Taking turns in bed is one of the most powerful reframes you can make to gain access to way more pleasure and connection.
Taking turns is yet another gift from our erotic massage lineage – on a massage table it is clear how we can take turns giving and receiving touch, centering the needs and desires of one body at a time so we can lavish it with as much presence and pleasure as possible.
Taking turns is not about “you do me and then I’ll do you” – it is about dropping into a shared erotic experience with focused attention. Listen in to find out how this simple idea of taking turns can emerge in sex, love and life.
To practice the skills of giving and receiving pleasure, we highly encourage you to explore the Three Minute Game. Get our recorded walkthrough by signing up for our newsletter below!
Podcast transcripts are generated with love by humans, and thus may not be 100% accurate. Time stamps are included so you can cross reference or jump to any point in the podcast episode above. THANKS to the members of our Pleasure Pod for helping make transcripts and the rest of our free offerings happen! If you love what we offer, find ways to show your love and dive deeper with us here: SHOW SOME LOVE
Chris Rose: 00:01 Welcome to Speaking of Sex With the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose: 00:05 I am Charlotte.
Chris Rose: 00:06 We are the Pleasure Mechanics and on this podcast we have explicit, soulful conversations. Some have called it passionate and compassionate conversations about everything you need to know about sex, love, relationships and surviving this world.
Chris Rose: 00:23 Come on over to pleasuremechanics.com where you will find all of our free resources waiting for you. Go to pleasure mechanics.com/free and enroll in our free online course, The Erotic Essentials so we can get started with you right away. Let us get started with you.
Chris Rose: 00:44 On today’s podcast. We’re talking about taking turns in bed. Yet another one of these gifts that comes to us through our erotic massage lineage. We’ve been talking a lot about these perspectives and strategies that we learned because Charlotte and I were both trained in erotic massage and how that perspective changed everything for us I think. How we think about sex and fucking and loving and living. We keep coming across these gifts as we explore our work and so we just want to articulate them and share them with you. Because sometimes when I get your emails and I start digging into your struggles, it becomes clear to me that shifts of perspectives and as I’m saying shifts a lot, it’s a hard word to say, changing your perspective can make dramatic changes in your lived experience.
Chris Rose: 01:46 In the academic world we have a word called “praxis,” and praxis is one of my favorite words that I geeked out on in college that I kind of want to get tattooed on my body. Because praxis talks about the relationship between theory, the ideas we have about something, action, the behaviors we take, and knowledge. And knowledge is another word for experience. Your erotic knowledge is a sum of your experiences. And so sometimes we want to intervene on the actions and sometimes we want to intervene on the theories.
Chris Rose: 02:20 So today is a theory intervention where we’re going to talk about taking turns in bed. Taking turns in bed, taking turns at pleasure, taking turns in the role of giver and receiver and what that means for your entire sex life and your perspective on sex itself.
Charlotte Rose: 02:42 I love this so much because when we’re having “regular sex,” whatever that looks like for you, there is sometimes so much going on. There’s so much to pay attention to. There’s your body, the other person’s body, how they’re connecting, how our thoughts are running wild perhaps. All of the feelings that we’re having. There is a lot going on. And slowing things way down and identifying that one of you is giving and one of you is receiving really allows each one of you to drop into that experience and just do that. And when we do that, we are able to slow down and really feel our feelings, feel our body, feel the sensations that we’re experiencing. It simplifies matters.
Chris Rose: 03:34 And taking turns doesn’t mean you do me and I’ll do you. It’s not waiting in line for a ride. It doesn’t mean checking out of the experience when it’s not your turn. As Charlotte says, it means going even more deep into the roles of giving and receiving so you both can be even more present, more aware and feel more.
Chris Rose: 03:54 This dynamic is so clear to us on the massage table. When you have a massage table set up, one person lies down and one person works at the table walking around at all angles, massaging and touching and being with the receiver’s body. And that entire session, from the first conversation about it, to the conversation afterwards and the drink of water as you’re sitting up and coming to after your hour session, is all for the benefit and experience of the receiver. The giver is there in service to that experience, which doesn’t mean you can check out. The giver goes deep into their role of giving, brings all of their skills, all of their presence, all of their attention to usher in the desired experience into the recipient’s body.
