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This episode covers one of the most important frameworks for understanding the human sexual experience: the dual control model of arousal.

Get ready to rethink everything you know about getting turned on – and what is really holding you back from enjoying more sex.

Developed in the 1990’s at the Kinsey Institute by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft and explored in Emily Nagoski’s book, Come As You Are, the Dual Control Model of Arousal is a framework to understand the very complicated nature of human arousal and sexual excitation.

For anyone new to this theory, also check out our interviews with Emily Nagoski about the dual control model of arousal (and SO much more!) in podcast episodes 79 and 80.

When you embrace the dual control model of arousal, it puts you in the driver’s seat. You can learn to manage your turn ons and turn offs to create a more arousing erotic experience every time. As Nagoski says, you can learn to “turn on your turn ons and turn off your turn offs!”

Your turn ons are the gas pedal for your arousal. Your turn offs are the inhibitions that slam the brakes on your arousal. Most people focus on adding more gas – but this won’t work if your foot is slammed on the brake!

Both the Sexual Excitation System (the gas) and the Sexual Inhibition System (the brakes) respond to all sensual stimuli, your thoughts, fantasies and emotions. That means essentially EVERYTHING going on in your life will influence how easy or difficult it is to get turned on. Common inhibitions include stress, resent, guilt, shame and everyday distractions like laundry in the corner. Sensitive brake, no matter how strong the accelerator, is strongest predictor of sexual problems of all kinds. Learn what your specific inhibitions are and you can more easily manage them, paving the way for more arousal and a better sexual connection. You can also learn how to avoid “arousal contingency,” a common condition where everything must be “just perfect” before you allow yourself to get aroused. Arousal contingency is a big problem for a lot of people, but it can be overcome with the right mindset.

In this podcast, we share with you the dual control model of arousal and guide you in learning how to manage your sexual experience. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment to arise, you can actively design your life to be more conducive to getting aroused. You can minimize distractions, eliminate active turn offs and add in more of what works for you!

The Survivor’s Toolkit is a collection of resources created by and designed for survivors of sexual trauma. 

The Survivor’s Toolkit offers you a wide range of tools to work with your trauma and transform your sexual experience over time. You will find an expansive range of resources, interactive exercises and key concepts from the fields of sex education, psychology, mindfulness and somatics. 

Enroll Here. 

This is an invitation into self-compassion, hope and erotic possibility. This is an interactive map of many possible paths to more sexual freedom, choice and agency.

This is a love letter, dedicated to all those who have dared to explore what is possible in the aftermath of sexual violence.

If you have been wondering what is next after #MeToo, you will find actionable steps to begin reclaiming your sexual power and pleasure.

If you are tired of feeling constrained and limited by the aftermath of your trauma, join us to begin exploring your own erotic potential, on your own terms.

This is NOT a linear, one-size-fits-all course on recovering from sexual trauma, nor is it group therapy. You will not be asked to share your story or reveal any personal information. 

The Survivor’s Toolkit is an online resource with the tools, concepts and practices you can mix-and-match to work with your trauma and create a more pleasurable relationship to your sexuality.

PLEASE NOTE: This is a LIVING DOCUMENT and will grow over time as we co-create this resource in collaboration with professionals and community members.

More resources will be added over time, and your own contributions are most welcome. Everyone in the community will automatically receive all future additions to the course, no upgrade required.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

 

Karen Lee Poter and Cameron Poter are the mother/son team behind the irreverent podcast Sex Talk With My Mom. When we were in Los Angeles recently, we got together and recorded episodes for BOTH of our shows! In this episode, we talk about their unlikely journey to recording a mother-son sex podcast and what they are both learning along the way. Cameron shares his adventures in the world of sex education and 30 day masturbation challenges. Karen Lee Poter offers her insights on enjoying sexuality on your own terms and what it means to her to be a sex positive mom.

Check out their show at SexTalkWithMyMom.com

Sexual frustration sucks. It is so painful to feel the erotic potential of your life slipping away.

Maybe you used to have great sex, and now you are in a total rut.

Maybe you’ve never had sex that is as exciting as you know it could be.

Some guys are frustrated by boring sex. Some guys hate that they ejaculate too quickly, or are struggling with performance anxiety.

Some guys really want to explore prostate stimulation, but don’t know where to get started.

Other guys are ready to own their kinky side but don’t know how to step into that realm with confidence.

Whatever you are struggling with, we are here for you.

Despite cultural myths, we KNOW that sex isn’t easy and simple for guys.

Here are a few podcasts that may clear up some myths and give you strategies to start transforming your frustration into fulfillment. Be in touch to let us know how we can serve YOU!

Podcast Episodes About Men’s Sexuality:

• Unleash The Power of Prostate Massage
• Overcome Performance Anxiety
• The State of Male Sexuality

Resources About Men’s Sexuality

★ 100 men open up about the relationship with their penis. Includes a beautiful gallery showing men in their full glory.

Get to know your own body and learn to express it’s needs to your partner. There is no one right way to have sex. Whatever your body wants and needs is the right way to have sex. Get rid of all the cultural “shoulds” when it comes to what you need for pleasure and orgasms. ~ Dr. Laurie Mintz

If you are a woman, and you find it hard to enjoy sex, you are not alone.

For most women, for most of human history, sex has been something to be endured – not enjoyed.

We could go on for days about why women’s pleasure has never been centered in sex culture – but for now, let’s focus on a few core truths about female sexuality that may help you transform “meh” into “MORE!”

• Most women experience RESPONSIVE desire, not SPONTANEOUS desire. The difference is *key to understanding female libido.
• Most women want and need full body touch and prolonged foreplay to build arousal before there is any interest in penetration.
• Clitoral stimulation is essential for female pleasure. MOST women do NOT orgasm from penetration alone – so erotic touch, hand sex and oral sex are key skills to building female arousal.

Here are a few podcasts to listen to, with some essential insight into the female sexual experience. We’d love to hear from you about what your specific struggle with sexual pleasure looks like – hit reply on any email you receive from us or email us at BeInTouch (@) PleasureMechanics.com

Becoming Cliterate with Dr. Laurie Mintz:

Sexual Desire: Spontaneous Vs. Responsive

 

Ready to build a more pleasurable sex life, from the ground up? Ready to reinvent what “having sex” looks like with your partner – and have WAY more fun along the way? Enroll in Foreplay Mastery and let us guide you every step of the way!