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Urban Tantra author Barbara Carrellas shares one of her favorite principles of erotic touch, The Resilient Edge of Resistance. This important concept is all about finding “just right” where the touch is neither too much nor too little. This concept can be applied to many realms of life and is an important philosophical concept for both erotic mastery and spiritual wellness.
You can find Urban Tantra on Amazon.com and visit Barbara online.
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Yoni is another word for the vulva. Many in the tantra world use it as a word for the vulva. The parallel term for the penis is “lingam.”
Yoni Massage is an erotic practice that integrates full body massage with erotic stimulation of the vulva. This technique is also called erotic massage.
In erotic massage, the recipient gets to completely relax and receive. The Giver gets the opportunity to lavish all of their attention onto the Receiver’s body. This one-way touch structure allows both people to go deeper into the experience by focusing on just giving or just receiving.
First, you create a deep relaxed state in the body through full body massage. This stage can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, depending on how long you have for your experience. The more relaxed the body becomes, the more arousal you can build in the second stage of the yoni massage.
When the Recipient is ready, you can start integrating erotic touch into your massage. Start broadly and slowly focus in. Full guidance and stroke-by-stroke demonstrations are available in our Foreplay Mastery Course.
As you build up erotic stimulation, continue to massage the full body. It is the combination of full body massage with erotic touch that makes this experience so unique.
In some teaching traditions, yoni massage focuses heavily on stimulation of the g-spot. We believe that the g-spot area is just one part of the entire female sexual system, and you can include it as much or as little each time you practice yoni massage. Many people actually prefer focusing on clitoral stimulation instead, or in addition to, g-spot stimulation.
You can end a yoni massage by building up arousal to the point of orgasm and then letting her bask in the orgasmic afterglow. Or, you can choose to stop whenever she simply feels “done” and just relax together. This is your erotic experience, so you get to decide what a satisfying ending looks like.
Get stroke-by-stroke guidance in the art of yoni massage with our Foreplay Mastery Online Course. You’ll learn how to warm her up, build high levels of arousal and explore multiple orgasms and beyond!
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In this podcast Charlotte reads from Yearnings: Ancient Wisdom For Daily Life, Embracing The Sacred Messiness of Life by Rabbi Irwin Kula. The excerpts are taken from the chapter on The Blessing of Pleasure.
This piece from Rabbi Kula is extraordinary. It feels so important to me to share spiritual voices about pleasure and sex. In a world where pleasure is distorted, misunderstood and misused this kind of smart, nuanced spiritual perspective is so valuable. There are many of you who overtly struggle with the idea that the sensual is sacred, and many more who feel it as a more subtle undercurrent in your life. Hearing this spiritual leader’s acceptance, reverence and integration of the sacred, sensual, sexual and spiritual is deeply healing for many of us. This voice and perspective can give us permission to continue to untether our guilt and shame and instead to deepen in letting pleasure be a joyful part of our life. One of the parts I love so much is he really speaks to the fulfillment, satisfaction and happiness that sensual pleasures can offer us that many other experiences can not. Rabbi Kula speaks so well to the idea that our inclusion of pleasure is key to a fulfilling life where we feel connected to our own bodies and to each other.
One of the other parts I think is interesting is about creating “dirty monogamy”. This is using different language but is in a way paralleling what relationship expert Esther Perel and renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher talk about in how to make monogamy exciting. We talked about those ideas in Podcasts 102 and 130. This continues the idea that to have an excellent relationship it is essential to keep cultivating risk, excitement and newness in long term relationships.
This approach to pleasure is at the core of why we, The Pleasure Mechanics, do the work we do. We deeply believe in the sacred nature of pleasure. Chris and I both experience spirituality to be at the core of our lives, but we follow no faith aside from following our body’s wisdom and the path of pleasure so Rabbi Kula’s words are music to my ears and salve to my soul. So I’ll sign off for today and encourage you to find and notice the blessings of pleasure in your everyday life, always.
PS If you are interested in having outdoor sex like Rabbi Kula shares about please listen to Podcast 41 on how to do it safely without getting caught!
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Rachel Kramer Bussel is a powerhouse in the world of erotica and sex journalism. She has edited over 50 anthologies and regularly writes for a wide range of publications and websites, ranging from the Oprah magazine and The New York Times to several sex positive and feminist websites.
Her writing is always provocative, insightful and most of all a pleasure to read. We are thrilled to welcome her onto the show to talk about her new book, Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies For Couples.
We highly recommend erotica as a tool for exploring your erotic imagination.
Erotica audiobooks are another great tool. Grab your FREE audiobook of one of Rachel’s anthologies over at Audible.com by clicking here. You’ll get your first book absolutely free with your new membership. Cancel anytime and keep your first book for life.
There’s a sensual beauty to these stories that I believe will speak to those who practice kink in their lives and those who don’t, because in some ways the tenderness, the charge, the power shifting back and forth between partners, transcends kink. It speaks to ideals of worship, wonder, adoration—from both sides. Even the most sadistic men and women whose worlds you’re about to enter clearly value those they are asking to give them their bodies, their minds, their words, their beings. They are living out their most vivid fantasies with the person they most cherish. I hope you enjoy their dreams, fantasies and explorations, and that they inspire your own. – Rachel Kramer Bussel, Introduction to Dirty Dates
Learn more about Rachel Kramer Bussel’s work and follow her online here.
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In this Just The Tip episode Charlotte talks about an idea presented in Dr. Marty Klein’s book Sexual Intelligence. The idea is that some of us deny experiencing certain pleasures not because of how they feel, but because of what that might mean about us.
This is an important idea to think about. Many of us have our own thoughts of what is and is not ok, decent or safe to do, and questioning those invisible assumptions that we all have is essential to an interesting fulfilling sex life that is actually yours. Meaning, most of the judgmental ideas we have integrated about what is normal and what is deviant and not ok for you to participate in are most often learned ideas that you have picked up from somewhere.
If you have any sexual activities that you think are not ok for you to participate in consider why. As Klein said there are two main reasons, one is that you are really just not interested in the activity which is totally fine. Having sexual boundaries is a fine and healthy thing, some activities may just not appeal right now (you have a lifetime of sex ahead so be open to the idea that your interests may change over time depending on your stages of life). The other reason for not being interested in certain sexual activities is because it MEANS something about you.
If you have any sexual activities that are off limits for you because a perceived meaning, think about where you learned that moral judgement. Who told you that it was wrong and whose morality are you trying to maintain? Most often it is your mother, father, grandparents, church or friends. And realize that you are essentially bringing them to bed with you and letting your perception of how they will judge you determine what you will and will not do in bed. You need to decide if that is what you want. Again, having boundaries and interests in bed is fine and healthy, but just have them come from you, rather than an outside arbitrary source of judgement. And know that you are lovable and desirable no matter how basic or wild and weird your sexual desires are. So often at the core of only doing what you perceive as normal and “right” is the fear that if we do something outside of that we will become unlovable and worthless as a human and of course no one wants that so we stay within very narrow limits. Challenge that idea and know that at a fundamental level you are lovable no matter what you are or are not into.
This process an important step in creating a sexuality that is yours. It is part of a sexuality detox, kicking imaginary voices out of your bed, and deciding what kind of sex YOU want to have. It is key to you having more freedom, pleasure and joy in bed. And we, The Pleasure Mechanics, want that for you.