Charlotte Rose: 04:47 Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chris Rose: 04:48 What a gift. What a gift. And that’s true for all massage when done well, because certainly you can go to a massage and the giver is not present and they’re just going through a routine. And you don’t feel that they are here for me in every way kind of feeling. But when you have that feeling it is special, you can feel it, it is palpable. And then when we go to a erotic massage we’re bringing that attention, that full presence and attention and skillfulness into the eroticism, into arousal. And then we take that skill off the massage table and bring it with us into bed.
Chris Rose: 05:30 And this is what I noticed. So just to take you back to our early twenties, Charlotte and I were both living in San Francisco and without having met one another yet, we’re both getting trained in massage. And I was being trained directly in the Body Electric lineage. Charlotte got another training and then entered the Body Electric lineage. But as I learned erotic massage, I’d come home on the weekends and have sex with my friends. I was living in an apartment with two gay men and we were in this play party community and so I was having lots of sex with lots of people. And as soon as I learned massage, everything about my sex changed. And I started bringing that focus of attention and that taking turns mentality into sex. And meanwhile I was in a kinky community, and we see this same dynamic in the kink community where often there is a top and a bottom, a giver and a receiver, and you orchestrate the scene around one person’s desires.
Chris Rose: 06:29 So this combination of educations for me allowed me to create these sex scenes with people where I was like, “Tell me what you want. What would feel best for you right now? I am totally at your service. Ask and you shall receive.”
Chris Rose: 06:45 And that was delightful for me. But then when those same people, my same lovers turned that attention on me and was like, “Well, what do you want?”
Chris Rose: 06:54 I was like, “Uh! I don’t know! I’m a survivor. I don’t know.” And that question is really scary.
Chris Rose: 06:59 And so this is part of the dynamic we want to talk about is, the fantasy of just giving and receiving with full attention and presence and one person can just lie back and luxuriate and receive. That’s a fantasy. How does the reality play out in your life when it comes to giving and receiving? Which one of these roles is easier for you? What emotions come up? And this is where the magic starts to happen within a relationship, where you can start working with this dynamic, giving one another deeper presence and attention, and going through all of the emotions and stuff that will come up during that process.
Chris Rose: 07:40 What was the transition like for you when you learned massage and then erotic massage skills? How did it change your sex life?
Charlotte Rose: 07:47 Hmm. I feel like I really got to see from the people I was giving massage to that there was a breadth of skillset to receiving. It was really interesting to guide people through a massage and then an erotic experience for eight hours a day and see people one after the other and see how… I was doing fairly similar things with each body, and different people could take that pleasure in to different extents. And that was really fascinating to observe and see the skill set of receiving. And also to be able to go deep into my role of giving, because the more that I meditated or danced beforehand to really get myself in my own body and in my own awareness, in my own presence, I was able to give from a deeper place, from a place where I could listen more with my hands. And then I was able to take people to higher levels of pleasure.
Chris Rose: 08:55 Right. So I just want to paint the training grounds of our erotic skills a little bit. Charlotte was doing erotic massage primarily on men for six to eight sessions a day, a few days a week. Meanwhile, I was doing all these sessions with survivors, with women, with couples and I’m teaching workshops where I got to see 20 people at a time, sometimes on massage tables. And when you see all of these bodies you get to see the patterns. And this piece of depth of role of giver and receiver was so apparent. And it’s one of these things that we can just bring right home to how we love one another. Because in each of these roles, giver and receiver, you can be distracted and barely there and going through the motions, or you can be so present that you feel the quiver of your lovers pleasure at the fingertips. It’s right there at every breath and you are riding that together.
