Let’s be real. Most of us love sweet, tender lovemaking. But every once in awhile, we just want to fuck and be fucked.
Even leading marriage therapist David Schnarch recognizes the need for fucking in long term relationships.
So how do we let go and learn how to fuck like the animals we are? Here are some tips to get you started as you discover how to fuck like a champion!
How To Fuck: Attitude
It’s not the sex act that determines the erotic experience, it’s all about the attitude. Just like a kiss can be romantic or rebellious, sex can feel like making love or like fucking. The difference is all about the intention and attitude you bring to the act. Fucking doesn’t even have to include intercourse – you can create the experience of being fucked with hands, toys or perhaps without any kind of touch at all!
For most people, fucking is much less personal than making love (but not necessarily less intimate!) While making love is all about your connection to a specific individual, fucking is a more physical act that is more about the athletic and sensory experience than about emotional connection.
Don’t confuse the intense physicality of fucking with it feeling less intimate. Letting go and putting a lot of physical energy into fucking can make it feel incredibly vulnerable and physically intimate.
Many people actually find fucking to be very intimate, which is why they end up holding back and censoring their sexual expression.
How To Fuck: Letting Go
To create the experience of fucking, you need to let go of inhibitions and social niceties and let yourself express your full sexual energy. Most of us are trained to keep sex polite and tidy. Fucking is raw and energetic. You have to show up, express your pleasure, move your body and make noise! To let go and really allow fucking to happen, you can’t worry about what your face looks like when you orgasm or if your belly fat is jiggling. You have to really go for it. This is easier said than done, but with a bit of practice and permission you can keep going deeper into the experience of fucking!
How To Fuck: Sound and Movement
Fucking is not quiet and it is not still! If you want to explore how to fuck, give yourself permission to make more noise and move your body more freely.
For more on making noise in bed, listen to this podcast episode: Episode #099: Dirty Talk: How To Get Started
For more on moving in bed, listen to this podcast episode: Episode #176: How To Move During Sex
How To Fuck: Get A Little Rough
If you want to amp up the intensity of fucking, get a little rough. Many people love the sensation of a bit of slapping, scratching or hair pulling during sex. Remember, arousal raises your pain threshold so the more turned on you are the more intense sensations you can process as pleasurable! Start gently and slowly bring up the intensity until you find that moment’s “just right” roughness. Rough sex elements should be discussed ahead of time and consented to in an ongoing way, as everyone has different feelings about things like hair pulling, spitting and slapping during sex.
If you discover you like rough sex, you may want to check out our Kinky Sex Mastery Course which will guide you in mastering skills like intense sensation play, erotic power play and so much more!