Pleasure Mechanics

Vibrator Nation: The History Of Feminist Sex Stores with Lynn Comella Ph.D.

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Ever wonder how vibrators and sex toys became so popular? How did sex toys find their way into our bedside tables and cultural conversations?

Author Lynn Comella, Ph.D. shares the fascinating history of feminist sex toy stores and their impact on sex culture.

Nowadays, you can find lube at the drugstore and sex toys on Amazon – but we can’t forget that the availability of pleasure products is thanks to the visionaries that led the sex positive movement and created safe spaces for sex positive education and shopping.

The new book Vibrator Nation traces the history and impact of feminist sex toy stores. It traces the history back to feminist pioneers like Dell Williams, who founded Eve’s Garden in New York City in 1974 and Joani Blank, who opened the Good Vibrations retail store in San Francisco in 1977. 

These feminist sex toy stores quickly became more than a place to buy vibrators. Sex stores like Good Vibrations and Babeland became the epicenters of sex positive education, community and empowerment.

Tune in to this fascinating conversation and then grab a copy of Vibrator Nation to explore how feminist sex toys stores influenced sex culture for us all.

Check out LynnComella.com for more information about Lynn’s work and book tour dates!

Want to find a feminist sex toy store near you? Check out this map from our friend at RedheadBedhead!

Thanks to our podcast sponsors for making this episode possible: 

Check out getcocoon.com/edu for a free download of the cocoon browser, offering you the safest way to browse the internet.

A big welcome to our new sponsor Good Clean Love, who offer amazing organic lubricants and sexual wellness products. Good Clean Love’s lube is the only one we use and we highly recommend their products. Go to GoodCleanLove.com and use the code PLEASURE for 33% off your entire order! 

 

Break The Rules Together

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Let’s face it: for some of us, some of the time, breaking rules feels good. Transgression creates anticipation, thrill, the rush of “getting away with it” – and for some of us, this excitement is incredible arousing.

For some people, breaking the rules helps us feel free and brings the thrills of new and novel experiences. Breaking the rules helps us relieve the stress and responsibility of daily life. Breaking the rules has an erotic thrill that can’t easily be topped.

Breaking the unspoken rules of monogamy can be the easiest way to get this thrill – but one with huge potential costs. So if you know yourself as a thrill-seeking rulebreaker, it’s time to get intentional and learn how to harness this energy without risking it all.

Here’s how to break an even bigger set of rules – together as a couple – to capture the thrills of transgression while strengthening your relationship.

This episode is part of our book club series inspired by Esther Perel’s new book, The State of Affairs. In the first episode we talked about making explicit monogamy agreements for your relationship. In the second episode we tackled the topic of jealousy. In this episode, we discuss how to transgress boundaries together as a couple, rather than cheating on one another.

If you want to go deeper with these ideas, come on over to patreon.com/pleasuremechanics to join our online community and unlock bonus resources – I am developing interactive worksheets that help you integrate the ideas of this podcast into your love life. You’ll also get an ad free version of this podcast – go to Patreon.com/pleasuremechanics and join in!

In her incredible book, The State of Affairs, Esther Perel discusses what we can learn from infidelity to help us strengthen long term relationships. She writes:

Each of these long standing couples has chosen not to ignore the lure of the forbidden, but rather to subvert its power by inviting it in. Plainly, these tactics strengthen their connection, and when the connection is stronger, they are less likely to cheat. “It would be fun, but it’s not worth it” becomes a voice of the inner boundary. That still does not mean their relationships are “affair proof.” And it is precisely because they know this that they are continuously adding new pages to their love stories.

Our partners do not belong to us; they are only on loan, with an option to renew – or not. Knowing that we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment; rather, it mandates an active engagement that long-term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency, in the most positive sense.

The current of aliveness, once awoken, is a force hard to resist. What must be resisted are the dwindling curiosity, the flaccid engagements, the grim resignation, the desiccating routines. Domestic deadness is often a crisis of imagination.

At their peak, affairs rarely lack imagination. Nor do they lack desire, abundance of attention, romance and playfulness. Shared dreams, affection, passion and endless curiosity – all these are natural ingredients found in the adulterous plot. They are also the ingredients of thriving relationships. It is no accident that many of the most erotic couples lift their marital strategies directly from the infidelity playbook ~ Esther Perel, The State of Affairs

Click here to listen to episode 247, where we talk about how to have an affair with your spouse.

