Pleasure Mechanics

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Oral Sex Orgasms Advanced Techniques

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For many women, receiving oral sex is challenging. Some women have anxiety about how their vulva looks, smells or tastes. Other women worry about appearing selfish if they take too much time to reach orgasm. Some women simply don’t trust that their partner could actually enjoy going down on them. Even for women who are comfortable with their bodies, have no anxiety about their vulva and trust their partner’s enthusiasm, the sheer pleasure of oral sex can be overwhelming. And for other women, the intensity of stimulation from oral sex never gets quite strong enough to push them over the edge into orgasm.

The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help you reach orgasm during oral sex. From communication strategies to orgasmic mindfulness, there are lots of great tools to help you enjoy more orgasmic oral sex.

This podcast is for anyone who has trouble reaching orgasm during oral sex. We cover:

  • How to relax and receive as much pleasure as possible
  • How to guide your partner without getting too technical during sex
  • Mental and physical techniques to overcome pleasure anxiety
  • Erotic jedi mind tricks to get out of your head and into your body
  • Simple power play techniques to eroticize your struggle
  • The one tool we all need to learn to feel more pleasure

Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode:

I have a partner who is good at giving oral sex. He’s devoted, perceptive, I know he really enjoys it, and I have noticed how he’s refined his skills and sense of what I need over the 8 months we’ve been dating – he has asked me frequently how he could be better at going down, and I’ve shared some ideas with him which he’s incorporated. I want to orgasm, he wants me to orgasm, everything feels so good I think I could orgasm, except as I approach a climax, I just can’t, and the pleasure gives way to anxiety or frustration. There isn’t one thing I’m wanting and not saying, there isn’t something he’s doing wrong, I genuinely believe my vagina’s beautiful and feel comfortable having a person so intimately connecting with that part of my body …. it’s more an issue of being unable to give in to that non-thinking, pleasure-focussed state.  No one has ever been able to get me over this hump (of orgasming from oral sex – I am able to climax during intercourse), and it’s beginning to feel like vulnerability/shame/privacy mental block.  What steps can I take to start relaxing into orgasm from oral sex? How can I let myself just enjoy it more? Feel everything more fully and intensely?

One detail I keep considering is that talking and giving instructions does kind of take me “out of it”  …  I’m still open to trying more communication, but  the most success I’ve had is more internal work – using imagery garnered from Betty Dodson’s wisdom to call to mind favorite foods, beautiful images, or other pleasure-things that aren’t specifically sex, to get my mind out of analyzing and into pleasure mode.

Thanks a million for all that you do,

B

 

 

Erotic Breathing with Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D.

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Discover how the simple act of rhythmic breathing can be an incredibly powerful sexual skill. In this interview with sexual pioneer and activist Annie Sprinkle, we dive deep into the profound erotic experience of adding breath to any sexual experience.

To discover the power of erotic breath work for better sex, join us in the Mindful Sex online course, where we share all of our incredible erotic breath practices!

In this podcast episode, we cover:

  • How Annie discovered breath as a sexual tool
  • How breathing can unlock more sensations, emotions and intimacy during sex
  • The simple way to start exploring erotic breathing
  • How to have a “breathgasm”
  • What Chris taught Annie about using breathwork for an unexpected outcome
  • How to open up to a more expanded understanding of sexuality
  • How to be a “metamorphasexual”

Find out more about Annie Sprinkle at www.AnnieSprinkle.org

My Sexual Breakthrough Moment

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In this episode, we share the sexual breakthrough moment of one podcast listener. Then we explore how you can create your own breakthrough moments to level up your sex life.

Click here for more prostate masturbation strategies and links to prostate masturbation toys like the Aneros.

Here is the full letter that inspired this episode:

Dear Pleasure Mechanics:

First, Chris, I was very sorry to hear about your recent health scare.  It sounded truly terrifying but I’m glad to hear that you’re doing better and your health is back under control.