Chris Rose: 09:56 And when you’re both dropped into your role, when you’re both dropped in, that’s where you meet, right? So it’s not this thing of we’re on separate experiences, you’re the giver, I’m the receiver, you’re doing something, I’m not. You’re meeting right there at the point of touch, at the point of breath where they arousal is growing and you’re right there sharing that experience. And I think if you think through your sex life, you’ve had these moments, whether you’ve done it purposefully or not, with skill or not. A lot of us have found these moments sometimes by accident and you find yourself right there and engaged with someone, and at that moment you’re like right in the pleasurable experience with full presence together and it feels fucking amazing. And we crave it and we try to recreate it and sometimes when it doesn’t happen, it can feel deeply frustrating or isolating or alienating. So this is a way of doing that on purpose by, as Charlotte said, splitting up these roles so you have one thing to focus on.
Chris Rose: 11:02 My favorite example of this is the ultimate distracting position is the 69 position, right? Where someone’s genitals are right in your face, your genitals are right in someone’s face. Sensation is really high. You’re trying to manage body positions, you’re trying to support your weight. You’re worried about, “Am I going to come too soon? Not soon enough?” All of those things streaming through you. And for most of us, most sex is that giving and receiving at the same time. Like pay attention to it all, a cacophony of sensations and feelings and emotions and distractions. It’s a lot to pay attention to. When we slow it down, when we say, “What do you want tonight? What can I give you tonight?” it allows you to focus on one thing at a time and therefore go deeper.
Chris Rose: 11:49 So there’s two ways to think about this giving and receiving. And when we paint the picture of the massage table, giving and receiving looks a lot like who is giving the touch and who is receiving the touch. Who is giving the touch and who is receiving the touch. And this was the basis of the Body Electric lineage. And out of that, this game that we’re going to share with you, the 3-Minute Game, came as an exercise of saying, “For three minutes, how do you want to be touched?”
Chris Rose: 12:23 And then you ask your partner that, they make a very specific request, “Please massage my arms with moderate to deep pressure. I have a sore elbow.” Right? So you lay out your request and then you spend three minutes just doing that touch. And we do this in massage classes, we do this as part of sex coaching. It’s a fabulous exercise because with three minutes on the timer, most people can focus on something for one to three minutes. And sometimes I even drop this to like one minute or 90 seconds.
Chris Rose: 12:55 But when you’re asked what do you want for three minutes, you then have to go into yourself and say, “I have a talented masseur asking me what I want for three minutes. What is my body craving?” So there’s that skill of articulating what you want and asking for it out loud.
Chris Rose: 13:14 A woman named Betty Martin, who was part of one of the very early sexological bodywork trainings that I was teaching with Joe Kramer, founder of Body Electric School, during that training started complicating this and saying, “Wait, wait, wait. Giver and receiver isn’t nuanced enough because you don’t always give for the receiver’s pleasure. Who is it for? Who is the touch serving? We have to start asking that question.” And thus she opened up kind of a new axis and what she now calls the Wheel of Consent. And for the past 13 years since I first met her, she’s been really developing this area and offers trainings on the Wheel of Consent.
Chris Rose: 13:57 And that asks both, in a 3-Minute Game, “How do you want to be touched, and how do you want to touch me?”
Chris Rose: 14:07 We start activating that access of, “Who is this for,” and, “What is it like to touch for my pleasure, to give touch for my own gratification?”
Chris Rose: 14:21 And I love this access. I love how she’s opened this up because it really opens up that conversation of, “Who is this for? Who’s pleasure are we centering?” And I think of this as whose desires are we centering for this erotic event? And I think this is what the kink community asks us, right? Because in the kink community there’s the top and the bottom, but whose desires are being centered is really important. Is the bottom, the submissive, on their knees because they like it, or because the top wants them on their knees? Or both, right? Because you can’t make that assumption, who is it for? So who’s doing what and who is it for, become the questions of giving and receiving.
Charlotte Rose: 15:05 And hearing that it’s possible to give touch so that you can take your own pleasure can be really challenging to hear because we live in a world where there is sexual violence and we’re really trying hard to not do that. And that’s why Betty Martin talks about the Wheel of Consent, that it’s so important to really have these explicit conversations and agreements made before you start any kind of touch so you both have agreed to whatever you’re doing and that there’s clarity around that. Because once you have clarity, then you can really say yes to something. Otherwise it can be really murky and not clear and it can start feeling a little crummy.
