Pleasure Mechanics

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Erotic Breathing with Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D.

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Discover how the simple act of rhythmic breathing can be an incredibly powerful sexual skill. In this interview with sexual pioneer and activist Annie Sprinkle, we dive deep into the profound erotic experience of adding breath to any sexual experience.

To discover the power of erotic breath work for better sex, join us in the Mindful Sex online course, where we share all of our incredible erotic breath practices!

In this podcast episode, we cover:

  • How Annie discovered breath as a sexual tool
  • How breathing can unlock more sensations, emotions and intimacy during sex
  • The simple way to start exploring erotic breathing
  • How to have a “breathgasm”
  • What Chris taught Annie about using breathwork for an unexpected outcome
  • How to open up to a more expanded understanding of sexuality
  • How to be a “metamorphasexual”

Find out more about Annie Sprinkle at www.AnnieSprinkle.org

My Sexual Breakthrough Moment

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In this episode, we share the sexual breakthrough moment of one podcast listener. Then we explore how you can create your own breakthrough moments to level up your sex life.

Click here for more prostate masturbation strategies and links to prostate masturbation toys like the Aneros.

Here is the full letter that inspired this episode:

Dear Pleasure Mechanics:

First, Chris, I was very sorry to hear about your recent health scare.  It sounded truly terrifying but I’m glad to hear that you’re doing better and your health is back under control.

I’m writing to you two because over the past few years I’ve been interested in learning more about prostate stimulation, but my exploration has pretty fruitless-until recently, and there isn’t anybody else I can talk to about this subject.

Like I said, I’ve read a fair amount about the subject, listened to your podcasts on prostate stimulation, and even bought an Aneros.  I tried following the instructions, but every time I inserted it (usually in bed, on my side with one leg pulled towards my stomach), and tried to relax, nothing happened.  I settled into a pattern; every few months, I would make an attempt or two, nothing would happen, and I’d give up for a while.  I bought a newer Aneros model, one with a more comfortable coating, but still no breakthroughs.

Very recently, I thought it might be better to try a finger.  I bought some latex gloves, lubed up my index finger, and tried to gently insert it.  This time I tried standing up instead of being in bed.  I more or less struck out the first two times, but a couple of days ago, by really concentrating on syncing my breathing and “bearing down,” I was able to pull the finger in.  By flexing it forward, I was able to just touch my prostate, but only barely, and the position wasn’t that comfortable.  I was going to give up again, but for whatever reason I told myself “no, you made progress today, and we’re going to keep trying!”

 I got my Aneros, lubed it up, and began to insert it, using the same technique as my finger.  I suspect the insertion of my finger warmed the area up, and over the course of a minute, I was able to slide it in.  Instead of just trying to breathe, I put on a video of an erotic massage and began to masturbate.  After about a minute, I could feel the Aneros slide further within me, until it must have made contact with my prostate.  When it did, I looked down at my cock and it felt…different, the hardness seemed to extend into my body (I know you two have pointed out how much of the penis is internal but I never felt that sensation before).  My cock, already hard, began to get much harder than I could ever remember and its head was much more swollen than usual.  Things began to blur but even though I usually masturbate “dry,” I grabbed some lube, covered my cock, and really began to pump, focusing much more on my cockhead than I usually do.  I honestly can’t recall being that turned on before. I tried to bear down about every five seconds and I could feel the Aneros milking the prostate.  And then after a minute-I got some “milk,” as fluid began to seep out of my cock. At first I thought I was coming but after the first shot of fluid my cock somehow managed to get harder, not softer.  It became difficult not to vocalize and I began to groan, and over the next ten to fifteen minutes, I managed to have at least ten more eruptions of fluid, my cock staying in that ultra-hard state.  I really didn’t know what to think, each release of fluid felt wonderful, but in a very different way than a “standard” orgasm.  The sensation was much more sustained and rather than draining it seemed to energize me.

Even though it seemed like I must have completely emptied my prostate, I decided to try again the next night.  Insertion was a little more difficult (I should have warmed up more) but again I was able to get the Aneros pretty far in, and I lubed up and began stroking my cock quicker than the previous time.  I couldn’t believe it-not only was I able to get just as hard as before, but the sensations, both from my cock and my prostate, were even more intense.  Every time fluid seeped out, it just added fuel to the fire.  I really just put caution to the wind-stroking, squeezing and grunting,-it was primal in the best sense of the world.  When I was finished I was completely drenched; I had managed to break through and have two terrific experiences in as many days.

