importance of being truly seen as a full human being.

Excerpt from her book, The Art of Asking or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Let People Help.

Get the audiobook of Amanda’s book FREE with your completely free Audible.com trial membership!

I wanted to be seen.

That was absolutely true. All performers -all humans- want to be seen; it’s a basic need. Even the shy ones who don’t want to be looked at.

But I also wanted, very much, to see.

I didn’t quite grasp this until I had been up on the box for a while. What I loved as much as, possibly even more than, being seen was sharing the gaze. Feeling connected.

I needed the two-way street, the exchange, the relationship, and the invitation to true intimacy that I got every so often from the eyes of a random street patron. It didn’t always happen. But it happened enough to keep me up on the box.

And that’s why stripping, even though it often paid way better, when I tried my hand at it a few years later, just didn’t do it for me. I was being looked at. But I never felt seen. The strip joint was like Teflon to real emotional connection. – page 46, The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

Long Distance Relationship Sex For Everyone

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You may be in a long distance relationship – even if you share a bed every night.

When you think about it, long distance relationships are really “low in-person time together” relationships.

We recently talked to a doctor who worked opposite shifts as her doctor husband. She said it felt “like sharing a home with a ghost.” Many people are so busy that their once a month date night is the only time they really get to talk to one another.

Think about it – how many hours per week do you spend with your lover? How many of those hours are devoted fully to being together as lovers, connecting?

For many couples, time together is far too scarce. This distance (whether physical or not) can work for and against your love life.

On one hand, distance creates longing and anticipation. You may cherish your time together and not take one another for granted.

On the other hand, distance can create emotional chasms between you and you may find it hard to connect when you have the chance. You may feel a lot of pressure when you do have the chance to be together, and that pressure can make intimacy fizzle out.

Whether you live in the same home or on different continents, there are strategies for staying connected and maintaining a great love life when time together is scarce.

In this week’s episode you will:

find out how to get all of your needs met (without relying on one person!)
learn how to cultivate your own sexual energy
get strategies so you and your partner don’t become erotic strangers
find the balance between building anticipation and being authentic
optimize the sexiness of long distance relationships while minimizing the risks

Don’t miss this episode if you have ever felt distant from your lover!

Secrets of Great Kissing

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When was the last time you had an extensive, glorious make out session?

When did you last experience a long beautiful kiss without an objective or goal for anything to happen afterwards, but just to experience the joy and pleasure of kissing in and of itself?

If it has been too long you can choose to bring this back into your relationship and notice great results in your relationship.

For more practices and strategies for strong long term relationships, enroll in our most popular online course for couples here.

Is Masturbation Healthy?

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Is Masturbation Healthy?

We receive email every day asking us if masturbation is healthy. This question stems from hundreds of years of anti-masturbation crusading. For generations, we’ve been taught that masturbation is unhealthy, shameful and sinful.

Here’s the naked truth: Masturbation Is Healthy! Masturbation is great for your health, your relationship to pleasure and can even be a positive force in your relationships.

The real question is this: is YOUR relationship to masturbation a healthy one? Do you touch yourself for pleasure? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Does it give you energy?

Or is masturbation a compulsion without much pleasure anywhere to be found? Do you do it the same way, day after day? Do you feel depleted or sad after you climax? Then it may be time to rethink your solo sex life!

Frequency of Masturbation:

There is no one right number of times per day, week or year to masturbate. Some people masturbate a few times a day, some a few times a week, others a few times a month or year.

Only you can know what is best for you. Becoming aware of your patterns and more deliberate in your choices around masturbation will make it more satisfying and a more energizing part of your life.

If you feel stuck in a masturbation rut, or feel like you masturbate compulsively – that is, without choice and/or against your better judgement – it may be time to change up your patterns and bring more awareness to your self-touch.

Quality of Masturbation:

Many people masturbate from a feeling of sexual longing – there is a feeling or experience we have powerful desire for but are not achieving. If this is the case, check in with that longing and see if there are elements of that fantasy or desire you can bring into your sex life, solo or partnered. See if you can create the feeling state you are looking for.

How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel in your body?
What are you seeking? Is there a feeling you are going for? Do you reach it?
Is there variety in your masturbation?
Do you feel more or less energized after masturbating?

Effective Erotic Communication

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Effective Erotic Communication

Asking for what you want in bed and talking to your lover during sex can feel scary and overwhelming. What if it was part of the turn-on instead? What if learning to effectively communicate your erotic needs was a key to your sexual fulfillment.

In this episode, we share an awesome food analogy from the brilliant Dr. Mary Klein. He reminds us that to cook a meal together, or embark on any creative collaboration, you need a common language. The same is true for sex: to create the erotic life you really want, you need an erotic vocabulary. Tune in to find out how to develop it, in and out of the bedroom!

Because erotic communication is one of the most important skills for sexual fulfillment and healthy relationships, we have put together an interactive resource guide on erotic communication – available here or as part of a Pleasure Pod membership. Membership includes our resource pod on Erotic Communication as just one of the many curated resources for Pleasure Pod Members!