Pleasure Mechanics

Exploring Erotic Possibilities with Barbara Carrellas

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Do you ever sense that there is more – much more – possible in your sex life? Do you ever want to go beyond your normal experiences and taste the ecstatic side of sex?

Get ready to get your sexual permission slip! Barbara Carrellas joins us to talk about erotic possibilities and gives us tools to explore the world beyond our everyday orgasms.

Barbara travels the world teaching about sexuality, focusing on an embodied spiritual approach that she calls Urban Tantra. She is the author of 3 books including Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century and Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide to Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More. She is an advocate for radically expanding our perceptions of pleasure, gender and what is erotically possible. Discover more at BarbaraCarrellas.com

In the interview we talk about our mutual friend and teacher Chester Mainard. Here are a few videos of Chester’s wisdom. Chester Mainard was Chris’ friend and teacher, and she took care of him for 9 months before he died of brain cancer in 2006.

https://youtu.be/lzDcou5il-A

Sex Positions – Who Is In Control?

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In response to a caller’s advice about changing sex positions, we explore what a sex position can and can not change about your erotic experience. Does the position you use change who is in control of your pleasure? Does it mean you might last longer in bed or orgasm more quickly? What can a sex position influence, and what is all about attitude?

Here is a transcript from the call:

Hi Pleasure Mechanics. You can call me Tom. I just listened to your podcast on men lasting longer, and I noticed you did not include so far as I heard a discussion of the position these people were using. I guess you just assume that the man was on top because if the man is on the bottom she can relax much more than he would if he is on the top seeing as how there’s a lot of muscle tension. Holding yourself up, thrusting and that all contributes to the premature ejaculation Why not suggest that the woman be on top and be cognizant of how he is doing in other words, change places. So that it’s the woman who’s running the f*** as they say. and takes also the responsibilities for both persons pleasure. I’m pretty sure that the man would last quite a bit longer if he doesn’t have all that responsibility. Thanks, bye.

This call was in response to episode 2: How To Last Longer In Bed. While changing positions may help men last longer in bed, the themes in this call are important to reflect on whether or not you want to learn how to maintain longer erections.

A specific sex position does not guarantee a specific erotic experience. Each position creates different emotions, physical dynamics and arousal for different people. So while experimenting with new positions is always a fun way to change things up, it doesn’t create any fixed outcome.

Yet the question of “who is in control of the fuck” is a great one no matter what position you are in. All too often, it is assumed that the partner doing the penetration (usually the man) should be in control. But receiving penetration doesn’t mean being passive, and it is vital for everyone to learn how to be an active receiver.

It is also important to differentiate between being passive and being relaxed. You can be very relaxed while receiving and still be an active erotic partner. We believe it is essential to “take turns” once in awhile when it comes to giving and receiving in bed. The opportunity to simply relax and receive stimulation without having to reciprocate is a delicious erotic experience. Oral sex and erotic massage are both great activities to practice “one way sex.

Thanks to Tom for calling in with this response to the podcast episode. You can record your own message, question or advice to be shared on the podcast by clicking here.

Cherish, Support, Adventure : Our Relationship Values

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Our Relationship Values :: Free Podcast Episode

Today is our 10 year anniversary and we are celebrating by sharing some behind the scenes insight into our relationship – both as wives and lovers and as The Pleasure Mechanics.

We started our business together right after we started dating (hear the whole story in podcast episode 100 by clicking here!) which is not by any measure a safe or traditional move. By teaming up as sex educators while launching a new relationship, we committed to our relationship becoming a “love laboratory.” We wanted to walk the talk and knew we had to maintain a lot of integrity within our relationship if we wanted to inspire others to create a happier sex life.

Now, 10 years later, we are mothers of a vibrant two year old girl, owners of a growing business, wives and domestic partners. Our relationship is stronger than ever and in this podcast we share the core values we have committed to. These values (and even the choice to have a value-based relationship) shape our decisions and lives together. They were our wedding vows to one another and our daily practice is to live fully into these values together while holding one another accountable.

Listen in, and then go to www.PleasureMechanics.com/hello and record us a message. Tell us about YOUR relationship values. What values guide your love and sex life? We’d love to hear from you!

Level Up Your Love Skills

This episode has been retired.

Harris O’Malley is a blogger and dating coach who provides geek dating advice at DoctorNerdLove.com

While he’s not a real doctor, Harris is tremendously successful at performing surgery on out of date myths that hold us all back, resuscitating much needed wisdom and healing the hearts of nerds worldwide. His latest book is called It’s Dangerous To Go Alone: A Relationship Survival Handbook

In this podcast episode, we covered:

  • The origins of Dr. Nerdlove
  • The myths that set men (and women!) up for dating failure
  • The key to dating and sex success
  • Dr. Nerdlove’s vision for healthy masculinity
  • Pick Up Artistry reimagined
  • Why monogamy has to be a daily choice
  • Why we all need to “Expect More and Be More”

Oral Sex Orgasms Advanced Techniques

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For many women, receiving oral sex is challenging. Some women have anxiety about how their vulva looks, smells or tastes. Other women worry about appearing selfish if they take too much time to reach orgasm. Some women simply don’t trust that their partner could actually enjoy going down on them. Even for women who are comfortable with their bodies, have no anxiety about their vulva and trust their partner’s enthusiasm, the sheer pleasure of oral sex can be overwhelming. And for other women, the intensity of stimulation from oral sex never gets quite strong enough to push them over the edge into orgasm.

The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help you reach orgasm during oral sex. From communication strategies to orgasmic mindfulness, there are lots of great tools to help you enjoy more orgasmic oral sex.

This podcast is for anyone who has trouble reaching orgasm during oral sex. We cover:

  • How to relax and receive as much pleasure as possible
  • How to guide your partner without getting too technical during sex
  • Mental and physical techniques to overcome pleasure anxiety
  • Erotic jedi mind tricks to get out of your head and into your body
  • Simple power play techniques to eroticize your struggle
  • The one tool we all need to learn to feel more pleasure

Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode:

I have a partner who is good at giving oral sex. He’s devoted, perceptive, I know he really enjoys it, and I have noticed how he’s refined his skills and sense of what I need over the 8 months we’ve been dating – he has asked me frequently how he could be better at going down, and I’ve shared some ideas with him which he’s incorporated. I want to orgasm, he wants me to orgasm, everything feels so good I think I could orgasm, except as I approach a climax, I just can’t, and the pleasure gives way to anxiety or frustration. There isn’t one thing I’m wanting and not saying, there isn’t something he’s doing wrong, I genuinely believe my vagina’s beautiful and feel comfortable having a person so intimately connecting with that part of my body …. it’s more an issue of being unable to give in to that non-thinking, pleasure-focussed state.  No one has ever been able to get me over this hump (of orgasming from oral sex – I am able to climax during intercourse), and it’s beginning to feel like vulnerability/shame/privacy mental block.  What steps can I take to start relaxing into orgasm from oral sex? How can I let myself just enjoy it more? Feel everything more fully and intensely?

One detail I keep considering is that talking and giving instructions does kind of take me “out of it”  …  I’m still open to trying more communication, but  the most success I’ve had is more internal work – using imagery garnered from Betty Dodson’s wisdom to call to mind favorite foods, beautiful images, or other pleasure-things that aren’t specifically sex, to get my mind out of analyzing and into pleasure mode.

Thanks a million for all that you do,

B