Proven Strategies For Sexual Satisfaction
Want sexual satisfaction in a long term relationship? Want to keep passion alive for the long haul? For most of us these are clear goals, but what are the proven strategies to make it happen? A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research reveals some answers.
The research, led by David A. Frederick of Chapman University, was designed to look at sexual satisfaction in long term relationships. The study surveyed over 38,000 men and women who have been in a relationship for more than three years. The researchers used large mainstream websites to gather survey participants. The survey asked about sexual satisfaction in the first six months of a relationship in comparison to current sexual satisfaction, and then went on to take a look at what behaviors were most associated with reports of sexual satisfaction and passion in long term relationships.
The study revealed many interesting patterns about sexual satisfaction. The first was that sexually satisfied couples use a wider range of sex acts in the bedroom to stay interested and engaged with one another. The study asked about 17 different sex acts, and the satisfied couples had way more variety in their sex lives when compared to the dissatisfied couples.
“Sexual satisfaction and maintenance of passion were higher among people who had sex more frequently, received more oral sex, had more consistent orgasms, incorporated more variety of sexual acts, took the time to set a mood and practiced effective sexual communication,” said David Frederick, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University and lead author of the study. “Almost half of satisfied and dissatisfied couples read sexual self-help books and magazine articles, but what set sexually satisfied couples apart was that they actually tried some of the ideas.”
The research revealed that sexually satisfied couples engaged in a wider variety of sexual behaviors, such as cuddling, gentle and deep kissing and laughing together during sexual activity; incorporated more acts of sexual variety such as trying new sexual positions or acting out fantasies; more frequently set a romantic or sexual mood such as lighting candles or playing music, and used communication effectively, such as saying “I love you” during sex or sending a sexually suggestive text earlier in the day. They also found that sexually satisfied men and women gave and received more oral sex, orgasmed more frequently, and had sex more frequently.
Another interesting finding was that both satisfied and dissatisfied people read about the same amount of sex advice in magazines and online – but the ones that actually act on the advice and try new things are the ones that report being more satisfied. Just like you won’t get physically fit by watching sports, you don’t gain sexual satisfaction just by reading advice or listening to a podcast! We can suggest new activities and strategies for you, but you’ll only benefit if you take action!
There is a bi-directional relationship between the behaviors that create sexual satisfaction and the feeling of being sexually satisfied. Do sexually satisfied couples try more novel acts in the bedroom, or does trying more novel acts make a couple more satisfied? The answer, clearly is both are true.
Just like in other areas of life, behavior can change attitudes and beliefs. And, of course, changing your attitudes can change your behavior.
So why not try adopting some of the behaviors of sexually satisfied couples and see what happens? Out of the following 17 behaviors and 6 communication strategies, what are you most eager to experience? What might you be willing to try out in the coming weeks?
This study points to one simple truth: staying curious and open in your sexual relationship is a proven way to create sexual satisfaction. And remember – you can’t just read sexual advice like the kind we offer here at PleasureMechanics.com – you have to take action! Go for it and report back to us about your own levels of sexual satisfaction and what you do to stay sexually satisfied in your long term relationship!
Science Says Try This For Sexual Satisfaction:
- exchange mini massages more regularly (Check out the Couples Massage course!)
- talk about sex out loud (listen to our podcast together and talk about what comes up!)
- take a shower or bath together
- make a standing date night once or twice a night – give yourself something to look forward to!
- go on a romantic getaway, even a day trip to a nearby town gets the novelty hormones flowing!
- use a vibrator or sex toy together
- try anal stimulation (Check out the Anal Sex Mastery course!)
- watch ethical porn together
- talk about or acted out our fantasies
- have sexual contact in a public place (without getting caught!)
- try light kink (check out the Kinky Sex course!)
- invite another person into bed with you (here’s How To Have A Threesome)
Communication Techniques For Sexual Satisfaction
- learn how to ask for what you want in bed
- praise partner about something they did in bed
- ask for feedback on how something felt
- call/e-mail/text to tease about doing something sexual
- gently give feedback about how partner did something in bed
- say “i love you” or laugh during sex
Source: David A. Frederick, Janet Lever, Brian Joseph Gillespie & Justin R. Garcia (2016): What Keeps Passion Alive? Sexual Satisfaction Is Associated With Sexual Communication, Mood Setting, Sexual Variety, Oral Sex, Orgasm, and Sex Frequency in a National U.S. Study, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI:10.1080/00224499.2015.1137854
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