I’m writing to you two because over the past few years I’ve been interested in learning more about prostate stimulation, but my exploration has pretty fruitless-until recently, and there isn’t anybody else I can talk to about this subject.

Like I said, I’ve read a fair amount about the subject, listened to your podcasts on prostate stimulation, and even bought an Aneros.  I tried following the instructions, but every time I inserted it (usually in bed, on my side with one leg pulled towards my stomach), and tried to relax, nothing happened.  I settled into a pattern; every few months, I would make an attempt or two, nothing would happen, and I’d give up for a while.  I bought a newer Aneros model, one with a more comfortable coating, but still no breakthroughs.

Very recently, I thought it might be better to try a finger.  I bought some latex gloves, lubed up my index finger, and tried to gently insert it.  This time I tried standing up instead of being in bed.  I more or less struck out the first two times, but a couple of days ago, by really concentrating on syncing my breathing and “bearing down,” I was able to pull the finger in.  By flexing it forward, I was able to just touch my prostate, but only barely, and the position wasn’t that comfortable.  I was going to give up again, but for whatever reason I told myself “no, you made progress today, and we’re going to keep trying!”

 I got my Aneros, lubed it up, and began to insert it, using the same technique as my finger.  I suspect the insertion of my finger warmed the area up, and over the course of a minute, I was able to slide it in.  Instead of just trying to breathe, I put on a video of an erotic massage and began to masturbate.  After about a minute, I could feel the Aneros slide further within me, until it must have made contact with my prostate.  When it did, I looked down at my cock and it felt…different, the hardness seemed to extend into my body (I know you two have pointed out how much of the penis is internal but I never felt that sensation before).  My cock, already hard, began to get much harder than I could ever remember and its head was much more swollen than usual.  Things began to blur but even though I usually masturbate “dry,” I grabbed some lube, covered my cock, and really began to pump, focusing much more on my cockhead than I usually do.  I honestly can’t recall being that turned on before. I tried to bear down about every five seconds and I could feel the Aneros milking the prostate.  And then after a minute-I got some “milk,” as fluid began to seep out of my cock. At first I thought I was coming but after the first shot of fluid my cock somehow managed to get harder, not softer.  It became difficult not to vocalize and I began to groan, and over the next ten to fifteen minutes, I managed to have at least ten more eruptions of fluid, my cock staying in that ultra-hard state.  I really didn’t know what to think, each release of fluid felt wonderful, but in a very different way than a “standard” orgasm.  The sensation was much more sustained and rather than draining it seemed to energize me.

Even though it seemed like I must have completely emptied my prostate, I decided to try again the next night.  Insertion was a little more difficult (I should have warmed up more) but again I was able to get the Aneros pretty far in, and I lubed up and began stroking my cock quicker than the previous time.  I couldn’t believe it-not only was I able to get just as hard as before, but the sensations, both from my cock and my prostate, were even more intense.  Every time fluid seeped out, it just added fuel to the fire.  I really just put caution to the wind-stroking, squeezing and grunting,-it was primal in the best sense of the world.  When I was finished I was completely drenched; I had managed to break through and have two terrific experiences in as many days.

I’m sorry for the length of this message, but like I wrote earlier, I’ve been trying to get to this point for years, and I don’t have anybody in my circle who I feel comfortable talking about this subject.  Please know that your podcasts and advocacy for prostate massage, as well as for more attention to male sexuality in general kept me interested in the subject.  In your podcast on hand jobs both of you talked about the importance of men being able to revel in their arousal for their own sake, separate from penetration.  I usually just stroke long enough to get hard, often in the dark, and then finish myself off in other ways, so it really felt empowering to stand up, feel the fullness in my butt and the stimulation of my prostate, and to see my cock, already erect, get much harder and then to see fluid shoot out, multiple times.  Even after the pleasure subsided there was a real sense of accomplishment, totally removed from any shame or disgust.  So I’m glad I didn’t give up, and in a few days time I’m going to try and put what I’ve learned to good use and hopefully have an even better experience.

I have just a couple of quick questions, again thanks for indulging me for this long.

