Pleasure Mechanics

The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior

 Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion just released a report on their survey of 5,865 men and women. This study will finally update the statistics about sexual behavior, which hasn’t had a major update in almost 20 years. We’ll be bringing you more juicy tidbits from the 138 page report in the days to come. For now, this inspirational quote from Dr. Jocelyn Elders!

“We have a sexually dysfunctional society because of our limited views of sexuality and our lack of knowledge and understanding concerning the complexities and joys of humanity. We must revolutionize our conversation from sex only as prevention of pregnancy and disease to a discussion of pleasure.”

Our mission is to provide resources that guide men and women in developing the skills to enjoy more pleasure and become a better lover. We will be reading the report with an eye for information that can help us better serve individuals and couples all around the world. We are grateful to the researchers at Indiana University for making this data available – may it help make the world a more pleasurable and peaceful place!

Nearly 40% of Women Report Intercourse Without Warm-Up

As we read through the newly-released sexual survey by Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, we are finding many statistics that make us even more committed to sharing our techniques of sexual pleasure. It is clear from the data that while Americans are enjoying a more varied sex life than we were just 20 years ago, there is a lot of room for improvement when it comes to sexual pleasure and fulfillment.

Here is one data set that we have a lot to say about: “in all age cohorts, the largest proportion of men and women reported having engaged solely in PVI [Penis-Vaginal Intercourse] (32.9% men, 39.0% women). Contrast that with only about 6% of participants reporting that they combined “partnered masturbation” (what we affectionately refer to as Handjobs and Fingering) with intercourse. To add insult to injury, the study reports that “for women and men, the presence or absence of partnered masturbation was not associated with orgasm.”

We are dismayed that nearly 40% of women reported intercourse alone with no warm-up or foreplay activities. Solo masturbation, oral sex or stimulation with fingers is an essential part of lovemaking. Intercourse without warm-up can lead to pain during intercourse, lack of lubrication, lack of arousal and inability for the woman to experience an orgasm during intercourse. Most women want and crave more foreplay – so why are all of these couples having intercourse alone with no other arousing activities?

We know that, with skill and confidence, stimulation with hands is one of the most reliable ways to bring a woman to orgasm. With your hands, you can stimulate every part of a woman’s sexual anatomy, fine-tune your stimulation to match her arousal, create a wide range of sensations and bring women to powerful and multiple orgasms. The hands are the most dexterous and sensitive tools we have to stimulate our lover. Skipping ahead to intercourse without warming up with pleasurable touch is a wasted opportunity – women are much more likely to have orgasms during intercourse if they have already climaxed, or brought very close to climax, before being penetrated. Oral sex is great – but it is even better when it is combined with touch and penetration with skilled fingers.

So why does this massive study of 5,865 men and women not reflect the pleasurable potential of the hands? Why are men and women skipping stimulation with their hands all together? How is it that being touched by your lover is not a predictor of orgasm during a sexual encounter? Perhaps it is because our culture has lost the sexual skills of erotic touch. We do not learn how to use our hands to touch our lover, how to bring our lover to multiple orgasms with our hands and fingers. Unless you dedicate thousands of dollars and months of your life to go to massage school, there are few options to learn how to touch with skill. Our video guides are dedicated to sharing what we learned in professional massage training and our somatic sexology certification with men and women all around the world.

We believe hands can be powerful tools of pleasure, opening up new realms of arousal and orgasm, if we learn how to use them. We hope that as our erotic techniques spread across the country, more men and women will include erotic touch as part of foreplay and lovemaking – and perhaps the next national survey will have new data to report on the orgasmic potential of Americans.

Withholding Touch From Your Lover

“Withholding pleasurable touch is a kind of punishment. Our bodies have developed to seek out that which sustains us (pleasure) and avoid that which threatens us (pain). We are a population of touch starved individuals, trying not to look desperate and trying to achieve some quality of life in spite of ourselves. Touch needs are often confused with sex drive – and many people find that when they are receiving loving touch their desperate need for sex is minimized and they can make healthier sexual choices.”

I came across this piece of writing today – from my late great massage teacher Chester Mainard. Chester taught me so much about the importance of massage as a vehicle for communicating love. All of the work we do is designed to teach men and women around the world how to touch with more skill and confidence – so touch becomes a second language for communicating love and affection.