Want help in communicating with your partner as you explore your fantasies and desires? Click here to check out the Kinky Sex Mastery course – and get the first date experience for free! 

This episode is sponsored by Cocoon, a new web browser that brings you total safety, security and privacy. Click here for your free download. 

Explicit Monogamy Agreements

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What does monogamy mean to you? What counts as cheating and infidelity? Have you ever had a conversation about monogamy with your partner, or do you just assume that you both know what it means?

Assumptions about monogamy can lead to a lot of misunderstanding, emotional drama and even divorce. What defines infidelity is way too important to leave to assumptions and cultural scripts – especially now in the age of technology that allows someone to cheat on their partner while in the same room. Dating apps, online porn, webcam chats, fetish forums and all sorts of other temptations are just a click away. Expecting your partner to know where your boundaries are without ever discussing them is bound to end badly.

Instead of assuming you know what monogamy means to your relationship, have an explicit conversation about monogamy and come up with an explicit monogamy agreement. In this episode, we walk you through that process and discuss why this is an essential conversation for every relationship.

Want a FREE interactive worksheet to guide you in having these essential conversations? Click here to get your free download. 

This episode was inspired by The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. Esther Perel’s new book on infidelity is an excellent and provocative exploration of issues that affect all long term relationships.

Resources To Check Out:

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity by Tammy Nelson PhD

Great Sex Books

 

We get lots of requests for recommended reading! Whether you want information on the history of sex culture, advice for keeping your marriage strong or steamy erotica, we’ve got you covered.

We’ll keep adding resources as we think of them, so check back when you need your next great read!

If you have a favorite book you don’t see listed, be in touch and let us know about it!

We have stripped out links that once pointed to Amazon – let’s all get better about copying and pasting the titles into the search bar at our local library or independent bookstore!

Our Favorite Sex Books

  • The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin
  • Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
  • Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (check out our podcast interviews with Emily here and here)
  • Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch

Orgasm and Arousal

  • The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips by Rebecca Chalker
  • Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies by Michael Bader
  • The Science of Orgasm by Beverly Whipple et al.
  • The Molecule of More, by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long

History of Sex & Sex Culture

  • Sex & Punishment, by Eric Berkowitz
  • The Boundaries of Desire, by Eric Berkowitz

Ethical Use Of Porn

  • Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure by David J. Ley
  • The Myth of Sex Addiction by David J. Ley

Exploring Kinky Sex

  • Sensuous Magic by Patrick Califia
  • Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us: by Jesse Bering

Open Relationships and Polyamory

  • Love’s Not Color Blind by Kevin Patterson

Recovering Pleasure After Sexual Trauma

  • Complete resources are in our Survivor’s Toolkit, a free collection of resources and pathways for turning towards pleasure after trauma
  • Healing Sex by Staci Haines
  • The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

Other Great Sex Books

  • Big, Big Love: A Sex and Relationship Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) by Hanne Blank
  • Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic Guidelines for Working with Gender-Variant People and Their Families by Arlene Istar Lev

Erotica

  • The Sleeping Beauty Series by Anne Rice
  • The Sexy Librarian’s Big Book Of Erotica 
  • Delta of Venus by Anaïs Nin
  • Anthologies edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel 
  • Erotica is also fabulous to listen to as an audiobook, or check out erotica podcasts like this one from our friends at The Good Bits!

Curvy Girl Sex With Elle Chase

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Curvy Girl Sex with Elle Chase :: Free Podcast Episode

If you want a more creative, adventurous and joyful sex life this episode is for you! Elle Chase, author of the new book Curvy Girl Sex, joins us for a candid conversation about how to have great sex at any size. We discuss sex positions, toys and props, and the mindsets that lead to a more pleasurable experience of sex. We even cover how to transform your couch into a sex fort!

Elle Chase is a sex coach, writer and speaker who offers a candid and joyful perspective on sexuality. She is the creator, curator & editor of the award winning websites www.LadyCheeky.com and www.SmutForSmarties.com. She also serves as the Director of Education & Lead Sex Educator at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education. Elle’s first book: Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life’ just launched.

Elle Chase was also our guest on episode #52, so check that out for her amazing story about how watching True Blood launched her into the world of sex coaching. In her new book, Elle offers useful sex advice for all the curvy girls out there, especially when it comes to mixing it up in the bedroom. This advice, of course, can be useful for anyone who is interested in more creative, playful and interesting sex.

Check out ElleChase.com for more about Elle and grab your copy of Curvy Girl Sex by clicking here.