Chris Rose: 15:49 A classic example of this to me is when someone’s like, “Hey, do you want a shoulder rub?”
Chris Rose: 15:54 And you’re like, “Yeah, that sounds nice. I’ll take a shoulder rub.”
Chris Rose: 15:58 And you start getting the shoulder rub and then the hands start drifting to the breasts. They are changing the agreement and taking touch that they want for their hands, for their pleasure, without your agreement, right? And making that dynamic consensual turns out to be really important, and I think it’s so important we’re going to do a whole episode on it. Because this is that place of take, of “take and allow” is what Betty Martin calls it and so many of us want to be taken. The idea that someone finds our body so desirable that they want to touch it and eat it and fuck it for their own pleasure can feel really good if you want that person too. But being taken without consent and without mutual desire feels awful. So that’s a really important dynamic to get right, to do consensually for it to feel awesome.
Chris Rose: 16:57 Right now we’re focusing on this give and receive, where the touch is being done for and centering the pleasure of the person receiving. This dynamic is boundless in the pleasure it can bring you, because when we each start tuning in, “What does my body want right now? What would feel good to it right now?”
Chris Rose: 17:21 Given the current context, given where I’m just… As the right now appears moment to moment and we have a partner who has skilled hands and full presence and saying, “How can I serve you? What do you want?” the pleasure is endless.
Chris Rose: 17:37 Because you can start saying, “Oh, I just need to be held and listened to. Ooh, a shoulder massage would feel really good right now. I’ve had a long day at the office. My butt could use a lot of work. I want to be fucked really deeply and rough tonight. I just want tender, loving touch and maybe go down on me while I weep.”
Chris Rose: 17:56 Your vocabulary of once opens up because you’re invited into this experience in something as simple as the 3-Minute Game. And the 3-Minute Game, so we’ll set it up for you, and I think maybe we’ll record a practice of it and people can then try it on their own. And we’ll have that available in the show notes page of this episode. I’m just like, I throw these things in as we’re recording. Charlotte’s looking at me like, “Oh will we?” Yes we will. We will record a practice of this game because I think it’s a really important one.
Chris Rose: 18:29 And the 3-Minute Game often starts at the kitchen table. This is not in bed, this is just in a relaxed or on the couch. And you set a timer, which is an important tool. It’s not arbitrary. Having a timer allows you to focus and then allows that boundary of time. So you say, “For three minutes, how can I serve you? What do you want? What kind of touch would you like?”
Chris Rose: 18:54 And then the range of opportunity is there for the person to go inside and think about what would feel good and say it out loud, to ask for it. And then built into the exercise is a negotiation. So the person giving can have boundaries too. “Is that a touch you can show up for willingly? Are you available for that? Can you do that right now?”
Chris Rose: 19:18 And then you negotiate and you say, “Well I would love to stroke your hair. What position would feel good for us?” And you do it. You set the timer and you notice what three minutes can bring you. That is another gift of that is you notice in your body how three minutes of intentional, affectionate touch can completely shift your neurochemistry. And this is why, for example, in our couples massage course we have five minute follow-along guides because we’ve noticed over the years, five minutes can completely change how you feel in your body and open up whole new yeses.
Chris Rose: 19:55 So the 3-Minute Game, lest it sound clinical, right? Because some people can hear this and be like, “I don’t want to play a 3-Minute Game. I want to fuck,” right?
Chris Rose: 20:05 The 3-Minute Game as a practice to activate these skills, to show you the power of the giving and receiving role, then builds into things like, “Honey, what are you up for tonight? What are you into?” And that is such a different invitation than, “Can I get sex tonight?” This is a primary thing for so many couples and we’ve talked about it before so I won’t go on a huge rant, I promise. But for so many couples, any sort of affectionate touch is an assumption of intercourse. We’re going to start on this ride. It finishes with intercourse and if you’re not up for intercourse, you don’t get on the ride.
