Pleasure Mechanics

Flirtation, Seduction And Initiation

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Flirtation, Seduction And Initiation

In episode #074 of the podcast we explored how to be romantic while still being true to yourself. We examined the four elements of authentic romance so you can discover how to activate the power of romance all year long, going beyond red roses and champagne.

To continue our 3 part series leading up to the lover’s holiday of Valentine’s Day, this week we are exploring Flirtation, Seduction & Initiation.

  • Flirting is all about expressing attraction and creating the spark of desire. Flirting is part of what makes dating so much fun, but tends to get lost in long term relationships. In this episode, we talk about why flirting is so important to maintain in a long term relationship and give you strategies to start flirting with your partner again.
  • Seduction is the art of inviting your partner into an erotic experience. Many people don’t feel very seductive, but we give you strategies to seduce and fearlessly initiate intimacy.
  • Initiation can be scary, because it makes you vulnerable and puts you at risk of rejection. But if you want to have a great love life, you have to learn how to fearlessly initiate intimacy. Listen in to discover how!

Flirting, Seducing and Initiating are essential skills for having a great love life over the years. Listen in to this week’s episode and challenge yourself to amp up these forces in your relationship, and we promise you’ll love the results!

How To Be Romantic

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How To Be Romantic

How To Be Romantic

Champagne, chocolate and roses. Is that what Valentine’s Day is really about? Or is it the opportunity to be more romantic, express your love and make your loved one feel special? The cynics roll their eyes at Valentine’s Day but we think that Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to brush up on romance and recommit to being more romantic, seductive and yes, even orgasmic, all year round!

Over the next three weeks, we are going to be dissecting Valentine’s Day so you can have a better love life all year round. We pull apart what makes champagne and chocolates “romantic” to unlock the key to experiencing the richness of real, authentic romance.

Part 1: How To Be Romantic: What is romance and how can we make it work for us all year round? We present our romance formula so you can figure out what will make your lover swoon! Authentic romantic gestures can set the stage for a happier, hotter relationship all year round.

Part 2: Seduction: Once you have the power of romance working for you, you still have to seduce your lover and initiate intimacy. This can get tricky, even painful. We take the guesswork out of seduction and initiation and reveal how to fearlessly seduce your lover.

Part 3: Best Sex Ever: Beyond chocolates, what everyone hopes for on Valentine’s Day is some special occasion lovemaking. Here’s five ways to take it from ordinary to extraordinary. These strategies work any day of the year, so be sure to put all of them to the test!

This week, it’s all about romance. Click the “play” button above to listen to the free podcast on how to be romantic. You’ll hear all about our take on what creates meaningful romance.

  • Discover the 4 cornerstones of romance
  • Find out how to discover what makes your lover swoon so you can deliver romance all year round!
  • Use our simple strategies to give your romantic gestures the most bang for your buck

How To Overcome Sexual Shame

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How To Overcome Sexual Shame : Free Podcast Episode

There is an invisible force that impacts all of us, in and out of the bedroom. It can disrupt your pleasure, limit your ideas of what is possible and hold you back from pursuing your true desires. This force goes by a deceptively simple name: shame.

We know shame isn’t the sexiest of topics, but it is essential to confront if you want to live a more authentic, pleasurable life. Clearing away shame is like clearing the weeds to give your garden room to grow. Unlocking the cage to let your inner wild animal roam free. Cleaning the windows of your sexual soul to let the sun shine through. If you want more metaphors we’ve got them, but we think you get the point!

You’ve got to slay your sexual shame if you want to discover who you really are. We all have shame holding us back, no matter how liberated you believe yourself to be. Shame about being enough, being too much, being too big or too small, too slutty or too prudish, too kinky or too vanilla, too horny or too disinterested… we could go on.

What are your shame stories? Where do you feel like you might be broken?

Where did you learn that you didn’t belong, as is, just as you are? 

This week’s podcast is an in-depth discussion about sexual shame and how to overcome it. A listener asked how she can overcome the shame that is preventing her from having orgasms with her boyfriend.

Ready for more? Join The Pleasure Pod & Unlock Members-Only Resources – including all of our best resources about overcoming shame, body-shame, guilt and fear. In the Release resource pod, we share all of our best resources for confronting the shame, guilt and fear that impact us all. 

If you are a survivor of sexual trauma of any kind, you can also enroll in our FREE Survivor’s Toolkit for a wide variety of insights and resources to guide you on your healing path.

