Pleasure Mechanics

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Butt Plugs! Who, What, Where, When, Why and How?

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Butt plugs are one of the most versatile types of sex toys, but not many people know about them. Here is everything you’ve ever wanted to know (and more!) about butt plugs. In this free podcast episode, we cover all the basics and more. This is a Who, What, Where, When, Why and How Episode of Speaking of Sex, so we cover all the essentials, including:

  • What is a butt plug?
  • Who are butt plugs for?
  • Where do you use butt plugs?
  • When do you use butt plugs?
  • How do you use a butt plug?
  • How can men use butt plugs?
  • How can men and women use butt plugs during sex?
  • Why do butt plugs feel good?
  • How are butt plugs different from dildos?
  • Should I buy a vibrating butt plug?

Resources Mentioned On This Episode:

How To Prepare For Anal Play

Prostate Massage Mastery Online Course

Anal Play Mastery Online Course

A Few Of Our Favorite Butt Plugs:

*Bvibe Silicone Plugs: a range of sizes, body safe silicone and friendly colors

*Njoy Stainless Steel Plugs: for those who like a heavier, harder heft

*Trainer Set: a set with several sizes so you can explore what feels best to you

* SheVibe has the largest selection of butt plugs – especially if you want something playful (a tail? some sparkle? look no further!)

 


* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

Having Fun With Erotic Roleplaying

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When many people think about kinky sex, one of the first images to come to mind is erotic role playing. From the classic boss and secretary scenario to Prince Charming and Sleeping Beauty, role playing captures our collective erotic imagination. Yet many people find it hard to get into, leaving these erotic roles to fantasy alone.

If you want to be guided, step by step, in exploring kinky sex and erotic roleplaying, check out our Kinky Sex Mastery online course.

Role playing can be a powerful tool of kinky sex. Stepping into an erotic role gives you permission to experience things outside of your normal comfort zone. Using role playing in a long term relationship can trick your brain into believing you are having sex with someone new, creating much needed novelty in your sex life. Ultimately, role playing is like slipping into someone else’s skin for a short period of time, so you can experience something the “ordinary” you would never have access to.

Play is important. Kinky sex is a way that adults play. Roleplaying is a wonderful playground for all of us, if you are willing to get past any initial awkward moments and are willing to bring a playful spirit into the bedroom. We all worry about looking funny and not getting it quite right. Move through this concern and erotic role playing can be about having fun and getting imaginative. It can also be very hot for some people, and you’ll never know how arousing it can be if you don’t give it a fair shot!

Don’t be fooled into thinking that erotic role playing is all about costumes and props. As we’ll explore later on, costumes are great fun for some people and hold little interest for others. They certainly aren’t required for role playing, so if they aren’t interesting to you don’t give up on this fun category of kink!

Role playing is a form of storytelling. Instead of you and your lover having sex as you normally do, in your everyday roles as lovers or spouses, erotic role playing invites you into the world of drama where you can be whoever you want to be. By stepping into new roles, you get the chance to embody new attitudes, play with new energy and experience new dynamics between you. While the roles are temporary, the novelty and excitement often create long term positive effects in your relationship as a whole.

So even if you have no interest in dressing up like a pirate captain to claim your maiden captive, give erotic role playing a chance. You may find more than you bargained for!

Begging For It

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Imagine a lover gasping for air, begging for it, begging for YOU, begging for the release of your touch – is this a fantasy alone? Or is there a way to make begging for it something we can all do a bit more of, each in our own way?

In this episode we explore the erotic art of begging for it. What does begging for it mean – begging FOR sex vs. begging DURING sex? Begging for a specific sex act vs. begging for pleasure? Begging for orgasm vs. begging for mercy?

When we imagine erotic begging, we also need to think about the erotic energy behind the begging. Begging can range from bratty to reverent, from demanding to humiliating, from thrilling to flirty.

And, as Charlotte points out, isn’t begging really just an extreme form of consent? Of saying, out loud, what it is you want and how you want it? How can we leverage the sexiness of begging to make consent clear, honest and exciting?

If you are ready to explore your kinky side together, check out our Kinky Sex course – we’ll take you on a guided adventure, date by date, in the privacy of your own home.

 

Joey Soloway on Desire, Freedom and Play

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Joey Soloway, creator of the award winning shows Transparent and I Love Dick, joins us to talk about creating art that matters, art that is helping to change global culture and liberate the narratives of the marginalized.

In this interview, Joey Soloway talks about how the forces of desire, empathy, freedom and play shape their work and help to create shows that offer new portals of possibility and permission for millions. We also discuss the anatomy of a great sex scene, and how sex scenes can offer a liberation from the box of normalcy and the secrecy of shame.

Joey Soloway’s new book is She Wants It: Desire, Power, and Toppling the Patriarchy – and gracefully weaves together a Hollywood memoir about how Jill’s art and life inspire and influence one another while also offering fresh and vital perspectives on gender, sexuality, power and consent. 

Joey Soloway was a TV writer on shows like Six Feet Under, Grey’s Anatomy and many others, made a well loved independent movie called Afternoon Delight, and then created a show called Transparent, which went on to become not only a super successful award winning show, but also brought a transgender narrative into millions of homes around the world. They also created I Love Dick, another brilliant show that grapples with sexuality and gender. As part of Amazon, their shows reach an audience in 230 countries. Joey Soloway’s art is lovingly and reverently part of and responding to the current cultural narratives on gender, sexuality, family, Judaism and human connection. 

*At the time of this interview, Joey Soloway was using the name Jill. This page, but not the audio file, has been updated to respect Joey Soloway’s current named identity. 6/2020

Go Deeper: Interviews, Talks and Presentations with Joey Soloway

Remaking Manhood: An Interview with Mark Greene

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We are at a cultural crossroads – where the old models of social power structures are falling away and being replaced with new models to create more equity, freedom and opportunity for us all. But at this crossroads, many of us are confused, lonely and desperate for answers.

Mark Greene is a brilliant thinker about the realm of manhood – how the social structure of masculinity and gender roles have harmed us all, and what we need to repair in order to move forward. Mark Greene writes about “the man box” – the narrow set of emotions, expressions and actions that define “a real man” and how this emotional suppression deprives boys and men of their basic human need for connection, empathy and full spectrum emotions.

Read Mark Greene’s articles on Medium and check out his books: Remaking Manhood and The Relational Book For Parenting

If you or someone you love is struggling to reclaim sexual agency after trauma, check out our free resource for survivors: The Survivors Toolkit

Check out the ManKind Project for men’s workshops and retreats

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