Chris Rose: 20:45 If instead, affectionate touch is just affectionate touch, which then may lead to more affectionate touch. It might lead to one of you getting off. It might lead to both of you getting off. It becomes just a starter. It becomes an invitation just to be in that moment together, just to touch for the pleasure and connection of that touch. It really changes everything. And it’s not clinical. You start this as a practice to build skills to become a more skillful lover.
Charlotte Rose: 21:15 Yeah. It’s such a wonderful opportunity to have this little game where you can practice and activate your communication. Asking for what you want, setting boundaries, making requests. They’re just such a wonderful skills that we can all use, developing. And it’s a short amount of time. It is powerful and it’s interesting just to see what comes up, to see what you discover about yourself, your partner and what feels good. No major sexual expectations, just an exploration. So I’m so excited for you guys to explore this.
Chris Rose: 21:51 And beyond the game. So as we build the skills through the game, through these experiments, through short little experiments, you then build these skills as lovers. And I want to paint the picture a little bit of what this looks like as lovers. Because the giving and receiving, it’s not just about the game for skills, it’s about a whole model of having sex together. Where it’s not, “We’re just going to fall together and collide and roll around and pay attention to everything at once,” and hope both people’s needs are being met.
Chris Rose: 22:24 Giving and receiving, when you break down the roles and you go into sex, and this can all be done very passionately, you’re kissing, you’re touching one another, and there opens this conversation of like, “What are you into right now? What do you want right now? Show me, guide me.”
Chris Rose: 22:42 And there’s this skill you develop where you trust one another, that taking turns is not waiting for your turn. I really want to say that again. It’s not like, “Let me get you off and then you get me off.” It’s not one for one. There’s no scoreboard. It’s just this open opportunity to be like, “I am here for you. Let me serve you right now.” And this can be… So session by session, you can devote a whole session, a whole evening, a whole weekend to centering one person’s desires and pleasure. What a gift that would be, where you arrange a whole arc of time centering and lavishing one person and your attention, getting their favorite takeout, making sure they feel loved and pampered and paid attention to, and then you arrange the whole sex around just pleasuring them. Whether or not you as a giver find pleasure in that, have an orgasm or not, all of those things are negotiable of where you fit into that, but you have centered their needs and desires.
Chris Rose: 23:50 This spirit of giving and receiving can also happen within the arc of one night. It’s like, “Let me take care of you first. We’re going to pamper you. We’re going to lavish you with touch. You are going to be in your afterglow. And then from that place you’re going to turn to me with all of your hunger and take care of me.”
Chris Rose: 24:09 And this is a model that works really well for partners where one person has a vulva and one person has a penis, and if that vulva needs longer, warm up and turn on and really likes all of that play in the beginning of the session, she receives first. And this is the premise of Ian Kerner’s timeless bestselling book, She Comes First. Focus on her pleasure first, unroll that, and then from that place of the person with the vulva being fully aroused, fully turned on, fully activated, ready, then you turn the attention to the penis. It’s a really useful template. Like this is not a script. It’s just a suggestion of an arc of events that rely on this skill of giving and receiving. Because when you’re turning your attention to the person that goes first or the person who’s a focus of attention for the entire night, you’re dropping into that role of giver. And I just want to give a shout out for that because it’s not like this clinical “I’m doing you,” distracted, like, “Blah, I’m not a part of this. I’m feeling bad about that,” kind of nonsense.”
Chris Rose: 25:27 This is a deeply erotic role of turning all of your life force attention, all of your skills, all of your energy, all of your force, all of your power perhaps, onto the desires and needs of your beloved. Even if it’s casual, right? This person you are choosing to share this erotic experience with and you’re like, “I am here for it. I am here for this.” Can you tell I love giving, and receiving is a little harder for me? Giving for me is like the purest form of eroticism, where you’re bringing your entire humanity in the service of pleasure. And it’s through that place, endless pleasure can stream through your body and you can get incredibly aroused and feel so powerful. So when I say being of service, that’s not necessarily submissive, this can be an incredibly powerful role too.