I’m sorry for the length of this message, but like I wrote earlier, I’ve been trying to get to this point for years, and I don’t have anybody in my circle who I feel comfortable talking about this subject.  Please know that your podcasts and advocacy for prostate massage, as well as for more attention to male sexuality in general kept me interested in the subject.  In your podcast on hand jobs both of you talked about the importance of men being able to revel in their arousal for their own sake, separate from penetration.  I usually just stroke long enough to get hard, often in the dark, and then finish myself off in other ways, so it really felt empowering to stand up, feel the fullness in my butt and the stimulation of my prostate, and to see my cock, already erect, get much harder and then to see fluid shoot out, multiple times.  Even after the pleasure subsided there was a real sense of accomplishment, totally removed from any shame or disgust.  So I’m glad I didn’t give up, and in a few days time I’m going to try and put what I’ve learned to good use and hopefully have an even better experience.

I have just a couple of quick questions, again thanks for indulging me for this long.

1) when I was masturbating my balls also got very aroused and pulled close to my body, but I really wasn’t able to do much in the way of stimulating them. I don’t think you’ve done a podcast on touching the balls but if you have any tips that would be great.

Click here for tips on how to touch balls!

2) In my case it seems like I really needed penile stimulation combined with the Aneros to get thing going; before when I just would just insert it and try to breathe nothing much happened.  I know everyone’s body is different, so there’s no reason to think that prostate stimulation combined with working the cock is a lesser experience, is there?

Arousal Panic

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Arousal Panic :: Free Podcast Episode

Men aren’t supposed to get erections in public for good reason. As young boys, erections cause embarrassment and even punishment. But the pattern of tension and shame this creates creeps into private sex lives and interrupts men’s ability to get aroused and feel pleasure. If you’ve ever experienced arousal panic, you are not alone!

On episode 197 we explored some of the ways we feel men’s sexuality is shut down or impaired by our cultural narratives about male sexuality. In this episode we hear from a listener from Switzerland who shares his experience with arousal panic – and what he is doing to liberate himself from this lifelong pattern. Here’s his email. Hit the “play” button above to listen to the complete podcast episode.

One more thought concerning men’s shame around their penis/groin that you didn’t mention in your recent overview and that I recently put under the microscope on myself while in a cabin up north for a few months: the clamping down of the first signs of arousal. The light but firm inner panic when the first feeling of pressure is sensed down there. I’m sure this is widespread. And in my case I’m positive it’s origins are quite simple: I have always been terrified of having a hardon in public. And boy are there enough occasions for that to happen as a youngen. Sitting in a car or bus, going to the pool, watching movies, etc.

I’m actually not sure how to best deal with this. I have a hard time imagining our society should accept seeing boys or men with big bulges in their shorts and the tips of penises peeking over the waistband of their trunks or trousers on occasion… I’m certainly not ready for that. So I find it hard to believe this will ever be prevented.

So what I tried to do in the cabin (where I could convince even my shame-shaken mind I really was absolutely secluded and alone) is to actively relax into it, let it all hang out, etc. giving myself arousing stimuli (mostly sounds) and actively feeling and noticing those areas of the body that clamp down and actively relaxing them, moving them playfully, relaxing them, telling myself a little mantra like “it’s ok!” etc. i.e. Trying to uncondition myself from this panic tension reaction, which is unnecessarily stressful and pleasure-diminishing. And usually totally unnoticed (except for erotic massagists, I’m convinced!)

I was quite surprised to notice this, as it’s so second-nature, so well conditioned that I didn’t even question it. Until I was really alone and went looking for impediments to freedom of expression and self-love. And when there’s no-one else to blame, no outside conditions to respect, it becomes very easy to pinpoint your own intrinsic complexes.

Anyhow. Had to share this. There’s more where this came from if you’re interested. I came across a few more things that were very illuminating and important to me during my little hermitage up there. Much having to do with male sexuality and it’s self-imposed boundaries… And some cool tricks to help get over it 🙂

Happy to share anytime.

