Books — Page 5 — Pleasure Mechanics

Dirty Talk: How To Get Started

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Dirty Talk: How To Get Started Dirty Talk is one of the most exciting sexual skills to master. Using your voice in bed offers many benefits: you can ask for more of what you want, arouse your lover with a few words and tap into your erotic creativity so sex never gets boring again.

Most people would love more erotic talk in their sex life. But few are confident enough to try it out. This guide offers a step by step process to unleash your erotic voice and get you more talkative in bed.

When most people think about erotic talk, they are thinking about “dirty talk” – raunchy, rough words exchanged in the throes of pleasure.

You can use your voice in bed to express love, to tease, to instruct, to encourage, to dominate or to transport yourself into a fantasy. Your choice of words, tone of voice and your intention all add up to create a specific experience and outcome.

So think beyond “dirty talk” and give yourself permission to use your voice in a way that is authentic to your specific erotic experience. You don’t have to pretend to be anything to tap into the power of erotic talk!

Listen to the podcast (just hit the play button at the top of this page!) for a full guide to dirty talk.

Dirty Talk: How To Get Started

Talk about sex outside of the bedroom. Here is our favorite way to introduce sex in conversation: “I saw an article/heard a podcast about __(insert topic here)__. What do you think about that?”
Read erotica out loud to one another. Notice what kind of dialogue turns you on.
Listen to erotica audiobooks. Our favorites are the anthologies by Rose Caraway on Audible.com. Get a FREE audio book with your free trial membership by clicking here!
Make noise in bed. Focus on making a sound on the exhale.
Choose your language. Talk to your lover about what words you both like for your body parts and sex acts. Penis? Cock? Dick? Vulva? Pussy? Cunt? Don’t risk turning one another off with the wrong choice of words!
Dirty talk doesn’t have to be dirty! Dirty talk is just one kind of erotic talk. Erotic talk can be raunchy, romantic, playful or seductive. Find your own voice!
Describe what your lover is doing as they are doing it. Think of it as erotic narration.
For way more tips and strategies, tune into the podcast by hitting the “play” button above!

Amanda Palmer On Making Emotional Connections

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Amanda Palmer shares the crucial difference between Looking and Seeing, and offers wisdom on the importance of being truly seen as a full human being.

Excerpt from her book, The Art of Asking or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Let People Help.

Get the audiobook of Amanda’s book FREE with your completely free Audible.com trial membership!

I wanted to be seen.

That was absolutely true. All performers -all humans- want to be seen; it’s a basic need. Even the shy ones who don’t want to be looked at.

But I also wanted, very much, to see.

I didn’t quite grasp this until I had been up on the box for a while. What I loved as much as, possibly even more than, being seen was sharing the gaze. Feeling connected.

I needed the two-way street, the exchange, the relationship, and the invitation to true intimacy that I got every so often from the eyes of a random street patron. It didn’t always happen. But it happened enough to keep me up on the box.

And that’s why stripping, even though it often paid way better, when I tried my hand at it a few years later, just didn’t do it for me. I was being looked at. But I never felt seen. The strip joint was like Teflon to real emotional connection. – page 46, The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

Secrets of Great Kissing

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When was the last time you had an extensive, glorious make out session?

When did you last experience a long beautiful kiss without an objective or goal for anything to happen afterwards, but just to experience the joy and pleasure of kissing in and of itself?

If it has been too long you can choose to bring this back into your relationship and notice great results in your relationship.

For more practices and strategies for strong long term relationships, enroll in our most popular online course for couples here.

Effective Erotic Communication

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Effective Erotic Communication

Asking for what you want in bed and talking to your lover during sex can feel scary and overwhelming. What if it was part of the turn-on instead? What if learning to effectively communicate your erotic needs was a key to your sexual fulfillment.

In this episode, we share an awesome food analogy from the brilliant Dr. Mary Klein. He reminds us that to cook a meal together, or embark on any creative collaboration, you need a common language. The same is true for sex: to create the erotic life you really want, you need an erotic vocabulary. Tune in to find out how to develop it, in and out of the bedroom!

Because erotic communication is one of the most important skills for sexual fulfillment and healthy relationships, we have put together an interactive resource guide on erotic communication – available here or as part of a Pleasure Pod membership. Membership includes our resource pod on Erotic Communication as just one of the many curated resources for Pleasure Pod Members!

Just The Tip: Masturbation Is Natural

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Masturbation Is Natural Podcast Episode

Many animals masturbate frequently. In The Compass of Pleasure, David J. Linden reveals how much creativity some animals bring to solo sex. Get The Compass of Pleasure on audiobook absolutely free with your Audible.com trial!

Chimps make dildos out of tree bark and branches
Female porcupines walk over branches to stimulate their genitals
Dolphins have been seen wrapping eels around their penis.

I’m not suggesting interspecies sexual encounters, and I’m not sure why the author counts the dolphin eel encounter as masturbation and not sex, but you get the idea.

You have to applaud the creativity of the orangutans and the porcupine. making their own tools for pleasure. That puts sex toys in a whole new light in a way, maybe it really is natural to use our creativity to fashion tools to enhance our own pleasure. I love to collect these stories of animals and how they have sex or masturbate because we have so many sexual hangups about masturbation that i find it refreshing and permission giving to hear about how many species like to get their rocks off. It feels freeing to me.

So my challenge to you is next time you touch yourself know that you are part of the glorious animal kingdom and are just doing your part to feel good, which it turns out is completely, totally natural.

What happens if you relaxed into the naturalness of the act, gave yourself a little more permission and space to feel good about it, instead of something that you sort of need to rush through, and functionally get through to get to the part where you blow before someone discovers you.

There are so many layers of shame that we all have in this culture where we are told so often that to touch yourself is bad wrong dirty or just kind of lame, what happens if we could shake off another couple layers of that shame and guilt? What if we understood those emotions as an intentional result of fabricated cultural stories that are put onto us to control our behavior and create social order? What if we admitted that underneath all that we are all just animals who like to experience pleasure in our bodies, and that is ok?

Next time you touch yourself why don’t you play with taking some extra time with it, really linger, breath deep and choose to really enjoy your animal body. Know that you are part of a larger experience of animals and humans, all around the globe, throughout time who like enjoying pleasure in your body and remember how darn normal and natural it is!

Get The Compass of Pleasure on audiobook absolutely free with your Audible.com trial!