1) when I was masturbating my balls also got very aroused and pulled close to my body, but I really wasn’t able to do much in the way of stimulating them. I don’t think you’ve done a podcast on touching the balls but if you have any tips that would be great.

Click here for tips on how to touch balls!

2) In my case it seems like I really needed penile stimulation combined with the Aneros to get thing going; before when I just would just insert it and try to breathe nothing much happened.  I know everyone’s body is different, so there’s no reason to think that prostate stimulation combined with working the cock is a lesser experience, is there?

Midlife Sexual Renaissance with Pamela Madsen

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This episode has been retired. 

Pamela Madsen is the author of “Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked and Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home In Time To Cook Dinner” She writes for Huffington Post and offers coaching sessions online and leads Back to the Body retreats for women all around the world.

In this episode, we covered:

  • One woman’s path to erotic reawakening
  • Baby steps towards midlife sexual revolutions
  • Why menopause can be an erotic gift
  • The biological rhythms of female sexuality
  • A peek behind the scenes at an international sex retreat

Find Pamela online at BackToTheBody.org

Arousal Panic

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Arousal Panic :: Free Podcast Episode

Men aren’t supposed to get erections in public for good reason. As young boys, erections cause embarrassment and even punishment. But the pattern of tension and shame this creates creeps into private sex lives and interrupts men’s ability to get aroused and feel pleasure. If you’ve ever experienced arousal panic, you are not alone!

On episode 197 we explored some of the ways we feel men’s sexuality is shut down or impaired by our cultural narratives about male sexuality. In this episode we hear from a listener from Switzerland who shares his experience with arousal panic – and what he is doing to liberate himself from this lifelong pattern. Here’s his email. Hit the “play” button above to listen to the complete podcast episode.

One more thought concerning men’s shame around their penis/groin that you didn’t mention in your recent overview and that I recently put under the microscope on myself while in a cabin up north for a few months: the clamping down of the first signs of arousal. The light but firm inner panic when the first feeling of pressure is sensed down there. I’m sure this is widespread. And in my case I’m positive it’s origins are quite simple: I have always been terrified of having a hardon in public. And boy are there enough occasions for that to happen as a youngen. Sitting in a car or bus, going to the pool, watching movies, etc.

I’m actually not sure how to best deal with this. I have a hard time imagining our society should accept seeing boys or men with big bulges in their shorts and the tips of penises peeking over the waistband of their trunks or trousers on occasion… I’m certainly not ready for that. So I find it hard to believe this will ever be prevented.

So what I tried to do in the cabin (where I could convince even my shame-shaken mind I really was absolutely secluded and alone) is to actively relax into it, let it all hang out, etc. giving myself arousing stimuli (mostly sounds) and actively feeling and noticing those areas of the body that clamp down and actively relaxing them, moving them playfully, relaxing them, telling myself a little mantra like “it’s ok!” etc. i.e. Trying to uncondition myself from this panic tension reaction, which is unnecessarily stressful and pleasure-diminishing. And usually totally unnoticed (except for erotic massagists, I’m convinced!)

I was quite surprised to notice this, as it’s so second-nature, so well conditioned that I didn’t even question it. Until I was really alone and went looking for impediments to freedom of expression and self-love. And when there’s no-one else to blame, no outside conditions to respect, it becomes very easy to pinpoint your own intrinsic complexes.

Anyhow. Had to share this. There’s more where this came from if you’re interested. I came across a few more things that were very illuminating and important to me during my little hermitage up there. Much having to do with male sexuality and it’s self-imposed boundaries… And some cool tricks to help get over it 🙂

Happy to share anytime.

J

On this episode we cover:

  • Why we need an Erotic Olympics
  • Why so many men suffer from Arousal Panic
  • How Arousal Panic is learned as kids
  • How Arousal Panic is experienced as adults
  • How to change the Arousal Panic pattern so your arousal can be free
  • How to talk to your partner about Arousal Panic

You can record a question or suggest a topic for the podcast by clicking here.

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