Chris Rose: 26:24 And I hear from a lot of guys that they love to do this. They love to turn their attention onto a pussy, onto a vulva or onto a cock because gay men are just like this too. But a lot of us love to do this, turn all of our attention onto our lover. For a lot of people, the bottleneck in this is people’s ability to receive.
Chris Rose: 26:45 And so I just want to circle back to what you were saying about your massage table and what our capacities are. Because all of those guys were in the presence of one of the most skilled, erotic masseuses in the San Francisco Bay area, probably the world and other galaxies too. And how much pleasure they could receive was up to them. And this is true for so many of us at home where our partner is willing. And this is not true for everyone, like shout out to the people whose partners aren’t willing. There is a different set of things there. But so many people’s partners are willing and we cannot show up and receive. And I know this so intimately because for me when I entered this erotic massage world and I found myself not one erotic masseuse, but surrounded by a room full of them who loved me and were ready to give me any kind of touch.
Chris Rose: 27:36 And on my Friday night I was in a kinky community where I could ask to be strung from the ceiling, my nipples set on fire while I was fucked by three men if I wanted to. That was available for the taking. And all of a sudden I hit this point of like, “Uh, I don’t know how to receive.”
Chris Rose: 27:56 There’s so much to say here about survivors and trauma and if that is true for you, we will have a resource on the show notes page, our free survivor’s toolkit that addresses a ton of this. But it’s also just true for so many of us because we’ve never been asked by a passionate, generous lover with full presence. And we haven’t had the practice of centering our own needs and desires. How often in life do you get to say from this deep place of what’s inside you “This is what I want.” It’s a really advanced skill and so that’s why we start small in the 3-Minute Game, right?
Chris Rose: 28:35 We don’t say, “What do you want? All your sexual fantasies?” That is too big a question for most of us. If we roll it way back, and this is, “I learned this playing the 3-Minute Game in massage classes,” all of a sudden you can get specific. You’re like, “Yeah, my shoulders feel hella tight. Just rub them out.” And you trust them to stay boundaried and so within that boundary, all of this abundance is possible. Within that boundary you can get met fully because you don’t have to be guarded within yourself of what else might happen. What are they going to try? Because they’re not taking, they are giving.
Chris Rose: 29:11 And so if you can say to your lover, “Oh, all I need right now is a long back rub. And then I’m going to clamp my vibrator to my clitoris and have an orgasm and fall asleep. Is that okay?”
Chris Rose: 29:19 And they’re like, “Hell yeah baby. I’m here for it. Let me get the massage oil. Get your vibrator plugged in, let’s go!” You have a clear boundary and you can give yourself fully to that experience. And then tomorrow night there’s a new boundary and a new experience and you talk about it and you open it up and you play together. Woo!
Chris Rose: 29:43 So there’s more to say about giving and receiving. We’ll link to some relevant podcast episodes and resources on the show notes page. We’re going to record the 3-Minute Game practice for you so you have us guiding you. And we hope this conversation has been helpful to you as you integrate this, whether you play the 3-Minute Game or just try it in your bedroom and try to center your lover’s pleasure for a little while, you will notice emotions come up. Emotions about giving, emotions about receiving. And those can be really complicated to unpack. Resentment can rear its head, like, “Why would I give to him? What does he give to me?” And it will reveal shit about your relationship. And this is also why we do these practices, because they give us opportunities to pay attention to things, right?
Chris Rose: 30:32 This practice of centering one person’s desires at a time, of dropping into the role of giving and receiving will reveal stuff not only about yourself. Like I said, as a survivor, it was very hard for me to receive and say what I wanted and trust that I was safe in that. There’s also all of these emotional, relational issues that come up as you do this. And you’ll notice, giving and receiving happens not only in the bedroom but in the relationship, in the family home. What energy, what is being given and what is being received within the relationship, your life? What is your role to giving and receiving in your profession? If you’re a giver all day long, if you’re a social worker, you might want to come home and just be taken, right? And that’s, so many of us, we balance our social life with our sexual fantasies and desires.
