Pleasure Mechanics — Page 87 — Pleasure Mechanics

Romantic Sex

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What makes sex romantic?

There is a myth that all sex is romantic – this is far from true. Sex can be totally primal, focused exclusively on the physical sensations and release. Sex can be anonymous and generate orgasms without you ever knowing the other person’s name. Sex can be fierce and intense, venting extra physical and emotional tension. And sex can be deeply romantic, all about connecting with your partner and finding profound emotional intimacy together through the physical act of sex.

What Is Romantic Sex?

If romance is not about flowers and candlelight, what are the core elements of romantic sex? The experience of romance is different for everyone, but there are some common themes that work for most of us.

Here are the most common elements of romantic sex:

Authentic emotion: Romantic sex is deeply emotional. It expresses intense desire, longing and affection. Romance can express the full range of emotions from urgent lust to deep affection.

Drama: Romantic sex cuts through the routine of everyday life and creates a moment of drama. This might mean an elegant dress-up date at a fancy restaurant or a slow dance in your living room. Romantic sex gets you out of your rut so you can truly pay attention to your feelings and connection.

Presence: For a truly romantic experience, you need to both be fully present, paying attention to one another and allowing yourself to feel your connection. If you find yourself distracted, try to come back to the moment and allow yourself the luxury of paying full attention to your partner, your emotions and the experience of romantic sex.

Personalization: One of the reasons roses and candy can feel unromantic is because these gestures are totally generic. To create an authentic romantic sex experience, you need to personalize the experience as much as possible. Perhaps your partner loves tulips, so you can forget the roses and fill the room with a few dozen tulips instead. Pay attention to your partner’s expressions of desire and met their specific needs. Nothing is more romantic than being paid attention to.

Connection: At the core of romance is the intimate connection between two people. Allow yourself to get vulnerable enough to really feel this connection. Look into your partner’s eyes, make as much skin contact as possible, and let yourself celebrate the specific connection you have. Verbalize and express what you specifically adore about this person to maximize your connection.

How to Ask for Sex Without Being Creepy

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This episode has been retired.

This episode was originally inspired by a blog post from Charlie Glickman. After the date of publication, Charlie Glickman has begun to take public accountability for perpetuating sexual harm, relational abuse and other forms of harm while leveraging his position as a sexuality professional to justify and continue his abuse. With this new information, we have retired this episode and no longer recommend Glickman as a trusted resource.

The irony of the topic of this podcast is not lost on us.

Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte

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SMSOS166

Millions of people struggle with chronic depression – and all of them have a sexuality. Yet the relationship between sex and depression is rarely discussed.

On this podcast episode, JoEllen Notte shares her wisdom about sex and depression. Hit the “play” button above to listen to this conversation. If you know someone who lives with chronic depression, consider sending them this episode. To make it easy for you at the bottom of this page there is some language for an email to send to your friends.They’ll thank you for it!

JoEllen Notte conducted a survey about sex and depression, gathering responses from over 1,000 people. She then did in-depth interviews with about 20. Her findings revealed fascinating information about sex and depression, including insights that she shares on this podcast episode. She is currently working on a book focused on sex and depression, which will be a priceless tool for so many.

In this episode we discuss:

the sexual side effects of antidepressants
how to work with your doctor to find the right medications to minimize sexual side effects
strategies for reclaiming your sexuality during depressive episodes
how to communicate with your partner about sex when you are depressed
the importance of broadening your understanding of sexuality so you can find pleasure
how to make more conscious decisions about sexuality while you are depressed

If you or someone you love lives with chronic depression, this is a not-to-be-missed episode.

Here is some language for a possible email to send to someone you care about. Or of course just write from your heart.

Hey there. I came across this podcast episode and thought it might be useful for you. I know it isn’t something you probably talk about with a lot of people, but I saw this and thought of you and I want you to know I care about you and respect you and thought this information might be of interest. If not, just know I care! Here’s the link to the episode: http://wp.me/p2oEB2-Kv

Kinky Communication 101 with Patrick Califia

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Kinky Communication 101 :: Free Podcast Episode

Patrick Califia, one of the best known BDSM educators, shares a five step communication cycle for talking to your partner about sexual fantasies, kinky sex and other forbidden subjects. These erotic communication tools are also useful for anytime you want to talk to your partner about a vulnerable topic.

This podcast features an excerpt from Patrick Califia’s book Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples.

You can get this book for free from Audible by going to AudibleTrial.com/Pleasure and enrolling in a free trial membership!

Ready to explore kinky sex? The Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course guides you into the thrilling adventure of kinky sex, one step at a time! Designed for total beginners and more experienced players alike, you’ll master all the skills you need to have exciting kinky adventures while avoiding the most common pitfalls. If you are ready for your next erotic journey, dive in here.

Erotic Bondage Safety

When you are exploring erotic bondage, you must keep a few simple safety guidelines in mind.

Above All, Trust

Never do bondage with someone you do not know and trust. When you allow someone to put you in bondage, you are putting your life in their hands. Once you are restrained, they could do anything. If you aren’t exploring with a long term trusted partner, play in a public space.

Communication

Establish safewords as part of your negotiation before your bondage scene. Classic safewords are Red (“STOP!”) Yellow (“Slow down and check in please!”) and Green (“All good, go for it!”) but you can agree upon any set of safewords you’d like.
Make sure your partner knows about any health issues that may impact your bondage play. Agree that you will switch positions or stop if you experience any numbness, tingling or pain.
Communicate about what kind of bondage play you are both interested in. Do you want to be tied up and pleasured? Or put in bondage and punished? For complete guidance on exploring the wide world of kinky sex to discover what you are most interested in, check out the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course!

Maintain Circulation and Mind The Nerves:

In general, when you have someone tied up, always be alert for tingling, numbness, or coldness. If you are restrained, and your hands or feet tingle or get numb, this usually means that the restraint is cutting off blood flow or pressing on a nerve. Tell your partner! Have your partner loosen the restraints slightly and/or move you so that the tingling goes away. If your hands or feet become cold to the touch, your circulation is being cut off. Again, loosen the restraints or reposition.

Basic Bondage Safety Rules:

Do not leave a restrained person alone for any reason!
Do not place anything over the nose and mouth. If you gag your partner, make sure his or her nose is not covered.
Always be able to get out of bondage quickly:
Keep a pair of scissors handy for quick release of bondage wraps or ropes.
Never use a lock that requires a key
Release the bondage immediately if there is any tingling, numbness or coldness, or if the restrained partner requests to be released.
If you have diabetes, heart or circulatory problems, epilepsy or seizures, joint injuries or any other ailment that may be triggered, proceed with caution. When in doubt, ask your doctor if bondage is safe (they are less easily shocked than you might imagine!)