We hope our videos inspire you to share more touch with those you love, and that your quality of life increases dramatically!

Are You Suffering From Touch Starvation?

As human beings, touch is an essential biological need. Babies will die if they are not touched – this has been well documented in cases of neglect, specifically in orphanages. As adults, studies have shown that going for long periods of time without human contact can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, heart disease and other health problems.

While it never gets that extreme for most people – many of us do suffer from touch starvation. In this culture in particular, we don’t touch one another very often. Handshakes are about all we get from anyone other than close friends and lovers. Many friends hardly hug one another, let alone cuddle up on the couch together.

We believe that for those of us who have a lover, it is great to deliberately choose to shower one another with affectionate touch. Massage gives you a toolbox of ways of touching one another pleasurably – so the smallest of moments, like standing in line at a grocery store, can be filled with a moment of quality touch – a hand resting on the small of your back, for example. Touch is a language – one that you can use to communicate with your loved ones. Learn with our massage video guides so you can touch your lover’s entire body with skill and confidence.

Top Ten Ways Pleasure Can Save Your Life!

Pleasure is often thought about as being selfish, greedy, or hedonistic. We believe in making Pleasure a Priority. Pleasure does not just happen to us – we must actively choose to cultivate pleasure in our individual lives and in our relationships.

Pleasure is healthy, makes us feel happier, more alive, and gives us energy to fuel our days. We believe that being fulfilled with pleasure makes us better partners, parents, friends and coworkers.

And, we believe Pleasure can SAVE your life. Literally.

Here are 10 reasons why:

#10 – The autonomic nervous system controls the heart, the smooth muscles around your organs, and your glands. There are two modes – Sympathetic and Parasympathetic – Stress and Pleasure. Many adults stay stuck in the stress mode, which has devastating impact on your health. Experiencing pleasure counteracts the impact of stress and gives your body the chance to heal.

#9 – Pleasure is essential for your heart health. Pleasure activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the heart rate, lowers blood pressure and stimulates production of healthy hormones that are highly beneficial to heart health.

#8 – Every experience of pleasure activates your immune system, providing a measurable and enduring boost to your body’s natural defenses. A single moment of pleasure can boost your immune response for up to 6 hours.

#7 – Pleasurable touch alleviates depression. If you are feeling depressed, and are touched or cuddled, your blood chemistry can change in as little as one millionth of a second – the brain instantly responds to pleasurable touch with a flood of endorphins. Studies have shown that many chronically depressed people are also touch starved.

#6 – Experiencing pleasure makes you feel loved. Feeling loved and emotionally secure is essential for the overall health of mammals. Study after study shows that emotional bonds and physical contact allow mammals to thrive. Studies with infants have shown that touch and love are biological needs on par with food and water.

#5 – The first five ways pleasure can save your life are all about the physical health benefits of pleasure. These health benefits should not be underestimated – more and more medical studies are confirming that pleasure, relaxation and love may be the best cure for what ails us. But we all know that quality of life is measured by much more than physical health. Pleasure is what makes our lives worth living.

#4 – Many long-term relationships and marriages end because of a lack of pleasure. Most love relationships prioritize shared pleasure in the beginning, but over the years, stress, responsibilities and duties tend to eclipse pleasure. By creating a culture of pleasure in relationships, and making it a priority to share pleasure in all forms, long term relationships can thrive.

#3 – We believe that being in tune with your authentic desires and pleasure leads to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction with your life. Unfulfilled desires leads to resent and regret – the toxic twins that can make you feel like you wasted time, or lived a life of someone else’s making.

#2 – We all have a unique constellation of pleasures. Our pleasures and desires are part of what makes us who we are, and we often establish our communities around shared pleasures. Paying attention to what gives you pleasure will allow you to know yourself, and build more meaningful relationships and communities.

#1 – What are you truly passionate about? What kind of pleasure lights you up, make you feel completely alive? By locating peak moments of pleasure from our past and paying attention to new passions as they emerge, we can choose to live a more passionate life.

Making pleasure a priority can bring your body back into balance, counteracting the deadly effects of stress, and may literally save your life. And, pleasure will make you happier and more fulfilled – so you can be sure that the life you save is worth living.