Pleasure Mechanics

The Emotional Authenticity of Erotic Touch

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The Emotional Authenticity of Erotic Touch :: Free Podcast Episode

Proven: authentic emotions are transmitted through touch. Here’s how to use this power to your erotic advantage! Discover how to communicate love, gratitude and desire through the simple magic of touch.

A 2006 study [PDF] strangers were separated  into pairs, with just a black curtain between them. One was asked to try communicating an emotion by touching the other person’s hand or arm. The study revealed that the people being touched “could decode anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, and sympathy via touch at much-better-than-chance levels.”

In this podcast we guide you in how to activate this power so you can have more intimate, emotional and fulfilling connections – every time you reach out and offer your touch!

The Reromanticizing Exercise

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Has the romance faded from your relationship? Want to feel those sparks of new romance again? Just want to feel more love and care in your life?

The Reromanticizing Exercise comes from the classic relationship guide Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. First published in 1988, this book has been a massive New York Times bestseller and a classic guide for relationship self-help and marital therapy. This simple yet effective exercise is a tool for getting clear about what kind of love you want to receive and how you can best give your partner the love they crave.

Harville and Helen Hendrix went on to develop Imago Therapy, used by tens of thousands of therapists all around the world. You can learn more about their work here.

You can get an audiobook copy of Getting The Love You Want for FREE with your free trial at Audible.com.

Here are the 5 basic steps for The Reromanticizing Exercise:

  1. Identify what your partner is already doing that pleases you. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I feel loved and cared about when you…
  2. Recall the most romantic stage of your relationship and think about what you used to do but no longer do very often. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I used to feel loved and cared about when you… 
  3.  Think about caring and loving behaviors that you have always wanted but have never asked for. Make a list, being as specific as possible, completing this sentence: I would like you to…
  4. Now combine your lists, and think about which gestures are most important to you. Label each behavior from 1-5, 1 being very important and 5 being least important.
  5. Share your list with your partner. Now aim to do 1-2 gestures for one another every day for 2 months.

You’ll find this and more relationship exercises in the book, Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

How to Ask for Sex Without Being Creepy

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This episode has been retired.

This episode was originally inspired by a blog post from Charlie Glickman. After the date of publication, Charlie Glickman has begun to take public accountability for perpetuating sexual harm, relational abuse and other forms of harm while leveraging his position as a sexuality professional to justify and continue his abuse. With this new information, we have retired this episode and no longer recommend Glickman as a trusted resource.

The irony of the topic of this podcast is not lost on us.

Kinky Communication 101 with Patrick Califia

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Kinky Communication 101 :: Free Podcast Episode

Patrick Califia, one of the best known BDSM educators, shares a five step communication cycle for talking to your partner about sexual fantasies, kinky sex and other forbidden subjects. These erotic communication tools are also useful for anytime you want to talk to your partner about a vulnerable topic.

This podcast features an excerpt from Patrick Califia’s book Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples.

You can get this book for free from Audible by going to AudibleTrial.com/Pleasure and enrolling in a free trial membership!

Ready to explore kinky sex? The Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course guides you into the thrilling adventure of kinky sex, one step at a time! Designed for total beginners and more experienced players alike, you’ll master all the skills you need to have exciting kinky adventures while avoiding the most common pitfalls. If you are ready for your next erotic journey, dive in here.

Ask For What You Want In Bed

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Ask For What You Want In Bed :: Free Podcast Episode

How To Ask For What You Want In Bed

For many people, talking about sex is difficult. In this podcast episode (hit the play button at the top of the page to listen!) we share strategies for confidently talking about sex and fearlessly asking for what you want in bed.

Before you start making explicit requests in bed, get comfortable talking about sex as a casual conversation. When you are taking a walk, driving in the car, hanging out after dinner, or any other time you are relaxed and alone, introduce a topic that gets you talking about sex!

Ways To Introduce Conversations About Sex:

  • “I read an article about ______. Have you heard of that before?”
  • “My friends were talking about someone who liked _____ in bed. Would you ever try something like that?”
  • Who did you learn about sex from?
  • What did your parents teach you about sex?
  • Do you have a favorite sex scene from a movie?
  • What celebrity did you have a crush on as a teenager?

As you get more comfortable talking about sex, be sure to explore your Peak Erotic Experiences.

Once you feel at ease talking about sex in general, you can start making requests about what you want more of in the bedroom.

Remember to frame these conversations as an invitation rather than an accusation. You are asking your lover to explore more pleasure, connection and arousal together, not challenging their skills as a lover.

Get Specific When Asking For What You Want

Make specific, attainable requests. The more specific the better.

Instead of “I need more foreplay” try “I would love more full body touch to warm me up.”

Instead of “I am so bored with our routine” try “Can I try giving you an erotic massage sometime?”

Instead of “I wish you were rougher with me” try “I love feeling how powerful you are. It would be really hot if you held my arms down and kissed me hard.”

Frameworks For Erotic Requests:

  • “I love it when you…”
  • “I would love it if you…”
  • “I’ve been fantasizing about you…”
  • “Can we try something new? I’ve been wondering about…”
  • “I want to slow down and enjoy this, can we take our time?”
  • “I love feeling your hands on my _____. Can you do more of that?”
  • “I can’t stop thinking about how sexy it is when you ______”