Resources Mentioned On This Episode:

Couples Massage Mastery Online Course

Foreplay Mastery Online Course

SHAME RESOURCES: Shame TED talks, TEDx talks and Brené Brown interviews

Stop Faking Orgasms: Here’s How

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Stop Faking Orgasms: Here's How

Fake orgasm? How about the real thing instead?

Many women (and some men) fake orgasm to get sex over with and avoid hurting their lover’s feelings. But one fake orgasm just ends up leading to another.

If you avoid communicating about what you really need to have the real deal, you’ll end up with a lover who doesn’t know how to please you!

The solution is to start communicating (verbally and non-verbally) about what authentically turns you on so you can get more of what works for you. Over time, this will add up to a highly orgasmic sex life!

How Common Are Fake Orgasms?

Fake orgasms are more common than you might imagine. One study shows that 80% of women fake orgasms at least half the time! Many men fake orgasms too!

Many people fake orgasm to get mediocre sex over with. Others fake orgasm to avoid hurting their lover’s feelings. The problem is, when you fake an orgasm you are giving your lover false information about your sexual responses. Imagine if your lover cooked you the same meal every week because they thought you liked it. Eventually, you’d have to speak up and ask for something else.

The same is true in the bedroom. Unless you are willing to communicate about what authentically arouses you and brings you to orgasm, you’ll never be able to have a fulfilling sex life.

Remember, most women do not experience orgasm during intercourse. For more on why and how to truly pleasure a woman, check out our free podcast episodes on Female Orgasm During Intercourse

In this podcast episode we explore how to start getting real with your lover so you can stop faking and start making love that is truly satisfying.

We also discuss whether or not you should disclose to your lover if you’ve been faking orgasms all along.

Should I Confess That I Have Been Faking Orgasms?

Here’s the letter that inspired this episode:
“Hey guys, I have a situation I’m hoping you can help me with. I am 28, and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He just proposed and I said yes. The problem is, I’ve been faking orgasm for our entire relationship.
If I’m going to marry the guy I want to be honest with him and work on having better sex. How do I tell him I’ve been faking without crushing his ego? Sex feels good but not great.
I can easily have orgasms when I am alone, but with him I usually don’t get all the way there. I’ve had a few orgasms with him, mostly during oral sex. But the rest of the time, I fake to get it over with. Should I tell him?” ~ Meghan

How To Set Erotic Goals

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How To Set Erotic Goals

Setting Erotic Goals

The first step to having the sex life of your dreams is to define erotic goals specifically designed to fulfill your desires, one at a time. This is where thought becomes action, where you create practical goals and tangible steps towards enjoying a more fulfilling sex life, on your own terms.

First, you’ll define goals that move you towards fulfilling your desires. Then, you’ll prioritize those goals and pick one to begin working towards immediately. Many erotic goals are fulfilled on your own – through how you treat yourself, your attitudes and approaches towards your own sexuality, and actions you take in your own life. Other erotic goals require the participation of your lover.

For now, we begin by reclaiming the idea of a goal-oriented sexuality. Goals have become a dirty word when it comes to sex – we believe that well defined goals will help you optimize your experience of sexuality, just as they do in health, business and other areas of your life.

Goal vs. Agenda

We know, sex isn’t “supposed to be” goal-oriented. Our peers in the sex education field spend a lot of time getting people to give up having goals. We say HAVE GOALS! Greatness in all realms of life depends on setting and achieving goals. Why should great sex be exempt from this? Goals allow us to mutually agree on a desired outcome, to set our sights what we want to make happen.

Goals are essential to create a fulfilling sex life, but agendas can be toxic to your eroticism. Again, we turn to the dictionary definitions of Goal Vs. Agenda to discover the crucial difference.

Goal:

the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result: going to law school has become the most important goal in his life.

• the destination of a journey: the aircraft bumped toward our goal some 400 miles to the west.

• literary a point marking the end of a race.

Agenda:

• a list of items to be discussed at a formal meeting: the question of nuclear weapons had been removed from the agenda.

• a plan of things to be done or problems to be addressed: he vowed to put jobs at the top of his agenda | the government had its own agenda.

Here is the big difference: A goal is the desired result. An agenda is a to-do list. Most people approach sex with an agenda (kiss, touch boobs, blow job, fuck, orgasm – sound familiar?) instead of a goal.

As a culture we have lost our erotic imagination, and reduced the sexual experience into a predictable agenda.

The definition of “goal” has the key: desired result.

Remember the distinction between Fantasy and Desire. It is from the deep well of your desires that you will draw upon for your erotic goals. Your Desires (and your lover’s) are the inspiration for your erotic goals, determining what you want to experience sexually and how you might approach lovemaking to meet that goal.