J

On this episode we cover:

  • Why we need an Erotic Olympics
  • Why so many men suffer from Arousal Panic
  • How Arousal Panic is learned as kids
  • How Arousal Panic is experienced as adults
  • How to change the Arousal Panic pattern so your arousal can be free
  • How to talk to your partner about Arousal Panic

You can record a question or suggest a topic for the podcast by clicking here.

Playfulness and Pleasure with Cyndi Darnell

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Cyndi Darnell Interview
On today’s show we have a fabulous guest, NYC sex therapist Cyndi Darnell. Cyndi is one of Australia’s leading sex educators and the creator of an online video training called
 *The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal*.

Cyndi Darnell recently relocated to practice sex therapy in New York City after growing her practice as one of the most respected and trusted sex therapists in Australia. 

In this episode we cover:

  • Chris and Cyndi’s shared lineage as sex educators
  • Why pleasure matters
  • What Cyndi wants men to know about female sexuality
  • What women need to know about male sexuality
  • What sexually satisfied people have in common
  • Surprising truths about erotic anatomy

Irrumatio

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Irrumatio :: Free Podcast Episode

Dear Pleasure Mechanics,

My boyfriend and I listen to your podcast every week and it has prompted some very exciting conversations and bedroom adventures. For this, I thank you. But last night he told me he wants to try irrumatio. I told him I would think about it, primarily because I didn’t even know what it was. When I googled it this morning, I was a bit horrified. What could he possibly mean by this, because surely he doesn’t really want to orally rape me? Your advice please.

Thanks,

My lips are sealed.

What is Irrumatio?

Irrumatio is the act of actively thrusting of the penis into the mouth of a partner.

In the ancient Roman sexual vocabulary, irrumatio is forced oral sex between two men. Latin erotic terminology had two words for oral sex between men. Fellation, is when the man’s penis is orally excited by the fellator. Second, irrumation, is when the man (the irrumator) … engages in motions by moving his hips and body in a rhythm for his own pleasure.

In ancient Rome, giving oral sex was considered obscene, a lower social act. They emphasized the fact that because urine was unclean, and passed through the penis, it was unclean to use your mouth on these parts – much like our anal taboo today. Giving oral sex was even used as a legal punishment, especially in cases of adultery (along with punishments like cutting off ears, noses and other choice body parts)

Ancient Rome is often glorified as a more free and luxurious time, usually because we see their erotic art and imagine everyone lived in an endless orgy of pleasure. Not so! It was actually quite a brutal time and sex laws were very strict. Those of higher economic class had way more freedom, and permission to abuse those of lower classes and slaves. Homosexuality and Heterosexuality did not exist. Men were expected to have sexual relationships with boys of lower class status. This model of assigning status based on who is being penetrated and who is doing the penetrating persists with us today, and in some cultures is a major factor in designating an act as problematic or not.

Can Irrumatio Be Pleasurable For Both Partners?

Irrumatio can be a pleasurable and consensual sex act if we frame it in a very specific way. It can also quickly become problematic and unpleasant for the receiver if not undertaken with awareness and consent. Irrumation requires both excellent communication before the event and non verbal communication during the encounter.

Take away all of the ancient social meaning and just think of it as a specific style of oral sex. The receiver relaxes as much as possible and offers up their mouth and throat to be penetrated. The giver then takes charge and thrusts into the mouth for their own pleasure. This relies on the agreement that the partner doing the penetrator stays aware and respectful of the receiver’s comfort. This is an advanced form of oral sex and should only be tried once a couple has mastered fellatio and know what the recipient can take. Some people love deep throating while others only like the head of the penis in their mouth. The mechanics of irrumatio will depend on your specific fit together, between the penis and the mouth and throat!

Use hand signals to communicate. An “ok” sign might mean everything is good, keep going. A flat hand might mean “slow down” or “stop” Find ways to communicate so you can both enjoy the experience. Always have a way to “tap out” and end the experience quickly if you are not enjoying it.

Ultimately, exploring irrumatio is a good experiment in communication and consent during an intense sex act. Proceed slowly, practice explicit communication and see how the experience feels for you. At best, you’ll both have a great time and broaden your sexual repertoire. If it doesn’t go well, you can scratch it off your list and know you gave it your best shot! You’ll know more about one another as sexual creatures and will have had an intimate, risky sexual encounter together, which is always good for your relationship.

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