In this interview with sex therapist and podcast host Nicoletta Heidegger, we explore the terrain of troublesome turn-ons – when what we desire also causes us distress, worry or is perhaps illegal or even impossible to fulfill. Troublesome Turn-Ons are the desires that not only excite us, but cause anxiety, fear, shame, guilt or concern we will act out or cause harm.
In this episode we explore how to turn towards our troublesome turn-ons with more self-compassion, understanding of the human sexual spectrum, and tools to differentiate between fantasy and desire.
Troublesome Turn-Ons is a term coined by the late and great sexologist Dr. Jack Morin in his book The Erotic Mind. He shared the insight that most of what people self-experience as Troublesome Turn-Ons are actually quite common sexual fantasies within the range of normal human sexual expression, and reminds us to examine the assumptions and cultural norms behind the taboos to slay shame and gain more freedom – even as we may choose to enjoy the erotic charge of the taboo! Morin reminds us that we don’t need to give up the thrill of the profane and illicit, but we can shed the anxiety and self-judgment that may burden us and get in the way of pleasure and connection.
Explore more with Nicoletta at NicolettavHeidegger.com and tune into the SlutsAndScholars.com podcast, starting with the Pleasure Mechanics interview about Sexological Bodywork
Big thanks to Uberlube for sponsoring this episode and providing the world with the best silicone lube available. Explore Uberlube.com and use the code PLEASURE for 10% off and Free Shipping
Speaking Of Sex Podcast Episodes To Continue The Conversation
- What To Do With Desires Unfulfilled
- Explore With Curiosity: Attitudes For Kinkier Sex
- Sexual Attitude Adjustments
- Get Specific About Your Erotic Desires
- Fantasy Vs. Desire
Resources To Help Find Additional Support
- Kink and Polyamory Aware Professionals Directory (KAP)
- Rad therapist Aida Manduley’s meta resource: Get A Therapist
- AASECT directory