Chris Rose: 31:34 But then there’s all these other questions that might come up. And as you are thinking through this, there’s some useful questions to ask about the touch, about the roles of giving and receiving. Questions like, “What is the intention of this touch? Do you want to be relaxed or do you want to be aroused?” Great question to ask.
Charlotte Rose: 31:55 While you’re receiving, a great question to ask yourself is, “What are you paying attention to? Are you paying attention to the sensations in your body? Are you paying attention to your lover’s hands on your body? Are you paying attention to your thoughts?” And you want to redirect your attention back to the sensations in your body or to where the fingertips are touching the contours of your skin.
Chris Rose: 32:21 And as a survivor, sometimes my intention going in was, “I’m just going to pay attention to my breath and stay calm while someone gives me a back massage.” And that was enough to pay attention to and I felt some vague sense of pleasure happening behind that. But my main job was just staying calm and present.
Chris Rose: 32:41 So if you find yourself often distracted during sex, checking out during sex, playing the 3-Minute Game and saying, “Stroke my hair and all I’m going to pay attention to as a receiver is staying calm and present,” that is enough. And that is a noble goal.
Chris Rose: 32:57 And then those things change and all of a sudden you be like, “I want your hands inside me and I want to pay attention to my cervix and what sensations we can find there.” And that takes us back to the erotic massage episode. And you can see how these skills layer upon themselves and start serving you.
Chris Rose: 33:15 When we learn how to pay attention to our lovers hands as they’re massaging our feet, and our foot massage tutorial by the way, is available for free in our Erotic Essentials course. When you can learn how to pay attention to your lover massaging your feet for three minutes, you are developing a really powerful skill that will serve you not only in sex but in your whole life. Because then, as they’re going down on you, if you’ve consented to that and they’re giving all of their attention with their mouth and their breath and their hands to your pussy, you can pay attention to that for three minutes, five minutes, ten minutes, stay with it and notice how much pleasure is available to you.
Chris Rose: 33:57 Because this is the thing and this is that secret, back to the massage table and then we should sign off. But on our massage table, boundless pleasure was available to these bodies. And some were only available to a certain amount. They had a certain capacity. And then they hit their pleasure ceiling and they checked out or they ejaculated. They found a way to distract themselves. We often use distraction when we hit our pleasure capacity. Or we just ejaculate, we orgasm and we end it. We can learn to stretch that pleasure capacity and that is a full body act of paying attention and letting in more pleasure, learning how to build more arousal. And that is all a skill of paying attention to your body in increasing states of arousal and pleasure until you can hold more and more pleasure and ride more and more arousal and you build this skill. And you can build it alone with masturbation. You can build it relationally with your partner.
Chris Rose: 35:06 All right, so the 3-Minute Game, do not undersell it. Because it comes from a lineage that has explored the outer bounds of human erotic capacity and we’re reporting back. So this is not a little clinical exercise that should be taken lightly. It’s easy, it’s simple. You step into it wherever you’re at. With hands at the kitchen table, with feed on the couch, with stroking hair and back and shoulders, and then build up your trust and capacity with one another until you are taking one another on epic, erotic rides.
Chris Rose: 35:42 All right. Come on over to pleasuremechanics.com, all of our resources are there; pleasuremechanics.com/love to support this show. Show your love for what we do in the world and help us keep going. And pleasuremechanics.com/free to get started with our free online course.
Charlotte Rose: 36:01 And all of our other courses are available at pleasuremechanics.com.
Chris Rose: 36:04 Yes, and you can use the code, “speaking of sex” for 20% off the online course of your choice. Get on our newsletter, all the things at pleasuremechanics.com. We are here for and with you. I’m Chris.
Charlotte Rose: 36:17 I’m Charlotte.
Chris Rose: 36:18 We are the Pleasure Mechanics-
Charlotte Rose: 36:20 Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.