What Could Make This Even Better? And Other Great Questions To Ask!
In the first stages of learning any new sexual skill together, you will learn new ways to verbally communicate what works and what doesn’t.
Being able to say “That feels great, but it would feel even better with a little more pressure” will make the difference between a good experience and a great one.
Likewise it is essential to begin asking great questions like “Will you tell me when this feels just right?” or “Would you like me to go deeper or is this good?”
Asking these practical questions begins the conversation about physical desires. The translation to the bedroom can be seamless – you can learn to ask questions such as “Would more pressure on your clitoris feel better?” or “Would you mind touching my thighs more? I especially love light touch on the inside of my thighs”
After you make love, in the hours after or even the next day, you can ask “What were your favorite parts?” or “What could have made it even better?”
Communicating about your preferences and desires is not clinical or cold – it is a high expression of love and concern, showing you care enough about your partner to strive for ever more pleasurable touch.
Because erotic communication is one of the most important skills for sexual fulfillment and healthy relationships, we have put together an interactive resource guide on erotic communication – available here or as part of a Pleasure Pod membership. Membership includes our resource pod on Erotic Communication as just one of the many curated resources for Pleasure Pod Members!
Most relationship experts say that communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Massage is a beautiful way to use both language and body to communicate what you are feeling, what you need, and where your boundaries are. Learning massage together at home is a crash course in communication that will have wide reaching benefits in your relationship.
We teach massage and erotic touch through online videos, so any couple can learn how to touch one another with more skill and confidence.
Not many people make it to massage school, so we distilled all the essentials of quality touch into easy to learn techniques and strategies for maximum pleasure.
We communicate not just with our words, but with our bodies, sounds, touch, gestures. How close you sit on the couch together is a strong communication of your intimacy. Sharing massage and touch is like learning a new language together – it doubles your ability to speak to one another. A simple loving touch can communicate caring, support and compassion. Bringing more attention to your hands and bodies will make clear the areas that you successfully communicate your love and other areas where you may need to evaluate what you are saying to one another with your physical actions.
Explore communicating your pleasure and wishes with your body movements, gestures and sounds.
If your partner is doing something you love, tell them by moaning or sighing. Move your body into their touch.
Use your hands and guide them in exactly the kind of touch you want – put your hands over theirs and show them what would feel good. Then, take your hands away and allow them to continue.
Use hand gestures and agree ahead of time on what they mean – if you want more pressure, wave them forward. If you want to slow down, use a flat palm. This is a lot like helping someone parallel park – waving frantically means “Come on, you’ve got lots of space!” but a firm show of the palm means “Stop!” You can develop a whole language with your hands that can give one another very specific information without using a single word.
Whenever possible, offer positive feedback. Tell your partner what is feeling good and what they are doing well. “That feels good, could you do it a little softer?” This builds confidence and makes it easier to hear requests for change.
If the only time you say anything is negative or demanding, your lover may lost patience. Thanking them and giving them positive feedback as much as you can, with your words, sounds, movements and gestures, will enhance your experience and make it easier for you both to hear the more challenging feedback.
Also pay attention to how you phrase these requests – “I hate it when you tickle me like that!” feels really different to hear than “I really enjoy deeper pressure” or “Can you use a firmer stroke, my thighs are really sensitive right there.”
Telling your lover what worked highly increases the chances of receiving that same touch in the future – it adds that move to the repertoire of pleasure that you can draw from again and again.
For all of our best resources on erotic communication (and SO much more!) join The Pleasure Pod & unlock members-only resources.