Pleasure Mechanics

Reclaiming Pleasure with Dr. Holly Richmond

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Join us in conversation with the ever wise somatic psychotherapist Dr. Holly Richmond, author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life.

We all can practice reclaiming pleasure, in big and small ways, throughout our daily lives. In this interview, Dr. Holly Richmond guides us in understanding the ongoing process of reclaiming (or discovering for the first time!) our own authentic eroticism, agency and embodied joy.

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Explore More With Dr. Holly Richmond:

Continue The Conversation With These Speaking of Sex Podcast Episodes:

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

Pleasure Praxis Resources

This resource has been compiled by Chris Maxwell Rose as a freely shared resource for students, therapists, counselors, educators, bodyworkers and other care professionals. 

It is a living, emergent collection, in conversation with the community that it serves.

All links and resources are offered as threads into vast territories of knowledge on an ever changing internet, we apologize for broken links and welcome community contributions to maintaining this resource page.

All resources offered as starting points, enjoy being active in your own educational process and where that takes you!

Foundational Theory

The Nervous System

Frameworks

Practicing Towards Liberation

Somatic Sex Education: Our Lineage

Interoception Research

Research on Pleasure, Touch & Connection

Placement of Erotic Attention

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Mindful Sex invites us to practice paying attention, on purpose, with empathy, during states of high arousal. But “paying attention” isn’t always so easy, especially in the charged realm of sexuality.

There is plenty to pay attention to during sexual encounters – how you feel, how it feels to be with your partner, on the arousal inside your body or the many points of physical connection with a partner. It can be overwhelming enough to know where to place attention during sex, plus there are so many potential distractions pulling our attention away from the pleasure.

In this episode, part of the Mindful Sex series, we focus on the skill of erotic attention – and how to manage all the erotic distractions that inevitably arise during arousal and erotic connection.

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Ready to experience more Mindful Sex? Enroll in our online course and practice pleasure with us!

“Love is the placement of attention” is something Pleasure Mechanics founder Chris Maxwell Rose has been saying for over 20 years now, in respectful reverence for the importance of choosing what we pay attention to. The practice of curating our attention and devoting our erotic attention is one that brings boundless opportunities for welcoming more pleasure, joy and connection into our lives.

Wisdom On The Intimate Importance of Attention

If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…
― Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager.

― Susan Sontag

Giving generously in romantic relationships, and in all other bonds, means recognizing when the other person needs our attention. Attention is an important resource.

― Bell Hooks, All About Love: New Visions

In the end, just three things matter:

How well we have lived
How well we have loved
How well we have learned to let go
― Jack Kornfield

Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis; because both are ourselves. The tangerine I am eating is me. The mustard greens I am planting are me. I plant with all my heart and mind. I clean this teapot with the kind of attention I would have were I giving the baby Buddha or Jesus a bath. Nothing should be treated more carefully than anything else. In mindfulness, compassion, irritation, mustard green plant, and teapot are all sacred.

― Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.

― James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time

Beginner’s Erotic Mind

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Think about the excitement and curiosity you brought to your first consensual sexual experiences – those first kisses, first times seeing people naked, first sexual encounters. The awe and wonder of these moments might be palpable in your memories. 

Now think about seeing a long-term partner naked. Doesn’t quite have the same charge, right? 

To maximize the experience of enjoying each sexual encounter, we can cultivate a Beginner’s Erotic Mind. This approach gives us access to experiencing each sexual encounter as new and fresh. 

This isn’t just a concept, it is truth. Every moment is unique and you and your partner are always changing – so cultivating a Beginner’s Erotic Mind invites us to practice meeting them anew each time.

We share this approach and many more simple yet effective guided practices for you to experience more pleasure, presence and passion in our Mindful Sex course.

Thanks to our episode sponsors for being part of our global team of Pleasure Partners:

Cultivating this attitude of Beginner’s Erotic Mind allows us to approach new erotic experiences without preconceived judgments or worrying about “not doing it right.” If you approach a new sexual experience with Beginner’s Erotic Mind, it becomes ok not to know what to expect or not know exactly how to do things. Many people get hung up worrying about performing in bed, rather than experiencing what is actually happening. Practicing Beginner’s Erotic Mind gives you access to focusing on the experience unfolding in front of you in real-time. 

“The richness of present-moment experience is the richness of life itself. Too often we let our thinking and our beliefs about what we “know” prevent us from seeing things as they really are.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

Join us in cultivating Beginner’s Erotic Mind as you explore the Mindful Sex practices in our Mindful Sex course and see what pleasures and rich experiences become possible in your sex life.

Continue The Conversation: Speaking Of Sex Episodes

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Dual Zones of Erotic Stimulation

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Discover how to use your hands, mouth, toys and full body to create dual zones of erotic stimulation to amp up the pleasure, erotic interest and arousal.

Ready to master erotic touch? Join our Erotic Touch Mastery online course and let us guide you, stroke by stroke, in leveling up your sex life.

Thanks to our episode sponsors for being part of our global team of Pleasure Partners:

Just like rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time, offering your lover dual zones of stimulation requires focus, attention and confidence. In this episode we map out lots of possibilities for creating dual zones of erotic stimulation, and strategies to get started keeping all of that sensation in sync an

Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of creating dual zones of erotic touch stimulation? That makes sense! It can be enough to focus on giving your lover one kind of erotic touch, let alone more than one at once. As you gain more mastery over erotic touch skills, touching your lover in more than one place at once will become easier. Remember that erotic touch, just like any other physical skill like playing a new sport or instrument, takes time and repetition to master.

Ready to boost your sexual confidence, master erotic touch skills and lavish your lover in erotic pleasure? Join our Erotic Touch Mastery online course and let us guide you, stroke by stroke, in leveling up your sex life.

Click here to enroll in Erotic Touch Mastery, our top bestselling courses in one highly discounted bundle!